....after I slept off all my evil.....

I am about to get my life put back together.  I hope.

This is an attempt to catch us all up to speed for the past month. It may take a few blogs though.

Amy- I have been doing my thing driving all over Hell and creation in auto-pilot as usual for this time of year.  Six or seven days a week we are going somewhere at some point during the day.  I just try to breathe my way through each day knowing somehow it all gets done.

I am still exercising my butt off....or should I say my butt on, cause nothing is still happening....on the scale anyway.  I have taken about 10 of the 16 Power classes that I need to take at at the gym in order to get the free t-shirt that labels me as a weight lifter...sort of, in my eyes anyway.  I am surely getting more muscles.  I can see a bulge in my arms where there has never been one before in my life.  My butt actually looks round like a butt should look, instead of just fading into my thighs.  My stomach is certainly more flat than it was and my pants are fitting much better and some are even a little big or too big.

The problem here is that my scale is sabotaging me.  So I had D hide it so that I could only weigh on Sundays.   The first Sunday I weighed 189.  D was happy for me cause I was finally in the 180's.  I wasn't, cause I knew the moment I ate a piece of ice I would gain 3 pounds.  He scolded me for not enjoying that small victory. In my mind I have been this place so many times that I truly am not in the 180's till it is a consistent number.

I was not too discouraged however.  I gave myself a year to do this right and I have been sticking to it.  I rarely cheat and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week 40 minutes or more.  So this past Sunday I was excited to weigh because I ate especially well chosen foods that week.  I knew I had pushed myself doing the exercise and I was hoping for a 187 minimum.

The scale said 190.  I became so angry inside that I thought I might grow some devil horns that would surely expel a blazing fury so hot they'd burn the roof off my house.  I controlled it though the best I could.  I left the bathroom, went to make coffee and get the kids moving.........and then the evil tidal wave of death and destruction that likes to throw stuff when I am infuriated hit me.

So I marched right back to the bathroom where D was blowing his hair dry, picked up the scale, stomped back to the front door, stepped out onto my front stoop, and I launched that scale as far as I could with my new arm muscles "that weigh more than fat."  I meant for it to bounce on the ground and bust every spring and gear inside of it.  On the first bounce as it hit the ground I felt a minuscule amount of satisfaction.  I wanted to throw it one more time but I refrained cause I knew I was going to church in a couple hours and I needed to get rid of this evil in me before I could praise the Lord properly for the good things in my life.

The kids get up.  D comes out of the bathroom to eat breakfast.

D- Where's the scale?

CB & Sky - She threw it in the front yard.

M- You threw the scale in the front yard?

CB- Yeah she did!  It went way over there see?!

D- (looking out the breakfast nook window) Nice distance.

A- I threw it into the front yard. Yes I did.  If anybody brings that scale back into this house I swear bad things will happen to you.  I don't know what they are, but don't test me.

When I left for church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from the gym the idiot scale was not in the front yard.  I was so mentally exhausted from my emotional torture of weighing that morning, only to find all my good eating and exercise had been in vain....months and months of not eating delicious morsels of goodness, shin splints that wake me up in the middle of the night, sweating, sweating, sweating, pushing, pushing, pushing....only to still weigh 190....I took a bath and went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't get up till 7:00 am the next morning.

BUT, not BUTT, but.....BUT, during the Power class at the gym I had likened myself to this fairly big woman in the class, like we were equals in weight.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and I noticed that I didn't look her size at all.  I mean I was still bigger than I need to be of course, but I wasn't as big as I perceived myself to be by the number on the scale.  The scale doesn't change the fact that I can feel and see a muscle in my arm that has never been there before.  It doesn't change the fact that some of my pants are too big now, not all of them, but some of them.  Those are my small victories, that I should thank God for.

I am going to choose to dwell on those things.  So I can be thankful in all things to God for giving me endurance and patience to persevere when my flesh wants to quit, the spirit in me is still willing to keep my temple, in which Jesus resides, clean and healthy.

I am not going to weigh anymore.  My sister in Christ, Sarah, told me I should pick out a pair of pants I want to get into and use those as a gage for my success. I think that is the better way to go for me.....for my family too.

I found this note hanging out of my drawer where I keep my exercise wear in my closet the morning after I slept off my evil. ( you can click on this pic to get a better view if need be)

My heart overflowed and spilled all over the place with love for this oldest son of mine.

I CAN DO all things through Christ who strengthens me...... Philippians 4:13


*

it's good the cuss word cop doesn't have a billy stick........

This morning CB was taking a bath while I was getting Skylar ready to go for her dental appointment for sealants. He was going over things that made "Jesus cry"......or rain fall from the sky, Jesus' tears.

I relayed that I always thought that rain was Jesus overflowing his bath water.

To this Sky responded that my thinking could not be right because Jesus was perfect in every way. He wouldn't be dirty and surely not forgetful in turning off His bath water.

CB tells us when people use "t words" it makes Jesus cry.

A- Well, what are "t words?"

CB- Like cuss words or saying "Oh my God" instead of saying "gosh."

S- Cole you always say Oh my God.


CB- No I don't Sky!

S- yes you do liar

A- Sky!  Really?!

S- Well he is a liar and he does use God's name in vain.

.......backtracking in my mind a bit......

Over the holidays we were at a neighbors house for a get together.  Sky called another adult out for using a cuss word...like, damn or something.

Sky is the cuss word cop. She is violent too...if she had a billy stick it would be bad.  The cuss word cop comes from part of her OCD stuff that makes me want to pull my hair out strand by strand with a pair of tweezers some days.  She hears a cuss word then thinks bad thoughts, then spends all day to a couple of days confessing that she has been thinking about the foul word EVERY TIME IT CROSSES HER MIND! Her medication ramps up her OCD issues at times and the confessing constantly is tedious. I'll save this rant for another day.

So when the cuss word cop called out the offending adult. I was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed a little because it came across as my child is calling out an adult on their behavior. It appeared disrespectful in the whole of the situation...especially in another persons house.

But the truth be told... why do adults need to swear in front of children?....or at all?

A Methodist pastor friend of ours said to me over a couples dinner many years before both couples had children, I may have been pregnant...when haven't I been pregnant....he said, "I always felt like people used cuss words when they couldn't think of a more clever word to use."

That really stuck with me.  I have conveyed that sentiment to my own children.  With so many wonderful words to choose from, why use the bad ones?

...but alas I still use them sometimes.  I use them most when I want to put a redneck, big, fat, exclamation point on a thought that conveys I mean business.

  Really? Do I mean business or just sound like a red neck?

Like, one day I was putting on a new shower head. I was up and down the ladder cause the dang thing would not loosen. I had to keep switching tools and getting plumbers tape and this and that & oh yeah what about this tool....up and down, up and down, on and on...every time I came down the ladder Zachary and Maysie were right under my feet, for crying out loud, I was stepping all over them...Why were they UNDER MY STINKING FEET  in the shower??

So.......I am coming down the ladder and I step on Zac's feet......

A- Will you please move your ASS??


Zac and May are shocked and look at each other but did not move.  Zac and I are face to face now in the shower.

Zac looks at Maysie then at me and says - Now you apologize to Maysie. (insinuating May is his ass)

We all start laughing and forget about it....except for Sky

She reminds me at the lunch table that she heard me say a cuss word in the shower and that I could surely have picked a more clever word, and did I ask God to forgive me?


I had been having an eventful morning. One of those days when things happen that shouldn't. Each thing you fix leads to something else that needs attention immediately and before you know it 4 hours has gotten by and what really needed to be accomplished hasn't happened yet and still needs to happen...only now your eating into the schedule 4 hours which puts you going to bed 4 hours later.

So Sky called me out and though she was correct, I lost my sanity in front of all my children at the lunch table and said

A- ASS, ass, ass, ass, ASS, ASS, ass, hell, hell, hell, damn and one more time for good measure, ASS!!

.......cricket, cricket.........

Zac busted out laughing.

May is hands over her mouth speak no evil and Sky is hands over her ears hear no evil.


Cole wants to know if he can have 3 cookies cause he finished all  his lunch.

I am like, gosh where'd that come from?  It was quite therapeutic...for about a minute or so.

M- Well now, that was quite pleasant.  I'm so glad we don't go to public school to learn language like that. I feel smarter already.
...................................................

So we're back in the bathroom with Sky calling out CB's ability to become a professional liar.

A- Skylie, Babe, you know you are absolutely correct to say we shouldn't use cuss words or lie or whatever.  But when you call people out on their sin in front of others two things happen. First, they get embarrassed and second they want to look for a fault in you to call out, so they can show others you sin too. Not that they want to hurt your feelings, but they are human and don't want to feel displaced.  Is the behavior right? No, but drawing a room full of people's attention to another person's sin isn't right either.

I reminded her of the incident at the neighbors house calling out the adult and that this was not the first instance of that either, that it came across as disrespectful more than trying to keep her mind clean.  Which all of us fully understand and outsiders don't.

I reminded her of the Bible story of the women who had been found with another man, like a boyfriend, while she was married. She was going to be stoned to death for this act.  The men brought her to Jesus to see what he would say about it.  Jesus wrote some words in the sand. Some say each man with a stone, ready to cast at the woman, viewed the words written by Jesus as his own secret sin...then Jesus stood and said, "Those without sin should cast the first stones."  When the girl looked up, there was not one man there waiting to stone her, for they all knew they were sinners, the same as she.  Jesus told her to go and sin no more.

I asked Sky if she was she perfect? Would she be able to cast the first stone?  Did she have a secret sin that only she ...and maybe me & Jesus knew about?

Sky expressed that she was glad the girl was not stoned to death and was able to live.  Sky affirmed that she knew she too, was a sinner. She knew she did some things that surely made Jesus unhappy. She understood that she had been casting stones casually and carelessly for her own sake.

I was so moved by her ability to understand this concept and readily accept this correction. I thought of how good God is to give us these moments with our children to teach in them in the way they should go. To be able to trust Him to know and understand what he has to teach our children through us as parents using the wisdom He gives us in His Book.  It takes my breath away, how good and right God is everyday and never failing.

I made a New Years resolution today to try really hard not to cast a bunch of stones casually and carelessly for the sake of myself.  I can't count the times Christ wrote my sins in the sand this past year and I kicked my foot over it so I wouldn't have to read it.

I'm done with that.

good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does........

This past weekend me and the fam went to Atlanta to visit my mom.

D hasn't been to "The A-T-L" really since my dad passed away, so it was good for him to come with us in about 100 ways.

Saturday my sister and I went to the Southeastern Homeschool Expo. I had a cool time wandering around checking out all the different options available to homeschoolers as far as curriculum goes.

I spoke with this gal who makes her own soap a pretty good bit. Actually so much that my sister made fun of me, but dang she was interesting to me. She actually shared her testimony with me and encouraged me greatly by sharing with me about "losing yourself" while homeschooling.

She has 9 CHILDREN! 6 have graduated and are what I would consider to be successful adults. Their jobs range from PA's, nurses, & teachers to helping her with her business on the side. Her remaining children are in high school and she MANAGES TO RUN A FREAKING BUSINESS still. I am amazed by what abilities God has placed in women to succeed. God gives them the drive, they taste a little bit of the power, then the women speed off into the sunset. It's beautiful and intoxicating to me.

These types of stories make me feel like the dreams I have are possible even if I do them just a little bit at a time. The persistence will prove tangible if only I choose to access the power and speed off........which, of course, we all know.....speeding is my thing, apparently.......I'm just not.........well.....that focused, I reckon.

Plus my sister and my mom were totally my heroes this weekend. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. I just needed mine. My mom filled a huge gaping hole that had been dug out. She shoveled heaps of love, hugs that sustain, and understanding without judgement.

My sister is an invaluable soul that God knew I would one day need to stay level headed and real. She is one of the most awesome people I know in positivity and encouragement to do the right things and most importantly...in the name of Christ. I love that she listened and didn't spout off nonsense to me that wasn't real. I love that she can see outside what I cannot when I need her to see it for me. I love that she is deeply in praise when I am and it is genuine.

I saw my mom and my sister walking down the sidewalk after church holding hands, on the way to the restaurant. In my mind they were the only ones on the street I could see. God shined on them brighter and all of the surroundings faded out. I could hear no sound except my mind spewing forth praise to the Lord for those two women.

We all went to Buckhead Church with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley wasn't there this past Sunday but this guy named Sean Seay was the guest preacher. He is the preacher at Athens Church in Athens, GA. His sermon was focused mainly on men. I am 100% convinced we were supposed to hear this man preach this particular Sunday.

The most important thing I learned was that if my husband feels like he is my "superhero," then he feels like he can conquer the world and will try to do it for Christ, for me and for his family.

This was not solely the message and I learned a few more things. This though, is the thing that stung enough to make me really squirm. The message was based on Joshua 24:11 - 14.

It's a fantastic message for men and certainly well worth the listen for women. You won't feel the time has been wasted at all, trust me.

Listen to the message here: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages

It's titled The Man I Want to Be

While in Atlanta this was certainly a highlight, but so was game night when the girls finally beat the boys at Catch Phrase......cause we so owed them from the last time we played.

Cole to Nana - Are you gonna let Daddy drive your car to get a paper?

Nana - No, he's taking your car, but if he wanted to take it I would let him.

Cole - Oh good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does. (Nana thinks this is very funny)

........Grilled hot dogs, brownies & milk on the porch while my most humble and outstanding brother-in-law told us about his mission trip to Venezuela, bowling, and topping it off with a Mad Men episode before bed Sunday evening.....put an extraordinary weekend to an end.

I love my family.

I swear I do.

Hey! Somebody kicked over my ant hill!!.............

Dear Blog,

I am tired of settling, it's exhausting. The choice for one to settle is their own. That's why so many folks have dreams that never come to fruition.....because they settle. I have recently determined myself to not settle. I deserve better than that in the name of Christ. He didn't ask me to live half baked.

He told me to look at the ants and how diligently they work and stay focused.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.” (Prov. 6:6, RSV)

You know how when you flip up a rock or a piece of wood, or just flat kick an ant hill, they all run about? Disruption in their work = chaos....within just a few minutes though they get right back at the task of life rebuilding. Kick an ant hill, in an hour it's looking pretty close to what it looked like before....... because of rebuilding.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. . . . She prepares her food in summer, and gathers her sustenance in harvest” (Prov. 6:6, 8).

“The ants are a people not strong, yet they provide their food in the summer. . . .” (Prov. 30:25).

They do things in steps, not all at once.

While these verses speak about being lazy and procrastination, they also speak to me about rebuilding when my spiritual walk has been kicked about and scattered, disrupted. I guess I need to take a look at the ants and their diligence in getting back on track.

The ants get severely agitated at the invade of their abode and even bite sometimes when they have been messed with. The agitator quickly runs away.

.....I have so been there lately. Severely agitated at letting the temple of my soul become invaded by the distractions of the world and the thing I call church, that I have "bitten" people and even "bitten" myself. I have infected myself with my own poison trying to control things that God normally handles for me.

So I am going to start the rebuilding of my spiritual life. One piece of sand at a time, just like the ants.

More prayer time.

Better study quality.

Accessing God's grace for my iniquities and for others I need to forgive.

Not holding myself accountable for others actions, but holding steadfast to the knowledge that I don't need to chill out..... but I need to buckle down and hold fast.

Allowing myself to hear Gods guidance and not feeling guilty if it isn't the popular choice.

Having had my hill kicked over is not a normal feeling for me. Running about in desperation trying to put my spiritual house back together on my own isn't something I have done in a very long time. I can honestly say, trying to do it on my own has really sucked. I am done with that now. I won't allow myself to feel false guilt anymore. It's destroying my real ability to access the God who built my house to begin with.

While some may feel the need to run around doing whatever they please...... having their course set before them but choosing their own path as better.......accessing no guidance for fear they may have to really work...... loving the life of chaos instead the one that heaps direction and blessing...........

.......I don't feel that need to participate anymore....and I won't. It doesn't bring me joy and I don't feel the love of the Lord. I cannot live without feeling the love of the Lord, It's like my breath to stay alive.

I choose not to settle and suffocate....but to separate and be loved fully and completely for obedience to the God who has NEVER failed me.

When I have turned my back, to walk my way, He grabbed my arm sternly and said. "No! Your path is this narrow one here, get back on it."

As soon as I determined myself to do the hard thing and be face to face with my savior....I felt hope & purpose. My ability to suck in some grace became instantly easier.

I know the one who strokes my weaknesses is furious, discouraged by my choice, and will eventually turn and run away....

Hope and purpose are my first two pieces of sand......

watching our kids and talking about 5 lb bags of weed..........

Last night was a tornado in my mind.

First at the soccer field, this parent whom we've had contact with in very small amounts over the years, announced this in conversation with D and I, randomly and loud:

" I have been a good boy workin for the government all these years, and when I retire in x, y, z years.....I'm gonna buy myself a 5 lb. bag of weed, and a big bag of pills, then I'm gonna sit in my lawn chair in my front yard with my gun in my lap and watch people drive by."

.....then he spit out some brown dippin spit on the grass to the side of us and smiled showing us his straight white teeth.

......and D and I busted out laughing, cause who freakin announces something like that at a soccer field in front of all the other parents.

Dip Dude also tells us later that while he was coaching AYSO one year, his wife was so upset by a game that she followed a ref to the car to kick his butt. So Dip Dude had to forfeit the next game and write the assoc. in the town in which this event occurred, an apology letter. Then he relayed to us that his daddy told him he could date a girl from Ten Mile, but he shouldn't never marry one. He was warned.

A bit later in the evening, still at the field, a super fit late forty-ish early fifty-ish man, takes to the track. He pulls his shirt off in front of the concrete bleachers built into the hillside where a lot of parents are sitting, including us and Dip Dude......watching our kids and talking about 5 lb bags of weed, apparently.

The guy had super small, blue, somewhat fitted shorts on. He set his watch and commenced a full out run around the whole dang track. As he passed, all of us parents, of different fitness levels, thin to fat, watched him as he approached our visual left. He was in front of us now, our eyes glued to him...full out running, now sweating & fully upright in his posture.....he's passing us now to the right......He has all of our attention, young and old, male and female....in the need to break our trance induced by the half naked, fit man running, full out silence.....

Me- Good Lord, look at that guy go, that fellow is cuttin some air isn't he?

D- He is clocking himself...

Dip Dude - It's gotta be steroids, nobody that old runs that fast....

We join the other parents in the hoot an holler laugh....and I hear a mother say, "I don't run that fast lest I'm chasin a kid that needs thar butt whipped.....

Dip Dude - I quit runnin that fast when I got a real job.

On the car ride home that evening.......

Maysie and Sky happened to be walking on the track as 1/2 naked running man was sprinting....

M- There was this man, that was 1/2 naked, that came running past us with his boobs shaking and he said "Hi there," like he was Buzz Lightyear.

................................

So then the fun, fun, fun, begins. Cole hasn't pee'd in his "night time diapo" in weeks. So I let him wear big boy underwear to bed.

At 2:30am he is standing in front of me wreaking of pee.

C- Mommy, I pee pee on my clothes.

A- Aw, Cole, why didn't you get up to go to the bathroom like you've been doing?

C- I was tired.

I sit up, start to pull off his wet clothing and he is truly wet from head to toe, which obviously is NOT GOOD. He is going to have to have a bath, a warm rag is not going to cut it. At 2:30am I put him in the shower, and put his wet clothing in my blue eggs and ham throw up sink to soak with the water running and some soap...that I forget to turn off by the way. D happens to get up, see it on the verge of flooding the bathroom and turned it off.

I head off to his room to change his bedding. But as all things are never easy at 2:45 in the morning, his water proof padding had shifted a bit and the waterproof mattress cover had not been put back on from some weeks back. So his soft fluff thing that sits on top of the mattress with memory foam in it has a wet spot too. Just a little one, but it will need to be cleaned too. Now suddenly, naked Cole is in his room with me. He does not smell clean.

.....unzip the cover off the fluff, drag it back to the bathroom, run Cole some warm bath water, put him back in the tub, scrub him down with soap and wash his hair, drain the water, put new soapy water back in the tub, put the top 1/4 of the fluff into the tub and commence to washing it out.

When the thing gets wet it weighs about .....500 ponds......wring it out and try to be grateful it is just a small area at the top and not in the middle or somewhere stupid, hang it up over the shower to dry and get Cole dressed. Now both Cole and fluff smell very clean, he has clean sheets on and the waterproof mattress cover is in it's proper place.

I convey to him the need to not get up at 6:30 am unless he wants to take a dirt nap. He clearly understood cause it is now 8:35 am and no where in site.

But I am in a FOUL mood when I get up cause I was never able to go back to sleep and I had a headache and when I weighed this morning I had lost no weight. Despite the fact I am eating as healthy as Derrick and walking two miles or more 3 to 4 times a week AND I had aerobic activity from 2:30am to 3:30am......D has now lost 14 pounds with NO EXERCISE.

So I spout off my agitation to him. He is all, "Well just go eat the world then and give up."

Well, that is exactly what I felt like doing except my dang jaw hurts when I eat something hard and I feel sick to my stomach when I eat something sweet. So I determine my self not to blow this, cause ultimately this is good for me no matter what. However my attitude stills sucks.

D is leaving and not kissing me good bye. "Why? Cause I am ugly and crazy this morning?"

D- It's not the way you look that is ugly.....(the attitude...but he did kiss me anyway)

My devotional this morning......Unto you, O Lord, do I bring my life......Psalm 25:1

...about consecrating my my life for this day over to the Lord...not just my money, or one hour on Sunday, not just my ugly attitude, but my whole day, my whole life fully and entirely. Turning over undisciplined thoughts, weaknesses and bad habits.....closing my ears to the noise of the world and opening them to the voice of God. Intentionally distancing myself from ungodly things in my life....like my bad attitude and some other stuff.

Thank you Lord that I do have available to me and my family healthy food to choose from. Thank you Lord for the stamina you give to me to wreak havoc on time throughout the day when I feel exhausted. Thank you for shutting me down before I really get going and screw up. Thank you for my husband who tells me I am not ugly when I feel ugly.

Amen

Burt's Bees Tear Free Shampoo is a terrific facial moisturizer............

This past Sunday at 4:00 in the morning I was awakened to Cole climbing into the bed with me.

He smelled like pee.

I asked him if he peed in the bed and he said, "No." Proof that we do not teach our children to lie, even as small children, sin is inside of them.

So I feel his clothing in the dark without my contacts in, which means I see nothing but blackness, it's all about sound and smell. His clothes feel wet and his clothes smell wet. I drag myself out of bed, pull his pajamas off and tell him to wait while I get a warm rag to rub him off with.

While the water in the bathroom is warming, I meander to his room to find his bed wet. Not just a little wet, but soaking wet. He has a water proof mattress cover on his bed so as to keep his new mattress from being ruined. I have NEVER had a child pee in the bed as much as he does NEVER!!!! Even if he goes potty before he goes to bed, he pees......if he has nothing to drink, he pees.....through a Goodnights diaper thingy for kids who pee at night, he pees through them......it's killing me.

His sheets are wet, his quilt is wet, his mattress pad is wet, so wet it has run down the pad and onto this fluffy removable thing that makes the mattress soft underneath the mattress pad....it's wet, the whole room smells like urine....I want to cry. I strip off all the bedding and unzipped the fluffy thing and drag it to my bathroom where the water is now piping hot and still running.

I cool the rag a bit and begin to sponge Cole off and he is screaming cause its 4 in the morning and this isn't what he had planned, nor I at this time. I realize a warm cloth is not going to get the smell off of him and determine he is going to need a bath before going back to bed.

I fill the bath tub with warm water and throwing him into the tub he is now in full out scream cause he wants to go back to bed and I am wash, wash, washing him from head to toe with soap, in a hurry.

I dry him off, make him pee in the toilet, new "night-time diapo" on, fresh pajamas and into my bed he goes....I threaten him if I so much as hear a peep or see him up out of the bed, I will turn into a 8 snake haired woman full of insanity and he will pay for it.

I refill the tub with warm soapy water and put the fluff into the water. I begin to stomp around on the fluff so as to be the washing machine agitator. Stomp, stomp, stomp, flip, stomp, stomp stomp, flip, stomp, stomp, stomp , flip....on and on...till I feel the fluff is significantly cleaned and ready for rinsing.....rinse rinse, rinse......ring, ring, ring, the thing dry for an eternity and my arms are aching from lifting the 200 pound wet fluff. I haul it to my dryer and hope for the best.

I load the sheets and mattress cover into the washer. Now I needed to finish off Cole's room. I spray Lysol all over his mattress just in case and up and down the halls, just in case......cause everyone knows, at now 5:00 in the morning, pee germs begin to walk down the halls and contaminate outside rooms....that just makes perfect sense.......I crawl into Sky's bed at 5:15 am because she and Cole are now sleeping in my bed and I just want to go to sleep.

I wake up at 7:45 by sheer chance. I start to get everyone else up for breakfast and showers for church. May is coughing telling me she feels awful she thinks she is running a fever.......she was.

I make her stay in the bed, while I get breakfast for the others together. I unload the dishwasher and start a new load cause D is coming home today I want no dishes to be in the sink, I want everything to look super clean and food to be warm and welcoming when he comes in.

Z is in the shower, Sky is almost to the bathtub, Cole is dressed and wreaking havoc where he can to disrupt our process on Sunday morning....I am getting cold remedies together for May and setting her up for sickness while we are at church. I would have stayed home but I had to go cause of my Sunday School Class, I wasn't there the week before so I needed to be there this Sunday.

In general, all started to fall completely apart after breakfast and Zach ended up staying home so he could wait on May if she need some stuff. Cole didn't want to go because Zach didn't have to go. I made Sky go for good measure cause by gosh some body besides me needed to thank God for his goodness this past week and for the week to come.

Now that we had determined who was staying and who was going I head for the shower with 30 minutes before I need to pull out of my driveway, before I am really late....to be on time I need to be leaving in 20 minutes.

I am getting out of the shower and slip on a puddle of water from the fluff mess last night that I did not clean up. I land on my hip but my thigh catches the corner of a cabinet and now there is a bruise there to match the one on my pelvis. I get up and try to carry on by locating my glasses......

(insert video clip of the mind...Thelma from Scooby Doo....."My glasses!! I can't find my glasses".......)

...can't find them ........I hear Cole and Sky fighting over the Motorola walkie talkie pagers outside the door, the TV is blaring....... I hate our television I think to myself......

..... determined to carry on I locate my facial lotion and begin applying it to my face.....I put Burt's Bees Tear Free Shampoo on my face cause it is in a similar bottle.......and I am just done.......

I resign myself to being under the attack of Satan so he can steal the joy of my husband coming home and my Sunday worship.

So I just sit down on the bathroom floor, put my face in my hands and pray out loud, loudly.

"Lord, I am angry in my heart and feelin defeated, I want to scream at everyone and at you for letting me go through this on the Sunday that Derrick is coming home. I am tired, He will be tired, I am beggin you to help me to be a good mother and speak calmly and kindly, I begging you Lord to help me to be a good and welcoming wife, I need your help Father to be a good Sunday School teacher and not be distracted by myself.....Lord, see me and hear me, that I may be a good wife, teacher, and mother to my children. In your faithful name, I know you hear me and you have the victory, God, Amen."

....from outside the bathroom door I hear Skylar say,
"AAAAyyy- men!!"

I have to snicker, cause it strikes me as funny I was praying for myself, I think I am by myself.....but here, outside the bathroom door, is little miss listen at the door.

S- Mom are you laughing? I had my eyes closed cause you were praying, okay? I know you want to be nice.....right? You want God to help you be nice? Right? So I said, Amen.
Now, can you tell Cole to give me something or other I am not listening cause I need to get dressed and out the door 3 minutes ago............

I do get to church right at 10:00, that is 15 minutes late according to the new Sunday School schedule that seems impossible for me to keep, no matter how early I get up. That 15 minutes earlier never happens like it should. I rarely get there at 9: 30 or even 9:40 early......it is more like 9:50 or 9:55.......it's pathetic!!

I am taking Sky to her class when I remember I have left my well prepared lesson at home in my Sunday School bag right by the back door....WHERE I WOULDN'T FORGET IT!!!!!!

I felt a sense of loss cause though I can wing the lesson, who wants to do that after they have prepared, THAT SUCKS!! and it's not Christ honoring in my book, winging a Sunday school lesson, is stupid.

After Sunday School, I don't stay for big church. I rush home to get a cream cheese pound cake ready, some home made potato soup, and fresh home made bread going and put finishing touches on cleaning the house up.......D will be getting off the plane in like 10 minutes according to may calculations.......

....uuuuuuuhhhh no he isn't.

........... cause his flight is cancelled, so the house is cleaned, I look pretty nice, the kids are ready to see him, the food is almost ready.......and he doesn't get home till 9:30pm, utterly and completely, deliriously exhausted. Cole is in the bed already and we all visit with him a bit and head to bed to try and start over the next day.

My point is no matter how awful this day was trying to be.....God was in control, I had to rely on His promises to know He knows me and He is victorious...

1 John 5:14 ......This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

1 Corinthians 15:57 .............But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

But you know, a promise is only as good as the one making it.

Joshua said, "Deep in your hearts you know that every promise of the Lord your God has come true. Not a single one has failed!" (Joshua 23:14, ). Peter said God's promises are "exceedingly great and precious promises" (2 Peter 1:4).

God's promises are trustworthy because God Himself is trustworthy.

I was much calmer, kinder, welcoming, & loving because of God this day, because I trusted Him and His promises as truth.

I don't know how people live without Christ, it must be super stressful.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 26:3

Thankful Thursday, with an upper case "T" cause today is looking better already......

These are the things I am already thankful for today:

** A good nights sleep
**coffee and peanut butter whole wheat bagel
** Derrick

D is going to Japan in October to a conference for work. He'll be gone about a week and a half. So he had said he was going to just wing it with the language. I told him he needs to learn a few words at least, like toilet, hotel, taxi, yes, no, thank you.....and so forth.

So he had a good nights sleep too last night appparently and came off with these funny things to start our day......

"high" said extremely fast means "yes"...but he always says it with the grunting karate voice, it's hilarious. I told him I bet all Americans go over and grunt when they say yes cause that is the way we see them on TV. Sort of like they see all southerners are hillbilly stupid livin in shacks with trash in the front yard on TV.

Then he tells me he is going to say something like, in a completely stupid, southern, hillbilly voice, "All this is real purdy and all but whar is Gawdzillah?" Which I thought was hilarious.

He tells me, while hugging me goodbye in the kitchen, he has ordered some language cd's called hooked on Japonics.

He tells me while getting into his truck that he knows Japanese already and he moves his lips funny and out of sync with his words, as if he is being translated into English and says, "Look....there is.....Godzilla.....run." Which again, is funny to me at 7:00 in the morning.

Here is one more, while he was getting his lunch together in a bag, he went to the candy box where he could pick a dessert.....like a small box of nerds, small bag of m&m's, or something .....he picks up a "Ponky" which is candy from the country of Columbia. My mom had a co-worker bring it back from Columbia when she had traveled back home. Mom sent some home with me. We like it.

So D is dancing around my kitchen singing about how the "honky wants some Ponky and it's fonky" and in the bag the candy goes.


** Last night I was able to lead a child to Christ at Awana. After such a crappy day and going on about my glass being completely empty, that filled my cup to capacity.

It also got my thinking back on track a bit with the dentist thing. In that I am thankful D has a job right now with dental insurance. Although it isn't the best dental insurance if there is such a thing as one, it pays for something at least and we do have it.

My children have access to a Pediatric Dentist and I am thankful.

Every time Cole smiles at me I cringe a little cause .......my baby......his tooth......but I am going to choose to be thankful we have dental insurance today.........and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday......& Monday hopefully he'll look more normal.....again, whatever that is.

Plus....this was my Bible verse this morning,

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
My glass is full.....