Friday, August 14, 2009

we just want Funky Onions to use soap in her pits..........

The other night I was gabbing with my neighbors and Caesar was giving me a hard time about some restaurants that I liked and didn’t like and what not. General conversation that amounts to nothing but neighbors spending feel good face time with each other. So any way, Caesar tells me his wife told him, I said restaurant X was bad, and restaurant Y was good. Well I had no idea what he was talking about cause in my mind restaurant Y is AWFUL & I have no idea where restaurant X even is in Kingston. So I said to Caesar it could be:

a) D told Caesar's wife about those restaurants and she assumed that if D says it, I may think the same.
b) She has mistaken a conversation with someone else for a conversation with me or
c) She lied…

Caesar- So you are saying my wife is a liar? (he is joking but antagonizing me to get me to back peddle)

A- that’s right…..if she hasn’t had a conversation with D or mistook her conversation with someone else…she lied ( cause I know he is stirring the pot, Caesar is predictable to me, cause now I know he can’t wait to tell his wife I called her a liar to watch me squirm and back peddle..... so I stick my guns to call his bluff.........maybe or maybe not)

Caesar- So you are saying she’s a liar???

A- That’s right, if she lied, she’s a liar (cause I was actually thinking that maybe she hated those restaurants, didn’t want to go there & just threw out some comments she heard. I think Amy might have said, somebody said it for petes sake & I don’t want to eat there today...….uuuhhh been there, done that, bought the t-shirt )

Caesar – okay (kicked back in his chair, cause he thinks ….oh this is gonna be good I‘m gonna get her right in front of all the neighbors an watch the back peddlin begin..... again predictable)

In no way do I believe his wife to be a liar, any more or any less than I am. It was just some joshin he and I do, and I can stand the heat so I don't usually leave the kitchen.

Later that evening it sort of bothered me though, cause I know that he was joking with me, to catch me, and I am cool with that, but would his wife understand that? She's funny and all......and knows Caesar much better than I do times 10, but she doesn't know me as well……it just bothered me.

Here’s the thing, this is what I have come to believe about liars in my adulthood……

We all freakin lie. We are all liars.

“No Amy, I can’t stand liars, I never tell lies, I tell it like it is, whether it hurts or not.”

Uuuuuhhhh no you don’t, liar

Husbands tell half truths to their wives, wives tell half truths to their husbands…

“Oh Amy, I never lie to my husband and he never lies to me we have open communication, and we blah Blah BLAH BLAH!!.........”

Her ya go…..

wife - Honey, do you like this Hamburger Helper I fixed you for dinner? I am sorry I didn’t get to fix you anything else, but I had to a,b,c,d,e,f,g & h and I didn’t get home till right before you did.

Husband- Yeah, that’s okay Babe. I just wasn’t that hungry tonight, I ate a tad late today.


Wife- Look, I rushed home after doing stuff for your kids all day, I didn’t get a shower today, I gotta headache, I only made this dog food like substance because this is just the best I can do in 10 minutes before you walk in the door starving.

Husband – yeah I hear you saying you were busy, I don’t really care I am tired and starving, and I hate having dog food for dinner, it sucks, but I can see we are both about to get stupid so I will tolerate this tonight.

See how this works….half truths

You can insert any situation where one might get their feelings hurt…… here’s another….me and another woman discussing another woman and her inability to ever, ever freakin use deodorant. So that I physically felt the need to vomit from the smell of funky onions every time I was around her.

Funky Onions was a nice woman, she had nice children. She was just smelly times 10.

So Funky walks up and in general making of conversation asks me and the other woman what we were talking about……

So I am to say, “Oh, we were just discussing that you smell like funky onions, and were wondering how come you don’t wear dang deodorant, cause I am gagging.”

No we tell a half truth, “Oh, we were just going on about different smells of this area that aren’t in other areas. You know like green chile or something….” (smile, smile, smile and try not to crack our butts up laughing, cause the woman is nice, we don't want to hurt her feelings, we just want her to use some soap or deoderant in her pits)

So my point is this…… so we aren’t all down right filthy, stinking, no good, that sense.

But generally, we are all liars at some time or another. Even the most honest people who try hard not to lie, lie in an uncomfortable situation at some point.

"Oh no, Amy, I don’t do that, I never lie, I just try to say it in a way that is not hurtful".......... whatever, you’re lying, liar…..yer just like the rest of us, and the next time you tell a lie you will think of this blog and realize you are a liar too.

I have learned there is no truth on this world.

You can never know any truth except your own.

I bet you have never even said some of your truths out loud before.

The only real truth, I truly know with all the cells that form my body, is Jesus.

…..and He has never lied to me.

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