when you put a platypus in someone's bed it's called a platy-prank.............

Uncle Charlie to Maysie some time ago - What did you do to your hair?

M- I got it highlighted.

UC- Yeah one time I highlighted some strands of my hair....the ones that were more important than the others.

.................................................

May to me one night before dropping them off at Awana - Are you going to fix your hair?

A- Yes.

M- Good. It looks like the curly wall of terror and doom.

....................................................

Z in the car on the way to soccer practice - Did you know that a platypus is poisonous?

A- No

Z pretending to be a geek and dorking out someone else dorkier than himself - Hey, ya know that kid over there?.....Well, he got bit by a platypus. Now he has platy-pox.

M (from the back seat somewhere)- ....and he had to take some platy-pills and rush to the platy-porcelain pony when he had to platy-poop. He had to platy-pray to the platy-pope for healing so he wouldn't become platy-paralyzed.

A, Z, S, & CB (insert much laughing)

M- You have to cook platypus eggs in a platy-pan......and when you put a platypus in someone's bed it's called a platy-prank.

A, Z ,S ,& CB (insert much laughing)

.................................................................

Getting in the car for practice one night, it's just me, Z, and one other kid, I can't remember which one, probably Cole. Cole is in his car seat Z climbs all the way to the back of the van. I am like why is he sitting all the way back there?

A- Why are you sitting all the way back there?

Z- I don't know I just felt like it.

A- Well, sit up front or in the middle?

Z- Why? What difference does it make where I sit?

A- Number one because I said so. Number two because I am your mother not your chauffeur. I don't chauffeur you around from event to event cause I have nothing better to do...because that's my job. I purposefully drive you to those events because I want to watch you play. I want you to have a good time doing what you enjoy. So when you sit up front it acknowledges to me that you understand I am not your maid, I am your mother who chooses to take you to your happy place.

Z moving up front huffing a bit.....I know he is rolling his eyes though I cannot see it.

Z- Why Lord......do females have to be so dang complicated all the time?

The way I see it....I'm just breaking him in well for his future wife.......

....................................................

I haven't had the time to blog or do anything that remotely causes my brain to rot in decompression since school started and it's not going to get better any time soon. The only thing I can do is drive from place to place and try to "keep up with the Jones' " which I despise. I can't stand running all over Hell and creation throwing money out of my car windows in the form of gas and losing what feels like a life time in the drivers seat of my car. Keeping the files in my mind in order so as not to skip something is a freaking chore these days.

So one morning while lamenting in despair over my Outlook calendar looking like someone threw up lego blocks on it in the form of activities that steal my valuable time.....Cole shuffles into my room in the early morning darkness and crawls up in my lap. He nods back off to sleep.

I notice his top lip pushed forward as he sucks his thumb hard. I can smell his breath, it wreaks of a good nights sleep. I can see the veins in his eyelids, smoothly covering his big greenish eyes. I notice his stark white hair bleached from the summer sun and his tan body hanging all over me. His legs have gotten so long that they hang over one side of my chair and his head is hanging over the crease of my other arm on the other side.

My baby is so long all of the sudden.....in fact he isn't even a baby or a toddler, he's a little boy. When the heck did that happen? I try to hold him more like a baby to see if it will change my perspective, but it doesn't.

He's really big.

My last baby is a baby no more.

I pulled him close to sniff his hair and his face to see if he smelled like a baby. He smelled like shampoo from the night before and that's it.

CB(sleepily)- Mom.........quit smelling me. I took a bath last night. My stomach wants something delicious to eat. It wants toast with no butter and chocolate milk.

This means he wants toast with butter. If he sees you put the butter on the toast, he won't eat it. If you serve him the toast with no butter...he won't eat it. So you have to do it all in secret, then everything is furry bunnies and rainbows.

I completely forgot about that despicable calendar of events for the day. I realized that my baby boy was really a little boy.......

........all the time with all of my babies is forever gone. It was really a jagged little pill to swallow for a few minutes. My throat physically squeezed tight and my eyes tried hard not to get wet.........



.....then suddenly..... I felt euphoria.

It came to me, I would never ever, ever, ever, have to potty train again.

All the stars in my universe were aligned properly after that.

he gave me 3 containers of Floam and then drove away..............

As stated before I try not to play up the Santa Claus thing here at he house, cause it irritates me a little.

But one year on my way home from dropping Maysie off at an Awana Christmas party, I saw my neighbor leaving his house dressed up like Santa Claus. He had been playing Santa at one of his two kids Christmas parties.

It happened like this:

He got dressed as Santa for HIS kids Christmas parties thinking he was going to be a hero, feeling good about himself.

On his way out the door his next door neighbor had her mommy GPS on go. When he set foot out the front door she asked him if he'd stop by their house on the way in from the party later that night. She'd leave gifts on the porch, one for each of her three kids.

He said yes.

He arrived home that evening and was heading toward their house when I spotted him. I was in early stages of labor with Cole, so I am all crazed out in the mind pregnant thinking, "OH wouldn't it be super cool if he could visit Sky?! Let me see if I can make it happen."

I turn my car on two wheels and descend on Santa before he knows what's happening.

A- (hanging across my passenger seat, with my passenger seat window down, trying not to be in labor) Heeeeyy Santa....you wanna go for a ride to my house real quick and see a very bad little 3 year old girl.....please, please, plllleeeeeeeease?

Santa - I told R****** I 'd go see her kids. (He looks exhausted, but I am in labor and I don't care.)

A- (I didn't want to have to do this manipulative thing at Christmas but....I had to pull the trump card. I could tell he was going to totally bail) I'm in labor and I am begging you, feel sorry for me and get in my car. I will drive you home I swear, right after you do the deed. I'll give you cookies and milk.......and some floam to give my bad little girl.......

Santa - (still walking heading up the driveway and not wanting to tell me yes) Amy....I wasn't intending to do all this you know?......

A- I know......but really... right now, I am bigger than you. I could actually just take you down Santa and make you give my girl Floam and not give you any cookies............I will be your best friend......

Santa - (almost to their door now) Go home. Leave the gift on the steps and I will drive down when I am done here...and (he hollers down the porch steps) I don't want anymore cookies!

A- Okay then! (excited, mission accomplished)...I'm outta here, FLOAM wrapped up on the front steps! Her name is Skylar!

Santa waves me off to leave.

I rush home, get my big, fat, pregnant, in early labor butt in the house and hurry to put the gift on the porch before she sees me. D is all, "What is wrong with you? What are you doing?"

A- SH! I got Santa coming over here.....

D- What.....

A-Just be quiet and wait a dang minute.

ding dong

Sky runs out of her room. My dog is barking her head off cause no one rings our bell at night that late.

I open the door and there he is with the gift... "Ho Ho Ho Miss Skylar, how are you this evening pretty girl?"

Sky is seriously looking like, what the heck? Santa is at my door?

She is hanging onto my leg so tightly......D is grinning from ear to ear......

Santa - Skylar I have brought a gift for you this evening to open early....have you been a good little girl?

Sky- (always brutally honest, even at 3) um, no not really.

Santa -(he snickers a little cause he thought I was lying earlier) Well then, I will give you this gift if you will promise to be a good girl till Christmas......at least, right?........Mom?

A- Yes, yes Santa that would be fine. (So dang funny, Santa trying to give a bad girl a gift, with stipulations he knows by her truthful eyes she won't keep.)

A - I know you are surely busy Santa....and tired, you probably need to head off huh and get some rest before the big gift exchange next week.....

Santa - Yes, Yes I do....It was surely good to see you Miss Skylar, I do need to get back, but I will see you again soon....be good now.

I shut the door and Sky is in shock. While she is coming to terms with the fact Santa just came to her house, I sneak out the front door. I make haste out to his car to tell him, thank you, thank you, thank you, and that I owe him a lawn mowing or something in the spring. Which he did not collect on.

Santa getting in his car - "Are you really in labor?"

A- Yes, just early labor, I have a little bit of time before things start to rock and roll....

Santa - for petes sake......

A- Thank you again!

That was actually the night of two Kens......

One who was Santa.

One who would sleep on my couch at some unholy hour, in the middle of the night to stay with my kids while D and I went to the hospital. Well, actually until my mom could get here the next morning.

Anyhoo....all this story to say, Sky still believes in Santa. This little boy at church told her Santa wasn't real. She has never asked me about it so luckily I haven't had to address that.

....in the car on the way home from the mountains the weekend of May's b-day.....

S- Do you know what Z** C***** told me?

A, M, & Z- What?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- He said Santa Claus wasn't real.

Z- Well, what did you say?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- I said, well yes he is. He came to my front door and gave me 3 containers of Floam. Then he drove away in a car.........which was weird.

We all catch each others eyes in the car and smile.

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

All this time I didn't know she saw him pull out of the driveway in a car. :oD

Our butterfly came out last night!...........

Tip: If you actually click on the photographs they'll blow up and you can see lots of cool detail close up......fun facts to know and tell

This was our chrysalis a couple days ago






















Maysie noticed him sitting on the skates in the garage last night with a pool of what looked like blood underneath. We guessed it might juice from his wings drying out or something. We must have wiped it up in this photo.

















So this morning I thought I'd go and check on him, still there hanging out.


















As If he wanted to show off a bit, the butterfly opened up it's wings a few times for me to snap off its pretty fall colors.


















Then we let him go.......

So cool we got to catch this.......

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies"
Author Unknown

I don't care ...you can stick it in my face...just give to me.....

So today is May's b-day. She is 13.

My first child is 13.

I am not worried about teenager-hood for some reason. I mean she rolls her eyes at me sometimes and occasionally gets a bit huffy, but really she is a super good girl. I feel like we have pretty good and "frank" communication. I honestly believe if she needed to ask me something super personal she'd do it and not even give it a second thought. Which right now, is wonderful, as I see it.

Will it last? I have no idea....my mom and I always communicated really well. I would usually just say it and she would not over react generally and problems were hashed out and taken care of. I don't want to be May's best friend, I want to be her mother....but I am certainly enjoying our grown up girl time and private talks.

Those times reaffirm her confidence in me to be there for her, I can totally dig that.

This time 13 years ago I was in labor for the 6th day.... 7 to 10 minutes apart & next to no dilation.

By this time, this morning, 13 years ago D and I had made a minimum of three trips to the hospital at 7 minutes apart in the middle of the night, to 10 to 15 to 20 minutes apart after being monitored and sent home.

By this time 13 years ago D had shaved way to much cause he thought today would be the day and he wanted to have a clean shave for pictures with his new baby, cause we didn't know the sex of the baby.

He was so tired the last trip we made that I caught him sitting down to pee on the toilet. I asked him what he was doing sitting to pee and he told me, "Amy, I don't know.......I'm just tired..."...... and bleeding on his face from shaving to much.

So I went to the doc to get checked on this morning 13 years ago and nothing was happening on day 6 with contractions 7 to 10 minutes apart, can I just say that one more time...... having used all the old wives tale ways to get the party started.....from hot sauce, sex, and walking to the doc moving my innards around twice and next to no dilation still existed......he decided to induce. I bowed down & worshiped the man.....and so did D.

So crazy.... I thought I would go natural, cause I took the birthing classes. D and I knew how to breathe, how difficult could it be?!

When I got to the room, the gal asked did I want the epidural, I told her I didn't care if she stuck it in my face to give it to me soon, I was exhausted.

At 5:01pm out came this wonderful little baby girl at 7 lbs 10oz & 20 3/4 inches long.

I cried and cried as I held her, cause birth is an amazing thing. D took her into the hall and showed her to my mom and dad, to his mom and dad, & announced they had a new grand- daughter. All was furry bunnies, rainbows, and pink hearts in the universe for out little family that day.

Happy Birthday May May

XOXO