....after I slept off all my evil.....

I am about to get my life put back together.  I hope.

This is an attempt to catch us all up to speed for the past month. It may take a few blogs though.

Amy- I have been doing my thing driving all over Hell and creation in auto-pilot as usual for this time of year.  Six or seven days a week we are going somewhere at some point during the day.  I just try to breathe my way through each day knowing somehow it all gets done.

I am still exercising my butt off....or should I say my butt on, cause nothing is still happening....on the scale anyway.  I have taken about 10 of the 16 Power classes that I need to take at at the gym in order to get the free t-shirt that labels me as a weight lifter...sort of, in my eyes anyway.  I am surely getting more muscles.  I can see a bulge in my arms where there has never been one before in my life.  My butt actually looks round like a butt should look, instead of just fading into my thighs.  My stomach is certainly more flat than it was and my pants are fitting much better and some are even a little big or too big.

The problem here is that my scale is sabotaging me.  So I had D hide it so that I could only weigh on Sundays.   The first Sunday I weighed 189.  D was happy for me cause I was finally in the 180's.  I wasn't, cause I knew the moment I ate a piece of ice I would gain 3 pounds.  He scolded me for not enjoying that small victory. In my mind I have been this place so many times that I truly am not in the 180's till it is a consistent number.

I was not too discouraged however.  I gave myself a year to do this right and I have been sticking to it.  I rarely cheat and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week 40 minutes or more.  So this past Sunday I was excited to weigh because I ate especially well chosen foods that week.  I knew I had pushed myself doing the exercise and I was hoping for a 187 minimum.

The scale said 190.  I became so angry inside that I thought I might grow some devil horns that would surely expel a blazing fury so hot they'd burn the roof off my house.  I controlled it though the best I could.  I left the bathroom, went to make coffee and get the kids moving.........and then the evil tidal wave of death and destruction that likes to throw stuff when I am infuriated hit me.

So I marched right back to the bathroom where D was blowing his hair dry, picked up the scale, stomped back to the front door, stepped out onto my front stoop, and I launched that scale as far as I could with my new arm muscles "that weigh more than fat."  I meant for it to bounce on the ground and bust every spring and gear inside of it.  On the first bounce as it hit the ground I felt a minuscule amount of satisfaction.  I wanted to throw it one more time but I refrained cause I knew I was going to church in a couple hours and I needed to get rid of this evil in me before I could praise the Lord properly for the good things in my life.

The kids get up.  D comes out of the bathroom to eat breakfast.

D- Where's the scale?

CB & Sky - She threw it in the front yard.

M- You threw the scale in the front yard?

CB- Yeah she did!  It went way over there see?!

D- (looking out the breakfast nook window) Nice distance.

A- I threw it into the front yard. Yes I did.  If anybody brings that scale back into this house I swear bad things will happen to you.  I don't know what they are, but don't test me.

When I left for church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from the gym the idiot scale was not in the front yard.  I was so mentally exhausted from my emotional torture of weighing that morning, only to find all my good eating and exercise had been in vain....months and months of not eating delicious morsels of goodness, shin splints that wake me up in the middle of the night, sweating, sweating, sweating, pushing, pushing, pushing....only to still weigh 190....I took a bath and went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't get up till 7:00 am the next morning.

BUT, not BUTT, but.....BUT, during the Power class at the gym I had likened myself to this fairly big woman in the class, like we were equals in weight.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and I noticed that I didn't look her size at all.  I mean I was still bigger than I need to be of course, but I wasn't as big as I perceived myself to be by the number on the scale.  The scale doesn't change the fact that I can feel and see a muscle in my arm that has never been there before.  It doesn't change the fact that some of my pants are too big now, not all of them, but some of them.  Those are my small victories, that I should thank God for.

I am going to choose to dwell on those things.  So I can be thankful in all things to God for giving me endurance and patience to persevere when my flesh wants to quit, the spirit in me is still willing to keep my temple, in which Jesus resides, clean and healthy.

I am not going to weigh anymore.  My sister in Christ, Sarah, told me I should pick out a pair of pants I want to get into and use those as a gage for my success. I think that is the better way to go for me.....for my family too.

I found this note hanging out of my drawer where I keep my exercise wear in my closet the morning after I slept off my evil. ( you can click on this pic to get a better view if need be)

My heart overflowed and spilled all over the place with love for this oldest son of mine.

I CAN DO all things through Christ who strengthens me...... Philippians 4:13


*

when you put a platypus in someone's bed it's called a platy-prank.............

Uncle Charlie to Maysie some time ago - What did you do to your hair?

M- I got it highlighted.

UC- Yeah one time I highlighted some strands of my hair....the ones that were more important than the others.

.................................................

May to me one night before dropping them off at Awana - Are you going to fix your hair?

A- Yes.

M- Good. It looks like the curly wall of terror and doom.

....................................................

Z in the car on the way to soccer practice - Did you know that a platypus is poisonous?

A- No

Z pretending to be a geek and dorking out someone else dorkier than himself - Hey, ya know that kid over there?.....Well, he got bit by a platypus. Now he has platy-pox.

M (from the back seat somewhere)- ....and he had to take some platy-pills and rush to the platy-porcelain pony when he had to platy-poop. He had to platy-pray to the platy-pope for healing so he wouldn't become platy-paralyzed.

A, Z, S, & CB (insert much laughing)

M- You have to cook platypus eggs in a platy-pan......and when you put a platypus in someone's bed it's called a platy-prank.

A, Z ,S ,& CB (insert much laughing)

.................................................................

Getting in the car for practice one night, it's just me, Z, and one other kid, I can't remember which one, probably Cole. Cole is in his car seat Z climbs all the way to the back of the van. I am like why is he sitting all the way back there?

A- Why are you sitting all the way back there?

Z- I don't know I just felt like it.

A- Well, sit up front or in the middle?

Z- Why? What difference does it make where I sit?

A- Number one because I said so. Number two because I am your mother not your chauffeur. I don't chauffeur you around from event to event cause I have nothing better to do...because that's my job. I purposefully drive you to those events because I want to watch you play. I want you to have a good time doing what you enjoy. So when you sit up front it acknowledges to me that you understand I am not your maid, I am your mother who chooses to take you to your happy place.

Z moving up front huffing a bit.....I know he is rolling his eyes though I cannot see it.

Z- Why Lord......do females have to be so dang complicated all the time?

The way I see it....I'm just breaking him in well for his future wife.......

....................................................

I haven't had the time to blog or do anything that remotely causes my brain to rot in decompression since school started and it's not going to get better any time soon. The only thing I can do is drive from place to place and try to "keep up with the Jones' " which I despise. I can't stand running all over Hell and creation throwing money out of my car windows in the form of gas and losing what feels like a life time in the drivers seat of my car. Keeping the files in my mind in order so as not to skip something is a freaking chore these days.

So one morning while lamenting in despair over my Outlook calendar looking like someone threw up lego blocks on it in the form of activities that steal my valuable time.....Cole shuffles into my room in the early morning darkness and crawls up in my lap. He nods back off to sleep.

I notice his top lip pushed forward as he sucks his thumb hard. I can smell his breath, it wreaks of a good nights sleep. I can see the veins in his eyelids, smoothly covering his big greenish eyes. I notice his stark white hair bleached from the summer sun and his tan body hanging all over me. His legs have gotten so long that they hang over one side of my chair and his head is hanging over the crease of my other arm on the other side.

My baby is so long all of the sudden.....in fact he isn't even a baby or a toddler, he's a little boy. When the heck did that happen? I try to hold him more like a baby to see if it will change my perspective, but it doesn't.

He's really big.

My last baby is a baby no more.

I pulled him close to sniff his hair and his face to see if he smelled like a baby. He smelled like shampoo from the night before and that's it.

CB(sleepily)- Mom.........quit smelling me. I took a bath last night. My stomach wants something delicious to eat. It wants toast with no butter and chocolate milk.

This means he wants toast with butter. If he sees you put the butter on the toast, he won't eat it. If you serve him the toast with no butter...he won't eat it. So you have to do it all in secret, then everything is furry bunnies and rainbows.

I completely forgot about that despicable calendar of events for the day. I realized that my baby boy was really a little boy.......

........all the time with all of my babies is forever gone. It was really a jagged little pill to swallow for a few minutes. My throat physically squeezed tight and my eyes tried hard not to get wet.........



.....then suddenly..... I felt euphoria.

It came to me, I would never ever, ever, ever, have to potty train again.

All the stars in my universe were aligned properly after that.

Jesus likes children that slobber on themselves in their sleep........

CB walks in the living room with only his Cars underwear on.

He has a Staples, red "easy" button. When one presses the button it says, "That was easy."

CB walks in the living room with only his Cars underwear on. He has the "easy" button on his left breast area.

CB - Hey Dad, press my talking boob.

Dad presses......."That was easy"

D - Yeah, I heard that on one of my first dates.

...................................................................

Last week I cooked dinner 3 nights in a row.

My kids gave me a standing ovation on the third night.

I felt good about that.

....................................................................

May discussing with Z regarding Z going to the beach, Z going to camp, Z going here, Z going there and so on and so forth.....

Z to May - May you could've went to the beach and to camp and you chose not to, so whatever dork.

M to Z in a geeky voice- Yeah well, I'm going to Camp Stay At Home, where we learn how to be Homies. (with her hands posed all gangsta)

I laughed.

..................................................................

Cole is helping me make garlic toast for Sky to eat with dinner cause we are all eating Texas Toast. He is using a basting brush to "paint" on melted dairy free butter and garlic powder.

CB - Hey Sky, guess what?! I made you a surprise! I made you dairy free toast with a paint brush!.....and guess what??!! There aren't any hairs on it!!

.................................................................

I am trying to get CB down for a nap after swimming at the lake for 3 hours after church.

He isn't having it. Tantrum and rebellion.

I pick him up like a sack of potatoes under my arm and carry him kicking and screaming to his room. He is hollering, "Jesus doesn't like it for you to put me in a nap."

A- No. Jesus doesn't like you disrespecting Momma.

CB- No Momma. Jesus just doesn't like Momma.

I put him on his bed with a firm solid purpose, covered him up, and laid down beside him for a second to settle him down. I swear in 4 minutes flat the joker was slobbering on himself.

Jesus likes children that slobber on themselves in their sleep.

I am like..........great.

One time I said to myself...."Self, there are 24 hours in a day, you shouldn't waste them."

I made it a point that whole summer to fill my time with things that were productive. I tried not to do anything that would not accomplish some significant accomplishment in my home. That summer went by so quickly I can barely remember it. What I remember about that summer was that I tried to fill my time and did so....well, too well.

Now here I am with stuff running my life and filling my time for me. As if time owns me instead of me owning my time. Productive stuff has to be done.....ALL THE DANG TIME. I just want to waste some time and don't have any to waste.

So D has taken Z and scooted off to the beach for a bit to spend some time with his mom and dad. So I have no plans to cook anything significant while he is gone. I am just going on a wing and prayer that the rest of my kids get proper nourishment while they are away.

Okay so here's something you missed......

Puppies.

One of my neighbors saw them hiding under a bush when they drove by and gave me a call. I called this gal who does some work for animal shelters or something and asked her what she thought I should do. She tells me that her husband is fixing dinner and that if I can catch them she'll come and pick them up after dinner.

The puppies are very skittish and I am doubtful I can catch them but I tell her I'll try and call her back.

I take Z and May with me for help and we do in fact manage to catch them, by way of dog food kibble for bait...they are starving. You can't see in these photos but the smallest one is so weak he can barely walk.

I put the puppies on my porch cause they are FULL of fleas and have a minimum of 5 ticks or more in each ear of each puppy, not to mention the ticks elsewhere on their bodies, some as big as snails. It really is pitiful.

I call the gal and tell her we have the puppies. She then informs me her husband will kill her if she brings one more dog home and she can't come and get them.

I am like..........great.

Now I have to figure out how to explain flea and tick puppies to D who is not keen on pets anyway. He like's Jenny and that's about it.

He gets a bit stupid on me in front of some neighbors, which I didn't appreciate. But I put it behind me cause really the little puppies are pitiful and they didn't ask to be born and dropped off in some neighborhood.

So now I have 3 sets of neighbors in my driveway plus our family. Sarah's husband pulls all of the ticks off of all the puppies, he's immediately my hero. We determine ourselves to bathe them. I bathe one, May & Z bathe one, D bathes one....then we rinse and Matthew (Sarah's hubby) re-bathes one, I re-bathe one, and May and & Z re-bathe one aaaannnd repeat one more time. They look so cute, so fresh and clean.

So now it's dark and everyone leaves. Puppies are fresh and clean going to a shelter as soon as I can find one that's open. I put them in the largest rubber maid container I own and leave them in the garage for the night.

I have to be up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning which is a Sunday. Z has an unexpected soccer tournament game at 8:00am and it'll take us a bit to get to this particular field.

I couldn't sleep at all that night knowing they were in the garage. I finally got up at 3:15 am to let them all go to the bathroom. I took them one at a time cause they liked to hide under stuff and catching all three might prove a challenge. So I take the one that can't walk good first, the other two start whining. The one female manages to jump out of the container and crap all over the garage numerous times while I am laying on my belly trying to get the little one out from under a bush...........at 3:30 am. I have to repeat this same scene three times and actually have to slither under my car at three different angles to catch one cause he moves to the other side when I almost get to him. I was all....really?!

By 4:15 am they are all back in the container and resettled. I have to get in the shower at 5:30 so I can leave by 6:30 so I can be at the field by 7:30.

So I don't go back to bed.

When I get home by 10:00 am I fix a meal for one of my favorite gals who has been in a terrible car accident and plan to get it to the church by the time church lets out. From there....... take the puppies to the Taj Mahal of puppy shelters in Knoxville.

In that cooking time Matthew & Sarah have grown attached to the one female and decide to keep her. Her name is Maeve (sounds like Mave). She is super cute and she's a really lucky dog to have great owners.

So May and I take Frick & Frack on to the shelter after I drop off the food.

I totally shed some tears when I had to hand the puppies over. The one that couldn't walk good ....I wanted to keep him.

I am never picking up stray dogs again.

Irresponsible pet owners make me SICK!

It's not that hard not to have a pet if you can't take care of one.

....more to come, I promise.

Have you ever heard of anyone playing the difdle, the lifdle, or the liddle before.............

Doing phonics with Sky some time this week, the word in the sentence is "fiddle"....

S- liddle

A- try again

S- lifdle

A- Sky, please....look at each letter and read that kindergarten word.

S- Shiddle

A- (I snicker...Z at other end of the table snickers)

S- Whats so funny?

A- Nothing read the word...

Z- (completely sidetracked now at Sky saying "shiddle" instead of "fiddle"...still trying not to snicker)

S- What?!

Z- Sounds like something a little dog, like Jenny, would do.....

A- (I try not to laugh, cause that is borderline foul) Z, that's enough.

S- Like, Jenny did a little "shiddle."

A & Z - (laughing cause she has no idea what she has implied and has used it correctly)

Z- SKY! Don't say that!

S- Why? Is shiddle a bad word?

A- No, but it sounds awfully close the way you just used it.

S- Well I didn't know.

A- Don't use that word even when you're playing around Babe, cause it sounds ugly. It's close to an ugly word used for dog poops. Now read this word please.......(try to refocus on phonics and ignore Z still snickering under his shirt that is pulled over his nose)

S- (lacking total focus now & off in some other time zone) Mom? Is shiddle the same word as damn-it?

Z & A - SKY!!!!

Z- (has to leave the table cause he's so sidetracked by her blatant ability to use cuss words with no remorse in inquisitiveness)

A- Sky, yes... those words are in the same ugly word category. Now I want you to get those words out of your mind and quit contaminating yourself. If you blurt those words out again I will get angry. It is determined now that those words are not to be said, they are both not good words. If I hear them again I will put soap on your tongue. (which I know is a lie.... cause you know, I am so done with the throw up) FOCUS PLEASE! Read.... this..... word!

S- difdle......oooh Mom,(whine) I don't know this dumb word, cause now it looks like an ugly word in my mind.

A- Sky the word is dang FIDDLE. Have you ever heard of anyone playing the difdle, the lifdle, or the liddle before?!

S- No, and actually, they don't play the shiddle either.

Z- (busting out laughing in the other room)

I send them both to their rooms, until I can go pray a little bit in my closet. Then we break for lunch, and don't do phonics for two days to be sure that word has long passed both of their minds.

.........................................................

Me, May & Z going over their math at the kitchen table, Cole playing with a short pencil at the other end of the table.......we are not really paying attention to him. There is a break in the conversation and some pause while we think on some stuff and we hear this....

C- (in a perfect Englishman accent) Good Day Suh.

When we look up he has a short pencil squeezed in between his nose and upper lip like a thin mustache. Random, unexpected, and dang funny......

........................................................

Can't sleep........

Tuesday morning up at 4:20 am grading papers........

Wednesday morning up at 5:00 am grading History tests.....

Thursday morning up at 4:50 am reading on constitution stuff for this afternoon.....

......................................................

I took Sky to the allergist yesterday. They skin prick tested her again, which they just did in October of last year. So I thought that was....uumm.... retarded!

All the test were negative for food allergy..... again.

I mean I wanted to say.....the food is messing her up inside her body...inside her body, during swallowing & digestion....I don't rub the food on her skin.......she doesn't break out in hives...SHE VOMITS LADY!!! Just cause you stick some milk on her back she isn't going to VOMIT...it just doesn't make logical sense. I mean if we give the child "a trace amount on non fat dairy" in a slice of bread she vomits. She said her tongue feels fat, May & I have witnessed her uvula swollen...she gasps for air sometimes...THAT IS SCARY TO ME!!!

Every time she coughs at night or starts gagging I wake up and run to her room cause I am afraid she is going to choke or her throat will swell up and I won't know it.

So keep her off dairy Amy & shut up for petes sake....

Well duh.

That's what we've been doing. I swear though, if I hadn't had said I wanted a blood test yesterday just to give me some peace of mind, the gal wouldn't have taken any. She tells me we could try giving her "a little lactaid, even though I don't think that will do much at this point and see if that works, she may just be highly intolerant of dairy."

I am like, no shiddle Lady, she is highly intolerant at the minimum right now.

She then tells me that Sky has no signs of drainage in her nose or throat, but she is going to give her a nose spray anyway.

.....Like the pediatrician that took blood to check her white blood cell count. It was perfect indicating no bacterial problems....but let's give her 14 days worth of antibiotics on top of the 10 she has already taken that aren't working and some more steroids too......cause she just isn't jacked up, gagging, & throwing up enough.

.....Like the Gastro docs office......I tell them Sky has been throwing up every time she eats for two weeks, I would like to bring her in.

Nurse No You Can't Come In - Well if she is coughing she needs to go the pediatrician , call us back if it becomes a digestion issue.

SSSSSCCCCRRREEEAAMMMM!!!!!!!!! I said she is throwing up every time she eats, did you catch that??

So the pediatrician says he has done all he can do, take her to the Gastro.

The allergy lady says she has done all she can do...by giving us nose spray and telling me not to give her dairy if she throws up when she eats it......again, no shiddle...... like I am a moron who loves to clean up throw up and I need to be told that. Take her to the Gastro.

I am serious.......... I am about to become a crack head.

....... with my own special crack pipe with my name air brushed on the side in metallic letters.

I am gonna wait on the blood work to come back. If it shows nothing, I am busting the Gastro's door down and commencing a smack down till he checks her out.

I mean, literally I have done all I can by omitting the dairy, but she is starting to gag again at night. It was getting better once the dairy was gone, but it's like I am filling her with soy now and she is trying to start all over....anything with colored dye....cough, cough, gag, gag.....

I am starting think my Obamacare has already kicked in and no one told me.

No shiddle.

Mickey Mouse & Numa go bump in the night.......

Last night I put CB to bed early cause he hadn't had a nap. About 10:30pm he wakes up and tells me he had a bad dream. Now he can't find "Sugar." Sugar is a light brown, super soft, stuffed dog that our neighbor Ms. Judy gave to him a couple Christmas's ago.

I hunt for the dog so CB will go back to bed and can't find him. So I hand him Mickey Mouse. He loves Mickey Mouse so he's all "Okay...." and I get him settled back into bed. I assure him I'll find Sugar the next morning.

About 12:30 I hear him crying out. I actually think it is D's nose whistling and ignore it.

I hear it again, so I get up & go check on CB.

CB is whimpering a little.

A- What's wrong baby, did you have another bad dream?

CB- No, I wake up and Mickey Mouse in my face and he scare the crap out of me.

A- (this is super funny to me and I laugh a little)

CB - It's not funny momma, I throw him in the floor, take him out my room...

.....so Mickey slept in my rocking chair last night.

On another note about scary dolls, Jenny made a friend while my sister was here visiting. My niece Emma has a My Twin doll.........

...........she is a total Numa

We made her sleep with her face down far away from the girls room.....& Jenny.....I thought about locking her in a closet for the night just in case. ;oD

Need yer butt wiped? Don't come here cause we are done!!..........

Hi, my name is Amy and I am a recovering blog neglector.

This is a picture of my sister, "Princess."

I am 100% sure this was the busiest I have ever been during the holidays. Even more busy than last year with the funeral and all. I kept thinking, where is Poppy in all this. I don't see his hand in the mix anywhere, you know like a sign or something. I didn't feel him in my chaos. I thought we'd all be uncomfortable or upset or something. Instead I felt most uncomfortable before Thanksgiving as if that was the "ribbon cutting" ceremony for all my sadness. Although Thanksgiving was not the dream we had last year when Poppy was alive, it was not a flood gate opened for a season of sadness either.

My mom told me of a dream she had before coming to my house for Christmas. It went something like this......mom was awakened by Poppy snoring in the living room, she went in and told him to come to bed and he did. There they snuggled together and chatted of how well she was doing and how well we were all doing and he was proud of us, and that he wanted us to have a Merry Christmas.....and the dream was over.

I do not believe that our loved ones look down on us from heaven as our angels. Clearly the Bible states angels were created angels from the beginning of time. They have a specific look and a specific function and they are truly angels. Plus I believe that if my dad or other loved ones were looking down on us they would see our sadness at funerals and other times when we are anxious or sad or whatever, and they too would long for the world and be sad themselves. The Bible clearly tells us there will be no sadness or tears in heaven. One cannot serve two masters. I believe once you go to heaven Jesus Christ is so Holy, glorious, and beautiful, that the things of this world pass away and we long for it no more. The Bible says there are things in heaven prepared for us that are so amazing we cannot even make sense of it or even think of them. This is one of those things I believe about death for those who know Christ.

However, I do believe that God can minister to us through dreams. It happened in the Bible, and I believe it happens now. I believe God ministered to my mom in that most comforting dream by allowing her to feel the love she knew threw David and giving her encouragement that was real. Her, by chance, telling me of her dream allowed God to minister to me also and see that He knows I was searching for David in our holidays and was found wanting. God let mom spill her dream to me by chance in a conversation because I needed to feel Poppy's love also. After she told me of her dream, besides being jealous she is the one who always gets to have the dreams, I felt average to okay with the coming Christmas.

My sister came for a visit the weekend before Christmas and we had a super time. I thought if my dad had been looking down on us he would have loved the time we spent together with both of our families together and complete.

My sister was a Christmas gift to me this year. God wrapped her up in a smaller, healthier, little package to come to my house and teach me not to sweat the small stuff, to say thank you to people without adding a "but," & to show me no matter how one changes outwardly they are still the same inside and it comes out in their actions. When I wanted to go on and on about how beautiful she was, her eyes told me to stop....and I did..... cause she has always been beautiful.........and funny and smart and funny and truthful and funny.

I am so blessed God gave her to me.

Our kids have gotten older we didn't spend our time wiping butts, brushing teeth, bathing, and breaking up childish spats.

We have arrived!!!

......freakin finally ;oD

G is for christening the church bathroom........

is for gagging for the good of all involved.....

I did my first "lock-in" at the church this past Friday. There were 9 of us and I thought we all had a pretty good time. We had lasagna for dinner, did gingerbread houses till near midnight.....










(dirty feet from the gym floor)


did facials till 2:30 in the morning.....

(exfoliating)


(mud masks)



(mud masks still & clear cucumber peels)


(Peeling the cucumber peel mask off. We all loved this one, it was equivalent to peeling sun burned skin)


..... finally winding down at about 3:15 am for some sleep.....


(one 8th grade gal is missing cause she had to leave early)



.....then ate some french toast for breakfast and had a spiritual gifts devotional time. After all of that, it was time to head home.

We woke up to snow!

It was quiet and awesome as I rambled around at 6:30 am alone trying to get breakfast ready. I had the Christmas music playing, while the others slept away in another building.




Let me say this though, prior to enjoying my kitchen dream with snow and Christmas music.....I totally had to get up off the floor on which I was sleeping cause my hips were screaming at me to "GET UP OFF THE FLOOR!!! I WILL NOT WORK PROPERLY IF YOU LAY DOWN HERE ONE MORE MINUTE, GET UP!!!!!"

So I lifted my wretched sore body from the floor and went directly to the 8th grade girls sleeping room, got my toothbrush from Maysie's bag and christened the church bathroom sink with a wonderful 5 to 7 minute gagging session with my toothbrush.

All the stars were properly aligned after that.

It had to be done, so I could feel good in the kitchen with snow, Christmas music, and french toast.

I really had a super time. I am convinced I had just as good a time as the girls did.

I believe that I did get to know some of them better, which was the whole purpose....for us all to get to know each other better.

Laura McC (Mac) stayed with me. I hadn't spent any real time with her in about 100 years.

Probably since the baseball field, two seasons ago. In fact the last time I had seen her she was kicking me in the back cause I was begging my friend Danielle to tell me the little girl singing the National Anthem, in a blue jean jumper dress, with a long unbrushed pony tail, just killing the song........ making me want to lob my head off in a guillotine in agony of having to endure such a tragedy in the National Anthem world of singing.......I was begging Danielle to tell me the girl was not home schooled, and Laura kicked me from behind and told me to "shut it."

They shoulda just played the instrumental and left it.......

I had forgotten how funny and refreshing she is. Randy, her husband, is surely a lucky guy to get to hang out with her all the time. Randy was one of my Sparks leaders in the past. He is a great guy too; I adore them both. In my opinion, Laura made everything about the lock-in better. She is beautiful, funny, totally gets young girls and they trust her. She was absolutely hand picked by God to stay with me that night. Even though her only boy had a football banquet she wanted to attend, she stayed with me and the girls. I am more crazy about her now than I was before.

So when I finally got home around 11:30am or so on Saturday, I had a crick in my neck.

I said, I had A CRICK IN MY NECK...........uuuuuuuhh It sucked.

When I was talking to my mom on the phone, turning my head just to talk, bending to laundry, just in general trying to live.....my freakin neck screamed, "You old lady!! DON'T SLEEP ON THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!"

Tony Workman was my hero Friday cause he gave me the safety idea of double locking us into an area of the church that had a bathroom with water for facials, our own heat, and clean flooring...... I am crazy about that guy too! That was an awesome idea! It worked beautifully and I felt super safe!

Thankful Thursday, with an upper case "T" cause today is looking better already......

These are the things I am already thankful for today:

** A good nights sleep
**coffee and peanut butter whole wheat bagel
** Derrick

D is going to Japan in October to a conference for work. He'll be gone about a week and a half. So he had said he was going to just wing it with the language. I told him he needs to learn a few words at least, like toilet, hotel, taxi, yes, no, thank you.....and so forth.

So he had a good nights sleep too last night appparently and came off with these funny things to start our day......

"high" said extremely fast means "yes"...but he always says it with the grunting karate voice, it's hilarious. I told him I bet all Americans go over and grunt when they say yes cause that is the way we see them on TV. Sort of like they see all southerners are hillbilly stupid livin in shacks with trash in the front yard on TV.

Then he tells me he is going to say something like, in a completely stupid, southern, hillbilly voice, "All this is real purdy and all but whar is Gawdzillah?" Which I thought was hilarious.

He tells me, while hugging me goodbye in the kitchen, he has ordered some language cd's called hooked on Japonics.

He tells me while getting into his truck that he knows Japanese already and he moves his lips funny and out of sync with his words, as if he is being translated into English and says, "Look....there is.....Godzilla.....run." Which again, is funny to me at 7:00 in the morning.

Here is one more, while he was getting his lunch together in a bag, he went to the candy box where he could pick a dessert.....like a small box of nerds, small bag of m&m's, or something .....he picks up a "Ponky" which is candy from the country of Columbia. My mom had a co-worker bring it back from Columbia when she had traveled back home. Mom sent some home with me. We like it.

So D is dancing around my kitchen singing about how the "honky wants some Ponky and it's fonky" and in the bag the candy goes.


** Last night I was able to lead a child to Christ at Awana. After such a crappy day and going on about my glass being completely empty, that filled my cup to capacity.

It also got my thinking back on track a bit with the dentist thing. In that I am thankful D has a job right now with dental insurance. Although it isn't the best dental insurance if there is such a thing as one, it pays for something at least and we do have it.

My children have access to a Pediatric Dentist and I am thankful.

Every time Cole smiles at me I cringe a little cause .......my baby......his tooth......but I am going to choose to be thankful we have dental insurance today.........and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday......& Monday hopefully he'll look more normal.....again, whatever that is.

Plus....this was my Bible verse this morning,

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
My glass is full.....

I can't wait to go to high school so I can sing and dance all day........

While I was blogging the other day about how crazy Zac makes me some days.........this happened to my child whom I told she could give herself a makeover with my make-up.......

.......... so I could blog in peace......
















Just so I can make myself perfectly clear, I told her she could give herself a make-over. In my mind that means apply make-up to your face. In my mind she might get a bit crazy with some lipstick.

It is absolutely vivid to me that to an almost 7 year old that means MAKE OVER YOUR WHOLE BODY!! Go crazy with way to dark ballet recital blush, get totally Pamela Anderson with the lipstick, and why does shimmer only go on your eye lids where it can seal in your shadow, when it can seal deep dark blush all over your whole body.

.......So I finished having some peace. I turn my attention to the child who has been sitting 5 yards at the most from me the whole time, and sitting on a towel thank goodness, and gasp at the sight. She is the color of a brick all over her arms, legs, feet, face. I tell her she is done and physically carry the child to the tub, instucting her not to touch anything on the way. No worries though, because it won't come off with water. The make-up doesn't move, when I begin to hose her off......AT ALL......cause it is sealed on the with "shimmer."

I soap the rag up super good and just start scrubbing. This is how my tub looked when she got out. Mind you, this doesn't count what washed down the tub drain, this is only what stuck to the sides when the water level dropped.

The whole botton half of my tub was covered in a film of pink......that wouldn't rinse with water, it had to be scrubbed too.
















Skylar has always been my.......hhhmmm.........how can I put this........risque child, she hides nothing. If she is thinking it, she will say it.

Even if she knows she shouldn't say it for she might get into trouble, her eyes will speak it for her. Her eyes can burn a hole through you when she is angry.

She didn't like to wear clothes until she was like, 3 (May says "4, she still doesn't wear a lot of clothes). I can't count how many times she has eaten at our dinner table naked. In fact, once Derrick said, "Why is it every night when I come home from work, I have to eat dinner with a naked baby? What if I came to the dinner table naked every night?" To which May informed him not to do that because it would be "disturbing." I used to pick her up from church and they would hand me her shoes and her tights. People at my church knew she would not wear all her clothes, they would say to me, "We tried to get her to keep the tights on but she just kept taking them off, so we just left them off." As soon as we would hit the door on a Sunday after church, she would strip off her clothes and leave them where ever they landed to go play in her room.

I have countless pics of her asleep in a closet or sleeping under a table butt naked. She is more boy crazy now than May has ever been. She told me she couldn't wait to go to high school so she could dance and sing all day (High School Musical) with Zac Efron. She was serious & put off with me when I told her:

a) Zac Efron wouldn't be at her school unless he was a flunky when she got that age
b) kids don't sing and dance all day at school

.......from the make-up madness that same day, she came out in these ensembles while playing dress up with May.












It's disturbing.


I feel like I should be on my face praying for her, me and her daddy ......right now........eeesh

...maybe it's a phase and she'll just grow out of it.......again, eeeeesh