Tuesday, January 26, 2010

knots, granny panties, & furry armpits.......

Some time back ago CB had climbed into the bed with me early in the morning.

He usually sleeps as close to me as he can get, snuggled in super tight. He wasn't as tight as normal so I opened my eyes. It was just bright enough from a light left on in the bathroom, that he could see my upper body out of the covers. He eyes were opened staring at me, with his thumb in his mouth and a furrowed brow.

I'm all, "CB it's early go to sleep..."

CB-....put you arm down, you furry armpits sticking my face.....

A- COLE! I am gonna shave this morning! Go to sleep!!

...but kids just don't forget anything, ever......

So he hopped in the tub with me yesterday. I told him to get out early cause I was going to shave my legs....

CB- Yeah.,.... an don't forget you furry armpits....

A- Cole! Get out!!

I was in a bit of a hurry that morning....so when I got out after shaving my "furry" legs and armpits.....I sprayed Glade, French Vanilla, under my arms instead of deodorant.

I made a conscious decision to be grateful that I did not use the Lysol antibacterial spray under my arms.

...............for some reason this random act of absent mindedness, reminded me of one time when I was doing laundry last summer. Cole was running around the house with some granny panties on his head. I hadn't really paid that much attention to him.

Z was in my room helping sort a bazillion pairs of socks cause I hate them. I just throw them in the "sock bucket" and let the kids conquer and divide. I just can't find any benefit to my life by standing in one place trying to match a bazillion pairs of socks, it's a total waste of time, cause in 4 to 5 days, it's the same scene all over......like deja vu, for real........so I just don't.

Cole comes in with the granny panties on his head. We smile at him and so forth cause he's little and cute and he can pull off wearing panties on his head.

As he is leaving the room he hangs them on my bedroom doorknob by a leg hole. I forget them.

In he comes again with his cowboy boots on and his underwear. He remembers the grannies hanging on the knob. He procedes to stick his head through the leg hole that is still hooked on the knob...

...his dang cowboy boot catches on something and there he is left nearly hanging himself with my grannies on the bedroom doorknob in a panic. Z quickly runs over to him and yanks him up and unhooks the stupid things off the knob.

I spout off to Cole to never ever put stuff around is neck like that again and give him the motherly talk about why this is important and fala la la la lala la .....la

Having been rescued and now feeling better about life he leaves again.....Z and I are in silence folding laundry again....I guess we both are rethinking the event.

Suddenly it is 100% absurd and I am hearing the 10:00 news anchor...

"This evening in kacky a lacky, TN a 3 year old boy hanged himself with his momma's panties on a doorknob. It would seem the child's cowboy boots, took off without the boy in them and he was left there to fend off the assailant granny panties for himself. His older brother tried to save him but the panties were just too darn big and would not let go of the child, stay tuned for more on this after our check on the woman who ran over her neighbors chicken which happens to be the childs mother.........."

We both started to just laugh at how ridiculous it would be to die by hanging yourself on yer momma's granny panties....I mean who freakin does that?!

I mean, really I am grateful me and Z were there, that could have been bad, but still....dag gone, what are the odds?

So today the boy is calling me frantic from my bedroom. All the other children are in my room with him but he is calling me. I hear Z start laughing and CB is ticked off about that.

The crazy fool had taken the dog leash and wrapped it around his feet, like a hog tie or something and knotted it up. He cannot walk, he is hopping.

A- Cole! Why did you do this?!

CB- I just wanted to see if I could walk.....

I'm trying to undue the cluster of knots- Cole how did you get this all knotted this way, baby don't do this anymore, you could have fallen & knocked all your almost knocked out, teeth out. This is dangerous. Where did you get this leash from?

CB- ....on the dryer, Jenny wanted me to show her she leash, then she run away.

I am thinkin...I bet, I would run away from you too, she probably knew you were gonna tie something up and it wasn't going to be her......

I swear it took me 10 minutes to get that thing unwrapped from around his ankles. When he was free he got up and took off running merrily as if this event had never happened, it wasn't even an after thought in his mind.....

....but by golly he remembers the furry armpits.........

1 comment:

Linear Heritage of Women said...

I love how children always love pointing out the physical flaws...like "Your breath really stinks." Or, "Did you know that you have big teeth?"

I want to say, "No, I did not know that. Thanks for pointing that out for me!" Maybe next time a child tells me that, I should ask their advice for what I could do about it!

I even had one child tell me one time when I was teaching 8th grade math that "I have really weird hair growing around my belly button." Adorable... :)