Yo!.................

In the car on the way to the home school co-op  on Thursdays we listen to 102.3 in the morning.  Its one of the pop stations here.  The DJ's are pretty clean in the morning and funny.  One them is "type A" I think and with all the OCD stuff we got going on, we find some of his stuff pretty funny.  Two of the DJ's give the type A guy a hard time but, as I see it, he handles them well.  In the afternoon though, the music is pretty dang iffy. We end up having to turn the channel.


I remember when my mom would have a conniption fit  if she saw us watching MTV when it first came on. My brother and I would watch it while she was at work, after school.  That's also when rap music was getting a foot in the door. Remember "Yo! MTV Raps" with Ed Lover & Doctor Dre?  So dang funny....


Anyway, we got in the car after their classes to head on home.  The radio station was still on 102.3 and this song was playing with a pretty good beat, that sort of made you want to dance and get day rolling, so we left it there.  Feeling pretty good heading for Game Stop to return some stuff, getting hair cuts, and then going to the gym.....feeeeeeeling gooooood.


Almost through the week and heading for the weekend. thump thump thumpin, dancin in the car, Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6

What?

We always listen to the words in the songs...cause OCD..... God forbid someone hears something that causes bad thoughts, has a cuss word, something that provokes bad thoughts to go wild and confessions nonstop for days.  We are all usually very careful about what goes into the minds of people in my house..........CAUSE IT WREAKS HAVOC...AAAAAAHHHHHH

This day though it took a while for us to catch up with the song cause we were all so happy to be done with classes and heading back towards the casa.

(song going on)

"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6

Gimme that Mo-Moet
Gimme that Cry-Crystal
Ladies love my style, at my table gettin wild
Get them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that drop
Now give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don’t stop

(808) Hell Yeaa
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunk".......um Z & I fighting to flip the station quickly.


um, yeah, that song is......... not good.


So Z is all, "What is a G6?"


A- I think its a plane or jet or something, maybe that's why she feels "fly."


S- She said she was sipping scissors, getting DRUNK!


Oh gosh, here we go.....


A- Sky, nobody drinks scissors and gets drunk, thats retarded.  I don't know what she said, who cares about that girl anyway, she's gross.


distraction, distraction, distraction till we get focused on something else and she has forgotten it.


A couple days later Z and I were looking up some songs for our MP3's and decided to look up the words to that song.


Z- What is slizzard?


A- I don't know, look it up. (we google what is slizzard)


Urban Dictionary tells us it is a "slutty lizzard."


A- Well that makes no sense. She is getting slutty lizzard?  


We giggle a little. We redo the search and it tells us this is the urban word for getting drunk.


Z- So she is getting drunk on sizzurp. Well what is that?


So we google... What is sizzurp?


OOOOOOkay. Sizzurp is a "purple drank" (this is a link BTW if you want to read for your self) made out of cough syrup, codeine, and some fizzy beverage from the grocery store....mostly grape.


A G6 is in fact a fancy jet in the extreme price zone.


Z- Well this song is certainly full of furry bunnies and rainbows now isn't it.....


We cut up a little more, then determine that this song belongs in the bottomless trash pit along with anything Ke$ha sings.  Cause she is a complete moron who offers ZERO to young females that is positive.


So this whole song that young people listen to, sing and dance too....is about a girl/guy using a homemade illegal concoction to get drunk at the club.  She is feeling like a G6 because she is high...not fly.


I am serious, I hate to sound freaking old and all but the songs that filter through our young peoples minds are contamination at its fullest.  The gal Ke$ha tells young people she brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels and tries to get tipsy, she sings she wears ripped up stockings looking sexy with Jesus hanging on her neck, the whole time she's cussing it up during the song. (I looked this song up after seeing her on Dick Clark's New Years thing acting like, lets see....an idiot) They have actually made her music into the Kids Bop crap they sell on TV.....I am just astounded.


I know we had Guns and Roses in our time and rap music was getting popular back when my mom was conniption fitting.  But I  swear music gets more and more bold promoting things that are not good for our bodies in every way.
Music is huge in teen life.  The things we filter into them is exactly what we are going to get out of them.  Its sad to me that this is quality we are serving on platinum, diamond crusted platters for our young people to aspire too. 


There is a gaping hole of no hope in getting slizzard or brushing ones teeth with Jack Daniels.


I don't expect young people to listen only to Christian music, cause that isn't all I listen to.  I enjoy all kinds of music from Pavarotti, Hank Williams, Jr, and Dougie Fresh to Yiruma, James Taylor, & Third Day.  But gosh, it troubles me terribly the stuff so boldly flying out of the mouths of celebrities and media that bring no good to those who hear.
It seems like a more and more impossible task to compete with the world for young peoples attention for Jesus.


All the while diligent Christ lovers are looking to turn young people onto Him and they view Christianity as hypocritical, constrictive, and old school.  Constantly being bombarded by famous people telling them "Heaven seems like a boring place, maybe they can a have room there and vacation in Hell a few days a year."


That scares the crap out of me.  When I hear music like this, celebrities spouting off their careless words, and the media in general, including gaming geared towards kids who love things their parents hate......I have to pray hard for Christ to give me peace that he is in control. That His victory will be so in the end.  More specifically that I am equipped to witness properly to young people who seek my attention. So that I may fully understand what it takes for me to show them that Jesus Christ is more than "boring," He's my everything and no happiness in my body exist without him.


I have to be ready.  I hope every time I talk with a young person they seek the thing in me which is different from that which they get from the world.   


The ability to see beyond the now and aspire to the things that matter eternally.

there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom......

This past Christmas we were all at the breakfast table eating cereal one morning. One of the kids noticed the Trix box had the theme of Christmas Halloween or Halloween Christmas. I hadn't noticed it before. It was absurd and it put me off severely. I haven't bought a box of Trix since.

...but May on the other hand ran with the theme in another absurd direction that was funny to the rest of us...

M (insert creepy Vincent Price type voice) - And then baby Jesus was born (insert evil villain laugh). A ghost in the night told the wise men to "fear not" and led them to the manger. There they dressed baby Jesus in a bumble bee costume and took him trick or treating.

.................................................................

One day I had served chicken and stars soup, minus the soup so it was just the stars mostly, for lunch to Cole. The kids began to discuss how he wasn't even chewing the stars, just swallowing hole mouthfuls. The discussion then led to any foods that went in your attic and came out of your basement in the same shape, just isn't good and right....like corn for example.

M- I suppose those stars will come out as stars then?

Z- yes

M imitates CB on the pot - Oh look, stars!! I get to make a wish now! I wish I could go to Dollywood (insert flushing sound) I wish Netflix was free! (flush, flush)

....and so on in this manner....

(insert When You Wish Upon a Star song)
When you wish your poop goodbye, down the toilet it will flyyyy...

B.o.B. song while staring into the toilet
"like airplanes in the night sky, like shooting stars.....I could really use a wish right now"

grunting and pushing noises.....Wow!! I got a lot of wishes this time!!

flush, flush..."It's like the Milky Way!"

"That tasted out of this world. I am so full, I feel like I ate the universe."

(Steve C. I put this one in here for you :oD )
.........................................

Doing biology one day with May, Z overhears a conversation about mushrooms being asexual....

Z- It's just awkward....mushroom sex

M- Yeah, well, just be glad you don't have to have "the mushroom sex talk." Once while down at the dock, I saw two mushrooms getting a little too heavy on the top end, if you know what I mean...

A- MAY! That's enough...

M- (serious voice) I'm just sayin....I said to them "Get a shroom , why don't ya?!".....I mean they have to consider the baby birds for petes sake.

We laugh a little..

Z- There are those penis mushrooms that sprout in our flower bed with the mulch.



A- OOOkay, that's stinkhorn, we are done with this conversation. I am uncomfortable with mushroom sex talk.

M- One time these two dragon flies landed on Sky and she was all, " Hey May, look at the two dragonflies on me...they are stuck together. Should I try to pull them apart?"

Z & A snicker a little

M- I was, "No!" then I swatted them away saying, not in front of the children!


A- May....

M- Just sayin....some bonds weren't made to be broken...


Z laughs, cause he always laughs at her jokes.

A- May.....

M- ...there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom that time too. I swear it's like Sodom and Gomorrah around here.

Z still chuckling though trying not to pay attention to her.

A- May, yer done.

M- I'm just sayin....

Now that we're men......

Last night, in my eyes, I did this totally amazing thing along side Ms. P.

At the clogging studio we were in deep girl, God, and geek gab ....not necessarily in that order. When I say deep, it was almost an hour past the time we were supposed to have left the studio to head home. The class had ended around 9:00pm and our girls were still gabbing, so we continued to gab.

Hear this! Because we were totally gabbing incessantly for two hours barely stopping for breath.....in my car.....with the interior lights on the whole time.......at 10:00pm... my interior lights suddenly went dim.

I say to myself, "Self....I bet your battery is getting weak." I crank my car up, uumm, no I don't cause it won't crank.

tick, tick, tick, tick. tick,

try again

tick, tick, tick, tick

My jaw drops, Ms. P's jaw drops, our teen girls in the other vehicle show us that our jaw dropping syndrome has contaminated them also.

A- D is going to kill me....he is packing for a trip to Orlando in the morning.

Ms. P - I think I have jumper cables

A- (furry bunnies and rainbows....in terror. Cause somebody had to hook them thangs up)

Ms. P can't find them, she calls her husband, they discuss at length how to hook the cables up while I read the directions on the packaging.

Ms. P's husband is at home in one direction far from the studio and D is at home far away in the opposite direction from the studio, and we are out too late anyway....it just wasn't optimal.

Ms. P relays that Mr. P has said we should hook up red, black, black, red (or vice versa or something). We shouldn't let them touch... insert some more directions and technical stuff that I am starting to tune out because I'm afraid to hook the jab-O's up. All my life I have heard that some somebody's car blew up, somebody got venom spewed in their face and their face burned off, acid melted their clothes off and onto their skin and falalala la lala la la.

When I come to my senses Ms. P is standing in front of me with a red and a black in her hands and I with a red and black in my hands and we aren't letting them touch.....staring at each other.

The thing is we haven't even moved our vehicles yet and our vehicles are turned off.

A- Can you do this?

Ms. P - I think so...

Frick and Frack...the two willies decide first we should move the vehicles into proper position. After all the cables were touching each other in the bag right?

Move the vehicles. We are on the right track. We've done step one according to her package instructions. The vehicles are nose to nose without touching each other....

It is clear we are both leery of hooking the exploding battery acid face eating machine cables up. I feel extreme anxiety rising within as she and I are looking for exact locations at which to position these 4 pincher's.

I make the decision to call D finally.

A- (sweet) Helllllooo.

D- Where are you?

A- At the studio, my battery is dead.

D- Does Meg have cables?

A- funny thing.....yes, but Babe, I am afraid to hook them up and so is she, can you just come here and do it?

D- Really, Amy? I mean you can do this. Just put the positive on the positive and the negatasdkl lksjdji kjshdjhiuh nasjdhk and jhh yuy xernhg uyg.....

I don't hear him anymore he's speaking Japanese to me cause I am afraid.

So I put him on speaker phone for directions as I am using the cell phone for a flash light. Ms. P doesn't have a cell phone so this is it.

It is clear to him I am not listening well and about to panic which equals buggin out. D determines that I am going to do this. He determines he is not driving across the Untied States at 10pm...when I am "this close" the fix myself.

D- (on speaker phone....and BTW Ms. P is a deacons wife...not that it should matter it's just an ironic situation, that caused me to snicker a little in the after thoughts when I got home.) Put the "not the dam that beavers build" red cable on the "not the dam that beavers build" positive bolt, Amy, Now!

A & Ms. P(we laugh a little) - Easy Tiger, yer on speaker phone.

D - I don't care hook up the red cable and then do the black one, now, DO IT.

I totally hooked'em up. I was half way there. Ms. P is standing close beside with her 2 cables not touching. Like surgeons with special tools I take one from her hand and D tells me where to hook it on my car. Then the last one is placed on the black negative on my battery.

Not the optimal place I learned cause that is the crisis point at which a battery could explode with my face next to it. When I read the directions though it said not to hook it next to this fuel line and that cable and x,y,z...so I was afraid again cause I have a Hyundai and I don't know which line is which. I recognized the windshield washer fluid and so did Ms. P and all that was plastic. One is supposed to connect the last black one to a metal bolt or something. I was supposed to look away, but I forgot....cause I was having an anxiety attack in my mind.

So the moment of truth has arrived. The connections have been made. D relays Ms. P should start her vehicle and slowly rev the engine.

A- Okay go start your car and give it some gas.

D- No.. I said slowly give it some gas (Ms. P is revving up to start a Nascar race). Tell her to stop that.

I don't listen and go get in my car and crank it right up.

......insert redneck hooting and hollering in downtown, at night, behind some random building, with no lights on and 6 girls jumping up and down totally being girls.

D- Come home. ... and be careful, the deer are out tonight.

Insert some more jumping up and down and girly screaming cause BY GOLLY!! WE ARE WOMEN HEAR US ROAR FOR PETES SAKE!!!!!!

I know D helped talk us through that and he used some man words to do it......but I swear in my mind I felt like we did it all by ourselves. I mean really, we were nervous, but we seriously overcame it and just totally did the freaking man deed.

Ms. P calls her husband and relays to him we have done the deed. He asks her if we unhooked the cables. I told her you should have told him, "No, that's their leash, the whole clan need to be on a leash."

Even Ms. P's daughter and May told us they were proud of us. We had a big, 6 female, jumpy, girly group hug put our hands in the center and "Go Ladies" on three...1, 2, 3...GO LADIES!

I smiled myself to sleep last night cause I rocked my own world for a change.

I love hanging out on Monday's with Ms. P. It makes me feel strong and mighty in every way.

I dedicate this song to you Ms. P. We "passed the test and finished the quest!"
Hope you have an awesome Tuesday!!!!!

I think we'll have a little JAM with our toast this morning....

Today I feel old school.....and I like it.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Excuse me Doug E Fresh yer on......

*

sippin from a tea cup, with my pinky up..........

Happy Monday to all my peeps who "kiss their boo boos & clean doggy doo doos."




.....singing Farmer in the Dell in perfect harmony..... LOL

We are going to need to run!...............

After having had the tickets in a specially marked envelope in my purse for 4 weeks....Me, May, and Zac totally went to see Eclipse last night.

It was AWESOME!!!!!

Of the three movies out, this one was by far the best. The soundtrack was awesome, the cinematography was super, the lines to get in were long, the theater was packed, Edward proposed to Bella, Jacob took off his shirt plenty & managed his kiss on the mountain top while camera's circled (gave me the same uncomfortable, happy feeling that I had when I read that scene in the book)......... I left feeling satisfied that as a book to movie, it came out wonderful.

I am so glad we made an effort to see it in the theaters, even if it cost more than watching it on DVD. We had a great time.

We arrived at about 6:25, about an hour before the show started and already the line was weaving in and out of ropes and out the door like a ride at Dollywood or something. I was glad I had not stopped to get gas like I had planned.

We ended up sitting on the very back row, but the seats were perfect and nobody's big ol' fat head was ever in my way. I did, however, manage to throw Zac's ticket down a woman's blouse though.

We all needed to go to the bathroom before it started cause we were going to be in the theater at least two and a half hours. The gal next to me told me to give Z his ticket so he could get back in cause sometimes on movies like these they want to see your ticket stub.... I guess to be sure you are where you are supposed to be. Also, I imagine cause all the shows have been sold out for two days.

So I holler to Z who has just gotten out of the middle of our row. I am trying to tell him he needs his stub to wait a second. He's all, "What?! What?! I can't hear you.....".....frustrated.

Z has 60% hearing loss at lower decibels.....since birth. We just found out about 2 or 3 years ago. He talks super loud and always says "What? What?" I'm like something is wrong with you, you're going to the ear doctor and get your hearing tested.

So I am motioning to Z to wait and waving his ticket around. I am in the middle of the row that we have just gotten in on so I don't want to cross all of those legs to get out. We had to get our seats though before we could go to the bathroom cause it was packed. I was determined not to sit on the floor up front.

May, in her Team Jacob shirt, was literally about to have a panic attack that we were not going to get a seat and was pushing Z and I, for real...pushing us, saying in straight up panic, "We are going to need to run!"

I am like, "What?? Will you settle down! I should have gave you one of Jenny's doggy tranquilizer pills before we came."

Z- (talking way louder than he should) May! Stop pushing me! I am running into the lady in front of me!

...so back to the ticket.....the ladies in my row are looking at me like, so what are you going to do? Walk through here again or ask us to pass him the ticket?

Neither of those options occurred to me.

So I wad the ticket up like a piece of trash, get in the set position, go for the wind up, and throw it to him. He is ready for the catch.

I am not a good thrower. I threw a cheese burger on my in-laws flood light, threw a banana peel on somebodies fence, threw a bagel onto Derrick's chest once while camping........

I threw the Eclipse ticket to the right a little bit too much and threw it down this womans shirt. Lucky for me everyone started laughing, May kicks me and tells me I should have hand passed it down the line, and Z is all now I have to touch a ticket that has been down some old lady's shirt, but laughing at least. I apologize profusely for not thinking about the obvious thing to do and ask her if she wants to wad my other tickets up and throw them at me for equality.

Later when we get our chance to go to the restroom before the movie, I apologize again. I relay to her that I owe her. Anything she wants in the concession stand is on me....chocolate galore, go get it girl.....she is very gracious and certainly a good sport.

While waiting on the movie, Z decides he wants to sit next to me. He and I are leaning all over May in the middle of us to talk. He elbows her boob. She slaps him, he's loud, I slap him....

Larry, Moe, and Curly effect.....

Z- What boobs?

A- Her boobs are growing and it hurts to get elbowed in growing boobies.

Z- Again...what boobs?

M- Hello....I'm sitting here, I can hear you.....and you both are talking so loud, shut up, everyone now knows it hurts to having growing boobs.....please! Really?! Get off me!

Z & A - Then move!

A- Just switch with me then and we won't be leaning over you.

M- No.

This spawns another conversation to which May goes into a tirade about how he always gets his way. Z goes to the beach, Z goes to camp, Z goes to soccer, Z goes to this and that friends house & this time he isn't going to get his way........

We are hearing blah, blah, blah...cause this is old stuff we have addressed about say.....600 times!

Z- I'm sorry Maysie, I can't hear you over the sound of how unsocialized you are.

M & A - (start laughing...cause he's getting good with the clever come backs)

...and then there was this add before the movie started for the new Kia Soul vehicle, that I LOVE and can't quit singing. So dang funny when they are bobbing heads in the car.....and I love when they wreck the cardboard box with windows.

dead bird on the sidewalk...............

Monday brought us a dead bird on the sidewalk. The thing was mangled and horrible looking. Something had definitely gotten to it because its head was separated from its body. The little bird was bad off in a big way.

So skip to the kitchen table writing spelling words into sentences...words that I have never used in sentences my entire adult life.....like farina & cholera.

So May asked me what farina meant...

A- I have no idea honey, it sounds like another name for someones fat Italian cousin.

She has to use farinaceous in a sentence.

A- You are acting farinaceous......you are acting like my fat Italian cousin

It really means ground corn, meal, spelt of grain.....whatever.

Then of course cholera, which means bile, yellow, green, any of several intestinal diseases - Asiatic Cholera

Which spawned off idiocies about the dead bird on the sidewalk causing cholera. One sentence morphed to another till we had a whole song to the tune of Rocky Top for your enjoyment.....about a dead bird.

These are the words to Dead Bird On The Sidewalk (to the tune of Rocky Top)

Dead bird on the Williams sidewalk
You're so gross to me
intestines are gross and yer beak is broke off
Man that's nasty

I touched the dead & nasty mangled bird
Put my fingers in my mouth
Now I got fungus on my tongue
Man it grosses me out

Chorus:
Dead bird you'll always be
sick and gross to me

Dead bird on the sidewalk
When are you gonna leave
you're so yuuucky

I got mushrooms growing on my tongue
They are choking me
They are growing in between my teeth
An I don't have floss on me

I really wanted my tongue pierced
but apparently
That will never happen you see
cause mushrooms are fill my cheeks

Chorus:
Mushrooms go away from thee
yer dang gaggin me

mushroom fungus on my tongue
I just wanna be free
Dead bird yer killin me

Okay.......so here's the video to go with these words. The first video is Z trying to prove to us he can do it better than May. He can't, BUT the out takes were funny. The first video is out takes of Z.

The second video is out a few quick out takes of May and the full version, it's hilarious to me.

I would load them fully then watch them. They are viewed better this way.

Z loses it at the end here, cause this was the one and only time they made it fully through the song with no screw ups in 41 takes. May screwed up the last line saying "died bird" instead of "dead bird"....we called it done after this one, delirium set in.

See, homeschooling is educational in a wide variety of ways.

Commando, huh? Nothin like startin'em out early.........

Blogs are coming slowly these days cause I just don't have time to sit down and do them. I have them in my head and on little snip-its of paper here and there.

Here's a few quickies....

D's family has always, since I have known them, called Sherwin-Williams Paint store, "Sharon" Williams.

.......and to his mom, yogurt....has always been "yogret."

It's their thing. D sometimes will make up his own words for stores and what not, I know what he's talking about but it would be a stretch for someone else to figure a few out.

....Cole gets a "Pinocchio" in his Happy Meal from McDonald's last night (shut up Jamie Oliver. We had a soccer game in Norris that took an hour and a half to get too, and my GPS is a joke. It dropped me off the map and at my "destination" before I got there by 8 miles. I only got there by sheer blessing from God. He allowed me to see a corner of white goal netting as I was backtracking to some other fields. Sheer luck...or blessing whichever makes you feel good about my wording, you get the drift.)

Cole struggling to say "Pinocchio" calls him "Pee Yo Kin Yo."

When He gets home at 10:30 last night from the soccer game and what not, he runs in to show Dad his "Pee Yo Kin Yo."

D- OOOHH! You got a "Pin Yoke Kin O."

.....Like father, like son.

........................................................

Z pointing out that a cell tower in Knoxville is huge and he wouldn't want to jump off of that one..........Thank goodness!

CB in the back seat in a super hillbilly voice - I'ma gone clIImb all tha way up thar an see JeeeezUS.

A & Z - (fall out laughing....unexpected)

later, same car ride.......

I turned the music station cause somebody is a little drunk & he needs somebody now the singer is telling us.

Z turns the next station cause somebody needs to tell us that he is having obscene thoughts about this girl and he doesn't want to disrespect her.

I switch the to Christian station and they are static-y, switch and guess what? Someone is drunk again and they need somebody now again, same song......switch.....a few seconds pass.......

CB- Oh! I like this song, it's my favorite song. (Little Larry Lies a lot is lying cause I have never heard it before in my life & every song is his favorite song.)

Z switches it.

CB- ZAC!!!! That's my favorite song switch it back!

Z- Cole that song has cuss words in it. Your favorite song has cuss words in it.

A- You don't want to hear cuss words do you CB?

CB- I like cuss words! Turn it back ZAC!!!

Z- Cole, no, do you think Jesus would let mom contaminate your mind with cuss words? Do you want to contaminate you mind with words that are not good??

CB- I don't know Zac. I'm just a baby!

Z- (under his breath) .....you got that right.....

..........................................

This morning I am laying on my bed before I make it up. I hear Cole stomping down the hallway, so I pretend to be asleep. I am gonna scare him.

He is in my room, staring at me, quietly...walking closer, closer, right beside my bed......I am waiting to jump......

directly in my ear - MOM! YOU WANT TO SEE MY SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I jump cause !criminy!, he has scared the crap out of me, I open my eyes and dag gone if Pee Yo Kin Yo and his big long, skinny, pokey nose isn't right almost in my eyeball about to gouge my eyeball out saying in some creepy Disney voice, "I'll never become a real boy." (It's like a horror movie where I need to scream in terror and grab my face cause Chuckie or something.)

I'm about to have a dang heart attack, I have to get up and go take an aspirin. My bed still isn't made.

.............................................

Me and May going on about how cute a bra is with these turquoise satin straps and yellow and turquoise flowers and so forth.....

Z- What?! Why do I have to hear this?!

A - Well walk away......

Z- You never have to hear boys going on in the stores about how cute their underwear are. (pretending to be a boy with a girly voice) Oh, look at these Fruit of the Looms aren't they just adorable, and the elastic waist band, oh yeeees. It's wonderful....Oh look they come in black and royal highness blue......oooohh (batting his eye lashes at us, then rolling them in disgust in the same breath) I'm outta here, I'll be in the games.

M- It's not our fault they make guys underwear ugly and boring.

...............................................................

The last night of Awana. Cole was misbehaving a bit during prayer time and I went to pop his butt and grabbed a handful of butt. Apparently when I dressed the boy for church that evening I had forgotten to put underwear on him.

I pull out his britches to be sure, and all I see is bare butt. Cole smiles his buck teeth at me over his shoulder cause he hates underwear. He knows he has gotten away with something.

This dad next to me smiles big and shakes his head at me - Commando, huh? Nothin like startin'em out early.

A - "Shut it........"

Coke taste better in a round bottle......

Remember this song...

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

...well....

I love little baby ducks, big pick up trucks and rain.....

I love really shiny things, like great big diamond rings and trains.....

and IIIII looooove yoooouu too

....I love Tides new product Boost, Melalueca juice, and caffeine free Coke and penguins....

I love Dirty Dancing Havana Nights, Diego Luna's tights, and not being broke
and turtles.....

and IIIII loooove yooouuu too
........................................

anyhoo, it's Monday and this is all I got.........

This Melalueca product is rocking my world. I put it on everything. I burned my forehead with a curling iron, which was pure idiocy due to the depth perception thing I guess......I could not get it to heal cause it was constantly getting wet. I started putting this oil on it and within about three days the thing is about gone. LOVE IT! I put it on some zits, it worked. I have put it on a number of things, love it, love it, love it. The smell is unique at first, like sandalwood, spruce trees or something, now I am growing addicted to it. Buy it, use it!




Found these at Wally World during the holidays. Along with the deformed party grape, these were a great hit. I think Coke taste better in a round bottle.



I cannot tell you how crazy I am about this product. I use it every time I wash some colors, cause they come out so fresh and bright. Stains are falling out of laundry without a ton of chemical pretreatment. I was using the "natural" laundry products and they weren't cutting the mustard(pun intended) I hate to say, so I randomly bought this to see how it worked. Great purchase, won't be without this while I have kids at home. You want your dull clothes to be brighter and look cleaner? Use this once you'll be hooked.



This is CB dancing to some hip hop song at Great Clips while Crazy Nana got her mullet cut off......



....and bored one morning during the holidays this happened




During the tiny bit of snow that turned into hard ice last week, we tried to sled a bit.
It didn't go that swift. Although siblings fight and so forth, this encouraged me. Without me asking, Z pulled the little ones home, through grass and even up hill, just cause they didn't get to sled and were disappointed. I thought to myself, he's a little testosterone'd up these days, but man....he is a good big brother to Sky and Cole. They are so lucky. I am glad they have a big brother, it's completely cool.

write it on the shower door fog..........

Here are some imbecilic gifts to get the imbeciles in your life.

Choice #1




"Do you have a hard time finding eco-friendly presents for loved ones? Well there is no need to get down in the dumps! Panda Poo Paper accessories are made from real droppings, gathered from Giant Pandas in China. They are 100% recyclable and don’t raise a stink… they are completely odorless!
Panda Poo Paper accessories include items such as greeting cards, scratch pads, and journals. Check it out and get your mind out of the toilet! A little potty humor never hurt a panda!"..............pure idiocy

So they are shipping this from from China. How “Eco Friendly” are products shipped from half way around the world? Wouldn't they be just as bad if not worse than say...... something made locally??

Choice #2 (no pun intended)


"Its eco-friendly paper made from recycled elephant waste fibers, includes an informational pamphlet on elephants and the making of this product".....in case you are to small brained to understand how elephants make poops.......

"Features "The Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company Design," its Acid-Free, Lignin-Free; Plain, Recycled Paper Paper" ......it has no bearing on whether it came from poops originally......the important thing here to understand is,

that they are "acid-free."

PLUS they come in pink and blue poops colors too!!

They must feed the elephants Lucky Charms and Trix.....cause you know your body doesn't process all that dye and those cereals will turn your poops bright green or some wicked unnatural color. It's true. Once my mother-in-law called me to the room to see Sky's poops in the toilet because she had eaten Lucky charms at her house, cause I don't by that crap at my house, cause my people only eat the charms........anyway the poops was neon green, I swear. I shoulda scraped it out and made some cards with it.....who freakin knew it would be so earth friendly to do that........

I am crazy about elephants, penguins & turtles right now....but come on.

If you just can't get enough poops
here's the web link
to get the real scoops

cheesy pun intended......

http://www.poopoopaper.com/

choice #3

The Droodle Waterproof Notepad.....

"It works great! It's a great way to leave love notes to your spouse if you share bathrooms as we do. Also great way to memorize scripture verses. Thank you." - Guy Cangelosi (tape the scripture on yer mirror dude, read it when you dry yer dumb hair)

....says the testimony on the site for this must have total waste of cash.

Who freaking just cannot wait till they get out of the dumb shower to write a note. I know we all get thoughts in the shower. But really...... isn't life busy enough without multitasking in the shower.

I mean, women already have to condition our hair while we shave. We have to scrub & exfoliate our faces while we rinse out the conditioner, while trying not to step on Hot Wheels. Now we are supposed to read a love note from our spouse too......eeesh, it's too much.

If D needs to leave me a note, let him write it on the shower door fog and when it re-fogs up when I take a shower I will read then.....its free.

They also suggest you can use it at the pool..........whatever.

Cause when have you ever been swimming, having a great time, and whipped your notepad out of your sewn in underwear in your bathing suit....only to find it was wet. DANG!! If you'd only had The Droodle.

http://www.thedroodle.com/

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Went to see Handel's Messiah with Sarah at Farragut Presbyterian Church. It was beautiful. The UT Chamber Singers & UT Chorale mixed with Presb. church choir and the UT Orchestra, simply fab!!!! Then we went for some Starbucks. It was a super way to kick off the holiday season.

Momma, don't kiss daddy, you my girlfriend...........

At 8:00AM Saturday morning this is what I heard while I was standing in the kitchen.
I think the volume was on like........10!

....because D needed to let me know, after all these years he finally knows what "domo arigato" means. It means thank you in Japonics, in case you need to be enlightened also.
.........................................................................


C- I hungry momma

A- What would like for lunch? Peanut butter on cinnamon bread with sprinkles, oatmeal with sprinkles, or how about some mac-n-cheese with green sprinkles....yummy.....

C-No, I want some shapes

A- Shapes?

C- I want some shapes

A- Come show me what you would like, cause I don't know what shapes are

........going into the fridge he pulls out a lunchable with circle crackers, square turkey, and rectangle swiss cheese...........he wants "shapes" for lunch.


........................................................................


S- Mom, can you fix me a gecko sandwich

A- What?

S- a gecko sandwich.....

A- Ew, gross, what goes into a gecko sandwich? When I last checked we didn't have any geckos to put into a sandwich in the house and that I am aware of you cannot buy that at Kroger either....however, we can never really be sure what potted ham is.......

S- noooooo, you know that bread you cut in a circle with a chicken patty in it

A- OH! You want a "ghetto" chicken sandwich?

S- (happy as a lark) Yes!! I want two......



I told you she was ghetto......









.........................................................................

Cole looking in the mirror a couple days after his dentist appt to get his tooth fixed after he nearly knocked it out.........

C- Momma, where is my black tooth?
.............................................................................

.......watching the news with D after dinner. I am sitting close to D on the couch, Cole comes in, crawls in my lap, looking at D irritated.......

C-Momma, you my girlfriend
D-No, she's my girlfriend
C- Nooooo she my girlfriend
D- No she's my girlfriend
C- NO MOMMA, you MY girlfriend (turns my face towards his and kisses me on my lips)
A- aaawwww Cole Bear that's a sweet kiss, I love you Cole Bear (big hugs)
C- (to Derrick) she my girlfriend, hmp.....
D- (turns my face and gives me a kiss) She my girlfriend, hmp
C- noooo, momma don't kiss him, (he wipes my lips off)

...this goes on and on till I get up cause they are driving me crazy. Later when I tuck Cole in the bed......

C- Momma, you my girlfriend, not daddy
A- ....yer my boyfriend Cole Bear.....
C-(big hug and a kiss) Don't kiss daddy okay?
A- okay CB, g'night

..................................................................

......on a whole other note of ghetto, we are sleeping on a flat sheet, being used as a fitted sheet. All our fitted sheets had been washed relentlessly for years with bleach and one by one I was throwing them out not realizing that we had no other fitted when I changed the sheets. I did order two new sets of sheets, but they haven't came in yet. So my bed set up is totally ghetto right now. A flat sheet as a fitted, two completely different pillow cases, and for real a flat sheet to sleep under that has nothing to do with any of the other sheets.

This speaks to me about the things that are important. This would never have happened 10 years ago and now I really don't give a rip that my sheets are 100% mixed matched, it's kind of funny really.

Here's another ghetto thing. Over the summer a friend of our is working at a golf cart place and said since some folks in our neighborhood have golf carts we should get one too. D mentioned it to me and I thought that was a total waste of our money........

....... Especially when I can just put on my orange, Dale, Jr. cap with a camo #8 on it and another 8 drawn beside it in permanent marker to make it "88," tie green gardening wire to our riding lawn mower and Radio Flyer wagon and haul all our stuff including CB, the dog, a cooler and floats to the lake. Why do I need a golf cart?

..................................................................................

Sky & I crammed in the bathroom stall at McDonald's after the Smokies game with other people in the bathroom.....and she talks loud..... constantly

S- I think I have diarrhea
A- Sky, I don't care just go to the bathroom
S- first mom, a big log came out, then it was running really fast out my butt
A- Sky I don't care about all that, quit talking so loud and finish!

lady next to us farts

S- (laughing loudly) Mom? Did you hear her fart?
A- (trying not to laugh cause Sky is laughing and her laugh is funny to me) Sky shut up! Are you done?!
S- (still loud) I know you think it's funny cause I see you trying not to laugh, you heard her fart didn't you mom?
A- SKYLAR!
S- I like it when you laugh
A- why?
S- cause then you aren't screaming....
A- okay, Sky, I'm done with you, I'm outta here....I leave her

When I come out thankfully the bathroom has cleared mostly and I just try to tell myself
I will never see these people again,
I will never see these people again,
I will never see these people again.......

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect........

Where to begin......

hhhmmm........

So Caesar sees me one night after work and says to me something along the lines of since I'm a liar, had a told a lie that day?.....

It just so happened I had. That particular morning Cole wanted ice cream for breakfast and I told him he could have it, except that the ice cream was really yogurt with sprinkles.

I don't care what I feed the kid as long as I put sprinkles on it he'll eat it, oh yeah, or ketchup. Cole eats everything with ketchup, you name it, if I put ketchup or sprinkles on it he'll eat it.

I put sprinkles on green beans, oatmeal, pizza, macaroni, cheese toast, waffles, hamburger without the bun, I once even put sprinkles on a chicken leg to get him to try it....now he loves chicken legs.

I put them on top of and inside of quesodillas.

It's Cinco de Mayo party chicken & quesodillas! ARRRRRRIBA!

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect but by golly Cole bear ate the quesodillas. I'm here to tell you if it weren't for quesodillas, oatmeal, chips, and choclate milk.....Cole would die of starvation.

Here's another lie I told repeatedly Saturday or something.....

All day long when CB asked me if he could have anything and everything that was commercialized on TV, I said "yes." So he would be quiet. All the time people are saying you should say "yes" to your child more than you say "no."


I'm just going along with the "in parenting" crowd.....the "just say yes" crowd instead of the "just say no." As long as I tell him he can have it, he moves along to the next thing on his little brains agenda and forgets all about it.

To be perfectly honest the kid could care less about toys at Walmart or where ever as long as he gets a .25 toy from the gumball machine on the way out of Kroger. If he is good and doesn't act like a moron while I am shopping, I am happy to obliged the little fella with a .25 ball that will bounce all over my house and get lost promptly. It's all good.

I told a lie this morning to D......

Repeatedly I told him CB had a dental appointment at 9:30 this morning. I told him all weekend cause I was dreading it. I told him last night in late night bed talk before he laid still for 2 seconds flat and drifted off effortlessly. I swear if I shut up for 5 seconds, just 5, he's gone......I'm so jealous that he can do that.

So this morning he wanted me to get up, so he could talk, and I would fix coffee, and la la la...
D was asking me this series of ridiculous questions with answers so obvious, that I pretended to be asleep so as to stop the insanity and make him get in the shower. So he asked me what I planned to do today......I'm like, "What do I do everyday Babe? School the kids, do dishes, wash clothes, fix food, be a tyrannt and stomp through the house like a maniac......."
D- Don't you have to take Cole to the dentist?
A- yes
D- What time?
A- I told you that a million times....
D- at 9:00?
A-(insert lie, so he'll shut up) yes

Now he goes to take a shower cause he has asked me enough questions to feel comfortable coffee and breakfast will be forthcoming.

Later I'm saying goodbye to him in the driveway and obtaining my three OCD must have kisses, with his "Hooked on Japonics" blaring:

"EEEgo ga Wa kari mas ka? iee wa kari mas sin."
(English do you understand? No, I understand not.)

.....as he's shoving sausage, egg, & cheese biscuit in his mouth.

D- Yer gonna be late you better get movin, you should be leavin in just a bit.
A- No, I don't have to leave for another hour or so
D- (stopping the backward motion of the truck we call Big Red, Ford F150, cause we don't give a crap about global warming apparently) I thought you had to be there at 9:00
A- No, at 9:30 (for the 700th time)
D- You lied to me this morning.....
A- I did, so you would shut up and get in the shower.
D- Okay liar, have a good day, call me when Cole's done & let me know how he did........

.....and off he went.......with his biscuit and japonics

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Not too long ago I was watching a video tape D had taken while at Myrtle Beach with both of our families before we had kids. I was sportin this hot tamale, plaid, pink and orange two piece and looking pretty tan. I was a newlywed and I actually thought I was fat then, who dag gone knew......eeeesh, next......

Anyway, on the video D was so South Carolina slang I could not understand him. His old roommate Donald was on the video and so was D's brother..... slang, slang, slang, long drawn out southern South Carolina jibberish. I swear I had to rewind it to understand him and his old roommate.

When D's brother visited recently I let D and his brother watch the video. They could not understand D or Donald either. It was a hoot, we had to rewind and listen to it a couple times. Most people still think D is pretty slang or from New Orleans, God forbid. They just have no idea how traveling around has helped him to settle that accent a bit.

I can also tell I have been married to him a while cause recently people have asked me where I am from. That rarely happens to me.

Plus, I told May to get me the fly swatter the other day. She informed me she had just come to realize, that I was saying FLY SwaTTeR. She thought the name of the bug killing tool was "flahswahtta." I thought that was hilarious.

It's FRIDAY & I'm gettin outta dodge.......

(Smiley fry in honey mustard with ketchup pupils & tongue....home school Art class mixed with a little Home Ec.)



Headin to Atlanta for the weekend......I gotta guest blogger coming in soon.

Wait for it......wait for it.......wait for it.........

"The Jenny Chronicles"

I just said some words to the drain and hoped him well.....

When we moved into the house 6 years ago we told Zach he could have a dog. I must have been smoking crack cause I totally did not need a puppy while Sky was like learning to walk. The Jack Russell puppy we purchased, came by the name of Moby...cause he had this marking on his butt that looked like a whale.....Moby Dick......Moby......anyway. He was high strung, but obedient. The problem was he was supposed to be Zach's dog, but the dog did not respect Zach at all. Zach became afraid of him and the little dog knew he was alpha over Zach. Moby would run from across the yard just to try an bite Zach in his crotch. It was ridiculous, so I sold him and everything that we bought to go with him for about 3/4th what we had invested.

On that day I rejoiced.

So I said to myself....self, Christmas is around the corner, I will get the kids some fish. May wanted an aquarium and that was the perfect "pet." So I made it happen. We set the aquarium up, went and purchased some fish...May picked out one Dalmatian fish that was already half dead, but she had her mind made up she was going to have the fish floating in the vertical position, lest hell freeze over that fish was going home with her. That fish was named Pearl or something and she lasted much longer than she should have.

All that to say Zach purchased a frog with some Christmas money he had, to go into Maysie's tank. That frog was crazy, crazy, crazy.......and he named him Spazo.

Spazo has been with us 6 years, until alas we came home from vacation and he was floating on his back on the bottom of the fish bowl. Fish bowl? What about his aquarium mansion?

As we laid Spazo in the ground his limp, skinny, little body...we recounted all he had to put up with. The frog had lived through every fish we had ever purchased and they were many.

The tetras used to eat his freeze dried worms. We called them the Piranhas cause when the worms hit the water they would try and scarf them up before he noticed.

The algae eaters would suck on his back which initially Spazo hated and then grew okay with it, then turned back into a grumpy old man and would get aggravated.

He was the only animal that could survive "The Death Ship." No matter when we put the ship decoration into the water, inevitably the fish would swim inside the cursed ship and die....but not Spazo he was smart! He rarely went into The Death Ship.

He never ate the Piranha (tetra) babies either. The one time we had babies Spazo was good to leave them alone....their own dang parents ate them, I know this cause the babies were smart to hang behind him in the plants to hide, it was when they were away from him they would disappear in a hurry.

He survived Cole dumping his hot wheels into the tank on numerous occasions. He would just sit on the cars or fire engines, as if to tell me....hey, look here is something you need to get out of here.
I had him trained. Spazo knew when I would put my finger tips in the glass in a certain place that worms were coming, he would follow my finger around the tank.

I can't tell you how many times Zach and I chased that frog around his room while cleaning the tank. I saved him from the kitchen drain like 3 times.

When all the fish had died and I had given up cleaning aquariums, I down graded him from the big house to a condo (the big fish bowl).... all by himself so he could finally have some peace.

By this time we had some turtles, and the algae eaters I had sentenced to death and threw them into the tank for the turtles to eat. It was quite the sport to watch the turtles try and catch them, but alas they were too quick & after a few days the turtles just gave up. They lived together well. D tried to get me to feed Spazo to the turtles numerous times.....but I wasn't even gonna have that, Spazo was part of our house.

In the end he out lived one turtle and all of our other fish, and had escaped death by drain & consumption. He was an old, skinny frog and he died with his two trusty side kicks, the algae eaters, by his side. In fact I think one of the algae eaters grieved himself to death cause one of those was dead also when we got home.

...... That algae eater didn't get the proper burial, I accidentally flushed him down the kitchen sink while trying to get Spazo out of the bowl......so I just said some words to the drain and hoped him well.

So then there was one....now he is sucking on the rocks all by himself, all alone........

(this should be "Lonely Teardrops" by Jackie Wilson)


We loved you Spazo, you were a good, old, skinny, tolerant frog.......
R I P 2003 - 2009