I think we'll have a little JAM with our toast this morning....

Today I feel old school.....and I like it.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Excuse me Doug E Fresh yer on......

*

he gave me 3 containers of Floam and then drove away..............

As stated before I try not to play up the Santa Claus thing here at he house, cause it irritates me a little.

But one year on my way home from dropping Maysie off at an Awana Christmas party, I saw my neighbor leaving his house dressed up like Santa Claus. He had been playing Santa at one of his two kids Christmas parties.

It happened like this:

He got dressed as Santa for HIS kids Christmas parties thinking he was going to be a hero, feeling good about himself.

On his way out the door his next door neighbor had her mommy GPS on go. When he set foot out the front door she asked him if he'd stop by their house on the way in from the party later that night. She'd leave gifts on the porch, one for each of her three kids.

He said yes.

He arrived home that evening and was heading toward their house when I spotted him. I was in early stages of labor with Cole, so I am all crazed out in the mind pregnant thinking, "OH wouldn't it be super cool if he could visit Sky?! Let me see if I can make it happen."

I turn my car on two wheels and descend on Santa before he knows what's happening.

A- (hanging across my passenger seat, with my passenger seat window down, trying not to be in labor) Heeeeyy Santa....you wanna go for a ride to my house real quick and see a very bad little 3 year old girl.....please, please, plllleeeeeeeease?

Santa - I told R****** I 'd go see her kids. (He looks exhausted, but I am in labor and I don't care.)

A- (I didn't want to have to do this manipulative thing at Christmas but....I had to pull the trump card. I could tell he was going to totally bail) I'm in labor and I am begging you, feel sorry for me and get in my car. I will drive you home I swear, right after you do the deed. I'll give you cookies and milk.......and some floam to give my bad little girl.......

Santa - (still walking heading up the driveway and not wanting to tell me yes) Amy....I wasn't intending to do all this you know?......

A- I know......but really... right now, I am bigger than you. I could actually just take you down Santa and make you give my girl Floam and not give you any cookies............I will be your best friend......

Santa - (almost to their door now) Go home. Leave the gift on the steps and I will drive down when I am done here...and (he hollers down the porch steps) I don't want anymore cookies!

A- Okay then! (excited, mission accomplished)...I'm outta here, FLOAM wrapped up on the front steps! Her name is Skylar!

Santa waves me off to leave.

I rush home, get my big, fat, pregnant, in early labor butt in the house and hurry to put the gift on the porch before she sees me. D is all, "What is wrong with you? What are you doing?"

A- SH! I got Santa coming over here.....

D- What.....

A-Just be quiet and wait a dang minute.

ding dong

Sky runs out of her room. My dog is barking her head off cause no one rings our bell at night that late.

I open the door and there he is with the gift... "Ho Ho Ho Miss Skylar, how are you this evening pretty girl?"

Sky is seriously looking like, what the heck? Santa is at my door?

She is hanging onto my leg so tightly......D is grinning from ear to ear......

Santa - Skylar I have brought a gift for you this evening to open early....have you been a good little girl?

Sky- (always brutally honest, even at 3) um, no not really.

Santa -(he snickers a little cause he thought I was lying earlier) Well then, I will give you this gift if you will promise to be a good girl till Christmas......at least, right?........Mom?

A- Yes, yes Santa that would be fine. (So dang funny, Santa trying to give a bad girl a gift, with stipulations he knows by her truthful eyes she won't keep.)

A - I know you are surely busy Santa....and tired, you probably need to head off huh and get some rest before the big gift exchange next week.....

Santa - Yes, Yes I do....It was surely good to see you Miss Skylar, I do need to get back, but I will see you again soon....be good now.

I shut the door and Sky is in shock. While she is coming to terms with the fact Santa just came to her house, I sneak out the front door. I make haste out to his car to tell him, thank you, thank you, thank you, and that I owe him a lawn mowing or something in the spring. Which he did not collect on.

Santa getting in his car - "Are you really in labor?"

A- Yes, just early labor, I have a little bit of time before things start to rock and roll....

Santa - for petes sake......

A- Thank you again!

That was actually the night of two Kens......

One who was Santa.

One who would sleep on my couch at some unholy hour, in the middle of the night to stay with my kids while D and I went to the hospital. Well, actually until my mom could get here the next morning.

Anyhoo....all this story to say, Sky still believes in Santa. This little boy at church told her Santa wasn't real. She has never asked me about it so luckily I haven't had to address that.

....in the car on the way home from the mountains the weekend of May's b-day.....

S- Do you know what Z** C***** told me?

A, M, & Z- What?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- He said Santa Claus wasn't real.

Z- Well, what did you say?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- I said, well yes he is. He came to my front door and gave me 3 containers of Floam. Then he drove away in a car.........which was weird.

We all catch each others eyes in the car and smile.

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

All this time I didn't know she saw him pull out of the driveway in a car. :oD

righty tighty lefty loosey..........

I was looking through some crap in my closet searching for something totally unrelated to my blog and found a three ring binder. The binder had some stuff I had jotted down so I wouldn't forget .........

The Rare Amylesaurus, BB (Before Blog)

2008, when Sky was 5 -

Thank goodness for Sky, because she finally told me what is wrong with this world.

S - "The problem with this world is that some people just smell bad and they need to take a bath."

I'm glad I got that figured out.

.....................................................

So Sky is eating dinner, she serves me this......

S- If while I was eating this noodle dinner my teeth suddenly came out and I got choked on them and died, would you take my teeth and put them under your pillow and keep the money or would you bury them with me?

A- Gosh Sky, what do you think I would do Babe?........ I would take the teeth and keep the money.

S- (voice cracking) MOMMY!

A- What?!

.........................................................

M - So, Mom, What if I dream that I am a worm with a mustache.....what does that mean?

.........................................................

June 18, 2008 - Cole is 2

Getting squirt with the water hose while weeding the front flower bed.....pretty sneaky...

...especially when your two year old does it without prodding from his older siblings...

I can barely remember how to turn the hose on, with the help of "righty tighty lefty loosey."

It's not like he squirt me a little bit either, he had the hose on full throttle, like putting out a fire.

I squealed in freezing cold, crazed out shock for second, cause I totally didn't see it coming. Cole squealed with sheer delight showing all his thumb suckin, buck teeth....jumping up and down at his ability to accomplish his task.........and well.

Once I regained some sense of clear thinking ability, I thought to myself.......

.....Self, that kid is pretty smart............and sneaky.

..............................................

July 9, 2008 - Cole is 2....a month later or so

So now I know Cole can cut the water hose on. I am well aware he can carry out a sneak attack with courage and determination.

I am letting him water some baby trees in the backyard. Cole digs a file up in his mind recalling what great fun it was making mommy scream and decides to try it out again.

This time I am smart. He is smiling like a devil and my mommy instincts fill me in on his thought process, and I run away quickly. VICTORY!! Not only that but I run farther down the hose line and crimp him off!

YES! I AM THE SUPERIOR HUMAN in the duo!!

This really aggravates him. He slings the hose down as if he is no longer going to play with me anymore and storms off towards the house.

Fine by me, I can get the watering done quicker if he leaves me alone anyway, dinner still needs to be fixed.

...15 minutes or so later back at the homestead, no lie, 200 feet or more away from me, cause I had some hoses stuck together for distance..........

I suddenly have no water.

I look at the hose following the line towards the house. There standing close to the house is Bucky Beaver(in a diaper and nothing else) with the hose crimped with that same I got ya smile I had given him earlier.

I hollered, "CB! Let Go!!"

He answers in a hilly up and down tone of voice smothered in devilish boyhood, "nnnnnnoooooooo"..........

....not only that, guess what else he can crimp? My central vacuum.

Is he the superior human in this duo?