Wednesday, March 31, 2010

watching our kids and talking about 5 lb bags of weed..........

Last night was a tornado in my mind.

First at the soccer field, this parent whom we've had contact with in very small amounts over the years, announced this in conversation with D and I, randomly and loud:

" I have been a good boy workin for the government all these years, and when I retire in x, y, z years.....I'm gonna buy myself a 5 lb. bag of weed, and a big bag of pills, then I'm gonna sit in my lawn chair in my front yard with my gun in my lap and watch people drive by."

.....then he spit out some brown dippin spit on the grass to the side of us and smiled showing us his straight white teeth.

......and D and I busted out laughing, cause who freakin announces something like that at a soccer field in front of all the other parents.

Dip Dude also tells us later that while he was coaching AYSO one year, his wife was so upset by a game that she followed a ref to the car to kick his butt. So Dip Dude had to forfeit the next game and write the assoc. in the town in which this event occurred, an apology letter. Then he relayed to us that his daddy told him he could date a girl from Ten Mile, but he shouldn't never marry one. He was warned.

A bit later in the evening, still at the field, a super fit late forty-ish early fifty-ish man, takes to the track. He pulls his shirt off in front of the concrete bleachers built into the hillside where a lot of parents are sitting, including us and Dip Dude......watching our kids and talking about 5 lb bags of weed, apparently.

The guy had super small, blue, somewhat fitted shorts on. He set his watch and commenced a full out run around the whole dang track. As he passed, all of us parents, of different fitness levels, thin to fat, watched him as he approached our visual left. He was in front of us now, our eyes glued to him...full out running, now sweating & fully upright in his posture.....he's passing us now to the right......He has all of our attention, young and old, male and the need to break our trance induced by the half naked, fit man running, full out silence.....

Me- Good Lord, look at that guy go, that fellow is cuttin some air isn't he?

D- He is clocking himself...

Dip Dude - It's gotta be steroids, nobody that old runs that fast....

We join the other parents in the hoot an holler laugh....and I hear a mother say, "I don't run that fast lest I'm chasin a kid that needs thar butt whipped.....

Dip Dude - I quit runnin that fast when I got a real job.

On the car ride home that evening.......

Maysie and Sky happened to be walking on the track as 1/2 naked running man was sprinting....

M- There was this man, that was 1/2 naked, that came running past us with his boobs shaking and he said "Hi there," like he was Buzz Lightyear.


So then the fun, fun, fun, begins. Cole hasn't pee'd in his "night time diapo" in weeks. So I let him wear big boy underwear to bed.

At 2:30am he is standing in front of me wreaking of pee.

C- Mommy, I pee pee on my clothes.

A- Aw, Cole, why didn't you get up to go to the bathroom like you've been doing?

C- I was tired.

I sit up, start to pull off his wet clothing and he is truly wet from head to toe, which obviously is NOT GOOD. He is going to have to have a bath, a warm rag is not going to cut it. At 2:30am I put him in the shower, and put his wet clothing in my blue eggs and ham throw up sink to soak with the water running and some soap...that I forget to turn off by the way. D happens to get up, see it on the verge of flooding the bathroom and turned it off.

I head off to his room to change his bedding. But as all things are never easy at 2:45 in the morning, his water proof padding had shifted a bit and the waterproof mattress cover had not been put back on from some weeks back. So his soft fluff thing that sits on top of the mattress with memory foam in it has a wet spot too. Just a little one, but it will need to be cleaned too. Now suddenly, naked Cole is in his room with me. He does not smell clean.

.....unzip the cover off the fluff, drag it back to the bathroom, run Cole some warm bath water, put him back in the tub, scrub him down with soap and wash his hair, drain the water, put new soapy water back in the tub, put the top 1/4 of the fluff into the tub and commence to washing it out.

When the thing gets wet it weighs about .....500 ponds......wring it out and try to be grateful it is just a small area at the top and not in the middle or somewhere stupid, hang it up over the shower to dry and get Cole dressed. Now both Cole and fluff smell very clean, he has clean sheets on and the waterproof mattress cover is in it's proper place.

I convey to him the need to not get up at 6:30 am unless he wants to take a dirt nap. He clearly understood cause it is now 8:35 am and no where in site.

But I am in a FOUL mood when I get up cause I was never able to go back to sleep and I had a headache and when I weighed this morning I had lost no weight. Despite the fact I am eating as healthy as Derrick and walking two miles or more 3 to 4 times a week AND I had aerobic activity from 2:30am to 3:30am......D has now lost 14 pounds with NO EXERCISE.

So I spout off my agitation to him. He is all, "Well just go eat the world then and give up."

Well, that is exactly what I felt like doing except my dang jaw hurts when I eat something hard and I feel sick to my stomach when I eat something sweet. So I determine my self not to blow this, cause ultimately this is good for me no matter what. However my attitude stills sucks.

D is leaving and not kissing me good bye. "Why? Cause I am ugly and crazy this morning?"

D- It's not the way you look that is ugly.....(the attitude...but he did kiss me anyway)

My devotional this morning......Unto you, O Lord, do I bring my life......Psalm 25:1

...about consecrating my my life for this day over to the Lord...not just my money, or one hour on Sunday, not just my ugly attitude, but my whole day, my whole life fully and entirely. Turning over undisciplined thoughts, weaknesses and bad habits.....closing my ears to the noise of the world and opening them to the voice of God. Intentionally distancing myself from ungodly things in my my bad attitude and some other stuff.

Thank you Lord that I do have available to me and my family healthy food to choose from. Thank you Lord for the stamina you give to me to wreak havoc on time throughout the day when I feel exhausted. Thank you for shutting me down before I really get going and screw up. Thank you for my husband who tells me I am not ugly when I feel ugly.


Monday, March 29, 2010

I do not not like blue eggs and ham...........

Let me see.....

Last Thursday night the angles opened up the flood gates of heaven and it rained like mad. Frogs and worms galore running for higher ground or something.

Friday morning when I go out to get the paper the sun is out but it's cool & windy. There are hundreds of worms all over my driveway and the road. Some trying to get back to the wet soil and some squashed from being ran over by going to work traffic.

In the spirit of The Starfish Story, I threw a few back into the grass to save them. The Starfish Story, by Loren Eisley...... you know?

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out.

If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles

and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can’t make a

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.
Then, smiling at the
man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one.”

I brought the Friday paper into the house and announced there were hundreds of worms dying on the driveway and on the front road...."Who wants to help me save some worms?!"

(cricket,, cricket ......stomp, stomp, stomp)

"I do MOM, wait for me!!!!!" says Cole.

Cole has on his pajamas, a coat and too big bedroom slippers, I have on my pajamas, a jacket and a do-rag on my afro. We are armed with a pair of dull tweezers and science prongs. On our mission to save the wormy world, we are out the door.

CB & I saved 231 worms Friday morning. It's a good thing too cause the birds were plentiful in scraping all the dried up dead one off the roads. One might say the worms were manna from heaven for starving birds, but just so you know that isn't true cause the birds in my yard have been well fed this winter.

So we are wormy heroes. Cole has a cape and wormy red squiggler dance to prove it.

Saturday morning Cole got up and said to me, "Hey Mom, I think we need to go and save some worms!" He had his purple Bible man cape on and his too big bedroom shoes.


Speaking of missions....I have been on a mission to make sure my people are generally more healthy. Turns out D had some months to get on a diet and lose some weight or he was gonna get type 2 diabetes.

He didn't do it. Now he has type 2 diabetes.

He didn't believe himself to be a "real diabetic" cause he didn't have to give himself shots. BUT diabetes is diabetes is diabetes....

Anyhoo, I have been on a perpetual diet since I have given birth to my first child. So I had been on him about what to eat and this and that. He didn't really care to listen to me, cause if I am such a diet guru why aren't I loosing weight??

Well, lets see.... I am getting older too. No matter how healthy I eat, if I don't exercise I ain't loosing it. That is how my body works. I can maintain, but I ain't loosing no weight lest I exercise, so.... next....

He had an appt with a nutritionist and he was going to do whatever they said. So I was to go with him cause I guess they figure the spouse will ride their butts & make them stick to the diet. She told him everything I had told him basically, oh and by the way, stick yourself two times a day. I had put him on a pretty healthy balanced diet before the for the appt. By the time he got the stick yourself kit and nutrition info, he'd lost 10 pounds already and his blood sugar was GREAT! I am super proud of him for sticking(no pun intended) to this and being fully committed to being aware of what he puts in his body.

So D is about settled in to what his new food life looks like. Prior to D's rude awakening though, I had been trying to get my kids to eat more balanced. It was going okay with subtle changes and still is, but I added a multivitamin made for teens to May and Z's morning.

The thing is, Z's One a Day is freaking BLUE dye#123456789. When you are trying to be dang healthy....why blue dye that your body can't process?? um...stupid.....

So Z tries it after he eats, he throws up....before bed, he throws up.....empty stomach, throws up...

He wants to take a multivitamin badly, but they are making him sick. I told Z, "Do NOT take that vitamin anymore it is not good for you apparently, you have tried it 3 times and you haven't been able to keep it down." So he quit.

Little known to me though he attempted to take it 30 minutes after a meal again and he did just fine with it. Z relays this to me. So he takes the vitamin for a couple weeks 30 minutes or so after his breakfast meal and seems cool.

But dang Friday, he ate 3 eggs and bacon and randomly some beef jerky & took the vitamin to soon.

Cole - Mom! Zac's throwing up in your sink!

I go into the bathroom. Z is hangin over my sink. Mind you the toilet is 2 STEPS, that is 1 1/2.... 12 X 12 tile lengths in side steps to his left.... is my toilet. He is hanging over my sink....with partially digested blue eggs and bacon backing up my sink. DISGUSTING!!!

A - SON! Why are you in my sink with your partially digested blue food?? The toilet is 2 dag gone steps on your left.....You couldn't go just 2 more steps and hit my toilet where the partially digested blue eggs & bacon could just be flushed??

Z- Oh Man! That was the delicious beef jerky too....DANG!

A- DO NOT take those vitamins any more, I am throwing them in the trash right now. I am not cleaning this up(which I know is a somewhat lie).

Z- MAN!! That was all of the beef jerky too, what a waste.....(clearly not phased by the mess, but distraught by the loss of the meat)

A- Zac clean this up, right now......clean it up well and with comet.

..leaving the bathroom I hear this...........

Z-....."I do not not like blue eggs and ham, I do not like them Zac I am...."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Let me tell you about the birds and who cares about the bees.........

You may remember some time back I had to explain a method of teaching ones home school children how to be "normal children."

....remember? "Yank a doodle from your nose Dude, I think you gotta bat in the cave......."

Well, if you don't....... go here, It's a crazy blog so be warned.


Yesterday in home schooling, we learned about birds.

How some birds are big birds and some birds are really small.

We talked of the different colors they come, green, orange.....or maybe "red and yellow, black and white(they are precious in his site)"..........

They are beautiful.....“It is the beautiful bird which gets caged"...tis true, we see the beautiful ones at Pet Smart in cages all the time.....and the ugly ones at the soccer field and stuff.

What they eat.....

"The early bird gets the worm."....and sometimes the bird never eats at all.

"The bird thinks it a favor to give the fish a lift in the air"

"God gives every bird its food, but he does not throw it into the nest"......yet sometimes the bird throws itself unto us......

The conversation drifted to bird flight, migration and so know?

"Birds of a feather flock together"

"God finds a low branch for the bird that cannot fly"

"Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly"

.......howbeit some birds live on forever and never seem to die, they push forward and they fly.

"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song"..........sometimes the bird's song isn't that pleasant.....

....some birds are silent but speak volumes.....

"Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers"...however, it will not be ignored itself....

"Each bird must sing with his own throat"....or maybe not...

"There'll be bluebirds over,
The white cliffs of Dover,
Tomorrow, just you wait and see"

It seems CB was a very good student yesterday.


This is what really happened.

At the soccer field Tuesday night, Cole cut his finger. It was really more like a pretty harsh paper cut slit his fingertip. He wouldn't let anyone look at it or touch it. So for like, ALL NIGHT, he walked, ran, climbed, everyone the "Universal Hi Sign." He didn't quit "shootin the bird" till he fell asleep in his bed that night, despite the fact his finger was getting cramped.

My girlfriend , Liz, snapped this with her cell. It was just so crazy looking I had to share it. It appears he is flicking someone off while I am not paying him any attention. So dang funny to me. When I first saw this pic I laughed out loud.

....and of course, lots of the parents thought it was snickerable. I would call his name out and he'd turn around to face me to see what I needed....shootin me a bird. It was just insane looking.

There is the D factor ad libbing to go with all the insanity, and you know how loud he talks. "Cole, what do you say we go and let Obamacare fix that finger for you?"

Cole turns and looks at him, cause in his baby mind NOBODY is going to touch his finger and he doesn't know "Obamacare" - "NO Daddy!" (flickin the bird)

D - "Yeah buddy, that's how we all feel....." (shaking his head in pity like he sympathizes with Cole)

D has impeccable timing with his comments. So whether you were an Obama fan or not, it was laughable.

Stuff like this...........only happens to us.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I can't turn my head without turning my whole body.........

I had the most awesome weekend. It was one of those weekends where everything despite a full schedule just comes together. It should be rushed, but some how time stands still and its okay that it isn't.

Friday was beautiful. We finished school early and walked the drained lake beaches combing for the usual 50 huge clams in several zip loc bags and a shoe. Kids got in the water a bit and had to walk back wet as usual, so we managed to keep that tradition well in tact. While on the beach we met a new family in our neighborhood. Well actually just the mom and her young toddling girl.

They were bundled up in sweaters, socks, and shoes, trying not to be muddy.....and here comes my brood with shorts, no shoes, and mud to the calves minimum. Hollering to me from afar how they have just found "the rare beer can" and that I should come and look.....oh and this too, "Mom!! Listen!! I can make the mud make fart sounds(insert 2 children fast farting and slow farting with the mud slop & having great jolly with it)."

I had this shirt on that was 2 whole dollars at Walmart the other day, that read, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am." I bought a couple $2 shirts to mow the lawn in and so forth, cause you can't make a dang shirt for $2. I wondered what type of first impression I or we made on the new neighbors. It scared me a little , even though I felt we talked well, and of Christ too.

I invited her to sit under the tree with Sarah and I if she was out walking and ever saw us out gabbing. She seemed glad about the invite, but still.....clearly we seemed a contrast to one another as we stood there on the beach. She, hair pulled back neatly in a pony tail, & her daughter with mud on her pink ballet flats with precious little flowers, waving goodbye to us as we moved on......we.....shorts, boasting shirts & afro hair blowing everywhere, unable to be tamed by a flowered bobby pin, muddy, and loud......eeesh, I have to hope for the best.

Saturday, a day full of awesome.

Read the paper with D a bit, and worked on my curriculum for next year, cleaned the house a bit while he sprayed weed killer outside. I worried he was going to spray to the wrong flowers to spite me. I figured oh well, if he does I will just grow some more.

Later in the day we attended a wedding for a girlfriend named Lisa R.(now Lisa B!). It was so dang fun! This is why.....cause it was the first wedding I have been to in a while that I felt like this is gonna last.

She had great music as we waited for her to enter that made me feel joy to be at her wedding. Once the deed was done the two left the sanctuary husband and wife to the song Signed, Sealed, Delivered, by Stevie Wonder. How could one not be happy and wear a smile?

Her husband is Hungarian. He is handsome. He is a Chef. D told Andras if Lisa kicked him to the curb, he would marry him. We sat with Lisa's dad at the reception where the food rocked every taste bud in my head. The dad told us without being prompted, if Lisa didn't marry him, he would take him....we all laughed, cause we understood how good the food Andras had prepared was. Music at the reception was awesome, it was beautiful outside where we ate and watched all the little girls have their own dance party.

I had told D we'd help him get some stuff at the church set up for Sunday, so we all had to leave a bit early which kinda stunk. However, since we were in separate cars, as usual....The girls and I stayed for the cake cutting, which was a blessing straight from taste bud heaven. Lisa asked me if I wanted some to take, yes.............could you just box up the whole middle layer please, thanks.

Lisa's smile of happiness made my heart overflow with love for her. I am so glad she invited our family. I would have totally missed out on something fun & special that day.

After that we worked at the church till, 7:15 or 7:20 or something. The girls and I singing karaoke Shania Twain, Amy Grant, Kingdom Heirs and whatever else he needed us to do for him to adjust some equalizer or something...then D pretended to be a typical Southern Baptist hell, fire, and brimstone preacher so I could adjust the lapel mike for Pastor Mike the next day. Which was completely can ask Lauren Woody.....she caught some of that.

.....and last but not least for the icing on the perfect day....NEW MOON BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazon Video on Demand gave me a freebie for New Moon cause of the pre-order DVD thing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jacob with short hair SCREEEEAMMMM like a teeny bopper, and break a sweat, blink my eyes uncontrollably, holy moly, the New Moon video is about 1000 times better that the first Twilight movie in every way. As soon as I get my hands on the DVD coming to my mailbox today I hope, I am going to watch it about 100 more times....I can feel it already coming. Angie B if you haven't seen New Moon girl, you cannot have mine, BUT I will swoon with you as soon as you get your own. :oD

We'll discuss it, over a brisk 3 mile walk at the track.

Sunday....I knew Monday was coming. It was cloudy, rainy, my neck was killing me, arthritis in my hips and left shoulder wreaking havoc on my posture. It was still a good day though, just someone turned the fun volume down a bit.

We went to eat Mexican food after church. Then on to Home Depot where they had put out that black colored, dog crap smelling mulch that literally made Sky gag all the way in the door. Then I had to exercise severe restraint in the plant department. D did let me get a really nice piece of pottery to put one of Poppy's plants left over from his funeral. I hate house plants, but for obvious reasons I cannot allow this one to go uncared for. It needs a bigger pot. I love the one we got. Sky got a new bigger pot for her aloe plant also, pink and green.

This was my weekend to catch up with all the Kathy's in my life. The one, Kathy L., I have known my whole life, we crammed as much conversation in about 45 minutes as we could. I felt very satisfied that we had connected, her voice brings me nostalgic peace. I love her.

Kathy V. lives down the street but gosh, we're both moms and conversation passing each other in the halls at church during pick up and drop off isn't always enough. We stayed an hour or more after church Sunday night gabbing it up... in the rain even.... about everything from testosterone, school, musical instruments, to our possibly future illiterate youngest children, cause life is so busy we just want them to go to bed at night instead of read. Great quality time with her even if it did rain on us. Though we are both sweet, we did not melt.

As I said though I knew Monday was coming still cause it just got more and more rainy. D's work people called all night long....from 1:30am on.....I can't log on, try this, try that, turn the bedroom lights on, where's my glasses? I can't see a freakin thing, turn the valve on, turn the valve off, turn the valve on, turn the valve off........I finally went to get in the bed with Sky..... cause MAYSIE won't met me sleep with her anymore.

Sky slept all over me, all night. With her sweaty, sticky, big, magic belly in my face, on my back, on my legs.....toss, turn, phone rings, Jenny wants in the bed with us, magic belly on my back again, her fingers tangled in my hair, and so on, and so on, and so on.....and guess what? It's 6:30am.....Cole's awake.

...and I have this horrible crick in my neck. I can't turn my head without turning my whole body....I have "Aunt Helen" disease(that's for mom and Terri :oD ).

Happy Monday??

Friday, March 19, 2010

I feel glad it's FRIDAY!!!!!!.............

I am not an Oprah fan really, but this video makes me smile. Since the sun is out and I am thrilled to be able to bask in it finally......I thought, well, I want to pass my good feelin on.

May take a second to upload, but SSSOOOO worth it!! Just be patient and watch the whole video......

Happy Friday!!!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I hated high school, I am glad it's over............

Attention: This is a mind rambling that needed to be written down, it is not funny or entertaining at all.

Tis that time of year again when I should order the kids curriculum for next year.

Every year at this time I say, "You're going to school next year, cause ya'll are getting on my nerves. Let someone else deal with you, cause I am done."

Then the begging begins....."No, no, no Mom, we don't want to go."
"You haven't even been praying about it, are you going against the Lords will?"
"I promise I will sit still."
"I don't want to eat school lunch."
"I guess you want me to learn how to cuss properly."
"I don't want to ride the bus."
"I don't want to be stuck in class for 8 hours of work that really only takes 4 or 5, what a waste of time."
"I don't want to go to school all day and do homework all night."
"If you send us to school and get a job I hope you are miserable."
" I promise I will get up when you tell me too."
"I don't want to be a cheerleader."
"I like being a labeled a home schooler, it makes me set apart."
"They don't teach the Bible you know...."
"Then I will have make up work every time I have a doctors/dentist appt,"

etc, etc, etc..........

Almost all of the excuses are of course...... ridiculous.

I haven't taken the time to pray about it & obviously for those of us who went to school, a decent part of the day is spent wasting time.

I wouldn't make my kids ride the bus, and quite frankly, they can learn how to cuss properly on Wednesday night at church. Lots of those kids use foul language during Awana......I hear about it almost every week. It isn't just the middle school kids either. Some of the Sparks are well aware of how to use cuss words. Some of the youth kids go to church with their families every Sunday, they know better of that I am 100% sure, and speak undesirably in my opinion.

School lunch, stupid(I can totally see myself as a lunch lady, except if I have to be the chicken scrubber, I wouldn't like that job).

Sit still, no you won't.

Me getting a job, laughable....just kiddin......well, not really, kinda.

Though in my mind, Maysie will be in high school next year, I am panic stricken. I know I can do it, cause I just know I can(cause I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). There is too much help & info out there to access for me to discount that. I just never planned to school the kids at home this long.

Schooling them through high mind wanders to, "What about the prom?" and stuff like that. I went to the prom two years and I had a pretty lame time generally. When I say that to other mothers I get the same response. Some didn't go or had a lame time. The very few that did have a good time seem to be linked to the "in crowd." But, all of the women I polled said the prom was not a defining moment in their high school years. They expressed that was a crazy reason for sending Maysie to school......most thought I better come up with a better reason than that....this is public school and home school moms.

From polling around I learned the prom is really more about buying the dress and getting dressed up than actually attending the prom......again UNLESS, this was a crushing on some one first date sort of thing.

Yeah, that is a stupid reason, I guess. When I make a list of pros vs. cons for both public school and home school, the home school list ALWAYS looks more healthy and intelligent. The public school list looks more social in general. In the home school community it is not looked upon well to put kids in public school, but I really don't care.........sort of.

In my heart, deep down, I know they should be with me here at home, cause I only have a short time with them in the whole scheme of life. The Lord has not given me peace with sending them to school. Though I have tried to force His hand and make myself have peace, He hasn't let me entertain those feelings long.

My mind dreams of the peace and quiet of a day when they are all in the care of an institution that is deemed a safe and educational.....and more or less free child care. That seems harsh I know, but that is how my gut feels.

I could spend all day with CB doing whatever he wants, like I did with Maysie when she was a baby. He could have his own mommy time, while the others were being group cared for and educated at the same they get fed, and I wouldn't have to cook it or clean it up. I swear I think our grocery bill would go down a little.

Doesn't that sound totally lazy? I day dream about M & Z having lots of friends and hanging out and doing this and doing that. However, when I poll folks, constantly I hear, "I hated high school, I am glad its over." I feel that exact way. I know D felt that way when he was in school.

I wasn't popular in school, I didn't do all the social clubs or have gobs of friends, though they were available to me. I had a few close girlfriends. I actually stay in touch with most of those girls. The one gal, Kim K. W. and I used to be called the "share a brain twins," we did everything together. We are still close even though we don't live in the same state. I still have dinner with Michelle B. W. when I am in Atlanta, which is never these days. I actually haven't seen her in a couple years, but I know if I did it would be cool, like we never left off.

So I believe myself to be disillusioned as to how high school would be if they went.....see how my thinking is still rambling on about the social stuff and not the education. I know plenty of great teachers here and a couple of principles too that are awesome. Being truthful though, my kids wouldn't have any of those teachers.

I don't know.......maybe being a home school mom is really who I am. I hate to be defined as she home schools, and that is how people know me.

Amy, the manic girl that home schools 4 kids.....


Amy, the manic girl that used to home school and now her kids go to school, she's out of the will of God, but adjusting to the discipline accordingly....

ugh, Gods discipline.........


Let me just order some curriculum now for petes sake............


.....later this morning, this is my devotional verse.....

Psalm 23:1-3

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.”

See what I mean? He won't let me entertain myself long.....

God knows me, of this I am sure.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

she kissed him about 100 times and headed to bed.......

Last night D & Sky went to a father/daughter dance in Farragut, called the Shamrock Ball. I was so excited for Sky cause it seems like all the kids are into something at one time or another but she really isn't. She spends time with her best girlfriend Abby, but other than that she kinda just does what everyone else does.

In the essence of one on one time, this was her moment.

Wearing Maysie's dress, her hair curled & sprayed, lip gloss & pearls on......she and D left around 5:30 to go and eat seafood.

That is something she and her dad have in common. They will eat all food from the sea. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it swims and can be eaten, it shall be done.

They shared a meal and headed over the dance a bit late, but better late than never.

Z spent the night off so that left me, May & CB. I made triple chocolate chip cookies and put CB to bed early. May and I finished off a few NCIS's that we had DVR'd.

When I heard the garage door opening around 10:00 pm, I couldn't wait to see how it went. In comes Sky bouncing & announcing she is home! She smells like garlic from dinner and her eye's are sparkling. I knew she had a good time.

I wanted all the details.

  • Who was there?
  • A DJ or live band?
  • What kind of Craft?
  • Did they dance?
  • Snacks?
  • Did she make a friend?
  • Did he meet some dads?
  • Did they win any prizes? (since this was a charity thing folks could win donated stuff)
  • Were idiot moms there who shouldn't have been?

........ALL the details...

D said the dance was packed with over 100 folks surely, a DJ, and some light food stuffs & lemonade. Sky flashed her beaded craft bracelet she had made and told me they took her picture sitting on Dad's lap and that she did not fake smile(which she is noted for).

Sky told me her dad got a little crazy on the dance floor and she was embarrassed but the slow dance he was better at. She told me the "Macarena" was a stupid dance but that she got jiggy with it on "Party in the USA" and so did Dad. She relayed that all the dad's knew how to "YMCA" but she did not.

D relayed to me at the restaurant they thought he was a lawyer because he was in a suit and tie, eating in the bar area, though he told them he was not. D & Sky sat in the bar area so they could eat & scat, cause it was taking too long to get seated & they were running they called Sky the "Little Prosecuter."

D told me there was some goofy dads there but he wasn't one of them.

They did not win any prizes.

The young girls knew the dance to the Thriller song which he found wild, so did the DJ apparently as he commented on the mic about how cool it was......& quite frankly I was wow'd too. He relayed he thought the "Macarena" was stupid dance also.

D's smile conveyed to me he had an awesome time too. We will surely put this on the calendar again for next year.

As we were winding down for the night.....
  • May continued to convey how not exciting her night with me was.
  • Sky told her dad, "Thank you," and kissed him about 100 times and headed to bed.
  • I continued to ask for every detail.

D finally told me while half asleep....."Go some where and read till your Lunesta kicks in...I have YMCA'd and Partied in the USA and I am exhausted, you are talking my head off, no more talking, I love you, goodnight."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On your knees & don't move..........

Monday before D went to work he cut the TV on for CB till I could get my brain in the on position. He put Sponge Bob on.

It was the episode where Sponge Bob and Patrick have invisible spray paint. So Sponge Bob takes off his pants suddenly and Patrick asks him why he did that. Sponge Bob replies that invisible spray paint stains the pants. So Patrick is all stupid as usual, "oh yeah" and he takes his off too.

D- Oh great.....nothing like Patrick porno 1st thing in the morning.......


While mom was here the kids felt the need to tell on me.

See.....I don't want to spank my kids all the time. It just doesn't work on some kids. Some kids get a spankin and they understand it and don't make that mistake again, that's May. Some kids you can talk disappointed too and that is way worse than a spankin, that's Z & Sky. They want me to spank them instead of be disappointed, I never do that. Z has actually asked me to just spank him and get it over with. He hates when he is in trouble. I make them wait it out. The after effect is greater for positive momentum.

CB though, I could spank him everyday 14 times a day and then minute his mind shifts gears its as if it never happened. So I have to be creative when I discipline him, to make sure he understands I mean business. So because he likes to be where we are, I separate him from us. I lock him out on the screened porch.

He can scream, stomp and act like a motard (Z's word moron and retard). Then when he wants to behave he can come back inside. He hates to be put outside, cause he wants to be where we are.

Well Amy, why don't you just put him in his room??

...cause he plays and its fun time, there is no consequence for his bad behavior.

So they tell my mom I have done this, she thinks it awful, and "she didn't raise me to be this way." Skip forward........

Saturday morning CB is blatantly disrespecting me and needing his butt whipped(to the onlooker). If I spank his butt, he's just going to scream louder and make me madder, the situation will worsen, and it will not produce the outcome I am looking for.

So I grab him up and lock him on the porch(my magic time out number is 4 minutes, his age). Mom and D think I am horrible. They go on & on about how I shouldn't do that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It is ludicrous, so I let the boy inside just to shut them up. He instantly is behaving. They are still going on about it's cold, he doesn't have on shoes........blah, blah, blah....

D tells me if its not all that why don't I go outside with no shoes & a t-shirt??

In the living room, right there, I yanked off my pajama pants and my shoes, I walk out onto my screened porch which is basking in the sunshine and is on hitting on 50 degrees .......

A-(on the porch in my nightshirt and underwear jumping up and down like a motard as to repeat CB's behavior) Oh it's awful out here! How can I do this to myself! The torment of the sunshine on my feet!! Oh it's awful let me in the house, please, please!!! The TORMENT(stomp my feet, bang on the door, flail my arms about)Please, please, it's awful, I can't stand this, please help me I am in such suffering and anxiety, I am going to need therapy, help me please, please, I would rather be spanked than put on the porch in the sunshine.

....CB thinks this is hilarious, he comes outside to watch & and jump up and down with me. I do this for another 3 or 4 minutes to prove how ridiculous their goings on are.

When I open the door to come back in, D is smiling with all his teeth showing, my mom is standing in the living room staring at me like I am in sheer madness....."What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? I went in the bedroom to change my shirt and when I come out you are on the porch in your underwear and pajama shirt acting like you have no sense."

She starts singing to me, "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with ya pants on the ground." D joins in adding his merry made up verses that make fun of the whole stupid situation.

She walks outside to find...yeah it does feel nice outside in the sunshine.....that it's not so bad after all.

What is so crazy about this to me is that I am trying not to lose my temper with the child so I separate him from me in a place that will not be fun time, but that is safe.

But my counterparts think I should spank him and all will be well. Some kids just aren't "spank their butt kids." CB is one of those, he doesn't care. You could spank him all day, it is not effective. Why would I put myself through the awfulness of spanking my child to make other people feel better about the situation? I am 100% sure that is not the way to discipline him. In the end I produce unwanted results that I have to deal with everyday, all day.

Parenting is hard work, it is not for the lazy folks that is for sure. I will not be disrespected. God gave me my children to raise according to His will and for His glory. I will be sure to do the best job I can, running the race set before me. But I simply will not feel false guilt for not using the discipline others think appropriate.

I had a friend once from an Asian country. While she and her daughter were at my house with some other girlfriends, one of the daughters committed a slander against her sister to the other children. It made the Asian mother very upset that her 13 or 14 year daughter would dis her own sister for gain.

The Asian mother clearly angry to the teen - "On your knees, and don't move."

She made her stand on her knees, upright, leaning on nothing, in my hallway with her face to the wall for 20 or 30 minutes or something. My girlfriend CM and I thought maybe she had forgotten about the teen and reminded her she was still in the hallway. The mother said she knew it, and we didn't bring it up again. Have you ever stood on your knees on hard wood, fully upright, for that amount of time? It isn't pleasant. The other children where in full view of this discipline.

How ever uncomfortable that made me, I said nothing. That is her culture and the way she chose to discipline as a mother. At this time in her parenting life her children were very well behaved, they did very well in school, they loved their mother.

Her point was made and she never spanked that child to make it. Why? Because I discussed with her much later about that day.....spanking did not work with that child.....but the knee thing did.

In my mind, if CB gets locked on the porch cause he is behaving unacceptably, that's nothing. Especially when I get the proper behavioral result I am seeking in the end. It is no different than a time's just time-outside.

I get a chance to cool off.......and so does he, literally.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

water slides, eating, snoring, & Menchies ........

We took off last Thursday and went to Wilderness in the Smokies indoor water park.

......we had a blast!

It's so wild to be swimming and actually getting a slight sunburn indoors while it is 38 degrees outside. This was a late b-day gift for Z, really late actually. I know he thought we'd never get there but it was worth the wait when it came at last.

This is this wave riding machine thing they call a's insane.

We took my mom with us. Even though she claimed she wasn't going to swim, she was just going to watch the kids, read her book and watch our, okay lady..........she had her bathing suit on as quickly as we did, never picked up her book and rode the water slides with Skylar and the rest of us.

She SO had a good time.

She needed it, it was time for her to get out of town. Two days later, hot tubs, a ba-jillion climbed steps, water slides, eating, snoring, Menchies, & of course a viewing of Twilight was time for Crazy Nana to head back to "The A-T-L."

When she left Maysie said, " When Nana goes home there is a spot of joy in my heart that is gone, everything in the house goes down a few notches, I hate when she leaves."

She speaks the truth. We missed Crazy Nana as soon as we couldn't see her vehicle driving away from us.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I'm not part of the dog & pony show............

I try to take one kid out with me when I am going to run some errands.

1. It's hard to get one on one time with 4 kids. The woman with 18 or 19 kids on TV cannot possibly spend any quality time with all of those children. I am not judging her I am just stating a fact. She may not feel its her duty to entertain her children.

Personally I am of that notion myself. I am not my children's dog and pony show. When my feet hit the floor I don't do a tap dance all the way to the kitchen to fix a bowl of cereal and top it off with a, "What fun thing can I do for you now and do you want some
cherries on top?"

This is not me.

However, I don't want my kids to remember me constantly busy, filling my time with everything except one on one time getting to know them a little better.

2. If I need some help then I have an extra pair of hands.

3. I can get about 100 more things done in a shorter amount of time if I just have one or two kids with me vs. all four of them.

This leads me to my last couple times out with Z which are usually on Tuesdays. I try to schedule all of our appointments on Tuesdays. That is our blow off day this year. Tuesday is my skip school we have a million things to do today.....most weeks.

So last Tuesday Z and I did some shopping at the Kroger in Harriman after some appointments. It was so cold outside I had told him we'd stop at Starbucks and grab a coffee if he liked. He was all, "Great!" I could see the gears in his mind clicking, thinking about our White Chocolate Mocha with the caramel drizzle and three vanilla bean scones.

As told, we did stop at Starbucks. It's our tradition before we actually drink the White Chocolate Mocha with the caramel drizzle(that Taryn Keely got me hooked on), you have to take the lid off and stick your finger in the whipped cream laden in caramel sauce. You then must scoop out a big fingertip full of the goodness and eat it, roll your eyes back in your head at it's deliciousness, and swear to each other how delicious it is. This is a tradition that May is aware of also. The three of us have a caramel drizzle fraternity.

We cannot drink the actual drink until this ritual has been preformed.

On this particular Tuesday Z and I both could not wait till we had gotten into the car to begin this ritual. Eye contact was made, between us in unspoken words the bags were to be dropped, whipped cream with caramel rituals should commence immediately. So right there at the coffee counter in Kroger we dropped our bags, pulled the lids off and began the fingertip scooping.

The Starbucks lady, just stared, then asked, "You guys like that whipped cream?"

A & Z- "mmmm, hhmmmm", head shaking the yes answer, "and the caramel drizzle..."

....the Starbucks goddess turns, grabs two small cups fills them to capacity with Starbucks whipped cream and lays on the caramel drizzle for days, she hands each of us a cup with two small spoons.

Z and I are in caramel drizzle heaven brain fog, with our mouths set the open position.......we think we are seeing a mirage. But in an effort to prove ourselves wrong our arms reach for the cups of whipped cream and caramel drizzle in great hopes that what we are seeing is truth.......IT IS!

Huge smiling and lapping of delicious goodness commenced, gratitude galore went to the Starbucks lady and she was happy that we were so happy.

Ms. Starbucks relayed to us she was just doing her job. We loved Ms. Starbucks that morning. Her surprise gift took us both by storm. After telling her what a Starbucks goddess she was & that we hoped her generosity would be returned to her that day by others.......we adored her hard all the way home because her willingness to make us happy was such an unexpected gift.

Now, dig on Earth Fare market the following week, after taking Z to get a $7 hair cut at Great Clips, we stopped in to see what kinds of cool fruits & vegetables they may have. Such as blood oranges or purple carrots. Kroger doesn't usually carry these types of produce. Not that I buy them all the time, but it is fun to seek and try some new things in small amounts for the heck of it.

Plus Earth Fare sells other unique cool stuff like, Cherry Vanilla Blue Sky Soda, LOVE IT! They also sell this bath salt that has a peculiar name, Tired old Ass (TOA), that is WONDERFUL! You usually have to buy it online, but Earth Fare carries it sometimes. It's a great soak for my hips and ankles when my arthritis is screaming at me. I don't know what's in the stuff but I am crazy about it. It's a great gag gift for people on mile stone birthdays, well, if they have a sense of humor anyway.Italic

So I grab the last jar of the TOA stick it in our basket, along with the Blue Sky soda, and some Annie Chuns, and we head out to pay. The cashier is not that friendly really, but not rude. He rings, loads the stuff in bags after we discuss which....paper, plastic, or box, best suits my small purchase, of which I could care less, cause I am already dreaming of the Blue Sky soda I am going to down in the car. The glass jar of TOA is not in the plastic bag properly as the bag is loaded into my small basket and I can see it is going to fall out....

A- Zac, Zac, Zac!

Z- (looking all over the basket for the thing I am speaking urgently about, not finding it)

TOA slowly topple-ing out of the basket onto the floor, Z suddenly seeing, trying desperately to savor my much coveted happy hips juice........CRASH!

I know that is the last jar of the salt, it can't be replaced with a new one. Z is thinking, oh crap, I just broke the jar (which he didn't it was a total accident upon loading), The white guy, afro hair, hippie cashier is just standing there in shock.

I am thinking.....Dude! Surely someone has spilled some crap up in here before. It's your fault tree hugger, you loaded it wrong, why are you looking at Zac?? Get yer broom and sweep dumb butt, there is glass on the floor.

A- Do you have a broom?

White guy, afro hair, tree hugger - (moves to get a broom, puts the dust pan down, with no intentions of using it. Starts sweeping)

Little brat Farragut boy dressed in Tommy Hilfiger from head to toe at the age 6 - LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!! HE BROKE IT!!

Z- Oh Mom, I am so sorry...

A- Z, it's okay, it's something that happened, gravity happened....

Afro tree hugger now has a pile swept together and is standing there staring at it, like what next......I am like is this guy for real?

So I go behind the counter pick up the dust pan and put it on the floor in front of his broom.

Light Bulb!

He sweeps the salt and glass into the pan and says, "Yeah, it's good this isn't juice or something."

I am like.....are you high? What is wrong with you?

He does not offer to get me another, even though I know there are no more. He does not say we'll pay for that since it was my error in loading. He does not say anything pleasant to us, not even goodbye or thank you for helping me clean that up, kiss my TOA......nothing.

In the car...

Z- That was horrifying. Gosh, the man looked at me like I was........I don't know........a pile of turds or something.

A- Forget it. Things like this happen it was an accident. I am 100% sure you are not the first person to spill something in the store, and surely it was as much his fault also.

Why is it organic food stores have the most pretentious customer service, when they have the most expensive groceries? I have never been in one single organic health food store, and had the kind of good customer service I have had at Kroger in Harriman & also at the Kroger in Farragut. Does expensive groceries = pretentious attitude?.... cause that is crazy.

I virtually never go in Earth Fare, unless I want some TOA, Blue Sky Soda, Hint water products, California baby, or specific Burts Bees products. Not once, NOT ONCE, have I ever had an encounter with an employee at Earth Fare that was memorable in kindness. I look for it, but it's just not there. I want it to be there, it just isn't.

Repeatedly Kroger had shown me extreme to the good, customer service. They are consistently helpful, courteous, and friendly. I could spout off three more stories of kindness right now that I have encountered at Kroger.

I drive out of my way to shop there because of it.

Good customer service is awesome, and I show gratitude for it!