Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Does A + B really = C? So say I, NO!!..............

aahhhh, yes, there is the age old question of love.......

My 85 year old grandmother(Momma-Bet) brought her 93 year old boyfriend with her to my house this Christmas, we call him Papa Bill. They have been together now about 11 years maybe a little more, I can't quite remember.

I always think when I am that age, God willing, I am surely going to be so done trying to learn someone else's ways. All the time I hear of older folks dating these days.

Its funny cause I always say if D were to leave me or were to pass before me I would never remarry cause marriage is a lot of work. D always says he would surely remarry cause he needs someone to take care of his kids.....uuuuuuhh good luck wife hunting with that buddy, cause you don't have 1 kid, but 4. :oD

Once while we were tubing down this creek called Deep Creek in North Carolina. This gal was flirting with D and so forth. I was all from the creek bank, "Hey lady! He's cute and all but he drives a big fat minivan with 4 kids in it under the age of 9, float on yer tube a while on that!!!" I didn't really see her after that.

I love being married cause there is total security in being married. You always have your best friend at your fingertips. That person is almost always accessible to you, that person gets your inner workings even if they don't always understand you or agree with you. Your spouse is a constant when you lay your head on your pillow at night. At the end of a hard day or a great day that person is there to know it and share it with you. Cause mostly nobody else really cares about the things you care about. When they are in your face, they care with you, but when they walk away....out of sight, out of mind. That is usually not the case with your spouse.

Well, if you are both on the same page anyway.

Marriage is hard though because you have two totally separate people with their own ways that are constantly changing as they grow older and wiser (or so we think) trying to function as one in unity. are completely separate beings from women and we are not created equal.

Try to get over yourself for a second if you think you are equal to a man, cause you aren't, or you would be a man, and you aren''re a woman.

Equal to me means the same in every way. 2+2 = 4= 3+1 and so forth...4 is 4 and will always be 4.

Man is man and woman is woman, each created with differences that should be celebrated for what they are and not equality. It's not that I think women can't be engineers and whatever with all that job crap, I mean as human beings.

At the very core of who we are, a man and a woman, trying to come together and function as one. Different yet trying to be the same in unity. It's a hard job. Folks don't really tell young people how hard they are going to have to work when they are getting married usually, and even if they do young people don't really listen....cause they are in love with being in love and can't hear the real stuff. You know, about the riding the perfect wave moments along with the barely treading water and trying to gasp for breath while waiting for the perfect wave again.

I whole heartily believe marriage is a good and God blessed thing in human life. But equal we are not, in a marriage, there is the giver and the taker and they switch roles regularly. When you are the giver you are the bend and remake yourself for the other person.

It is non negotiable.

WHAT?! Who said that?!

I'm serious, if one person is not the bender and re-maker, there is no compromise and there is no unity and harmony. It's the truth. I am just saying it out loud that's all.

Sometimes I am the one who remakes myself to fit the other and sometimes I am the one who will not bend and D has to take the role of compromise and make adjustments. Which brings me to my point. People now are, generally speaking, so hung up on the my goals, my well being, my wants & needs in a relationship that they are not willing to bend and they check out of the marriage.

To me that's lazy and lame. Here is the other thing, some folks know it's lazy and lame to check out, but they don't care cause the "me factor" is to strong.

Being married & raising children are the hardest responsibilities I have ever had. They are the responsibilities though, that my very life depends on. Everything about me has to do with those connections.

Constantly on my mind these days in thinking on who I am, what I hope to accomplish in my life, what thumb print will be left behind when I pass - positive or that the whole of myself revolves around others.

The struggle to do what I want has completely disappeared until I really don't even know what I want or even like anymore.....

WHAT??!! Amy, that sounds awful!

Here is a truth, almost all women I speak to these days, feels the exact same way at one time or another.

If you are a man reading that you are saying...."Okay, next.......crazy hormonal woman issue, whatever, next."...... enter thoughts I am done reading this, I'm bored now, blog on something funny....

If you are woman reading that, you might be saying..."I know EXACTLY what you are saying, yes, I get that, but if my husband asks me about this I will say no, I won't exactly tell the whole truth."

Enter the differences between man and woman.......things hugely important to us seem like a speed bump to men. I don't fault men for that. They are different from us.

I have been reading these books about understanding men, cause I need some help apparently.
I believe I know D pretty dang well. But in an effort to stay connected to him while raising our kids I just felt the need to pursue something more in the context of understanding. I feel the "my wants and my needs" syndrome dragging me along the path of "I don't care anymore," cause life just gets so full.

So in curiosity I jumped in and these are the main things I came to know as truths from the books I purchased...

1. He needs to be respected
2. He needs to be needed
3. He needs to be fulfilled

.......not in this order obviously

vs truths about women...

1. Affection.......affection, means showing love, not showing sex
2. need open, honest communication
3. Commitment to family

In my quest for understanding, I found I understood things pretty well, but needed to make some adjustments on things I am uncomfortable with making.....and therefore have not made those adjustments.........yet.......eeeesh.

I found that men believe themselves to understand things pretty well, but they completely miss the boat in understanding female inner workings & generally men don't want to read a book to know about it or hear about it from a woman. They are not as willing to make adjustments in general and believe that if a woman A's (you know, wink, wink) then BCDEFGHIJKLMNOP will fall properly into place for the whole universe and peace for all nations, world without end Amen.

This is where they miss the boat in my opinion. Though women understand men are visual very well, they do not understand we are not....we generally tend to be acts driven. The way we feel attracted to them is when they show us they care by way of actions.

The action needed by a specific woman is unique to that woman. A man would need to see what actions make their wife tick and hop on that band wagon a while. When the wife sees he cares about what is important to her without her nagging, she in turn feels love and attraction to her mate, because he is showing he cares about what is important to her. She is less tired and the brain switches gears a little more precisely.

These are the things I have learned thus far.

I have to go and do something constructive now, like put up Christmas stuff and take down lights outside.

I will finish this topic when I am done with the quest, God only know when.........

Please weigh in on the anonymous poll in the top right corner of the blog, so I can see if on my quest my boat is floating or sinking.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Need yer butt wiped? Don't come here cause we are done!!..........

Hi, my name is Amy and I am a recovering blog neglector.

This is a picture of my sister, "Princess."

I am 100% sure this was the busiest I have ever been during the holidays. Even more busy than last year with the funeral and all. I kept thinking, where is Poppy in all this. I don't see his hand in the mix anywhere, you know like a sign or something. I didn't feel him in my chaos. I thought we'd all be uncomfortable or upset or something. Instead I felt most uncomfortable before Thanksgiving as if that was the "ribbon cutting" ceremony for all my sadness. Although Thanksgiving was not the dream we had last year when Poppy was alive, it was not a flood gate opened for a season of sadness either.

My mom told me of a dream she had before coming to my house for Christmas. It went something like was awakened by Poppy snoring in the living room, she went in and told him to come to bed and he did. There they snuggled together and chatted of how well she was doing and how well we were all doing and he was proud of us, and that he wanted us to have a Merry Christmas.....and the dream was over.

I do not believe that our loved ones look down on us from heaven as our angels. Clearly the Bible states angels were created angels from the beginning of time. They have a specific look and a specific function and they are truly angels. Plus I believe that if my dad or other loved ones were looking down on us they would see our sadness at funerals and other times when we are anxious or sad or whatever, and they too would long for the world and be sad themselves. The Bible clearly tells us there will be no sadness or tears in heaven. One cannot serve two masters. I believe once you go to heaven Jesus Christ is so Holy, glorious, and beautiful, that the things of this world pass away and we long for it no more. The Bible says there are things in heaven prepared for us that are so amazing we cannot even make sense of it or even think of them. This is one of those things I believe about death for those who know Christ.

However, I do believe that God can minister to us through dreams. It happened in the Bible, and I believe it happens now. I believe God ministered to my mom in that most comforting dream by allowing her to feel the love she knew threw David and giving her encouragement that was real. Her, by chance, telling me of her dream allowed God to minister to me also and see that He knows I was searching for David in our holidays and was found wanting. God let mom spill her dream to me by chance in a conversation because I needed to feel Poppy's love also. After she told me of her dream, besides being jealous she is the one who always gets to have the dreams, I felt average to okay with the coming Christmas.

My sister came for a visit the weekend before Christmas and we had a super time. I thought if my dad had been looking down on us he would have loved the time we spent together with both of our families together and complete.

My sister was a Christmas gift to me this year. God wrapped her up in a smaller, healthier, little package to come to my house and teach me not to sweat the small stuff, to say thank you to people without adding a "but," & to show me no matter how one changes outwardly they are still the same inside and it comes out in their actions. When I wanted to go on and on about how beautiful she was, her eyes told me to stop....and I did..... cause she has always been beautiful.........and funny and smart and funny and truthful and funny.

I am so blessed God gave her to me.

Our kids have gotten older we didn't spend our time wiping butts, brushing teeth, bathing, and breaking up childish spats.

We have arrived!!!

......freakin finally ;oD

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Little Larry Lies A Lot............

Cole had his 4th birthday yesterday.

He was really sweet all day and we didn't even do anything out of the ordinary.

He started with his morning snuggle in my bed and drifted off back to sleep a bit, a total gift to me. He got up in a good mood, another gift to me. His siblings were sweet to him most of the day. Despite he hadn't had a nap, he grocery shopped peacefully.

These are the lies "Little Larry Lies A Lot"(name courtesy of Z) told for his birthday......oh I'm sorry, he "must have dreamed them."

In the bathtub - last night when I was in the bathtub, my pillow went down this drain, and it floated down to the lake and a crab ate it was a shark, he ate my pillow, and now I have a new pillow.

While reading to him before he went to bed a story about Santa riding a whale to deliver presents because all his reindeer had the flu. Who thought that not interesting tale up? I almost had to quit reading the story because it was THAT STUPID.

CB- Last Christmas I had to ride the whale with Santa cause he needed me to hold the presents on the whales back.........remember mom? You ride with me........

A- CB I totally do not remember riding a whale with you and Santa

CB- Yes, you did, you hair was long and it was blowing you shirt off

A- CB if I rode a whale with Santa and my shirt was blowing off I would remember that

CB- yeah, and I almost fall off and I hold onto you shirt and presents fall into the lake, remember?

A- Oh yeah, I remember now!! I kicked Santa right in his butt into the whale's blow hole, then I pushed you off the whale on purpose, and I pushed all the presents off cause I was tired of holding them, cause my arms were hurting, and the crab ate them, the one who ate your pillow....oh wait it was a shark and now you have a new pillow and I have a new shirt, OH YEAH! Now I remember!!

CB- .........No mom, you don't get a new shirt cause you pushed me off the whale, without my fwog(floaty preserver with a frog face on it, he wears it on the boat) and now whale can't breave cause Santa stuck in his hole.

A- .........oh.........

CB- I think I was dreaming that anyway, cause fish stink.......Mom, remember when I was little and I rode one of the fish to school?

A- No, yer done, go to sleep.

I love Cole Bear, he's my last little baby. This will be his last year at what is considered a baby age. I am trying to soak up as much snuggle time and sweet kisses while being "his girlfriend" as I can. For all the wallering around on my lap he does that makes me insane, I know the time is at hand where my lap will long for a waller session and there will be no more.

I hope we'll ride a few more whales together.

I hope I'll not wish a way the next year.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Trust me, I would hack Numa up in a hurry.........

elf on the shelf Pictures, Images and Photos
My kids and I were discussing the book Elf on the Shelf, a book about an elf that reports back to Santa whether you have been good or bad. The thing is the book comes with an elf and you can move him around at night to different spots and the kids hunt for him or take notice the elf had moved and so forth. Some view it as a fun thing to do at Christmas, it's a fun tradition.

But my manic children and I were discussing how scary the elf looks over lunch with his eyes all glancing sideways.

We have just gotten M & Z into Alfred Hitchcock TV despite, they are in black and white they are LOVING them....scary but not too scary, just enough to get you creeped out. We had just watched the one where the little girl gets a doll, named Numa, from her uncle. The doll actually comes to life and plays with the little girl and in the end the doll takes the roll of the little girl and runs off and leaves the little girl in the form of a doll.

So Elf on the Shelf running around our house at night changing his location is creepy ;o)

M says at the lunch table- Is Elf on the Shelf real?

(uuumm, surely you are a true blonde)

A- Well, I don't know May, let's see, a stuffed skinny half cross eyed elf running around our house at night, because that makes perfect sense...

Z (spelling for Sky's sake for some reason)- P-A-R-E-N-T-S moron!

A- Let me just say this, if some stupid Numa elf was running around our house at night spying on us, I would totally hack it to pieces with a saw immediately...

They all laugh cause mind visuals of that must be funny.


May in the other room listening to Christmas toy commercials on TV for Town House Barbie

Making up her on jingle she starts singing,

"Farty Barbie
Town House Party"

......this strikes me as snickerable cause she thinks no one hears her.


Sky had to write some sentences about a sport she liked to play or watch on TV. She isn't an "outside girl" as she says. Sky determined she liked to wrestle with Z on the trampoline so she wants to be a wrestler when she grows up.

Z dubbed her the Skylinator

While we are dubbing names.....

My mom is super fun, and she is going crazy, aren't we all....but we have been calling her "Crazy Nana", instead of just Nana. What's so fun is this became the running theme this weekend while she was here. This past weekend marked the one year anniversary of my dad's passing.

She came and spent it with me, now determined more for me than for herself. Although it went well for both of us because we stayed busy and distracted one another pretty well.

On my side of the family when one does something just insane we say something like, "get off the crack" or mom loves the powders you pour into the water bottles that make flavored drinks, those are called "crack juice." Some one said something or did something you just can't believe "you must be smokin crack" or "OK, crack head" I have no idea how that got started but it has hung around a while. I do it, my sister throws it out sometimes, my brother and my mom do it.

So this weekend it got started that Nana was so crazy she was no longer Crazy Nana, she was Crack Nana. It sounds awful I know, but it was super least to us.

So we had thrown that around while dancing in the car, while shopping, eating at Pei Wei, all day Saturday.

Cole goes to church Sunday and sees a little boy and goes to introduce his Nana.......All of us standing their in our minds hoping........ hoping....... hoping .........please don't say it......

"This is my Crack Nana!"

...........He didn't say it!!! Everybody exhales and continues on merrily.......

.........walking down the hall at church, on the way to Sunday school, all of us snickering cause we didn't permanently damage CB on Saturday.

We really love our Crack Nana and totally wanted her to stay just one more day, but alas she couldn't. What could have been an awful weekend for her, she made wonderful for me.......cause she is a giver, not a taker, a character quality I adore in her.


In case you, like me, have been wondering who threw out all their trash on the side of the road and made a huge mess all in the least that is what I thought at first....

Well, just so you know, God made the mess.

The mess is really beautiful up close. I asked May to get out and see what exactly it was, thinking it was wet TP or was layers upon layers of ice. You could peel them off like an onion. They were super amazing. I got a few images here for you to look at. But my camera just wasn't doing it for me that day. I got frustrated and just decided I would would enjoy the images in my mind.........well, except for these....... you may be able to click the image and blow it up on your screen.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Chinese people wrap suckers to tight.......

So CB is a the rest of us.

I didn't teach him to be a liar, he's just a little sinner.

This is what he does.......

A- CB where are your clothes? (cause he is wearing Hulk underwear and that's it)

CB(he'll be 4 in a couple weeks) - Remember when I was little and there was a monster in my closet that would play with my trucks all night, and I had to get up and tell him to go to bed, then he would eat my clothes the monster ate my clothes off.

A- Cole Bear, that is a total lie, get some clothes on

CB- Oh yeah, I think I dreamed that

......he always says, "I was dreaming that," when we catch him telling a lie.

D cracked me up last night discussing CB telling lies saying, "Remember when I was little and I used to water ski?"...cause he comes off with stuff like this that are absurd.

Yesterday I was walking the dog in the back yard about 7:30 am, CB comes out to the back porch, I hear the door slam. I turn around from the far corner of our yard to see his little, almost naked body standing in the super windy, cool weather. It had rained the night before so it was wet.

I yelled across the yard, "COLE! Get your butt back in the house! It's cold, wet, & windy out here and you are almost naked!! Get in the house now!"

(silence).........he turns around heads into the screened porch, the door slams.....again.....then I can't see him but I hear a deep, husky throated, voice hollering back,

"MOM!! Where is your Christmas spirit?!"

I had to laugh out loud. That junk struck me as so random while dog walking at 7:30am.


CB is bringing me a Japanese sucker, one of few left that D had brought them back. As he hands the sucker to me he says, "I hate these Chinese people, they always wrapped these suckers too tight."



some random person, I can't remember who - Oh your dad brought you back a shirt and some chopsticks from Japan?

Sky - Yes and some candy and he brought mom & Maysie a housecoat (kimono's), but guess what??! Santa brought me a pink guitar from China last year. How cool is that?

This could bring on an anti-Santa rant, that talks about about how kids don't get to thank their parents for getting them the things they really love or are excited about on Christmas because we(except me apparently) have bought into the magic moment of Santa chaos.

So instead of being grateful to their parents they are grateful to a man they appreciate one day a year.....but I will spare you that.

Monday, December 7, 2009

These are so dang funny!!!!!!!!

These may take a second to load.....just chill a second......

Hip Hop version

singing version

OOPS, Ya missed'em.....cause I didn't pay for'em...they were dang funny though!!

G is for christening the church bathroom........

G Pictures, Images and Photos is for gagging for the good of all involved.....

I did my first "lock-in" at the church this past Friday. There were 9 of us and I thought we all had a pretty good time. We had lasagna for dinner, did gingerbread houses till near midnight.....

(dirty feet from the gym floor)

did facials till 2:30 in the morning.....


(mud masks)

(mud masks still & clear cucumber peels)

(Peeling the cucumber peel mask off. We all loved this one, it was equivalent to peeling sun burned skin)

..... finally winding down at about 3:15 am for some sleep.....

(one 8th grade gal is missing cause she had to leave early)

.....then ate some french toast for breakfast and had a spiritual gifts devotional time. After all of that, it was time to head home.

We woke up to snow!

It was quiet and awesome as I rambled around at 6:30 am alone trying to get breakfast ready. I had the Christmas music playing, while the others slept away in another building.

Let me say this though, prior to enjoying my kitchen dream with snow and Christmas music.....I totally had to get up off the floor on which I was sleeping cause my hips were screaming at me to "GET UP OFF THE FLOOR!!! I WILL NOT WORK PROPERLY IF YOU LAY DOWN HERE ONE MORE MINUTE, GET UP!!!!!"

So I lifted my wretched sore body from the floor and went directly to the 8th grade girls sleeping room, got my toothbrush from Maysie's bag and christened the church bathroom sink with a wonderful 5 to 7 minute gagging session with my toothbrush.

All the stars were properly aligned after that.

It had to be done, so I could feel good in the kitchen with snow, Christmas music, and french toast.

I really had a super time. I am convinced I had just as good a time as the girls did.

I believe that I did get to know some of them better, which was the whole purpose....for us all to get to know each other better.

Laura McC (Mac) stayed with me. I hadn't spent any real time with her in about 100 years.

Probably since the baseball field, two seasons ago. In fact the last time I had seen her she was kicking me in the back cause I was begging my friend Danielle to tell me the little girl singing the National Anthem, in a blue jean jumper dress, with a long unbrushed pony tail, just killing the song........ making me want to lob my head off in a guillotine in agony of having to endure such a tragedy in the National Anthem world of singing.......I was begging Danielle to tell me the girl was not home schooled, and Laura kicked me from behind and told me to "shut it."

They shoulda just played the instrumental and left it.......

I had forgotten how funny and refreshing she is. Randy, her husband, is surely a lucky guy to get to hang out with her all the time. Randy was one of my Sparks leaders in the past. He is a great guy too; I adore them both. In my opinion, Laura made everything about the lock-in better. She is beautiful, funny, totally gets young girls and they trust her. She was absolutely hand picked by God to stay with me that night. Even though her only boy had a football banquet she wanted to attend, she stayed with me and the girls. I am more crazy about her now than I was before.

So when I finally got home around 11:30am or so on Saturday, I had a crick in my neck.

I said, I had A CRICK IN MY NECK...........uuuuuuuhh It sucked.

When I was talking to my mom on the phone, turning my head just to talk, bending to laundry, just in general trying to freakin neck screamed, "You old lady!! DON'T SLEEP ON THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!"

Tony Workman was my hero Friday cause he gave me the safety idea of double locking us into an area of the church that had a bathroom with water for facials, our own heat, and clean flooring...... I am crazy about that guy too! That was an awesome idea! It worked beautifully and I felt super safe!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I've completed the banging process............

Some words that have leaked to and from my soul this week........

"The 5 seconds of satisfaction we may get will bring untold misery to us for words we can never take back."

“The definition of Insanity is banging your head against the wall 1000 times expecting a different result each time.”

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."

“Tears are words the heart can't express"

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands,
but let it go,
and you learn at once how big and precious it is."

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

“People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel”

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

“You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both”

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”

“Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away.”

“Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.”

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.”

“Today you are you,
That is truer than true.
There is no one alive
Who is youer than you.”

“You haven't lost your smile at all,
it's right under your nose.
You just forgot it was there.”

“In the end what matters most is
How well did you live
How well did you love
How well did you learn to let go

I'm in the huddle,

hands are comin in one a'top another,
on 3 "Freedom"