I didn't even have a clue of the gift God had laid out for me as I went about my day.
..........but I surely do now.
Choice #2 (no pun intended)
"Its eco-friendly paper made from recycled elephant waste fibers, includes an informational pamphlet on elephants and the making of this product".....in case you are to small brained to understand how elephants make poops.......
"Features "The Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company Design," its Acid-Free, Lignin-Free; Plain, Recycled Paper Paper" ......it has no bearing on whether it came from poops originally......the important thing here to understand is,
that they are "acid-free."
PLUS they come in pink and blue poops colors too!!
They must feed the elephants Lucky Charms and Trix.....cause you know your body doesn't process all that dye and those cereals will turn your poops bright green or some wicked unnatural color. It's true. Once my mother-in-law called me to the room to see Sky's poops in the toilet because she had eaten Lucky charms at her house, cause I don't by that crap at my house, cause my people only eat the charms........anyway the poops was neon green, I swear. I shoulda scraped it out and made some cards with it.....who freakin knew it would be so earth friendly to do that........
I am crazy about elephants, penguins & turtles right now....but come on.
If you just can't get enough poops
here's the web link
to get the real scoops
cheesy pun intended......
The Droodle Waterproof Notepad.....
"It works great! It's a great way to leave love notes to your spouse if you share bathrooms as we do. Also great way to memorize scripture verses. Thank you." - Guy Cangelosi (tape the scripture on yer mirror dude, read it when you dry yer dumb hair)
....says the testimony on the site for this must have total waste of cash.
Who freaking just cannot wait till they get out of the dumb shower to write a note. I know we all get thoughts in the shower. But really...... isn't life busy enough without multitasking in the shower.
I mean, women already have to condition our hair while we shave. We have to scrub & exfoliate our faces while we rinse out the conditioner, while trying not to step on Hot Wheels. Now we are supposed to read a love note from our spouse too......eeesh, it's too much.
If D needs to leave me a note, let him write it on the shower door fog and when it re-fogs up when I take a shower I will read then.....its free.
They also suggest you can use it at the pool..........whatever.
Cause when have you ever been swimming, having a great time, and whipped your notepad out of your sewn in underwear in your bathing suit....only to find it was wet. DANG!! If you'd only had The Droodle.
Went to see Handel's Messiah with Sarah at Farragut Presbyterian Church. It was beautiful. The UT Chamber Singers & UT Chorale mixed with Presb. church choir and the UT Orchestra, simply fab!!!! Then we went for some Starbucks. It was a super way to kick off the holiday season.
Twas the day before Wednesday
And all through the house,
Not a creature was dressed
With even a blouse
All the children were snug in winter pajamas galore
Hiding from mom so as not to do chores
The rain had made them lazy as sloths
My coffee had lost all but a spit of its froth
I threw on some clothing
In a hurry I did!
To Kroger, To Kroger I announced
To each kid
They shouted to me,
"No, no, we shall not go,
Leave at once or we'll step on your toe"
I left them, I did, determined to shop
At Kroger, in peace,
Oh what a grand thought
Past the Starbucks I ushered myself
To stick to the list and not buy the
Whole fresh flower shelf
I grabbed at organics,
And delved through the meats
I picked up family size
Of all sorts of treats
As I came to the dairy
My heart did but drop
I saw my true love right there in its spot
He called to me in his black and gold dress
"Pick me, take me, savour me I stress
I have been waiting for you
For 9 whole days
Hoping and waiting for you
To catch my gaze"
I ran to him, snatched him, I will not pretend
So crazy I was I grabbed two of his friends
You are mine! You are mine! So patiently I waited
I knew I would see you on the date Kroger fated
Oh Southern Comfort brand Egg Nog,
I love you I do!
I am yours, you are mine...
And two of your friends are too!!
The four of us we'll be happy together
We’ll sip and we'll gulp
Through all the cold weather
I'll try hard to maintain control
I will hide you from Zac
Who tries to drink you from a bowl
I'll not share with Sky
Who will surely fake cry
But I shall not give in
Even if she plucks the three hairs
On my chinny, chin, chin
Oh Egg Nog I am so glad you came back
This holiday season I thought I might crack
The smooth taste on my tongue,
The sweet slide down my throat,
Just need a straw and a boat
So that I might float
On the Great Nog Moat
You have brought in my holiday
You have brought me great gladness
I will not allow my scale
To weigh in with its sadness
I have had my butt so busy these past weeks its not even funny. I know everyone is busy. I am not everyone though, I'm me.
I have had a drivers license since I turned 16. Personally I think it is a total mistake to give 16 yr olds a drivers license. They are idiot drivers with not a care in the world and believe themselves invincible.
Really I mean even adults think that too. We all drive around thinking we are not going to wreck our cars....whoops, but then you do. Its always the other persons fault too........ALWAYS.... especially when you are trying to explain it to your spouse.
So tonight......going to Lenoir City First Baptist Upward soccer celebration service with Zachary and CB in the car, I ran into this pest control guy who was talking on his cell phone. I swear we were easing up at the light for a right turn, he was a go....I applied the gas a bit, he apparently stopped abruptly, but I did not stop the easing up process and as I realized he wasn't moving I slammed the brakes and he applied the gas of his car. I bumped him just enough to make you want to give your own self a paper cut as punishment. Heads jerked and Z says, "GREAT MOM! I saw that coming all day long!!"
A- Well, why didn't you tell me for petes sake.
Z- you are the driver, pay attention
A- I was paying attention
Z- that's why you hit the man....
A- Z I hate to say shut up to you , but shut up (I get out of the car)
The Pest Control Man is already out of his white 4 door small sedan looking disturbed. I assess our situation and to my surprise it looks like there is no damage to either of our cars. To his surprise too!
I ask him if I made scratch A........no
scratch B?.......no........well, what about scratch C?........no.
He wiggles his bumper which clearly looks loose & tells me that he had a wreck two weeks ago and that's from then he's sure. Pest Control Man tells me he thinks we are good. I am thrilled, he is thrilled and we part ways. I tell him I am on my way to church and I am going to praise God and he tells me to praise God a couple times for him too.
back in the car...........
Z- No damage?
A- My tag from Grayson is messed up but who really cares about that anyway? I should get one like Nana has that says "Nana's ride" anyway.
Z- Thank goodness, I thought we were going to be late. Can you please not hit anything else on the way to church?
A- again....shut up Z
Z- Are you going to tell Dad?
A- Why do you always ask me the undeniable questions so quickly, can't I revel in my joy that my car is okay and that I get a new front tag before I have to waller in the pit about telling Dad???
Z- If you don't tell him you are deceiving him.
A- Z, I am going to tell Dad cause the rule of law is, if I don't.... then something will turn up wrong with the car and I will have to tell him anyway....then it will be worse cause I didn't say sooner......and here's another good thing I can tell him, I already have an eye doctor appt scheduled for Thursday, so I got that base covered too.
It just wasn't all that, CB was taking a nap and never even woke up.
Z rides skittish with me for the rest of the night.......making wise cracks about my driving skills. He couldn't wait to get home and spill it.
The problem is..... I really have hit our own cars or someone else's cars with every car I or Derrick has owned since we have been married, I swear, I am not boasting, I am just sayin that's all. I hit two of D's cars with one car on the same day when we first got married.
Once, I backed into his white truck in the snow..... cause in my mirror it looked white like everything else.
I even backed into our stucco house once in Santa Fe and he had to fix it.
I backed all the way down the side of that same white truck one other time cause I pressed the gas instead of the brake.
When we moved to TN..... in like one month I backed into 3 different cars at Turkey Creek. None of them were big deals thank goodness, sort of like the one I had tonight. Lucky for me too, the people whom I backed into were all present except one whom I hunted down.
He was a worker in a Radio Shack or something. He was an idiot and was going to tell me I did some damage that was way rusted. I was like..... look you greasy, teenage, pimple chin, freak, that is rusted, try again. No damage. Plus, he was dang parked crooked in two spaces trying to protect his rusted piece of low rider crap. I should have backed all over it on purpose and put it out of its misery.
Maysie got to where she was afraid to ride with me. All the kids had gotten to the point where they would all watch the windows and help me back up.
Before I leave my house, D constantly tells me not to back into Big Red (his Ford F150) "red means stop".......no.......... it means "bullseye."
So D has told me I have a depth perception problem. I used to get aggravated with him when he would say that. But I have resigned to that he must be telling the truth. I slam glasses down on tables, run into crap, God help me if I am wearing my glasses and I have to walk down a curb or some steps it is pathetic. I look like I might be drunk.
I was at the ball field once and was walking on this knoll talking to this woman I didn't know very well. My brain was trying to say a name that was tricky and I got tongue tied a bit then dang'd if I didn't miss step on misjudgement of the knoll. I was high stepping as I was unsure how far away the ground was to catch myself. It's funny for me to think how I must have looked, but her face was like, do you have a problem lady? I am not sure I want to be hangin out with you to long.....
I tried to explain the depth perception theory to her.....made me look like a moron. I just had to stop and hope to make a better impression on her later.
We are down to about 5 tea glasses out of 15 I bought cause I knew I would break some. My glass pitchers are dwindling quickly. I am gonna go and discuss the possibility with an eye doctor Thursday.......cause I just don't have enough crap to do right????
So tonight my people made a jolly sport of reminiscing about my driving skills.....D reminded me that I had even wrecked his lawnmower.
May reminded me that I misjudged some stuff in the garage Saturday and fell over her bicycle and broke off her kick stand when I fell into the throng bicycles and scooters.........a collage of bruises.
I admit I am not really the best driver I guess. I do, however, make an honest effort not to ride folks bumpers, cause I don't want to wreck my car by misjudging the distance. Even tonight Z said I was not riding Pest Control Mans bumper. I would have gotten a ticket though. I have had a lot of those too.
So I need a new tag for the front of my car, we call her "The Silver Bullet."
I call myself "Dumpy Mcgoo" so May says I should get that or "Big Momma's Ride"
Maybe I will just get one of those ambulance stickers that you can read correctly in your rear view mirror when they are coming up behind you that says "Ambulance"........
........except mine will say, "If you can read this, brace yourself"...........