Friday, August 28, 2009

"For God so loved the American and Western culture that he gave His only begotten Son."......

Okay, I am just about done with this rant.......but OH MY GOSH!

I had to put this Devo Mail from Skip Heitzig in my blog.

Call Skip Heitzig's Devo Mail my guest blogger, cause this goes right along with the theme,
"Christians......just not the only Christians."

This just rocked my world at 10:30pm after watching the film Hotel Rwanda with Don Cheadle, choking on my own tears stuck in a mass in my throat.

"Dear Connection Friend,

Sometimes we operate under a false assumption—or if we don't have it, there are plenty of people around us who do. It's this: "Christianity is a Western religion; it's for people in the West." Excuse me, but it started in the East! Or people will say, "You have no right to impose your Western, Christian values on people around the world." That may sound very politically correct. Only one problem: It's not spiritually correct.

There is little tolerance today for missions, for the idea of going out, leaving your culture and talking to everyone around the world about their need for Jesus Christ. Listen to what the late musician Frank Zappa once said: "Missionary evangelism is the height of cultural arrogance. To go to somebody else's country and attempt through trickery, food, or medical treatment to capture souls for Jesus presumes that the guy with the travel budget and the hypodermic needle has a spiritual edge over the native he's going to save." Again, this may sound politically correct, but it's not the heart of God.

When Jesus arrived on the scene in Bethlehem, an angel announced the good news. And what did he say? "I bring you good tidings which shall be..." to a few people? To the people living right here in Bethlehem? To the Americans later on? No, he said, "I'm bringing you good tidings of great joy which shall be for all people." John 3:16 doesn't say, "For God so loved the American and Western culture that he gave His only begotten Son." It says, "For God so loved the world." The gospel is for everyone.

The treatment for heart disease, lung disease, or any other disease is universal—the same treatment for cancer works in India as well as it does in America. And the cure for sin is the same in England, in America, in China, in India, in Sri Lanka, as it is anywhere else. It's the same cure; it's Jesus and His blood. And He's the Doctor who tells all of us, "Go! You have the cure. Go into all the world."

Jesus never said to a lost world, "Come to church." But He did say to the Church, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel." This is "the Great Commission" that we find in Mark 16:15. And in Acts 1:8 Jesus said they would be witnesses of Him "in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth."

Well, guess what? At one time, we in the West were the ends of the earth! The Great Commission hasn't changed. It's still the same. Jesus still says, "Go."

In His strong love,

Skip Heitzig"

I you are intersted in recieving awesome Devo Mail from Skip here's the link,

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28

Thursday, August 27, 2009

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
Isaiah 26:3

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

If you buy a lottery ticket yer goin to hell........

This may burn yer eyes & make you feel uncomfortable, it will probably irritate you a bit, so consider yourself warned.

This heaviness on my heart must come out, so I can be done with it.

Our pastor preached on what a friend looks like at church this past Sunday. What you should look like and what they should look like when the word "friend" is used. Generally speaking a friend should lift you up in every way.

I can dig that.

It just got me to thinkin though. Sometimes you have a friend who doesn't do that. It isn't that they drag you down they just want to hold one to such a standard that it excludes instead of includes.

okay, stay with quite a few of my friends, and I do mean friends, are church hopping. You know, checking out some other churches. Truth be told for a wide variety of reasons, not any certain one, though some would say differently.

I have this one friend who visited a church not to far from ours. The church is non denominational and their motto is something like this:

We are Christians, just not the only Christians

That really resonated with me because, presently I am a Baptist, Southern Baptist to be exact. They can be pretty exclusive from the inside out. I mean they genuinely want folks to be saved for sure, but once you have been there a while and yer serving tight neck and neck, your standard better match theirs or one might feel judged by those who need to be judged by themselves. Not necessarily at our church, cause I was a Baptist before I married D for a bit when I was younger, but I see it at ours also at times. I am pretty much right on the money with their beliefs so being a Baptist is really pretty easy for me. In my heart of hearts though I am convinced I am non denominational through and through.

**Organized religion is a hairy thing. Like we used to be Methodist. Methodist say its okay to drink wine. When we lived out west, I didn't know a single Methodist that didn't drink wine. Were they drunkards? NO! ! They were good people loving, serving, studying, and worshipping the Lord. I met some wonderful people who fed me well spiritually in the Methodist church, both in South Carolina and New Mexico. One of those Christ honoring men in New Mexico, introduced my husband to the Gideon ministry.

BUT.....if you are a Baptist by golly & you drink wine, yer goin to Hell fool! It's okay to smoke or dip a little, but do not drink the dang wine.....and whatever you do, do not buy a lottery ticket, you will go to Hell.......this is severe sarcasm of course, but this feeling is prominent.

I have done both before and my relationship with God is as strong as it ever was. Am I a drunkard? NO!! Do I gamble away our finances? NO!! God loves me just the same and he hears my prayers. His love fills me to capacity constantly. I can't breathe without Him and He lavishes me constantly for seeking Him and being obedient even when it is uncomfortable.

In some dark secret place in my mind, where no one can hear me think..... I am thankful for the lottery cause I am hoping that my kids will get help from the state of TN for college money. My sister became a nurse on the GA. lottery and I am so proud of her. My parents could have never afforded to send her to the wonderful school she got her nursing degree from. It had and still does have one of the best nursing programs in the south.

** to sprinkle water and call their children baby can say with their mouth's that they know Christ and confess to the world they are sinners. John the Baptist submerged Jesus and God said it was good. Baptism by submersion makes Biblical sense every day of the week to me. Baptist submerge, I am about that. D had to be submerged to join our church. He was sprinkled as a child and so were May and Zac. Both of them had to be submerged to join also. D said he was glad he was submerged, it was special and really meant a lot to him. Like wise so did May. I made Z wait a bit even though he was saved so he could fully understand the statement he was making to the congregation. When I was confident he understood, he was submerged. Baptism is a statement that you are born again in Christ and it is not a task to be completed to get into heaven.

**Like Communion, The Lords Supper....I hate the way Baptist do it. They read the Bible all monotone with no emotion at all, everyone eats the wafer, read the Bible all monotone with no emotion at all, everyone drinks the juice, it's over, what's next on the agenda for the service. They only do it like twice a year or something, it's rare whatever it is.

The Methodist get this right, in my opinion. When we were Methodist taking Communion was special, it was exciting, and reflective. They do it by intinction, can you say that with me..........i n t i n c t i o n.

The congregation would get into a single file line row by row with the ushers guiding them to the alter up front. The folks step in front if the minister who is holding consecrated fresh bread prepared a certain way. You pull a small piece off and partly dip it into the cup of juice. He says the verse all ministers say at Communion. The thing is while you are taking the Communion the person behind you lays their hands on you to pray for you. It's special. It's meaningful.

I have also done it by way of kneeling at the alter with 10 or so other folks. The minister and some other helpers hand out the wafers and juice say some verses to you and you take the Communion. The whole time the group next in line behind you lays hands, one for one, to pray for the person receiving the Communion. When your group is through, you get up and they kneel and the people behind them pray for them and so forth. It's very nice and causes one to pause and think of Christ appropriately. They take Communion once a quarter I think.

When I take Communion with my children at church now, it feels more like a ritual than a meaningful event. I miss the specialness of that.

The Baptist have an alter call every Sunday, Methodist rarely if ever have an alter call. How can one make a decision for Christ when you are not given the opportunity right in the Lords house.
If one is in the Methodist church and feeling the spirit move in them to make a decision, and then they leave the building....I bet Satan attacks them ferociously to sway them back to the thought process of, "What was I thinking, do I really need Jesus like that?" Alter call is very important to me in a church.

I do believe that more times than not drinking is a stumbling block, playing lottery when you cannot afford groceries & pay bills properly is bad, to get dunked or not get dunked, to sing hymns from a hymn book or rock out with drums, to alter call or not to alter call........

........I believe if one isn't hung up on those stumbling blocks, they have their own stumbling block that isn't as high profile.

Satan seeks your weakness no matter what it is and he strokes it gently and attractively, so you won't avoid it easily. You can pick and choose the ones you like and don't like & stand on yer corner going on about it, but deep inside Satan is stroking your weakness too. Especially if you are steadfast for the Lord, cause you, Christian, are gonna do Satan the most eternal damage. Let us not forget to stand on the corner and preach to ourselves also.

As a friend, I am not sure this is uplifting, I apologize a little, but not fully, cause it's a truth for me.

We are Christians, just not the only Christians.......

"Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."...........Romans 12:4-5

To me, I am a part of a whole. I am 100% aware that my actions speak about Christ & I am accountable.

But, it is Christ who convicts me and not my religion.

Monday, August 24, 2009

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect........

Where to begin......


So Caesar sees me one night after work and says to me something along the lines of since I'm a liar, had a told a lie that day?.....

It just so happened I had. That particular morning Cole wanted ice cream for breakfast and I told him he could have it, except that the ice cream was really yogurt with sprinkles.

I don't care what I feed the kid as long as I put sprinkles on it he'll eat it, oh yeah, or ketchup. Cole eats everything with ketchup, you name it, if I put ketchup or sprinkles on it he'll eat it.

I put sprinkles on green beans, oatmeal, pizza, macaroni, cheese toast, waffles, hamburger without the bun, I once even put sprinkles on a chicken leg to get him to try he loves chicken legs.

I put them on top of and inside of quesodillas.

It's Cinco de Mayo party chicken & quesodillas! ARRRRRRIBA!

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect but by golly Cole bear ate the quesodillas. I'm here to tell you if it weren't for quesodillas, oatmeal, chips, and choclate milk.....Cole would die of starvation.

Here's another lie I told repeatedly Saturday or something.....

All day long when CB asked me if he could have anything and everything that was commercialized on TV, I said "yes." So he would be quiet. All the time people are saying you should say "yes" to your child more than you say "no."

I'm just going along with the "in parenting" crowd.....the "just say yes" crowd instead of the "just say no." As long as I tell him he can have it, he moves along to the next thing on his little brains agenda and forgets all about it.

To be perfectly honest the kid could care less about toys at Walmart or where ever as long as he gets a .25 toy from the gumball machine on the way out of Kroger. If he is good and doesn't act like a moron while I am shopping, I am happy to obliged the little fella with a .25 ball that will bounce all over my house and get lost promptly. It's all good.

I told a lie this morning to D......

Repeatedly I told him CB had a dental appointment at 9:30 this morning. I told him all weekend cause I was dreading it. I told him last night in late night bed talk before he laid still for 2 seconds flat and drifted off effortlessly. I swear if I shut up for 5 seconds, just 5, he's gone......I'm so jealous that he can do that.

So this morning he wanted me to get up, so he could talk, and I would fix coffee, and la la la...
D was asking me this series of ridiculous questions with answers so obvious, that I pretended to be asleep so as to stop the insanity and make him get in the shower. So he asked me what I planned to do today......I'm like, "What do I do everyday Babe? School the kids, do dishes, wash clothes, fix food, be a tyrannt and stomp through the house like a maniac......."
D- Don't you have to take Cole to the dentist?
A- yes
D- What time?
A- I told you that a million times....
D- at 9:00?
A-(insert lie, so he'll shut up) yes

Now he goes to take a shower cause he has asked me enough questions to feel comfortable coffee and breakfast will be forthcoming.

Later I'm saying goodbye to him in the driveway and obtaining my three OCD must have kisses, with his "Hooked on Japonics" blaring:

"EEEgo ga Wa kari mas ka? iee wa kari mas sin."
(English do you understand? No, I understand not.) he's shoving sausage, egg, & cheese biscuit in his mouth.

D- Yer gonna be late you better get movin, you should be leavin in just a bit.
A- No, I don't have to leave for another hour or so
D- (stopping the backward motion of the truck we call Big Red, Ford F150, cause we don't give a crap about global warming apparently) I thought you had to be there at 9:00
A- No, at 9:30 (for the 700th time)
D- You lied to me this morning.....
A- I did, so you would shut up and get in the shower.
D- Okay liar, have a good day, call me when Cole's done & let me know how he did........

.....and off he went.......with his biscuit and japonics


Not too long ago I was watching a video tape D had taken while at Myrtle Beach with both of our families before we had kids. I was sportin this hot tamale, plaid, pink and orange two piece and looking pretty tan. I was a newlywed and I actually thought I was fat then, who dag gone knew......eeeesh, next......

Anyway, on the video D was so South Carolina slang I could not understand him. His old roommate Donald was on the video and so was D's brother..... slang, slang, slang, long drawn out southern South Carolina jibberish. I swear I had to rewind it to understand him and his old roommate.

When D's brother visited recently I let D and his brother watch the video. They could not understand D or Donald either. It was a hoot, we had to rewind and listen to it a couple times. Most people still think D is pretty slang or from New Orleans, God forbid. They just have no idea how traveling around has helped him to settle that accent a bit.

I can also tell I have been married to him a while cause recently people have asked me where I am from. That rarely happens to me.

Plus, I told May to get me the fly swatter the other day. She informed me she had just come to realize, that I was saying FLY SwaTTeR. She thought the name of the bug killing tool was "flahswahtta." I thought that was hilarious.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thankful Thursday, with an upper case "T" cause today is looking better already......

These are the things I am already thankful for today:

** A good nights sleep
**coffee and peanut butter whole wheat bagel
** Derrick

D is going to Japan in October to a conference for work. He'll be gone about a week and a half. So he had said he was going to just wing it with the language. I told him he needs to learn a few words at least, like toilet, hotel, taxi, yes, no, thank you.....and so forth.

So he had a good nights sleep too last night appparently and came off with these funny things to start our day......

"high" said extremely fast means "yes"...but he always says it with the grunting karate voice, it's hilarious. I told him I bet all Americans go over and grunt when they say yes cause that is the way we see them on TV. Sort of like they see all southerners are hillbilly stupid livin in shacks with trash in the front yard on TV.

Then he tells me he is going to say something like, in a completely stupid, southern, hillbilly voice, "All this is real purdy and all but whar is Gawdzillah?" Which I thought was hilarious.

He tells me, while hugging me goodbye in the kitchen, he has ordered some language cd's called hooked on Japonics.

He tells me while getting into his truck that he knows Japanese already and he moves his lips funny and out of sync with his words, as if he is being translated into English and says, "Look....there" Which again, is funny to me at 7:00 in the morning.

Here is one more, while he was getting his lunch together in a bag, he went to the candy box where he could pick a a small box of nerds, small bag of m&m's, or something .....he picks up a "Ponky" which is candy from the country of Columbia. My mom had a co-worker bring it back from Columbia when she had traveled back home. Mom sent some home with me. We like it.

So D is dancing around my kitchen singing about how the "honky wants some Ponky and it's fonky" and in the bag the candy goes.

** Last night I was able to lead a child to Christ at Awana. After such a crappy day and going on about my glass being completely empty, that filled my cup to capacity.

It also got my thinking back on track a bit with the dentist thing. In that I am thankful D has a job right now with dental insurance. Although it isn't the best dental insurance if there is such a thing as one, it pays for something at least and we do have it.

My children have access to a Pediatric Dentist and I am thankful.

Every time Cole smiles at me I cringe a little cause baby......his tooth......but I am going to choose to be thankful we have dental insurance today.........and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday......& Monday hopefully he'll look more normal.....again, whatever that is.

Plus....this was my Bible verse this morning,

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
My glass is full.....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

woeful wednesday, with a lower case "w", cause today stinks..........

These are the things I hate about today:

**We had to go to the pediatric dentist unplanned.

.......because last week Cole was sliding across the floor on Jenny's dog pillow and missed the pillow face first. He landed on his top lip, bumping his buck teeth into the proper spot they should be in if he wouldn't suck on his stupid thumb all the time. blood, blood, blood, screaming, and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and waiting...... till yesterday when I noticed the dumb tooth was turning grayish.

Dr. P tells me he has to have a root canal in his front tooth, on the front of the the dumb tooth cause he can't go through the stupid, idiotic back of the tooth for some dumb, idiotic reason that I don't know cause I am not a pediatric dentist. No matter how many times I wished I was over the past decade, I am not.

Dr. P decides that all the kids are due for checkup lets do them all.

Maysie is the best brusher in the family, besides me, she flosses, and she cares genuinely about her teeth's health. She always has some problem that literally takes an act of a democratic lead congress to get fixed. So she has a cavity in a spot that she wouldn't normally because of her Herbst appliance. So Dr. P wants May to go to Dr. F to get the thing taken off, then back to his office, so he can fix the cavity, then back to Dr. F. to put the Herbst back on......I'm like, "Are you sure it's all that Dr. P? Can you have some mercy on my soul? Look and see real hard if you can fix it without going through congress..."....he says, ..."maybe.....ask Dr. F if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah , blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......."

Z has a stupid small cavity, "in a place that normally doesn't get cavities and he is clearly brushing well, it's just something that has happened...".........well, of course. Z is a good brusher too he is more about the quantity than the quality of brushing though.....he thinks, I will brush hard and more times a day than soft and hit all the points well.

Sky is the only one who gets the all clear really, and she half jack brushes. If I didn't give her the scratch test every night she'd be lucky to have teeth. She is getting better cause she knows I will do it again if she doesn't get'em good.

** We just started school again and we are already off the schedule because of the unplanned appt.

**I want to eat the world, cause I feel like it, cause I hate the pediatric dentist....even though I know it really isn't his fault. It just seems all the dang time we have to blow a wad at his office cause somebody has tried to knock their teeth out or something else crazy is going on.

It was just this past summer Maysie tried to get her tooth knocked out with a cooler at a party. We think hers may have been healed by the Lord. We are playing a waiting game. Dr. F told us her tooth would die also and she would need a root canal. He told me not to worry about it. It happens all the time, if I didn't quit going on I would give May a complex. I'm thinking duh fool, she is 13 and her front tooth is dying...I AM FREAKING OUT!!!

I told Dr. F, "Well, I am going to pray for the Lord to heal her tooth. She has went through so much with her teeth, I hope He'll have mercy on her." Dr. F gave me the whatever, but kind smile and sent me on my way.

Next visit....the tooth was healed. Dr. F says, it can still die, but Dr. P said this morning it looks good.....we just need to wait a year to see how it looks. So now I have to wait a year to see if the Lord healed that tooth.....I choose to believe He healed it. Cause the Bible says the Lord hears the prayers of a righteous man.......that would not be me. It would be May though, she is good and her faith is solid and she wears it strongly.

I believe the Lord healed the tooth for her.

....and maybe a little for me as a scrap from the table, cause I want so badly for her to be through with teeth issues.

**Thoughts of my dad are bombarding me also, and I have no idea why......

I just want to put my face in a pillow and cry today. My girlfriend Wendy told me I should do it, it would make me feel better............but I hate crying.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The meager satisfaction that man can extract from reality leaves him starving.

Sigmund Freud

сегодня я wallowing в реальности и я не чувствую никакое соответствие.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I can't wear church clothes because they hold me accountable for road rage.....

I was writing this blog a long time ago, that I never finished, about how people act different when they wear their church clothes.

Like when I was the director of Sparks last year, for example. It was a Wednesday and I had errands to run. I didn't want to wear my red polo Sparks uniform shirt all day cause if I had road rage or something then I would be held more accountable, never mind the "Hard Core Jesus Freak" Harley Davidson style sticker stuck on the back window of the van. Just Kiddin.........sort of.

I sometimes would wear the Sparks shirt and use it as a witnessing tool when I would do my shopping cause people always ask you about it when you wear it. It's a no brainer if you are on your "A" game with the Lord. Witnessing spills out effortlessly. But if you are having a bad day and you have the shirt on and you are on your"D" game with the Lord, then it might not be so good.

So anyway I wore a pink shirt, this long, off white, shaggy sweater thingy & I had my hair in a banana clip, this particular Wednesday. Cause at that time I was on my personal mission to bring back the 80's, I'm over that phase.........sort of.

The little Sparkies(K-2nd grade) at first didn't recognize me. They thought I looked so "pretty." All night they kept saying nice things about how I was dressed. It was funny to me that they perceived me so differently outside of a red polo with my hair down.

Throughout the year I had given away kindness coins to kids who were exceptionally well mannered, followed directions well, or showed some kind of exceptional kindness towards another. This one little boy said, "Ms. Amy you look so pretty, I really like your hair and sweater, but I am really just saying this to get a kindness coin." I'm like, you just blew it dude. I told him, "If you want to get a coin sometimes you have to leave off a little bit of the words, like the part about I'm just saying this to get a coin...." But I did tell him honesty is a good thing.

So anyway......It just came up to me again that my family always looks different once we get to church than the way we look at home before. We behave differently.

The kids, almost every Sunday morning, fight & carry on in my bathroom, though we have two, over who is using which sink to brush their teeth. They argue who will take the dog out before we go, getting into the car & on the way to church. Almost every Sunday I have to tell them not to talk to each other anymore or I am going to put one or two of them out of the car & make them walk home. I have actually pulled over and pretended to unbuckle Sky and/or Cole. That effect lasted a long time, it resulted in good behavior in the car for a while.

I swear I think that is the work of the devil so that we'll be in the wrong frame of mind when we walk into the Lords house to worship. I am not swayed though. The more they argue and fight the more I determine myself to stay calm and over come the battle so that I might thank Him properly.

The moment the van door slides open in the church parking lot, smiles galore, oh we are the happiest little family, getting ready for church and the drive over was nothing but furry bunnies, pink floating hearts, and rainbows I tell ya. The birds start singing, the air is twinkling around us with glitter (insert record scratch).......whatever, my insides are a mess.

Why is it that people do that? Wear their facade.......I can't stand that. I do really try to be transparent. Cause my relationship with God is what it is, it isn't my clothes, or my thou saith's, or the Bible translation I use. It's just me. I can't be bothered with that piddly stuff, it takes to much work and it's way to tedious. I view those things as obstacles, and I don't even entertain them.

I am seeking to make my kids real. So that when folks look at them they don't see a facade relationship with God, the kind they put on, on Sunday, and take off after church. I am steadfast about the business of keeping them on the narrow path. I don't really give a rats tail about what people think we should look like. I mean it, I don't give a rat's tail!!!!

I am up to the challenge of bringing up real God lovers who look real to others, accessible. Who can say the name of God and not feel afraid of stereotypes put on Christians and how they should look & behave.

Cause here is a truth....just because folks go to church every Sunday, don't make them perfect. They are real, just trying to get it right, and be better for it. Christian families, argue, they stumble in bad decisions and then have to clean it up just like other folks.

The difference is we(Christians) have access to hope, grace, & forgiveness that compares to no other, it's not a facade. I live it every Sunday, and every day after that..........

I hope when you look at me, you don't see a facade.

I hope you can see Christ in me.

I don't always get it right, but I do seek to make it real and accessible.

we just want Funky Onions to use soap in her pits..........

The other night I was gabbing with my neighbors and Caesar was giving me a hard time about some restaurants that I liked and didn’t like and what not. General conversation that amounts to nothing but neighbors spending feel good face time with each other. So any way, Caesar tells me his wife told him, I said restaurant X was bad, and restaurant Y was good. Well I had no idea what he was talking about cause in my mind restaurant Y is AWFUL & I have no idea where restaurant X even is in Kingston. So I said to Caesar it could be:

a) D told Caesar's wife about those restaurants and she assumed that if D says it, I may think the same.
b) She has mistaken a conversation with someone else for a conversation with me or
c) She lied…

Caesar- So you are saying my wife is a liar? (he is joking but antagonizing me to get me to back peddle)

A- that’s right…..if she hasn’t had a conversation with D or mistook her conversation with someone else…she lied ( cause I know he is stirring the pot, Caesar is predictable to me, cause now I know he can’t wait to tell his wife I called her a liar to watch me squirm and back peddle..... so I stick my guns to call his bluff.........maybe or maybe not)

Caesar- So you are saying she’s a liar???

A- That’s right, if she lied, she’s a liar (cause I was actually thinking that maybe she hated those restaurants, didn’t want to go there & just threw out some comments she heard. I think Amy might have said, somebody said it for petes sake & I don’t want to eat there today...….uuuhhh been there, done that, bought the t-shirt )

Caesar – okay (kicked back in his chair, cause he thinks ….oh this is gonna be good I‘m gonna get her right in front of all the neighbors an watch the back peddlin begin..... again predictable)

In no way do I believe his wife to be a liar, any more or any less than I am. It was just some joshin he and I do, and I can stand the heat so I don't usually leave the kitchen.

Later that evening it sort of bothered me though, cause I know that he was joking with me, to catch me, and I am cool with that, but would his wife understand that? She's funny and all......and knows Caesar much better than I do times 10, but she doesn't know me as well……it just bothered me.

Here’s the thing, this is what I have come to believe about liars in my adulthood……

We all freakin lie. We are all liars.

“No Amy, I can’t stand liars, I never tell lies, I tell it like it is, whether it hurts or not.”

Uuuuuhhhh no you don’t, liar

Husbands tell half truths to their wives, wives tell half truths to their husbands…

“Oh Amy, I never lie to my husband and he never lies to me we have open communication, and we blah Blah BLAH BLAH!!.........”

Her ya go…..

wife - Honey, do you like this Hamburger Helper I fixed you for dinner? I am sorry I didn’t get to fix you anything else, but I had to a,b,c,d,e,f,g & h and I didn’t get home till right before you did.

Husband- Yeah, that’s okay Babe. I just wasn’t that hungry tonight, I ate a tad late today.


Wife- Look, I rushed home after doing stuff for your kids all day, I didn’t get a shower today, I gotta headache, I only made this dog food like substance because this is just the best I can do in 10 minutes before you walk in the door starving.

Husband – yeah I hear you saying you were busy, I don’t really care I am tired and starving, and I hate having dog food for dinner, it sucks, but I can see we are both about to get stupid so I will tolerate this tonight.

See how this works….half truths

You can insert any situation where one might get their feelings hurt…… here’s another….me and another woman discussing another woman and her inability to ever, ever freakin use deodorant. So that I physically felt the need to vomit from the smell of funky onions every time I was around her.

Funky Onions was a nice woman, she had nice children. She was just smelly times 10.

So Funky walks up and in general making of conversation asks me and the other woman what we were talking about……

So I am to say, “Oh, we were just discussing that you smell like funky onions, and were wondering how come you don’t wear dang deodorant, cause I am gagging.”

No we tell a half truth, “Oh, we were just going on about different smells of this area that aren’t in other areas. You know like green chile or something….” (smile, smile, smile and try not to crack our butts up laughing, cause the woman is nice, we don't want to hurt her feelings, we just want her to use some soap or deoderant in her pits)

So my point is this…… so we aren’t all down right filthy, stinking, no good, that sense.

But generally, we are all liars at some time or another. Even the most honest people who try hard not to lie, lie in an uncomfortable situation at some point.

"Oh no, Amy, I don’t do that, I never lie, I just try to say it in a way that is not hurtful".......... whatever, you’re lying, liar…..yer just like the rest of us, and the next time you tell a lie you will think of this blog and realize you are a liar too.

I have learned there is no truth on this world.

You can never know any truth except your own.

I bet you have never even said some of your truths out loud before.

The only real truth, I truly know with all the cells that form my body, is Jesus.

…..and He has never lied to me.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I can't wait to go to high school so I can sing and dance all day........

While I was blogging the other day about how crazy Zac makes me some days.........this happened to my child whom I told she could give herself a makeover with my make-up.......

.......... so I could blog in peace......

Just so I can make myself perfectly clear, I told her she could give herself a make-over. In my mind that means apply make-up to your face. In my mind she might get a bit crazy with some lipstick.

It is absolutely vivid to me that to an almost 7 year old that means MAKE OVER YOUR WHOLE BODY!! Go crazy with way to dark ballet recital blush, get totally Pamela Anderson with the lipstick, and why does shimmer only go on your eye lids where it can seal in your shadow, when it can seal deep dark blush all over your whole body.

.......So I finished having some peace. I turn my attention to the child who has been sitting 5 yards at the most from me the whole time, and sitting on a towel thank goodness, and gasp at the sight. She is the color of a brick all over her arms, legs, feet, face. I tell her she is done and physically carry the child to the tub, instucting her not to touch anything on the way. No worries though, because it won't come off with water. The make-up doesn't move, when I begin to hose her off......AT ALL......cause it is sealed on the with "shimmer."

I soap the rag up super good and just start scrubbing. This is how my tub looked when she got out. Mind you, this doesn't count what washed down the tub drain, this is only what stuck to the sides when the water level dropped.

The whole botton half of my tub was covered in a film of pink......that wouldn't rinse with water, it had to be scrubbed too.

Skylar has always been can I put this........risque child, she hides nothing. If she is thinking it, she will say it.

Even if she knows she shouldn't say it for she might get into trouble, her eyes will speak it for her. Her eyes can burn a hole through you when she is angry.

She didn't like to wear clothes until she was like, 3 (May says "4, she still doesn't wear a lot of clothes). I can't count how many times she has eaten at our dinner table naked. In fact, once Derrick said, "Why is it every night when I come home from work, I have to eat dinner with a naked baby? What if I came to the dinner table naked every night?" To which May informed him not to do that because it would be "disturbing." I used to pick her up from church and they would hand me her shoes and her tights. People at my church knew she would not wear all her clothes, they would say to me, "We tried to get her to keep the tights on but she just kept taking them off, so we just left them off." As soon as we would hit the door on a Sunday after church, she would strip off her clothes and leave them where ever they landed to go play in her room.

I have countless pics of her asleep in a closet or sleeping under a table butt naked. She is more boy crazy now than May has ever been. She told me she couldn't wait to go to high school so she could dance and sing all day (High School Musical) with Zac Efron. She was serious & put off with me when I told her:

a) Zac Efron wouldn't be at her school unless he was a flunky when she got that age
b) kids don't sing and dance all day at school

.......from the make-up madness that same day, she came out in these ensembles while playing dress up with May.

It's disturbing.

I feel like I should be on my face praying for her, me and her daddy ......right now........eeesh

...maybe it's a phase and she'll just grow out of it.......again, eeeeesh

Monday, August 10, 2009

Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does.......

When I was growing up my mom would always say this about my brother, "Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does."

**catch a bush on fire, "Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does."
  • **put the car into gear trying to be helpful at age 7 or 8 or something, then get out and get behind the car to try and stop it from moving, "Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does."

  • **throw trash down the ravine instead of walking it to the dumpster like he was supposed to, then having to make him pick it all up, "Well, God love him if that 's the worst thing he does."

You know how crazy boys are......they just do stuff that literally drives one to a state psychotic lunacy.....

.....okay so Sarah comes over to help Maysie make some tags for her gift bags for her birthday party early last week. We do some embossing with pink embossing powder. The tags turn out beautifully. I hadn't fully cleaned off the table, mostly but not fully.

I hadn't wiped up the pink embossing powder. Zac strolls over to the table going on about whatever he is going on about and sees the pink powder on the table......

......since boys eat anything that looks remotely edible at this age he licks his finger sticks it in the embossing powder says, "mmm, who spilled the fun dip?"

I'm like nobody has any Fun Dip what the heck are you talkin about.....When I look at the table I tell him he has eaten embossing powder. He immediately starts to gag and runs to rinse his mouth out.....but I'm like just a second ago you said "mmmm" it taste gross?

"Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does."

...okay so Sunday church is just about over, he is sitting behind me with his buddies and their dad. He goes walking out of the sanctuary at pretty fast pace holding his face. I think he has lost a tooth and its bleeding or something. A friend of his in front of us looks at me, I shrug, cause I don't know what's wrong with him, I just work here. I turn behind me and look at Logan, who relays to me that he thinks Zac has gum stuck on his face.

I say to the dad, who knows my kid pretty well, "Who gets gum stuck on their face?"

"Your kid," and he laughs...we're all leaving to go home and saying our goodbyes and blah, blah, blah, Z pushing through to me holding his face in a panic... telling me how he can't get the gum off.

First, it's not just a little gum on his's a lot-tle gum on his face, it starts at the outside of his left nostril and makes an oval onto his cheek towards his ears down his face onto the bottom side of his chin and back up towards the left corner of his lip. He has apparently been in the bathroom scrubbing it with a piece of paper towel.....I know this cause now paper towel is stuck all over the gum stuck all over his face...... which is red where he has been scrubbing.

He is telling me something but I don't understand him & can't hear him that well cause two other people are talking to me at the same time. I am trying to multi task by listening to all three. I go on out the door heading to my car chatting it up the whole way to this one and that one, Zac is no where in sight.

That is because he is waiting on me in the bathroom to help him clean his face up.

So now we are at the car talking with our youth pastor, Tony, and we are about the only ones left in the parking lot waiting on Z. He comes running down the handicap ramp and jumps into the van trying to hide because he doesn't want Tony to see him although Tony already knows he has gum stuck all over his face. We tease him a bit and Tony pretends to take a cell pic with his phone we all laugh at the fake pic. Zac doesn't know whether to be mad at me or laugh with us. He wants to laugh cause he knows how ridiculous this is but, refuses to get out of the car so I can help him.

Just so you know there was no chance I was going to ever crawl in the very backseat of our van and scrub gum off his face. He could get his gummy butt out of the car. So we all say our goodbyes to Tony and finally Z gets to the front of the car wear I can see his face. He still has paper and gum wads all over his left cheek and chin. His face is totally redden from scrubbing......
I say, "Why didn't you just use some hot water and some soap?"

uuuuuuuhh deer in the headlights look and all the angels from heaven with their trumpets sounding, shined light on my words in his mind.

Z- I don't know, I just didn't think..........

Today is Monday, he has a 2 inch scrubbing scab from his left nostril to his left lip corner, it's insanity.

"Well, God love him if that's the worst thing he does."

Friday, August 7, 2009

tires are not a conflict of interest........

Today is mine & D's Anniversary.....8/7/93

We have been married 16 years.

I was trying to think of what we were doing this time 16 years ago....he remembered that he was staying in a hotel the night before our wedding. We didn't get married till around 6 or 7pm or something so we had all day to do stuff. It totally rained during our wedding. It was an indoor wedding though, thank goodness. A lot of the guests were coming downstairs where I was located hair drying their clothes off.

These are the Anniversary dates I remember:

1994 - (totally newlywed, no children, both people have a job gifts) D gave me a tennis bracelet and I gave him an out building from Home Depot with about 3000 screws. We needed an out building bad and he was excited till he spent about 4 days straight putting it together.

1995- we spent the night at Look Away Hall in North Augusta. A bed and breakfast in these two old mansions down the street from where we lived then. We had a good time.

1996- I delivered, what would have been yesterday, Maysie. D sent me a dozen beautiful , huge, yellow roses with one pink one to the hospital room. I still have them them dried up in a jar.

1998- I was pregnant with Zach and have no idea what we did.

1999- we had moved to Santa Fe this year. I have no idea what we did for our anniversarys the whole time we were in New Mexico. We probably went out cause we had this awesome sitter, whom I still LOVE LOVE LOVE, Leslie. She was 13 when she started sitting for us and now she is a grown married woman.

2000, 2001- New idea, one year we took a late anniversary over night trip to Taos. We stayed at this awesome bed and breakfast and ate at this wonderful restaurant outside. They had Williams Sonoma napkins I believe, I pretty much stole them as souvenirs. I actually still wear them sometimes on my head when I mow the grass....sad & pathetic I know. D 's parents were in town and they watched M & Z for us. It was a great getaway.

2002 - again I was pregnant with Skylar, she was due on Labor Day, didn't happen, 2 weeks late. Plus we had moved to TN that Feb and we were building our house living in this God forsaken rental property.

2003- D wrote me the most wonderful love letter. Telling me how good the past 10 years had been. I have it hanging in my closet. I still read it. I think that is the best gift he has ever gotten me in all our years, for any gift type occasion.....except maybe my Purple Martin bird house which he had gotten for me for my birthday. I really like it also.

2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 - I have no idea what happened on our anniversary.
2008 - Now...... this I remember quite clearly for a number of reasons.

D had a gall bladder attack like two nights before & drove himself to the ER cause he is stubborn as crap the next morning. He had scheduled his gall bladder removal for the 8th, the Friday after our he could recoup over the weekend and go to the beach the following week, if the doc would see fit he was healing okay.

We had also planned to go to Wild Wings for dinner with Brian & Danielle. They home school 4 & have the same anniversary date as us only year ahead. So D decides we should go Wild Wings.... the night before gall bladder surgery. He doesn't eat that much. However, all of us sign up for a "cruiser," this fancy boat parked outside. A local radio station is there and we are having a pretty good time. The DJ starts his spill about the cruiser and the giveaway and blah, blah, blah....... to make a long story short....10 people , 9 people left, 8 people left, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 people left in the drawing...D and some other dude.....1!!! D wins the "cruiser".......wooo hooo Happy Anniversary Baby!!!

uuuhhhhhhh no

He wins a "Bud Light Party Cruise" for two. Okay to me this = conflict of interests immediately (4 kids to get care for, Sunday School teacher, Awana director, no brainer, don't go), to D it = me and him on a free cruise with no children (forget the logistics, it'll work out, just because other people are drunk doesn't mean we have to be, not everybody will be young, we aren't 21 and we have tickets).

So we have, I don't know....... about 1 MILLION discussions about this retarded cruise.

He understands my conflict of interests argument & I understand his argument for the two of us to take a free cruise. Ultimately though, the Lord did impress upon his heart drunken young people would be about the boat and that wasn't our bag no matter how free the cruise was. So he listed the tickets on eBay. (Halla dang lu yah)

Gosh almighty, that was an event. Other folks had their tickets listed but D's tickets shot through the roof for some reason...maybe it was a reward from God for making the decision not to go.
Folks on eBay were sending emails saying we can't sell them, some saying they were this and that and blah, blah, blah. We tried to pull them off at the last minute but couldn't cause the 24 hour time limit eBay has and the dang things sold for about $2000 dollars. We rejoiced when the buyer of the tickets went on the cruise and all was well in the universe again.

We purchased new tires for the van with that anniversary gift. They were not a conflict of interest.

2009- so tonight we are going out with Brian and Danielle again for dinner. Although Danielle and I agreed we are NOT going to Wild Wings, I don't care how good their wings are....and they are GOOOOD.

D wanted me to put on my wedding dress this morning...straight dress, about a size uuuuhhh 8 or 10....not feelin that. I am sure first thing this morning I wanted to wring his chicken neck for even bringing that up.

I do love Derrick, he's super cool, smart, funny, and handsome everyday of the week. We have grown over the years and are surely not the same people we married back then. I am glad about that.

It's good that we have lived away from our parents all these years, we have learned to truly depend on one another. For as much as I love the confidence of a female friend.....D really knows me the best through and through......he is my soul mate in every way and we are one......

.........whether he likes it or not

Happy Anniversary D, see you when you get home.



Thursday, August 6, 2009

I don't care can stick it in my face...just give to me.....

So today is May's b-day. She is 13.

My first child is 13.

I am not worried about teenager-hood for some reason. I mean she rolls her eyes at me sometimes and occasionally gets a bit huffy, but really she is a super good girl. I feel like we have pretty good and "frank" communication. I honestly believe if she needed to ask me something super personal she'd do it and not even give it a second thought. Which right now, is wonderful, as I see it.

Will it last? I have no mom and I always communicated really well. I would usually just say it and she would not over react generally and problems were hashed out and taken care of. I don't want to be May's best friend, I want to be her mother....but I am certainly enjoying our grown up girl time and private talks.

Those times reaffirm her confidence in me to be there for her, I can totally dig that.

This time 13 years ago I was in labor for the 6th day.... 7 to 10 minutes apart & next to no dilation.

By this time, this morning, 13 years ago D and I had made a minimum of three trips to the hospital at 7 minutes apart in the middle of the night, to 10 to 15 to 20 minutes apart after being monitored and sent home.

By this time 13 years ago D had shaved way to much cause he thought today would be the day and he wanted to have a clean shave for pictures with his new baby, cause we didn't know the sex of the baby.

He was so tired the last trip we made that I caught him sitting down to pee on the toilet. I asked him what he was doing sitting to pee and he told me, "Amy, I don't know.......I'm just tired..."...... and bleeding on his face from shaving to much.

So I went to the doc to get checked on this morning 13 years ago and nothing was happening on day 6 with contractions 7 to 10 minutes apart, can I just say that one more time...... having used all the old wives tale ways to get the party started.....from hot sauce, sex, and walking to the doc moving my innards around twice and next to no dilation still existed......he decided to induce. I bowed down & worshiped the man.....and so did D.

So crazy.... I thought I would go natural, cause I took the birthing classes. D and I knew how to breathe, how difficult could it be?!

When I got to the room, the gal asked did I want the epidural, I told her I didn't care if she stuck it in my face to give it to me soon, I was exhausted.

At 5:01pm out came this wonderful little baby girl at 7 lbs 10oz & 20 3/4 inches long.

I cried and cried as I held her, cause birth is an amazing thing. D took her into the hall and showed her to my mom and dad, to his mom and dad, & announced they had a new grand- daughter. All was furry bunnies, rainbows, and pink hearts in the universe for out little family that day.

Happy Birthday May May


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I'm gonna eat you alive girlfriend.........

A day in the life of Jenny

by Jenny Williams

Ooooooohhhhh, ssstttreeeetch.......let me get my little furry butt outta bed. All these kids in the house are driving me crazy, I need to get outside where its quiet and I can have some peace...where I can catch a few rays before Cole starts chasing me around this morning with a foam sword.

hey,....... Hey..... HEY!!.... Humans?! I am sittin by the door, that means I need to go out in case you have forgotten.......Thanks Cole, you are truly my best friend, and I'm not just sayin that cause you give me ice cream and chicken nuggets either.

Its a shame mom taught you how to hook me up. I remember the good old days when you'd just let me out and I'd roam wherever I dang well pleased. You all would call for me & call for me and I'd hide behind Ms. Anita's mailbox and wait for you to panic. That was so funny, cause mom always came out in her nightgown and uni-boob sports bra hollerin with her hair lookin like she combed it with a funny.....up till the point I'd come home wet with morning dew and thistles all in my fur.

memories................HEY! Is that a bird? I'm gonna get it..........easy.........easy.........easy.....I'm on it, run, run , run ....gaaaaaagg cough cough.......uuuh yeah, thanks again Cole for the "hook up"......I guess I'll bark my head off to go inside so I can eat.

(inside) ssssooo no dog food out yet, all morning long in & out of the fridge & cabinets with those handy little hands of theirs.....I gotta sit my tail here by this bowl & wait, giving Zachary the look how cute and hungry I am, look. I know he isn't going to feed me cause he hates to touch dog food, so this is a wasted look, let me go find mom..........drinking coffee on the computer, she is so predictable.......look how cute and hungry I am...........

A- (baby talk)Are you hungry Jenny

J- Bark bark sneeze---yes dummy, get to steppin, I got my tail waggin

A- Are you hungry girl? Want some breakfast?

J- bark bark sneeze sneeze-------I said YES DUMMY, GET TO S-T-E-P-P-I-N!!!

A- (baby talk) Okay JEEEE, let's go get some dog food, come on, let's go girl, after you eat you get to take a bath today cause you stink, yes you do, so lets get yer belly full girl.

J- prance, prance , sneeze, wag tail, sniff food like I hate it, eat, eat, eat, what did she say? bath?

Weeeeeee doggy, that was good, you gotta love some mighty dog now, makes me feel small but mighty, watch how mighty I am, here comes the box man in the brown truck

bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark

Translation - INTRUDER, INTRUDER, INTRUDER, I just ate and I feel good! Like I could eat you alive, I don't care about your huge brown boot shoes, I am a mighty dog!!! Get off the porch! You shut up Zach! Mom, Look an intruder! No you shut up, Zach! I have to get a bath today you can actually take me with you!!! HEY!.... HEY!..... HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!

Oh I get it.... the suitcase is out, that means we are going to Nana's, so I will tolerate my bath today cause I get to go bye, bye. But first let me run and hide cause I can see no clear reason why I should make this easy on the humans who are fixin to torture me with soap and a hair dryer. I don't care how pretty my new collar is.

Here comes Skylar, I'll just snap at her, she'll leave me alone then, oh but she brought Cole, with the sword, great........ and Maysie, I can snap at her too a little and she can't slap me on the butt (insert congo singing) cause I am under tha bed & you can't get me ou-out

oh!...... Bye, bye now?....... Let's go people! I'm ready,.... here we go, no bath!!!! I am headin for the car, what?!!..... Come on mom, lets get in the car......CRAP! I always fall for that trick, you would think I would remember this, they say pets take on human traits sometimes maybe I get loss of memory from mom.

So Maysie is going to be the big bad bather today, first timer huh? I am going to eat you alive girlfriend. Oh that feels pretty good......... yeeeeeeaaaah nice and slooooooww and sweet talkin too........ yeah I can dig this, mom usually just gets the business on and there ain't much talkin goin on. I will tolerate you today, May.

Oh Lord but mom has the hair dryer....same song second verse....I will just run around the bathroom and what hair gets dry is as good as she'll get, but I will let her do my belly first cause it feels warm and good....... soon as some one opens the bathroom door I am outta here, (open) I'M OUT! run, run ,run, run ,run ,run....where's my bobo? I'm free!, run, run, run

okay I am clean, I am super fluffy, my new collar is lookin super lets go bye, bye....... you got everybody's stuff packed, what about my dog bowls and my bed? Don't forget my treats and my blue bo bo.....oh yeah and that doggy cheese whiz you are loadin up huh? What about my stuff? I got my tail waggin and I am gettin in the car, go get my stuff woman.....what? what? what the heck is this? a dress!? what!? I never had to wear a dress to nana's before. I know she is a city Nana but I didn't see no other dogs wearing dresses in the city.

Take this off I look stupid, no I don't look "sooo cuuuute", take it off,.....take it off, okay, okay, it was funny, hey where you goin?
What about this dress?....... and you didn't pack my bowl........oh I get it....I don't get to go ......'re gonna leave me here, mom?...... all by myself?

Look at my cute dress and my new collar, I'm so cute, I just got my butt shaved too, look........Russie won't like this, you'll be in trouble....

please, Please....PLEASE don't leave me , look at my cute sad eyes...I'm so cute, I'm so cute, I'm so cute............

...............she left me.....................Cole left me........................I don't really care about Sky........Who is gonna eat Cole's waffles when he isn't looking.........I guess I'll go hide under the bed........

(later).......... so Zach didn't go. Good, at least he can take me outside and if I sneeze and bark enough he'll throw my bo I see dad's truck pulling in. When he goes to King Davids, he'll let me go with him, without my leash, if I wag my tail real pretty like I'm the happiest one to see him.........

................Who is gonna feed me though?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

This is how you know.........

This is how you know kids live in yer house....

When you get up and there are sticky "muscle men" hanging from yer ceiling
and sticking to other walls in the living room area......

When your dog is wearing yer youngest child's clothing.....

When you download yer photos off yer camera and yer oldest daughter's uvula shows up, because she "likes" her uvula and thinks it's "cute"......and hey.... by the way, watch she "can make it dance".....

When you go to cut tomatoes and dinosaurs are preying on them......

....and then later in the day the dinosaur apparently needs a drink or something and needs to climb on piled up stuff to get there......