....after I slept off all my evil.....

I am about to get my life put back together.  I hope.

This is an attempt to catch us all up to speed for the past month. It may take a few blogs though.

Amy- I have been doing my thing driving all over Hell and creation in auto-pilot as usual for this time of year.  Six or seven days a week we are going somewhere at some point during the day.  I just try to breathe my way through each day knowing somehow it all gets done.

I am still exercising my butt off....or should I say my butt on, cause nothing is still happening....on the scale anyway.  I have taken about 10 of the 16 Power classes that I need to take at at the gym in order to get the free t-shirt that labels me as a weight lifter...sort of, in my eyes anyway.  I am surely getting more muscles.  I can see a bulge in my arms where there has never been one before in my life.  My butt actually looks round like a butt should look, instead of just fading into my thighs.  My stomach is certainly more flat than it was and my pants are fitting much better and some are even a little big or too big.

The problem here is that my scale is sabotaging me.  So I had D hide it so that I could only weigh on Sundays.   The first Sunday I weighed 189.  D was happy for me cause I was finally in the 180's.  I wasn't, cause I knew the moment I ate a piece of ice I would gain 3 pounds.  He scolded me for not enjoying that small victory. In my mind I have been this place so many times that I truly am not in the 180's till it is a consistent number.

I was not too discouraged however.  I gave myself a year to do this right and I have been sticking to it.  I rarely cheat and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week 40 minutes or more.  So this past Sunday I was excited to weigh because I ate especially well chosen foods that week.  I knew I had pushed myself doing the exercise and I was hoping for a 187 minimum.

The scale said 190.  I became so angry inside that I thought I might grow some devil horns that would surely expel a blazing fury so hot they'd burn the roof off my house.  I controlled it though the best I could.  I left the bathroom, went to make coffee and get the kids moving.........and then the evil tidal wave of death and destruction that likes to throw stuff when I am infuriated hit me.

So I marched right back to the bathroom where D was blowing his hair dry, picked up the scale, stomped back to the front door, stepped out onto my front stoop, and I launched that scale as far as I could with my new arm muscles "that weigh more than fat."  I meant for it to bounce on the ground and bust every spring and gear inside of it.  On the first bounce as it hit the ground I felt a minuscule amount of satisfaction.  I wanted to throw it one more time but I refrained cause I knew I was going to church in a couple hours and I needed to get rid of this evil in me before I could praise the Lord properly for the good things in my life.

The kids get up.  D comes out of the bathroom to eat breakfast.

D- Where's the scale?

CB & Sky - She threw it in the front yard.

M- You threw the scale in the front yard?

CB- Yeah she did!  It went way over there see?!

D- (looking out the breakfast nook window) Nice distance.

A- I threw it into the front yard. Yes I did.  If anybody brings that scale back into this house I swear bad things will happen to you.  I don't know what they are, but don't test me.

When I left for church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from the gym the idiot scale was not in the front yard.  I was so mentally exhausted from my emotional torture of weighing that morning, only to find all my good eating and exercise had been in vain....months and months of not eating delicious morsels of goodness, shin splints that wake me up in the middle of the night, sweating, sweating, sweating, pushing, pushing, pushing....only to still weigh 190....I took a bath and went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't get up till 7:00 am the next morning.

BUT, not BUTT, but.....BUT, during the Power class at the gym I had likened myself to this fairly big woman in the class, like we were equals in weight.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and I noticed that I didn't look her size at all.  I mean I was still bigger than I need to be of course, but I wasn't as big as I perceived myself to be by the number on the scale.  The scale doesn't change the fact that I can feel and see a muscle in my arm that has never been there before.  It doesn't change the fact that some of my pants are too big now, not all of them, but some of them.  Those are my small victories, that I should thank God for.

I am going to choose to dwell on those things.  So I can be thankful in all things to God for giving me endurance and patience to persevere when my flesh wants to quit, the spirit in me is still willing to keep my temple, in which Jesus resides, clean and healthy.

I am not going to weigh anymore.  My sister in Christ, Sarah, told me I should pick out a pair of pants I want to get into and use those as a gage for my success. I think that is the better way to go for me.....for my family too.

I found this note hanging out of my drawer where I keep my exercise wear in my closet the morning after I slept off my evil. ( you can click on this pic to get a better view if need be)

My heart overflowed and spilled all over the place with love for this oldest son of mine.

I CAN DO all things through Christ who strengthens me...... Philippians 4:13


*

Do these pants look too tight?.........

I have been exercising my butt off lately.  I determined myself to a years worth of healthy eating and exercise to see if I could really change myself, as a whole, by the time I am 41.  I am not "dieting" per say, cause that don't freaking work, just being  more aware of what I put into my body and at what quantity.

So for over 5 weeks now I have been exercising about 40 minutes a day.  Mostly treadmill and elliptical.  In this time I have managed to shave 16 minutes off my 2 mile run.  so I went from 40 minutes to get to 2 miles on the treadmill to 24 minutes to get to 2 miles on the treadmill.  Which sounds pretty good to me.  I should be seeing some weight come off right?

W R O N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For 4 weeks I was exercising commited, eating properly and NOTHING!!!!!!!!!  Pull my hair out strand by strand with a pair of freaking tweezers people!!!!!!!!!!!

My pants are surely fitting much better, but that flippin scale in my bathroom is SATAN.

My sister told me that I shouldn't count on the scale to show that I am growing more fit, to be patient, that if my clothes were fitting better something was happening......I should focus on that.  She also said that I needed to add some sort of weight resistance to my routine.  That would help burn calories.

So I did.

Last Friday, not yesterday but the one before it, I lamented to Derrick that when I got on the scale that morning....if it didn't show I had lost some weight I was was going to pick it up and throw it into the front yard and if he brought it back into the house I would kill him with it.

So I stood on the scale.....it read 195.  I was some what satisfied.  I know most of you are like WHAT?  She was happy with that number???  She needs to lose some weight!  Well, duh.  

But let me tell you this, when a fat girl commits to exercise and eating seriously healthy and really tries hard for 4 weeks and doesn't shed a single dag gone pound and some days even gains 4 pounds from breakfast to lunch (and Maysie is my witness on this) that is discouraging as shizzle.  I mean  I felt like I lost 28 hours of my life in vain.  I don't want to be a muscular & fit 200 pound girl.  I want to be a reasonable weight fit girl.

So I saw the 195 number, this meant the scale had moved down 5 pounds.

D- Well....what does it say?

A- 195...

D- (breathing sigh of relief for me, cause he knows my temper these days is not controlled easily) Oh thank God....

....but this was the day I gained 4 pounds by lunch and ate the exact same thing D ate for breakfast that was a "healthy breakfast."

I tried not to think of though.  I kept on with the idiot treadmill and adding the idiot weights to my routine.  

This morning when I weighed, I weighed 193.  I think it is surely the weights that is helping.  So that was really good advice my sister gave me.......for my body anyway.

I have gotten to the point that the exercise is becoming something I feel like I need to do everyday...not want to do everyday, but need.....and if  I don't, I feel like I have cheated myself.  Who said that? 

 In what parallel universe would I have ever spoke those words.  Cause forever it seemed to me that while I was wasting time on a treadmill things weren't getting done in my house somewhere else.

Yesterday Zac had soccer practice and I decided to go a little early and try to "jog" around the track.  I wanted to go before everyone else got there so if I looked like an elephant being stung in the butt while skinning a tight rope no one would see it but me and Z.  Z is the best encourager for me.  He constantly pushes me telling me at least I am trying. He doesn't want me to be unhealthy, over weight and die an early death because I didn't at least try.  

I said to him, "Do these exercise pants look too tight?"

Z- Who cares they are exercise pants mom, they are supposed to be tight.

A- Yeah but, you know, your friend's parents will see me and all...

Z- So what, at least you are trying. They look fine, they look good in fact.  I don't think of you looking fat that way. You always look nice to me.

My heart felt really good.

...the very first time we went to the gym together, I was feeling nervous and intimidated and relayed this to him.

Z- Mom it's a gym, all kinds of people go to a gym.  Not just body builders. There will be old people, young people, fat people, and skinny people....you are in the middle of all of those.  Just suck it up we are going in.

Which we did and had a pretty good time.  

Back to the track.....I believed that if I could run 2 miles in 24 minutes on a treadmill I should surely be able to run a minimum of 1 mile on the track.

Um, wrong.  

Running on a surface that does not give tried to make me pee in my pants.  I walked the first lap to warm up, then ran 1 lap holding my bladder by sheer power of the mind, walked it off 1/4 of the 3rd lap & ran 3/4 of the rest of it, walked 1/2 of the 4th lap & ran 1/2 of it....then my walking buddy showed up and we walked about another mile and quit.

My mind thought running at the track was not fun at all. I don't desire to do it ever again. I will walk that track from now on.  I can't say why, but the treadmill with all its faults is so much easier to do.  My brother-in-law runs the marathons and he's in the running clubs, my sister she runs the 8 miles and she is fixin to run some big run and all....I don't know how they do it, I really don't.

I guess I will just keep on keepin on till I get somewhere that is satisfactory for me.  I still have 10 months or so to get to my one year goal and assess what has become of this commitment.

We are getting 2 truck loads of mulch today.......hopefully this will appease my need to fill a space in the day with exercise.

I don't want to wear skinny jeans.  I just want to feel satisfied when I look in the mirror, whatever weight that is.................as long as it's below 150.  I could be satisfied with 150 and fit. 

I think.

I swear, I love living in the south......

On Saturday night the kids and I took in a church service in Oak Ridge. The message and the worship was .........AWESOME.

I totally left feeling like I needed to rearrange the way I serve the Lord. So that as I stand before him with the gifts I have to offer Him in my service.... are handed to him like a precious, beautifully wrapped gifts that I could be extremely excited for Him to open and not like throwing them down at his feet and saying, "Hey Jesus, here's my stuff that I did in yer name hope you like it."....feeling ashamed of my service in His name.

I learned some stuff I didn't know, and it excited me. I was thinking, who can I witness too cause dag gone...God Is So GOOD, how can I not want people to know where my hope comes from!!!

It isn't that I haven't told others about Christ when He has prompted me. It's just my attitude has been luke warm, and that isn't my norm. I can't stand that feeling. It's almost as if I have taken my salvation for granted and my light only shines on the direct path in front of me in the complete darkness.

When I left Saturday night. My light was surely brighter and I felt I could see a greater distance on the spiritual path that I am on. So I could take my steps more firmly and with more confidence, knowing that I have a powerful one that lives in me and in a mighty way.

So glad I made the drive. It has been well worth it. For me and my children.

..........................................................

On that same note, we spent the afternoon after church Sunday with The Powers Family. We had an awesome time swimming and catching up. We spoke of good things that made us smile. We ate hot dogs with home made chili and key lime pie with big bottles of green tea and soda. We nailed each other with water footballs in the pool, choked each other by blowing water through water noodles into each others faces, tried to float "in the peace zone," and got a little too much sun before the thunderstorms rolled in.

It was an awesome way to spend a Sunday. Everybody in my family had a great time and slept well that evening.

Thanks Powers Family for the invite, it was totally fun!!

...........................................

Side note - Mrs. Great Garden called before she came over this morning!

I was able to brush my hair, put on some light lip gloss.....and I had just finished doing my dishes and beds were made.

She didn't come in, but man, we had a long conversation in my driveway with Cornelia who also came over to get some fE fI fO fUM giant veggie's. It was probably our best conversation yet. So glad I was able to do that and redeem myself.

Later that day, the air conditioner guys came over. I had 7 kids in my house. I was just fixin to kick them out cause they were loud. They were trying to tell me it was too hot to be outside, but I am hard core.

I shoved ice pops in their hands and told'em to hit the hammock and most of them did.

So as the air guys are pulling their van to a stop and park it, I am shooing peeps out the door....7 seven of them. So PJ (King David's teen grandson) is behind me......

PJ- I hate to ask you this, but I have too.....do you have your good bra on? (insert snicker, snicker, snicker, passing me on my right and out the laundry room door. Z laughs.)

I actually have a reality check moment. Do I??

Oh yep, I do.

A- Shut it PJ. (I try to kick him in his butt before he can move, but alas he's swiftly and purposefully faster than me and down the steps)

Air Guy- (First thing he says to me) How many kids do you have?

A- I only have 4 but I swear when you kick an ant hill it looks like more right? They have a few friends over. I just keep the Lemonade cold and the ice pops frozen, you know what I mean?

Air Guys smiles, "I'm hearin ya sister."

At that moment I know I live in the south and love it.

The air condition guy did understand and he called me sister.

This is the kind of conversation that only southerners get to experience.

By the end of their job they were both sweating. I brought them a freezing cold pitcher of water and glasses for the cool beverage to go in....cause all drinks taste better and colder in glass vs plastic.

Two dirty, sweaty, southern guys, chatting with me as if they new me their whole lives, drinking my refreshing glasses of water, and thanking me with sincere gratitude. They purposefully replaced my pitcher and glasses in my garage so as to show me gratitude instead of leaving it as a mess for me to clean up when they left.

I swear, I love living in the south.

Holy Cow! Is that a turd?...........

I am eating a banana.

Sky - mmmmmm, can I have a bite of that?

Sky ALWAYS wants what I am eating. She will eat whatever I want her to eat if I very casually pretend whatever I am eating is delicious ....she'll eat it. Sky eats almost every food. She is the best eater I have as far as variety goes.

I know how she feels. When D is eating something I know I can't stand, he makes it look like it tastes delicious. I am compelled to ask for a bite.

I risk messing up my "perfect taste" by contaminating it with a bite of his food. D does it to me and in return I do it to Skylar.

This banana is a plain old banana though.

A- Sky I swear if I ate a turd you'd want a bite.

Sky- Holy Cow! Is that a turd? You gonna eat that turd? Can I have a bite??!

It's funny so I give her a bite. She likes it and takes the whole banana with her off to play.

.........................................................

Now that all the gardens are coming to fruition, everyone around here has fresh tomatoes. Some folks go a little further and grow squash, zucchini, and cucumbers. The people who are straight up just gettin wild on us are the eggplant, bell pepper, and cantaloupe peeps. If you know someone growing eggplant right now, I bet they have a decent sized garden. I am willing to bet they aren't just growing tomatoes and eggplant in containers.

Anyhoo, since M & Z have some side jobs for some of our neighbors. As payment they bless my kids with some cash and bless me with some of their crops. Which is awesome! I have had some amazing zucchini this year and haven't been found wanting for a single cucumber all summer.

One of May's peeps has an amazing garden and she brings me the biggest stuff I have ever seen.

But..................she always drops by without calling first. I swear every time she comes by it looks like I combed my hair with a fire cracker and I am wearing a uni-boob bra with my pajamas that don't match. I swear every time. This used to happen with the woman that brings me eggs too, but now she calls first which is super cool.

So I am cleaning out CB's room one day and rearranging his furniture. In this particular state, uni-boob, pajamas, firecracker hair, and my dog is barking her head off....this indicates someone is at my door more than likely.

I'm not worried. My kids plus King David's teenage grandson are in my living room watching TV or something. I figure they will handle it. They do.

They all at once come into CB's room and tell me Mrs. Great Garden is here and has brought some vegetables.

A- (start a ranting) Great! I wish I knew she was coming. It looks like a bomb went off in this house. My hair looks like I combed it with an egg beater, I have this awful bra on with no support whatsoever and Cole's bedroom is all over the hall. Why does she always come over when I look like a mad woman. I swear every time she comes I look rabid.

All 5 kids are staring at me.

Z- (quietly) Mom, She is in the living room.

uuumm..........embarrassed..........cause normally she doesn't come all the way inside.

PJ (King David's grandson) starts snickering a bit cause it is clear I am completely surprised and he feels sorry for me.....I think. He then relays to me quietly he thinks this situation is "so funny."

I suck it up and run my fingers through my hair, re-adjust my head band, wipe the sweat off my face and go out to the living room. My strategy is to just address it head on.

A- Hi Mrs. Great Garden. I swear I do get dressed and brush my hair everyday.

Mrs. GG - Honey, it's okay I had 4 kids I know how busy you are.

A- I know, but gosh every time I see you it's like I look completely slobbish. I feel like I need to take a shower and come to your house when I am through so that you can see I can be fairly decent looking if I want to.

Mrs. GG - (heading through my laundry room wear I have clothes hanging to dry and sorted into no less than 5 piles to wash) Don't worry about it, I know what it's like, I was just out and wanted to drop these by while I was thinking about it.

A- Well, thank you for thinking of us we have really been enjoying these and I have passed a few on also so others can enjoy them too cause they are so big we can't eat them all in proper time.

Mrs. GG- (weaving through my obstacle course in the laundry room now) Yeah pass them on I will bring extra cause we can't eat all of it either and I don't know most of our neighbors that well.

A- I always pass them on in your name so you get credit. Thank you again for bringing these to us. I promise next time to try and look clean at least, I was cleaning out Cole's room, it looks like a bomb went off and exploded books & clothes everywhere.

Mrs. GG - Honey, it's okay, really, look at me, do I look dressed up?

A- No, but you at least look clean and your hair is brushed.

Mrs. GG -(she waves me off like I am foolish and for me to shut up) See ya later.....

A- Okay, BYE!!!

I go back in the house and all the kids are staring at me with faces that read You so got busted.

A-aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! That was mortifying! Why didn't you tell me she was in the house???!!

Z- I did!

PJ- That was so funny. You shoulda seen your face.

A- I am utterly mortified. What can I do? I guess you get what you get when you come by with out calling first. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I could just die twice!

......so the past two times she has been over to drop off veggies........she left them on the door knob in my garage.

I gotta do better than that.

You can't take yer pants off right out here in the open.........

Saturday @ 7:15 I got up and started getting breakfast ready for the American crappy food eaters in my house. This consisted of reheated french toast from the day before, 1% milk and cereal with unnatural dyes in it, juice and Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla coffee.

D got up and fixed food for the Jamie Oliver Food disability people in my family which consisted of egg whites , 1 biscuit, 1 piece of toast with Smart Balance non dairy butter like substance that we pretend to think is delicious for Sky & some summer sausage.

By 7:50am I am off to get Z from a boys Awana TNT camp out. D is heading to King Davids with Caesar & Cornelia beginning Saturday morning rituals.

Once home I work in the yard rearranging my plants like I do every year. This year I moved a miniature rose bush that tries to thorn me to death every time I trim the thing. I could not bring myself to full out kill it cause I wanted the bush so badly long ago. I moved it to a spot where it could go wild far away from the kids and me. I mean the thing has thorns on it that could have been put on Jesus' crown. It's a hateful plant.

After that I gab with Cornelia a bit, then gab with our step-dog's mom a bit, finish weeding, and then head in the house to watch Justin Bieber on SNL with May, Sky, and Z that I had DVR'd for them so they could see what JB looks like.....cause at first we all thought it was a girl who sang this song.......

...the boy is only 16 but the tune is so catchy & fun...and he favors Z...well to me anyway. Except I think Z is better looking, I swear I do....but Z....he can't sing, he just can't, but he's cute to look at and that makes up for it.

next..........

So D decides he is going to spray our house for bugs instead of pay for a contract with an exterminator. Which I am down with, cause I guess the exterminators think fireworks shoot out of their bug killing dispensers. I don't think they are aware the economy sucks right now.

Though he has been telling me all day he is going to spray that evening and we'll need to be out of the house for several hours, I neglect to be proactive and make sure everyone gets a shower before we have to leave. D is NOW in full combat gear for spraying and we all basically look like white trash and need to leave the premises.

It's bad....I mean I am wearing a "Roswell" alien fishing hat to keep my afro down, I have dirt from weeding all over my clothes, and a uni-boob sports bra on. I mean it's bad. All the kids are filthy.

Z has been running the weed eater, he's grassy. He is completely freaking out because his hair is messy and his red shirt does not match his red shorts.

Cole has on two different Crocs, a bright neon green one and a Bat Man one. Sky's red teeth aren't brushed from a red drink she had been drinking, she is missing a tooth in the front, which makes her look like a red toothed hill billy, with ratty hair and a dirty face.

May looks decent...somewhat. She gets out of the car at Walmart, where we went to waste time and locate her some play shorts, underwear, and possibly a bathing suit, May says, "We are going to end up on one of those emails that people send out with awful looking folks who shop at Walmart." This makes me snicker.

As I look her over walking in the parking lot, thinking she looks the most decent...I notice she has a conglomerate of at least 15 stickers stuck to the bottom of her shoe, in the stickers is stuck a long piece of flowing white paper......tissue paper.....it's hilarious. I am just laughin away cause I suddenly realize she might be right.

May is delirious laughing with me cause she thinks I am laughing at he Walmart comment and that I think she is funny. I am just about to pee in my pants and she looks down and realizes she has all this crap stuck to her shoe and understands my delirium. She yanks it off and liters the parking lot by throwing it into the wind, keeps walking, ignoring me laughing now. I don't scold her, cause I am so done with the month of April.

Inside Wally World we locate bathing suits for Sky and May. Sky wants her own dressing room.

S- please, please, please mom, I can do it.

A- No go with May so she can help you.

Lucy McLame- a-vich form Losertown, USA, Wally World employee- Umn She can't go in with her cause all people are supposed to have their own dressing rooms.

A- Do you have children?

Lucy from Loserville - No.

A- So you don't get my need to have a helper with this one. She is going to need help getting this on. This 4 yr old is in need of a nap and closing him in that tight dressing room with me is just not optimal for privacy, cause that door won't be staying shut. (I try not to take Cole shopping.....anywhere....for anything. His has the attention span of a gnat. It was already 8:30pm..... past his bed time by the time we got to this point.)

Lucy from Loserville - Well, that is just our policy, one per room, really.... you can't go with her either, one person per room.

A- (I am thinking.... she is a child, LOSER, can I just slap you for being stupid NOW. We are the only people in the fitting area, count the dumb clothing hangers and see we have 3 suits a piece and try not to get power crazy with your dressing room authority)

A- One day you are going to have children and you will remember my face when you are struggling in a dressing room and need a little help.

Lucy from Loserville - (smiles) Yes....

Sky manages to get her suit on with out my help, and comes out to show me. She has taken off her underwear.

A-(whispering in her ear) Sky, you have to leave your panties on, Babe. Suppose some dirty girl....... like your self...........hasn't had a bath and tries those on with no underwear....

Sky's light bulb moment happens. Her eyes get as big as half dollars and and she starts taking off her pants right there on the spot.

A- Wait, wait, wait, Sky! You can't take yer pants off right out here in the open go back in and try another bathing suit on WITH yer underwear on.

She runs back into her dressing room as if she her butt is on fire. When she reemerges with a new suit on..... her neck is in the arm hole and like six straps are across one shoulder like Tarzan....she is smiling, a red one toothed smile, making sure to show me her underwear hanging out the bottom, by having pulled them out the bottom herself to show.

S- I like this one!

I shoot Lucy from Losertown a yer an idiot look and fix the bathing suit.......

Gotta go and start school will finish this later today hopefully, cause this day....it was long.

I'm gonna eat you alive girlfriend.........

A day in the life of Jenny

by Jenny Williams


Ooooooohhhhh, ssstttreeeetch.......let me get my little furry butt outta bed. All these kids in the house are driving me crazy, I need to get outside where its quiet and I can have some peace...where I can catch a few rays before Cole starts chasing me around this morning with a foam sword.

hey,....... Hey..... HEY!!.... Humans?! I am sittin by the door, that means I need to go out in case you have forgotten.......Thanks Cole, you are truly my best friend, and I'm not just sayin that cause you give me ice cream and chicken nuggets either.

Its a shame mom taught you how to hook me up. I remember the good old days when you'd just let me out and I'd roam wherever I dang well pleased. You all would call for me & call for me and I'd hide behind Ms. Anita's mailbox and wait for you to panic. That was so funny, cause mom always came out in her nightgown and uni-boob sports bra hollerin with her hair lookin like she combed it with a firecracker.....so funny.....up till the point I'd come home wet with morning dew and thistles all in my fur.

memories................HEY! Is that a bird? I'm gonna get it..........easy.........easy.........easy.....I'm on it, run, run , run ....gaaaaaagg cough cough.......uuuh yeah, thanks again Cole for the "hook up"......I guess I'll bark my head off to go inside so I can eat.


(inside) ssssooo no dog food out yet, all morning long in & out of the fridge & cabinets with those handy little hands of theirs.....I gotta sit my tail here by this bowl & wait, giving Zachary the look how cute and hungry I am, look. I know he isn't going to feed me cause he hates to touch dog food, so this is a wasted look, let me go find mom..........drinking coffee on the computer, she is so predictable.......look how cute and hungry I am...........

A- (baby talk)Are you hungry Jenny

J- Bark bark sneeze---yes dummy, get to steppin, I got my tail waggin

A- Are you hungry girl? Want some breakfast?

J- bark bark sneeze sneeze-------I said YES DUMMY, GET TO S-T-E-P-P-I-N!!!

A- (baby talk) Okay JEEEE, let's go get some dog food, come on, let's go girl, after you eat you get to take a bath today cause you stink, yes you do, so lets get yer belly full girl.

J- prance, prance , sneeze, wag tail, sniff food like I hate it, eat, eat, eat, what did she say? bath?

Weeeeeee doggy, that was good, you gotta love some mighty dog now, makes me feel small but mighty, watch how mighty I am, here comes the box man in the brown truck

bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark

Translation - INTRUDER, INTRUDER, INTRUDER, I just ate and I feel good! Like I could eat you alive, I don't care about your huge brown boot shoes, I am a mighty dog!!! Get off the porch! You shut up Zach! Mom, Look an intruder! No you shut up, Zach! I have to get a bath today you can actually take me with you!!! HEY!.... HEY!..... HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!

Oh I get it.... the suitcase is out, that means we are going to Nana's, so I will tolerate my bath today cause I get to go bye, bye. But first let me run and hide cause I can see no clear reason why I should make this easy on the humans who are fixin to torture me with soap and a hair dryer. I don't care how pretty my new collar is.

Here comes Skylar, I'll just snap at her, she'll leave me alone then, oh but she brought Cole, with the sword, great........ and Maysie, I can snap at her too a little and she can't slap me on the butt (insert congo singing) cause I am under tha bed & you can't get me ou-out

oh!...... Bye, bye now?....... Let's go people! I'm ready,.... here we go, no bath!!!! I am headin for the car, what?!!..... Come on mom, lets get in the car......CRAP! I always fall for that trick, you would think I would remember this, they say pets take on human traits sometimes maybe I get loss of memory from mom.

So Maysie is going to be the big bad bather today, first timer huh? I am going to eat you alive girlfriend. Oh that feels pretty good......... yeeeeeeaaaah nice and slooooooww and sweet talkin too........ yeah I can dig this, mom usually just gets the business on and there ain't much talkin goin on. I will tolerate you today, May.

Oh Lord but mom has the hair dryer....same song second verse....I will just run around the bathroom and what hair gets dry is as good as she'll get, but I will let her do my belly first cause it feels warm and good....... soon as some one opens the bathroom door I am outta here, (open) I'M OUT! run, run ,run, run ,run ,run....where's my bobo? I'm free!...run, run, run, run

okay I am clean, I am super fluffy, my new collar is lookin super cute....now lets go bye, bye.......

.....mom you got everybody's stuff packed, what about my dog bowls and my bed? Don't forget my treats and my blue bo bo.....oh yeah and that doggy cheese whiz ........so you are loadin up huh? What about my stuff? I got my tail waggin and I am gettin in the car, go get my stuff woman.....what? what? what the heck is this? a dress!? what!? I never had to wear a dress to nana's before. I know she is a city Nana but I didn't see no other dogs wearing dresses in the city.

Take this off I look stupid, no I don't look "sooo cuuuute", take it off,.....take it off, okay, okay, it was funny, hey where you goin?

What about this dress?....... and you didn't pack my bowl........oh I get it....I don't get to go ......

.....you're gonna leave me here, mom?...... all by myself?

Look at my cute dress and my new collar, I'm so cute, I just got my butt shaved too, look........Russie won't like this, you'll be in trouble....

please, Please....PLEASE don't leave me , look at my cute sad eyes...I'm so cute, I'm so cute, I'm so cute............

...............she left me.....................Cole left me........................I don't really care about Sky........Who is gonna eat Cole's waffles when he isn't looking.........I guess I'll go hide under the bed........

(later).......... so Zach didn't go. Good, at least he can take me outside and if I sneeze and bark enough he'll throw my bo bo......plus I see dad's truck pulling in. When he goes to King Davids, he'll let me go with him, without my leash, if I wag my tail real pretty like I'm the happiest one to see him.........

................Who is gonna feed me though?