with a stop sign shaped tool................

Mondays......

Last night I totally took the girls to clogging practice. No lie, Ms.P left me hanging for a business venture possibly, so I was own my own with 5 girls for the night. I wondered what the heck I would do with myself at first cause Monday is gab yer head to the point of complete and utter emptiness.

I thought to myself, "Self....you could finish yer book tonight. Except yer eReader light is out of batteries and it isn't back lit...forget turning on yer car lights and draining the battery again. What to do???" In my mind flashed Z's DS game Rhythm Heaven....I would play his game FINALLY, in peace. THEN I was super excited to be on my own.

Nothing is ever as it seems though. When Smalls and her trusty side kick Spunky finished their class, the 5 girls headed off the McD's like we always do for some not nourishment. I had to get some gas first though.

**I got out

**I pumped the gas to full tank.....without my Kroger card which was deplorable.

**I got into the car.

**The flippin car WOULD NOT crank.

tick, tick, tick. tick, tick ,tick

Insert the whole jaw dropping syndrome again with all peeps great and small seated in my car.

A- WHAT??! REALLY??!

SB, May, Smalls, & Spunky - Oh no! I can't believe this!(etc, etc, etc)

I get out and this fellow and his wife that were filling the 2 cars they own and every single gas can from here to the TN border with their Kroger gas card at .40 off a gallon.....were in disbelief also. They were pumping when I pulled in. The husband tells me he doesn't have cables and we discuss for not more than 40 seconds how insane this situation is. I am gabbing with him and making the call to D......again, to come and rescue me.

It's cold and rainy...he isn't feeling my vibe and we are disgruntled with one another cause he is asking me questions I feel are inconsequential and he thinks I am not listening again...and I feel like not listening cause his questions are not helpful. I want him to say, " I am on my way," and he wants me to say "Oh never mind, the car cranked false alarm," or something of that nature.

While I am trying not to get frustrated with his tone of voice at my situation that is completely not my fault, Gas Can Husband has located an Old Navy Truck Man with jumper cables.

EXCITEMENT! I try to hang up with D so I can help this fellow make sure both ends do not touch, in the cold flippin rain, and show my gratitude....but D will not quit lamenting to me on the phone. I want him to be quiet and hang up now and he wants to know what's going on.

I HATE talking on a cell phone, can't stand it....even when not in dire situations. It just bugs the crap out of me.

D- CALL ME WHEN you get the CAR CRANKED! BYE! (D loves his cell phone, even though at this point he was on our home phone. Both D & my mom...the two of them, would lose all consciousness without their cell phones.)

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than Mr. P has told Ms. P and I.

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than D has told Ms. P and I.

Three men connecting cables in three different sequences...all telling me with confidence their way is the right way......and at what point the battery could spew rabid, clothes melting, flesh eating, acid onto your face......all three different.

The six of us females have concurred on this: At birth, males are given the knowledge of how to hook jumper cables up. I don't care what order they do it in, they do it with confidence and authority.

My car cranks right up.

Rejoicing!! Not near what it was when Ms. P & I did the man deed. But it did feel good to be rescued and rather quickly in the cold rain.

So I walk over to tell Old Navy Truck thank you for letting us use his cables and how grateful I am that he hadn't left the gas station yet.

Cause it's the south, he wants a hug. I gladly give him one. I am grateful.

Gas Can Husband is bringing the cables over and telling Old Navy Truck Man some man words about my car, that I don't care about. Gas Can Husband is happy cause I am happy....plus he's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

I pat his back and tell him "Thank You" and he squeezes my shoulders as in a half hug, cause he's glad to help a car full of gals. Gas Can Wife is happy too, cause her husband is the super hero who saved the day.....plus she's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

Well....Old Navy Truck has been talking to a One Legged Man, who makes BBQ sauce, while we are having Monday night drama at the Shell. One Legged Man, one legs it on over to my car and discovers that my battery cables are loose and this is why my completely fine battery has repeatedly acted incompetent.

The three men agree that One Leg has discovered the answer to all of the worlds problems. They all shake their heads in a concurring manner....I do this also. It feels like the right thing I am supposed to do.

One Legged Man tightens the cable best he can till I can get home for D to tightened it properly with a stop sign shaped tool.

Then he declares the car good for another 100,000 miles.

One Leg informs me that he saw me give the other two dudes a hug and he wants one too. After all, he is "the one who discovered the loose battery cables."

We all cackle a bit, I hug him and he reminds me that the Shell gas station sells his BBQ sauce inside and for me to go and buy some. The three males shake hands. They are heroes who have saved 5 females and they have been hugged properly for it......plus Gas Can Husband has gotten .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

After that, food was gotten at the drive thru.... Smalls & Spunky played in my car with it running, while I played Rhythm Heaven on Z's DS....and SB & May made it to their class on time.

Furry Bunnies and Rainbows........

I am sure other parents do stuff I don't like.....

...because little kids examine themselves in the mirror trying to figure out their bodies and stuff, CB discovered his birthmark on his butt. His birth mark is a bout 1 1/2 inches long and maybe a 1/2 inch wide.....

He comes to me in the laundry room....naked, as usual ....

CB- MOM! Look what you did! You spilled your coffee on me and stained my butt! Look what you did.......

It's the exact color of a coffee stain. I had never noticed that before.

...................................................................

I saw a dog hanging out of a car window waggin its tongue....the dog had on blue goggles.

.....................................................................

To keep Skylar interested in reading we have been reading The Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. They are hilarious. The movie just came out on DVD, I love it, it's hilarious. I think it's surely one of my favorite kids movies. Cole does a great impersonation of the Indian kid, who tells Greg Heffley, the main character, that he almost got the infamous "cheese touch."

Anyway.. I am convinced the best way to keep a kid interested in reading is to get them interested in books they love to read. One can only read about George Washington and the pilgrims so many times before they began to hate reading, thus dreading it. Many of the books for required reading at this age are not very engaging.

I dread reading time with Sky...blah, blah, blah, blah....blah, blah....blah, blah, blah...blah, blah, blah, blah....Oh my gosh, then some poetry, I want to scratch my face off...humbly, bumbly, tumbly , in my rumbly fumbly, gumbly, zumbly.......can't do it right now. Understanding for that stuff comes much later than 3rd grade.

I have never figured out why they put these awful books on required reading list when kids hate them and dread reading them. Let me say I am fully aware that The Diary of a Wimpy Kid books ARE NOT classic literature or even could stand in the same line with the classics. However, if I can't get my kid to read the classics cause she hates reading...I haven't gotten anywhere anyway.

You don't get to The Screwtape Letters, Jane Eyre, and Shakespeare because you just can't get enough freaking "Susie loves to go to church, her mommy and daddy love George Wash ing ton and the first Thanksgiving. Everything in the world is furry bunnies and rainbows. The End."

One has to climb a mountain before they can stand on top and claim conquered with their flag waving and arms raised in victory!

Okay I am so done with that rant.

SOOOooo, in the name of learning to enjoy writing and some outside of the box creative thinking, I let her buy The Diary of a Wimpy Kid, do it yourself book. I thought it'd be a waste of cash really but she wanted it and she was willing to pay for it out of her account. She loves the dag gone book. Sky wants to write in it constantly, to the point of I am fixing to hide the thing and tell her it's lost.

To those who have never read the books or seen the movie, "Zoo-Wee Mama" is the punch line to dumb jokes and barely understandable cartoons. In my house "Zoo-Wee Mama" should be a new word in Webster's Dictionary, right along with the distraction word, "Squirrel!" from the movie, Up.


The book has cartoons you are to fill in with your words like this one Maysie did here....

To me this is classic "Zoo-Wee Mama."

So I start to draw one of my own thinking I am sort of creative this should be easy. I drew a complete blank after I drew the first picture, grew frustrated, and wrote some random caption about Elmo on crack. I told Sky to erase it and re-do it with her own, cause I was blank on the Zoo-Wee Mama and forgot about it.

The next day Sky brings me this that she has completed and drawn herself....

Which I thought was hilarious. I know, I know, most parents don't like this kind of talk.....that's fine. I am sure other parents do stuff I don't like.....try to move on, it's funny.


*

http://www.wimpykid.com/

*

My people are fixing to go into battle for crying out loud (Biltmore stuff).........

After we had eaten dinner at The Old Stone Inn (later on that) and had made it back to the cabin, D went out on the back deck to smoke a cigar and watch the storm coming in. I put on my PJ's and ate his Nutella dessert before he could eat it. I figured his dessert was a cigar, plus he said earlier I could have his Nutella dessert....even if he didn't mean it, I ate it.

So the storm comes in. We have the door open and all is quiet in Mr. Roger's neighborhood except the cool breeze blowing in and the sound of rain. We are both reading in total silence which is awesome! I have my Nook with Pillars of the Earth going to town. D has grabbed a real book from the side table about some mountain living and so forth from about the late 1960's to early 70's publishing time. I am not sure but some of those books may have been there since that house was built.

He starts talking to me about some mountain folks in the book. I stop reading to listen well. He informs me to keep reading he isn't going to go on & on, he just wanted to tell me about x, y, and z. When he has finished I pick back up where I left off. My people are fixing to go into battle for crying out loud, I am right in the middle of Medieval time battle anxiety and chaos.....

D- Babe! You have to look at this guy, he is standing on this piece of wood barefooted and cutting with his ax! LOOK at him.

I look at the mountain man. He is in fact using an ax barefooted with overalls on and no shirt underneath.

D goes into the what feels like an on and off 25 minute discussion about the fellow with no shoes on and his overalls hacking away at the round piece of wood that he believes is a wagon wheel in the making. When he realizes it is actually a water wheel, it freaking rocks his world. Then he goes into another discussion about the amount of work it took to whittle out the vanes and blah, blah, blah....on and on and now this other hillbilly, old fellow, dude has made a bee hive out of an old humongous log and he's telling me how to do this.

I dang HATE bees. This information will never be useful to me in anyway. I have to listen to him though cause he has been so sweet to me all weekend. He tells me about bees, queen bees, worker bees, bee hives, bee swarms, how to mark a tree in the old days so no one else claimed the tree and it wouldn't get cut down by loggers, how to track some bees, boiled bees, fried bees, bees soup, bee gumbo, bee ca-bobs, bee pudding, bees and rice, here a bee, there a bee, everywhere a bee, bee. He informs me he is gonna get some bees and make a bee hive out of a log.

A- Really Babe? My people are fixin to be in the middle of a battle in Earlshire or something or other and the dang stable is on fire.....You know I hate bees, we are never going to own a swarm of bees, freaking EVER.....

....then this.....

...there is a framed newspaper article and picture in the mountain house about this really, really, old woman that was related to his mom from way back when....way, way, way back when....she was a midwife among a lot of other things she did while she was alive. Truly she was an amazing woman. I hadn't read the article in many years.....but, again, then this...

D- Amy you just don't understand how hard these people had it till you think about all this stuff they had to do to get honey and grind corn and .....have you read that article on the wall over there about that woman? I mean sometimes people couldn't even pay her. All they had for payment was a dang squirrel.

A- (laughing, cause I suddenly remembered that part of the article. It never occurred to me as funny at the time. Now I am delirious over barefoot, no shirt wearing under overalls hillbillies who used to be sweet mountain men at the beginning of the conversation who are now keeping me from Medieval battle in my Pillars book.)

D starts laughing a little too cause he understands how funny that sounds now too.

I'm all in my mind..... birthing Skylar or Cole or something and suddenly saying to the doctor...um, I am sorry I forgot my debit card...... but I gotta squirrel. Do you take a squirrels?


If you pull his tail you can run his tongue through he slider. Now Doc... that's the wrong way. Now his testicles are stuck.....yer gonna get a decline runnin him that way......


A- Babe, Shut up! You are killin me. I love you and all but I don't want to hear one more thing about that barefooted man or idiot bees......

D- I am just sayin it's all interesting I bet Dad loves looking at these books.

......all is quiet a few minutes........then,

D- Hey Amy, look here we are at the Biltmore.

I look over my reading glasses at him with that blasted book, for sure I am half cocked.

He shows me this picture.

I have to laugh out loud, cause it does look like me a little. I swear when I get up in the morning, with mis-matched pajamas, my glasses, and some random shoes...maybe they are the same on both feet... maybe they aren't....

D- Look.....it's you ridin my a** like a donkey in the rain taking pictures of flowers.

So dang funny.

*

no....just chill out............

We made it to the mountain house after an extremely looooooonnnnnng drive over the mountain.  This dude from another state, but not Florida or Texas was driving like 15 mph.  I am not exaggerating.  He might have went 20 mph at some point but I just can't be sure.  There were about 120 places he could have pulled off and let the cars stacked up behind him go by...but he just chose not too.

At first we were all... so what if it takes a while we are alone and together and in no hurry.  Then after about 20 minutes we were like is this guy for real?  Who puts their brakes on going up a mountain at a speed one could walk faster?  Derrick is generally honk yer horn happy. He told me he was going to start honking his horn at every pull off and maybe the guy would get a hint and pull over.  We now had 16 cars stacked up behind us(I counted).  We were #2 behind some Floridians who were growing impatient also and had started to totally ride the dudes bumper.


D commences the horn honking on three different pull offs and by now I am all for it.  I'm ready to scratch my face off thinking I may grow a beard and die before we get to Bryson City.  The guy does not pull off.

We go through a tunnel and as a tradition we always honk the horn in long dark tunnels....so we honk some more for fun now cause he is obviously not going to pull off.  EVERY car behind us lays on the horn as they go through the tunnel.  D and I snicker to each other cause we know everyone is getting delirious.  They don't just "toot toot", they

toooot toooooot toot toot toooooooooot 


...it's stress relief.

It has been some tiiiiiiiiiiimmmme now for real. I think folks had settled into never getting to their destinations.....except for the Florida peeps who were almost about to ride connected to the back seat belts in the slow dudes car....when he suddenly decides to pull off ....at a pull off like he's freaking supposed to do instead of back up traffic.

• I roll my window down.
• Florida stomps their gas and takes off, we don't ever see them again.
• I hang my head out of the truck and make the raise the roof dance motion and holler as loud as I can accessing my inner redneck, "Wooooooooooo, yeah!  Way to go dude, Alllllriiiiight!!!!"

In that order.

As I pass I see a balding late 20 something male looking out his rolled down car window smiling at all the passing cars.  I swear, I swear.... he is looking proud of himself, like he has really done a good deed  for all man kind....and believe me he has in a way.

He appears to be amazed at all of the cars he has backed up by this time.

My heart thinks I have truly seen a real live moron. In fact I think my mouth may have said it out loud and D's concurred with it.

...so we get to the house, unload a few groceries, unpack, put sheets on the bed and chill out a bit before dinner on the deck... reading the paper and so forth.

I get caught up in my Pillars of the Earth book and D begins to cook dinner.  I tell him I will come in and help as soon as I get to a stopping point. D says to me, "No, just chill out with your Nook," and I decide to do just that.

Soon it's getting dark and I can't see on my Nook as well as I had been able to about 45 minutes to an hour ago and I am smelling garlic galore....

D- Come eat!

This is what I see when I go inside. 

Menu

• fresh basil linguine & shrimp with a fresh, garlic, parsley, basil, and Parmesan cheese sauce
• Ciabatta bread with Benissimmo dipping olive oil
• Spring Salad with balalmic vinegarette dressing(my favorite)
• Smoking Loon Merlot(another favorite)
• For dessert he made a NUTELLA Mousse  the night before we left so it'd be ready for dinner on this night.

Everything was delicious tasting.  I couldn't have had a better meal in a restaurant.

  All was super quiet.
      We didn't eat fast purposefully.
            It was my dream dinner.
                 I felt really special and loved.

He took care to make things he knew I would go nuts over.  I am so glad we ate at the mountain house instead of going out.  This was definitely a night that will rank high in my memory files cause literally everything was perfect.

When we were cleaning up the dishes I found this.

Which I thought was sort of funny.

A- So what did you do? Google romantic dinner for two?

D- Yes.  You aren't supposed to be looking at my cheat sheets...give me those(yanks them from me and puts them away).

I was secretly glad he had cheat sheets cause it told me he took the time to care about what were going to do on this rare occasion we had alone more than 2 hours.  I believed it to be thoughtful and I liked it a lot.

After dishes we gabbed some more on the back deck about the book he was reading, then about the book I was reading, then about how people write such clever books, then about this and that and on and on and on....

.....not once were D and I interrupted by a wee little voice that said we needed to wipe a butt or break up a squabble.  I missed my kids....

......but just not that much at that moment.    ;o)



....cause.....I knew Nana was wiping butts.   :oD

A little Nook..... or two, part 2........

Saturday morning D and I got up and had coffee on the back deck with each other in peace. He read his phone and I read about my new Nook through the manual loaded on it. It was awesome to hold and I felt cool.

I sort of felt really white. Here we are way up on a mountain with all this great scenery and animal sounds....and both my husband and I are stuck face down in our electronics with our perfect little children snuggled in their beds while we sit together in "peace" on the back deck of a vacation home......with our minivan in full side view.

Once the kids got up, ate, and we packed our cooler for the day, we took off for Deep Creek park.

We grabbed a picnic table, plopped all our earthly belongings on top of it and around it to be sure everyone knew this table was well taken.



I walked up the path a mile or so with them the first time, so I could take pictures of them on the way down. I knew once we got going I'd be leaving my camera behind. OOOOOO h yeah, everyone was gung hoe that first walk up, toting their own tubes & couldn't walk fast enough.

Once they put in I took off down way to catch a few shots.

This was around 10:30 am or so and no one was at the park yet. We had the run of the creek to ourselves and few other folks.

By the time we left around 4:30 pm that afternoon the park was packed. There wasn't a single parking place anywhere, trying to find a picnic table would have been a serious joke. The creek was so full of tubers that as far down as I could see, was nothing but a sea of neon orange, Santa Fe sky blue, and lime green tubes. It was the complete opposite of our first run of the day.

The water was super cold all day. This was a great help to those of us who fell off of our tubes every 10 minutes or so. D set CB up so that we could be attached to him by way of a rope which was brilliant. This way if he flipped or got to far ahead we were on him quick.

Well of course D brought him down with flying colors the first run. CB had a ball, couldn't wait to go again. It takes a little while to get back down once you put in. D announced he was going to sit the next run out and let me take CB. He would start the grill for lunch. D explained to me CB roping technique. I listened and we took off.

We are 1/4 to 1/2 of the way up. CB doesn't want to walk anymore. I am toting his tube and a heavy black tire tube (cause D and Z claimed those were the better tubes vs. the brightly colored lighter tunes. More durable = MORE HEAVY, with no handles) I am toting 2 tubes. Sky is not wanting to carry her lighter tube. Now Z is toting her tube. CB is starting to whine about he's hungry and he doesn't want to walk. It's a long walk for small stride legs.

In my show no mercy mind I'm all, Oh no dude, yer butt is going up and walkin too, yer the one who wanted to go a second run immediately and didn't want to take a break, get to steppin Larry.

Z ends up putting CB on his back and telling Sky to tote her own tube. Z hauls CB a good ways up while carrying his own tube. It takes us forever to get up cause Z and I have to keep switching off with our heavy tubes and CB and Sky and their tubes. I proclaim a minimum of 50 times that I am never getting a heavy black tire tube again...... I don't care what they say, I want a dinky neon tube with handles. I notice at the end of the day we are the only fools who even got the heavy tire tubes......not gonna do those again.

At the top we put in. I work the rope and fall off my tube at least three times cause I am just not that well balanced and coordinated enough to lay back and just work it. So I am sitting upright. This causes me to get hung up on the rocks....um...........all the way down. It makes CB worried cause it is taking so long to get down and he is cold, tired, and hungry. This young, hip, fit, hiker type couple on the side sees me working the rope. They stand up and cheer me on.....for real.

"Way to work it Momma! wooooooooooooo!!! You look like a pro! You own the creek Momma!!!!! Aren't you supposed to be sitting on the bank chillin out? "

A- YES! What happened to that?! Go get my husband and tell him I need to chill out on the bank with my Nook & a soda!

Couple - Yer almost to the bottom Mom feel the rope, be the rope!! (they LOL) You're a PRO MOM!!!

A- YES!!! (swooshing on by) I am the creek master! Go and tell the world you have seen me!!!

Couple - (laughing, hooting & cheering)

I loved them cause they must have seen me trying to be a good mom and ready to get off that tube.

So we finally get to our picnic table pull out spot and it has been over an hour since we left. My arms are killing me and CB is super cold and hungry. He immediately starts crying and telling dad I fell off the tube and got hung up on every rock. D thinks I am a tubing moron, I think cause I can't lay back and do the rope. I feel the need to sit up on the tube to be alert. Which obviously worked against me at full strength.

D has made the most delicious hot dogs and hamburgers for us. I am bow down and worship grateful. After lunch D is ready to go again. D, M, and Z sneak off without CB & Sky while they are playing around in some pools beside our table.

I am thinking I am so done today. My arms are killing me to the point that putting a pickle in my mouth seems like an Olympic event that someone should give me a medal for. I need that couple to cheer me on to raise my arms to drink my soda.

"you're a pro MOM!!! You own the caffeine free diet soda, work it, feel the soda, be the soda!!!"

We have partnered up with these older than us couples(in their late 50's and 60's). We watch their tubes and they watch ours for picture taking and bathroom breaks and general cutting up.

D has had a jolly good time at my expense agging CB on about what a terrible tuber I am and how Dad is really the king of the creek. The more CB tells of our experience down the creek, the more D aggs him on, the more the old folks laugh. Finally D takes him down one more time and then claims he is done tubing for the day. He is getting sore and scratched up also, even though he has not fallen out.

Alas the 3 oldest kids want me to go with them one more time. I don't have to take CB which is cool, so I hop up ready for some action.

I fall off and get stuck on the rocks cause I am an awful tuber all the way down. This bald man with straight white teeth is behind me steady laughing and having a barn hootin laugh out when I get hung up and flipped in this one rapid.

He hollers out, "Don't worry about it! It looked pretty Momma! (insert hillbilly laugh out)"

He hits the same rapid and flips. I hop on my tube. I am on the tube but not floating frontward the way I should be. I hollered back cause I can see his head pop up out of the water and he's pulling his pants up, "Don't worry about it Poppa, It looked pretty!" I see his smiling white teeth and bald head......his face reads that he is so busted, but a super good sport.

Z has been the gentleman on this ride down. He waited for me all the way so he could get me unstuck and help me when I fell off. When we pull out D is packing up and I am thankful. All of us are scratched up, exhausted, and sore....not just me. On the way home despite being scratched up & exhausted we are relaying constantly how fun the day was. We all thanked Maysie relentlessly for suggesting we come to the mountain house for her birthday.

It was a super good time. The whole weekend was awesome.

I have no idea why everyone called me "Momma" this weekend.

I may need to make some adjustments to my outer shell.

A little Nook....or two, part 1.......

I can't believe school starts back in the next two weeks. This is really our last week at home where noting HAS to be done. I am gonna try and catch up on a few things that require some real effort like putting some photos on a DVD.....UGH I hate freaking doing that.

It takes entirely tooooooo loooooonnng. If the DVD burner doesn't burn like it should, then I want to sever the head off the person who created the photo disk burner by way of flinging the disk at their neck frisbee style....really...... with a round house kick & a through the legs. Let it fly, watch the pretty colors as the disk glides right through my windows or maybe into some dry wall.

We went to Bryson City, NC this past weekend to D's parents mountain house. I LOVE THAT HOUSE. I swear I would have no problem going straight up Little House on the Prairie lifestyle if we lived in that house.

It's an A frame. This means, you get just what you need. A small master bedroom on the first floor, with a just enough room for one kitchen, a table for six to eat at, a small living room area and the first floor is done.

The second floor is a loft with 2 twins and a double all in one room.......just like little house on the prairie........except with air condition when you need it and 1 bathroom......oh yeah and some electricity.

I was relaying this to Z & M. They love the mountain house also but claimed they would die if they had to live there all the time. Yet, neither of them wanted to leave and come back here. They are certainly hung up in the entertainment part of life.....what about my friends, what about sports, what about cable TV, what about the internet, and this and what about that..... all of which had absolutely nothing to do with necessity for real happiness.

I guess I am expecting to much from them. I mean not having a TV and being forced to play games with each other, being outside with each other and having just enough so that it was never about being overstimulated or over indulged.....it was beautiful to me. I swear I could so live there, I really could. Just wipe the slate clean sell it all and start over right there in a spot where we have just what we need and each other.

....no baggage of the mind just the here and now......

We went there for May's 14th birthday on the 6th. It so happens me and D celebrate our anniversary the day after May's b-day on the 7th. So it was a cool time to go. May wanted to go tubing in Deep Creek. We hadn't done that in close to 8 years or so.

We had a ball.

It's Monday and I am still freaking sore as crap......more on that later.

I can't wait till we can all go back over again. No one wanted to leave.

So here's some stuff that happened. May made her own b-day cake, because she wanted to. She wanted to make a dairy free cake so Sky could eat the same thing all of us ate. I thought this was super considerate. I loved her for that....and obviously so did Sky who got to lick beaters and frosting spatula's.

Well, we forgot to bring candles and didn't get any when we went to the Ingles(Engles) We pronounce this grocery store as Ingles, as in no habla Ingles.

My friend Shay called it that by accident when she visited us in the south. She's fluent in Spanish. Since we have lots of Mexican folks here I guess she thought is was a shopping or Spanish market or something and asked us, "What's up with the Ingles?" no habla Ingles I had to laugh because that had never occurred to me before.

So we didn't buy candles at the Ingles. no habla Ingles

In true ghetto fashion we just made our own.

....long wooden stick matches = ghetto birthday candles



...ghetto candles make big scary flames initially, but then it goes away.

....there were two votives we could have used.....but they didn't match that good and we didn't have at least 4 of them for "14."......it's really all about the logic.

.....and all is well in the universe when you sing Happy Birthday really fast so that the ghetto candles don't burn down to the cake before one blows them out.

The dairy free cake Maysie made was awesome. The frosting was delicious and no too sweet. It was gone in two days, no lie.

So D picked out the birthday gift this year. No one knew what the gift was including me.

She got a Nook, an ereader from Barnes & Noble. It was a super nice birthday gift. I should know because he bought me one too for our 17th anniversary. May and I both love to read and these were very thoughtful gifts that we both will surely enjoy. I have mine already loaded up with a wish list to die for.

Nook = go broke if you aren't careful.

So though May has loaded one book already, she fully grasps the concept school books are on me & D. Pleasure books come out of her account....every time she hits the "buy" it swipes my card and in return I swipe money out of her account.

Here's a few other fun pics.....

This will do for today.

I'll post some tubing photos for tomorrow and a few Cole stories maybe :0)

good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does........

This past weekend me and the fam went to Atlanta to visit my mom.

D hasn't been to "The A-T-L" really since my dad passed away, so it was good for him to come with us in about 100 ways.

Saturday my sister and I went to the Southeastern Homeschool Expo. I had a cool time wandering around checking out all the different options available to homeschoolers as far as curriculum goes.

I spoke with this gal who makes her own soap a pretty good bit. Actually so much that my sister made fun of me, but dang she was interesting to me. She actually shared her testimony with me and encouraged me greatly by sharing with me about "losing yourself" while homeschooling.

She has 9 CHILDREN! 6 have graduated and are what I would consider to be successful adults. Their jobs range from PA's, nurses, & teachers to helping her with her business on the side. Her remaining children are in high school and she MANAGES TO RUN A FREAKING BUSINESS still. I am amazed by what abilities God has placed in women to succeed. God gives them the drive, they taste a little bit of the power, then the women speed off into the sunset. It's beautiful and intoxicating to me.

These types of stories make me feel like the dreams I have are possible even if I do them just a little bit at a time. The persistence will prove tangible if only I choose to access the power and speed off........which, of course, we all know.....speeding is my thing, apparently.......I'm just not.........well.....that focused, I reckon.

Plus my sister and my mom were totally my heroes this weekend. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. I just needed mine. My mom filled a huge gaping hole that had been dug out. She shoveled heaps of love, hugs that sustain, and understanding without judgement.

My sister is an invaluable soul that God knew I would one day need to stay level headed and real. She is one of the most awesome people I know in positivity and encouragement to do the right things and most importantly...in the name of Christ. I love that she listened and didn't spout off nonsense to me that wasn't real. I love that she can see outside what I cannot when I need her to see it for me. I love that she is deeply in praise when I am and it is genuine.

I saw my mom and my sister walking down the sidewalk after church holding hands, on the way to the restaurant. In my mind they were the only ones on the street I could see. God shined on them brighter and all of the surroundings faded out. I could hear no sound except my mind spewing forth praise to the Lord for those two women.

We all went to Buckhead Church with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley wasn't there this past Sunday but this guy named Sean Seay was the guest preacher. He is the preacher at Athens Church in Athens, GA. His sermon was focused mainly on men. I am 100% convinced we were supposed to hear this man preach this particular Sunday.

The most important thing I learned was that if my husband feels like he is my "superhero," then he feels like he can conquer the world and will try to do it for Christ, for me and for his family.

This was not solely the message and I learned a few more things. This though, is the thing that stung enough to make me really squirm. The message was based on Joshua 24:11 - 14.

It's a fantastic message for men and certainly well worth the listen for women. You won't feel the time has been wasted at all, trust me.

Listen to the message here: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages

It's titled The Man I Want to Be

While in Atlanta this was certainly a highlight, but so was game night when the girls finally beat the boys at Catch Phrase......cause we so owed them from the last time we played.

Cole to Nana - Are you gonna let Daddy drive your car to get a paper?

Nana - No, he's taking your car, but if he wanted to take it I would let him.

Cole - Oh good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does. (Nana thinks this is very funny)

........Grilled hot dogs, brownies & milk on the porch while my most humble and outstanding brother-in-law told us about his mission trip to Venezuela, bowling, and topping it off with a Mad Men episode before bed Sunday evening.....put an extraordinary weekend to an end.

I love my family.

I swear I do.

We are going to need to run!...............

After having had the tickets in a specially marked envelope in my purse for 4 weeks....Me, May, and Zac totally went to see Eclipse last night.

It was AWESOME!!!!!

Of the three movies out, this one was by far the best. The soundtrack was awesome, the cinematography was super, the lines to get in were long, the theater was packed, Edward proposed to Bella, Jacob took off his shirt plenty & managed his kiss on the mountain top while camera's circled (gave me the same uncomfortable, happy feeling that I had when I read that scene in the book)......... I left feeling satisfied that as a book to movie, it came out wonderful.

I am so glad we made an effort to see it in the theaters, even if it cost more than watching it on DVD. We had a great time.

We arrived at about 6:25, about an hour before the show started and already the line was weaving in and out of ropes and out the door like a ride at Dollywood or something. I was glad I had not stopped to get gas like I had planned.

We ended up sitting on the very back row, but the seats were perfect and nobody's big ol' fat head was ever in my way. I did, however, manage to throw Zac's ticket down a woman's blouse though.

We all needed to go to the bathroom before it started cause we were going to be in the theater at least two and a half hours. The gal next to me told me to give Z his ticket so he could get back in cause sometimes on movies like these they want to see your ticket stub.... I guess to be sure you are where you are supposed to be. Also, I imagine cause all the shows have been sold out for two days.

So I holler to Z who has just gotten out of the middle of our row. I am trying to tell him he needs his stub to wait a second. He's all, "What?! What?! I can't hear you.....".....frustrated.

Z has 60% hearing loss at lower decibels.....since birth. We just found out about 2 or 3 years ago. He talks super loud and always says "What? What?" I'm like something is wrong with you, you're going to the ear doctor and get your hearing tested.

So I am motioning to Z to wait and waving his ticket around. I am in the middle of the row that we have just gotten in on so I don't want to cross all of those legs to get out. We had to get our seats though before we could go to the bathroom cause it was packed. I was determined not to sit on the floor up front.

May, in her Team Jacob shirt, was literally about to have a panic attack that we were not going to get a seat and was pushing Z and I, for real...pushing us, saying in straight up panic, "We are going to need to run!"

I am like, "What?? Will you settle down! I should have gave you one of Jenny's doggy tranquilizer pills before we came."

Z- (talking way louder than he should) May! Stop pushing me! I am running into the lady in front of me!

...so back to the ticket.....the ladies in my row are looking at me like, so what are you going to do? Walk through here again or ask us to pass him the ticket?

Neither of those options occurred to me.

So I wad the ticket up like a piece of trash, get in the set position, go for the wind up, and throw it to him. He is ready for the catch.

I am not a good thrower. I threw a cheese burger on my in-laws flood light, threw a banana peel on somebodies fence, threw a bagel onto Derrick's chest once while camping........

I threw the Eclipse ticket to the right a little bit too much and threw it down this womans shirt. Lucky for me everyone started laughing, May kicks me and tells me I should have hand passed it down the line, and Z is all now I have to touch a ticket that has been down some old lady's shirt, but laughing at least. I apologize profusely for not thinking about the obvious thing to do and ask her if she wants to wad my other tickets up and throw them at me for equality.

Later when we get our chance to go to the restroom before the movie, I apologize again. I relay to her that I owe her. Anything she wants in the concession stand is on me....chocolate galore, go get it girl.....she is very gracious and certainly a good sport.

While waiting on the movie, Z decides he wants to sit next to me. He and I are leaning all over May in the middle of us to talk. He elbows her boob. She slaps him, he's loud, I slap him....

Larry, Moe, and Curly effect.....

Z- What boobs?

A- Her boobs are growing and it hurts to get elbowed in growing boobies.

Z- Again...what boobs?

M- Hello....I'm sitting here, I can hear you.....and you both are talking so loud, shut up, everyone now knows it hurts to having growing boobs.....please! Really?! Get off me!

Z & A - Then move!

A- Just switch with me then and we won't be leaning over you.

M- No.

This spawns another conversation to which May goes into a tirade about how he always gets his way. Z goes to the beach, Z goes to camp, Z goes to soccer, Z goes to this and that friends house & this time he isn't going to get his way........

We are hearing blah, blah, blah...cause this is old stuff we have addressed about say.....600 times!

Z- I'm sorry Maysie, I can't hear you over the sound of how unsocialized you are.

M & A - (start laughing...cause he's getting good with the clever come backs)

...and then there was this add before the movie started for the new Kia Soul vehicle, that I LOVE and can't quit singing. So dang funny when they are bobbing heads in the car.....and I love when they wreck the cardboard box with windows.

I can't pith a frog!.....................

In the car Sky is asking questions about this and about that. She is talking incessantly and literally my ears are starting to hurt.

No one in the car is listening. The questions being asked are simply irrelevant to any one thing in particular .....talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, talking, talking, talking, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?, mom?

Z from the very back seat - SKY!!! Are you EVER going to just SHUT UP?!!

May - Everybody in the car who wants Sky to shut up say "I."

A,M,Z, & CB - "I!!"

S - Look, I just want to know about some stuff.

.........................................................

......eating Cotton candy in the car that they have received as a party favor. Sky used to gag horribly from eating cotton candy because of the texture. But on this day she has been especially brave at a gymnastics gymnasium and decides to try it again.

S- mmmmmmm, this stuff is delicious!

she procedes to eat as much as she can as quickly as she can.

A- Sky, don't eat all of that right now Babe, you'll get sick.

M- I can't believe you are eating that, you used to hate cotton candy.

Z- You know.... if she likes it now, you know what this means??? It means I don't get to eat her portion anymore, come on Sky gag a little..........

S- No, I love it! I don't feel gaggy at all, in fact I am going to eat the whole bucket right now.

A, M, Z - NO!! (especially after the talk, talk, talk session we had shut down on the ride over to the birthday party)

again, M- I can't believe you are eating that, you used to hate cotton candy.

S- It's just that it used to be so fuzzy.

..............................................................

After we left the birthday party we went to Borders book store to find a "Dairy Free For Dummies" book. I really don't like Borders that much. I absolutely NEVER find the book I am looking for when I go in. I always seem to go back though.

The lull of the beauty of the books all around the coffee shop area and their clearance makes me feel a little too excited when I pull into the parking lot.

.....but I ALWAYS leave disappointed. Their young adult reader section was slam full of trash. Among the 75 different vampire books May could have chose from (cause everyone is trying to cash in on Twilight success and can't think of their own stuff apparently), there were also books with making out teens on the front and books with titles that made reference to someone who might be hooked on drugs...like, "Crank" & "Tricks." Finding nothing, May was utterly disgusted and wanted to leave immediately.

After I accused her of drama and hormones.....I had to apologize, she was absolutely right.

Z found the first book in a series he had wanted to start. He was happy. Cole bought himself a penguin that winds up and swims in the tub with him. He was happy.

In fact everywhere he trailed me, he was winding up that penguin and it was making this hideous, super fast flapping, unwinding sound that made me want to throw the thing across the store. I mean who puts those toys in a book store where people are trying to focus on reading??

So I am in the illness & disease section......among the 100's & 100's of diabetes books cause everyone is overweight in TN apparently....... there is one dairy free book.

Chrons, IBD, Gluten free, cancer, anorexia, back problems, & colon cleansing.....one dairy book that tells me how to make Sky some cranberry-raisin, scrod scrambled eggs or some crap.

Scrod eggs sounds vulgar. It's like scrotum eggs or crotch eggs .....I just can't feed something with that name scrod to my girl, I am sorry.

I learned later scrod was fish....so surely cranberry, freaking, raisin scrod dang scrambled eggs for breakfast for an adult.....uumm, no........for a 7 year old........NEVER!

Me and two other ladies standing in the disease and illness book section. One lady is a hippie who doesn't shave and has dirty toenails, looking at a cancer picture book. The other lady is older than me by 20 years and looking at a back stretching book.

CB- (fart...poot poot) Excuse me I farted. (smiling showing me his buck teeth with his penguin flapping to loudly)

A-(whisper) Cole, sshhhh! Stop that penguin and don't say that out loud again, please.

CB - (not whispering) Okay, I won't say that I farted again Mom, okay?

A- (whispering harsh) Cole!

CB- (whispering harsh back) What? I said I won't say that I farted Mom.....

A- (trying to hurry now and find the book, that I never find and get out before things get too stupid)

CB- Mom (louder than I am comfortable with, not a whisper at all) Can I say my penguin farted?

A- ( I'm outta here, the getting stupid is on)

.............................................................

....talking with King David on his porch about signing May up for a biology class with labs next year at a co-op. King David used to teach public school biology.

King David is asking me if I buy a frog from Apologia, is it alive?............. Uh, no.

A- What would I do with a live frog?

King David - You have to pith him.

A- What??

KD - You have to quickly push a sharp metal probe through the skin from the back of the neck up into the brain and scramble his brains, you can dissect him while he is still alive....you can see how the organs and so forth work.

A & M - What?! Gross!!!

A- I have never pithed a frog. That is horrible, I couldn't do that!

KD- Well, I can do it with her. I have my microscope and stuff, I have to find it. You get the frog.

M- I don't want to pith a frog, eww. I'd be just as happy if it was dead.

KD- Yeah May, but you don't get to see the good stuff when it's dead.

M- (intrigued...but still disturbed)

Derrick- Well May, you'd have to do it right.....you might get warts if you "pith" off the frog.

.....classic......

I think my eyes changed colors...........

I got May the Twilight book series for Christmas.

I polled what seemed like 500 people to see if they were age appropriate. I read every little snippit I could find about the movie and book reviews. Seeing as I was totally opposed to the Harry Potter series, I was finding it extremely hard to see how I could allow her to read these.

But I swear the feedback I was getting and the reviews I read all seemed completely cool.

The books claim to be teen fiction.

May had read Frank Peretti's(teen fiction) Nightmare academy, Hangman's Curse, and finally graduated to the big time, my Frank Peretti books....House and This Present darkness.

Frank Peretti is a Christian writer. He writes about spiritual warfare...good vs. bad.....angels vs demons....and House, is no picnic, it's totally creepy, but in the end the spiritual good has victory and the book ends satisfying. Same for This Present Darkness, heavy reading. The book makes you think on how your sins are stroked by evil in subtle ways......for real. To me, if she could read those.....she could have the books for Christmas.

So I thought I would read them with her, sort of start before her, finish ahead of her and then let her play catch up.

uuuuumm, no...

Christmas day she started reading and finished the first 500 page book in about two days. She past it to Z, who then read it fervently in about 5 or 6 days. Then......they gave it to me. Well heck, I was still trying to quickly finish reading my girly book and didn't finish that for a about another week or two. By that time May had consumed the second 600+ page book in about 6 to 7 days and now Z has it.

I am only in chapter 16 of the first book......and I am so dang hooked. I can't think of anything but reading that dang book all dag gone day.

If I go to the bathroom I read the book.

If I am eating lunch, reading the book.

...any snippit I can sneak a few pages in, excitement sweeps over me, I run and hide to read about Edward and Bella.

I am excited to read teen fiction. In fact, the dang book is so enticing I have re-read parts of it already just to remember the intensity of certain scenes as they are replayed in other chapters.

That is a bizarre thing to do before one finishes a book...... re-read it just because.

The book has been completely clean, completely mythical fiction, completely not gory. It ultimately is a love story with no graphic details, but intense first real love/attraction emotion......which intensifies all scenes in the book to an amazing level. To the point, you think if they don't just get one kiss, your own emotions will explode. It's the ultimate thing you cannot have but want type feeling that keeps one turning the pages. The author clearly wrote this for teen readers. The language is not heavy, but yet still detailed enough, to hold an adult readers attention uncontrollably. So far I am loving the first book. During the day, I can't wait to get back to it.

While Z has not enjoyed them quite as much as May and I, he will concur that he believes Edward is "cool" and the books are surely worth reading. His thoughts are Percy Jackson is the best, these are good, but girls are just a little crazy over these because of Edward.........

Duh!

Such as these events..........

This morning I threw a temper tantrum cause it took Sky entirely too long to write 20 freakin words, May needed help on an algebra exam, Z needed help with his math, and Cole was calling "Mom.....Mom...Mom....Mom....Mom...Mom....Mom...Mom"

I proceeded to tell them I was having an Edward moment where I had to severely control myself or it would be bad for them. That if they did not stop all asking for help at one time I was going to send them all to public school where they could sit in the cafeteria and be the smart, pale, weirdos that no one talks to and stares at.

......which they thought was hilarious. It actually helped lighten my mood.

I think my eyes changed colors.

So I thought I should eat something and bring my sugar to a more tolerable level. I was talking about my perfect sandwich out loud as I placed stuff on the counter, I discovered we were out large tortillas for a wrap, I groaned woefully. May sweetly, too sweetly, started to suggest other breads, or maybe different sandwiches, she was sweet talking me cause she knew I was about to have a break down before lunch....I told her she was "dazzling me"..........

May - Mom.......Stop it...

Then I told her I would just have a tuna sandwich with purple onions, and then I would breathe on her while I was close to her, helping her with math and make her feel faint.......

May - MOM! Stop it!! I might pass out but it won't be because I am mesmerized......can I just say, this might be a good time for an intervention........I am taking the book away from you, you aren't allowed to see the movie.

Z thinks this is hilarious, he thinks everything she says is hilarious....

So tonight we had lasgana for dinner. I made some off handed comment about hunting for my (plate of) food....and tied it into the book on purpose cause I knew they would go nuts....

Z & M - MOM!!!!

May - Give me the book!

....the one of which she is re-reading right now on my bedroom floor to find the part about Edward telling Bella he was jealous, despite the fact she is in the middle of the 3rd book.

......the one that if I am reading in the bathroom she will stand over me and read, though she has already read it.

......the one Zac will stand over me and re-read if I am sitting on the couch and then he'll try to the point of excruciating restraint, not to tell me what happens next.......

....yeah...... that book(insert crooked smile that I love).