....after I slept off all my evil.....

I am about to get my life put back together.  I hope.

This is an attempt to catch us all up to speed for the past month. It may take a few blogs though.

Amy- I have been doing my thing driving all over Hell and creation in auto-pilot as usual for this time of year.  Six or seven days a week we are going somewhere at some point during the day.  I just try to breathe my way through each day knowing somehow it all gets done.

I am still exercising my butt off....or should I say my butt on, cause nothing is still happening....on the scale anyway.  I have taken about 10 of the 16 Power classes that I need to take at at the gym in order to get the free t-shirt that labels me as a weight lifter...sort of, in my eyes anyway.  I am surely getting more muscles.  I can see a bulge in my arms where there has never been one before in my life.  My butt actually looks round like a butt should look, instead of just fading into my thighs.  My stomach is certainly more flat than it was and my pants are fitting much better and some are even a little big or too big.

The problem here is that my scale is sabotaging me.  So I had D hide it so that I could only weigh on Sundays.   The first Sunday I weighed 189.  D was happy for me cause I was finally in the 180's.  I wasn't, cause I knew the moment I ate a piece of ice I would gain 3 pounds.  He scolded me for not enjoying that small victory. In my mind I have been this place so many times that I truly am not in the 180's till it is a consistent number.

I was not too discouraged however.  I gave myself a year to do this right and I have been sticking to it.  I rarely cheat and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week 40 minutes or more.  So this past Sunday I was excited to weigh because I ate especially well chosen foods that week.  I knew I had pushed myself doing the exercise and I was hoping for a 187 minimum.

The scale said 190.  I became so angry inside that I thought I might grow some devil horns that would surely expel a blazing fury so hot they'd burn the roof off my house.  I controlled it though the best I could.  I left the bathroom, went to make coffee and get the kids moving.........and then the evil tidal wave of death and destruction that likes to throw stuff when I am infuriated hit me.

So I marched right back to the bathroom where D was blowing his hair dry, picked up the scale, stomped back to the front door, stepped out onto my front stoop, and I launched that scale as far as I could with my new arm muscles "that weigh more than fat."  I meant for it to bounce on the ground and bust every spring and gear inside of it.  On the first bounce as it hit the ground I felt a minuscule amount of satisfaction.  I wanted to throw it one more time but I refrained cause I knew I was going to church in a couple hours and I needed to get rid of this evil in me before I could praise the Lord properly for the good things in my life.

The kids get up.  D comes out of the bathroom to eat breakfast.

D- Where's the scale?

CB & Sky - She threw it in the front yard.

M- You threw the scale in the front yard?

CB- Yeah she did!  It went way over there see?!

D- (looking out the breakfast nook window) Nice distance.

A- I threw it into the front yard. Yes I did.  If anybody brings that scale back into this house I swear bad things will happen to you.  I don't know what they are, but don't test me.

When I left for church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from the gym the idiot scale was not in the front yard.  I was so mentally exhausted from my emotional torture of weighing that morning, only to find all my good eating and exercise had been in vain....months and months of not eating delicious morsels of goodness, shin splints that wake me up in the middle of the night, sweating, sweating, sweating, pushing, pushing, pushing....only to still weigh 190....I took a bath and went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't get up till 7:00 am the next morning.

BUT, not BUTT, but.....BUT, during the Power class at the gym I had likened myself to this fairly big woman in the class, like we were equals in weight.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and I noticed that I didn't look her size at all.  I mean I was still bigger than I need to be of course, but I wasn't as big as I perceived myself to be by the number on the scale.  The scale doesn't change the fact that I can feel and see a muscle in my arm that has never been there before.  It doesn't change the fact that some of my pants are too big now, not all of them, but some of them.  Those are my small victories, that I should thank God for.

I am going to choose to dwell on those things.  So I can be thankful in all things to God for giving me endurance and patience to persevere when my flesh wants to quit, the spirit in me is still willing to keep my temple, in which Jesus resides, clean and healthy.

I am not going to weigh anymore.  My sister in Christ, Sarah, told me I should pick out a pair of pants I want to get into and use those as a gage for my success. I think that is the better way to go for me.....for my family too.

I found this note hanging out of my drawer where I keep my exercise wear in my closet the morning after I slept off my evil. ( you can click on this pic to get a better view if need be)

My heart overflowed and spilled all over the place with love for this oldest son of mine.

I CAN DO all things through Christ who strengthens me...... Philippians 4:13


*

it's good the cuss word cop doesn't have a billy stick........

This morning CB was taking a bath while I was getting Skylar ready to go for her dental appointment for sealants. He was going over things that made "Jesus cry"......or rain fall from the sky, Jesus' tears.

I relayed that I always thought that rain was Jesus overflowing his bath water.

To this Sky responded that my thinking could not be right because Jesus was perfect in every way. He wouldn't be dirty and surely not forgetful in turning off His bath water.

CB tells us when people use "t words" it makes Jesus cry.

A- Well, what are "t words?"

CB- Like cuss words or saying "Oh my God" instead of saying "gosh."

S- Cole you always say Oh my God.


CB- No I don't Sky!

S- yes you do liar

A- Sky!  Really?!

S- Well he is a liar and he does use God's name in vain.

.......backtracking in my mind a bit......

Over the holidays we were at a neighbors house for a get together.  Sky called another adult out for using a cuss word...like, damn or something.

Sky is the cuss word cop. She is violent too...if she had a billy stick it would be bad.  The cuss word cop comes from part of her OCD stuff that makes me want to pull my hair out strand by strand with a pair of tweezers some days.  She hears a cuss word then thinks bad thoughts, then spends all day to a couple of days confessing that she has been thinking about the foul word EVERY TIME IT CROSSES HER MIND! Her medication ramps up her OCD issues at times and the confessing constantly is tedious. I'll save this rant for another day.

So when the cuss word cop called out the offending adult. I was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed a little because it came across as my child is calling out an adult on their behavior. It appeared disrespectful in the whole of the situation...especially in another persons house.

But the truth be told... why do adults need to swear in front of children?....or at all?

A Methodist pastor friend of ours said to me over a couples dinner many years before both couples had children, I may have been pregnant...when haven't I been pregnant....he said, "I always felt like people used cuss words when they couldn't think of a more clever word to use."

That really stuck with me.  I have conveyed that sentiment to my own children.  With so many wonderful words to choose from, why use the bad ones?

...but alas I still use them sometimes.  I use them most when I want to put a redneck, big, fat, exclamation point on a thought that conveys I mean business.

  Really? Do I mean business or just sound like a red neck?

Like, one day I was putting on a new shower head. I was up and down the ladder cause the dang thing would not loosen. I had to keep switching tools and getting plumbers tape and this and that & oh yeah what about this tool....up and down, up and down, on and on...every time I came down the ladder Zachary and Maysie were right under my feet, for crying out loud, I was stepping all over them...Why were they UNDER MY STINKING FEET  in the shower??

So.......I am coming down the ladder and I step on Zac's feet......

A- Will you please move your ASS??


Zac and May are shocked and look at each other but did not move.  Zac and I are face to face now in the shower.

Zac looks at Maysie then at me and says - Now you apologize to Maysie. (insinuating May is his ass)

We all start laughing and forget about it....except for Sky

She reminds me at the lunch table that she heard me say a cuss word in the shower and that I could surely have picked a more clever word, and did I ask God to forgive me?


I had been having an eventful morning. One of those days when things happen that shouldn't. Each thing you fix leads to something else that needs attention immediately and before you know it 4 hours has gotten by and what really needed to be accomplished hasn't happened yet and still needs to happen...only now your eating into the schedule 4 hours which puts you going to bed 4 hours later.

So Sky called me out and though she was correct, I lost my sanity in front of all my children at the lunch table and said

A- ASS, ass, ass, ass, ASS, ASS, ass, hell, hell, hell, damn and one more time for good measure, ASS!!

.......cricket, cricket.........

Zac busted out laughing.

May is hands over her mouth speak no evil and Sky is hands over her ears hear no evil.


Cole wants to know if he can have 3 cookies cause he finished all  his lunch.

I am like, gosh where'd that come from?  It was quite therapeutic...for about a minute or so.

M- Well now, that was quite pleasant.  I'm so glad we don't go to public school to learn language like that. I feel smarter already.
...................................................

So we're back in the bathroom with Sky calling out CB's ability to become a professional liar.

A- Skylie, Babe, you know you are absolutely correct to say we shouldn't use cuss words or lie or whatever.  But when you call people out on their sin in front of others two things happen. First, they get embarrassed and second they want to look for a fault in you to call out, so they can show others you sin too. Not that they want to hurt your feelings, but they are human and don't want to feel displaced.  Is the behavior right? No, but drawing a room full of people's attention to another person's sin isn't right either.

I reminded her of the incident at the neighbors house calling out the adult and that this was not the first instance of that either, that it came across as disrespectful more than trying to keep her mind clean.  Which all of us fully understand and outsiders don't.

I reminded her of the Bible story of the women who had been found with another man, like a boyfriend, while she was married. She was going to be stoned to death for this act.  The men brought her to Jesus to see what he would say about it.  Jesus wrote some words in the sand. Some say each man with a stone, ready to cast at the woman, viewed the words written by Jesus as his own secret sin...then Jesus stood and said, "Those without sin should cast the first stones."  When the girl looked up, there was not one man there waiting to stone her, for they all knew they were sinners, the same as she.  Jesus told her to go and sin no more.

I asked Sky if she was she perfect? Would she be able to cast the first stone?  Did she have a secret sin that only she ...and maybe me & Jesus knew about?

Sky expressed that she was glad the girl was not stoned to death and was able to live.  Sky affirmed that she knew she too, was a sinner. She knew she did some things that surely made Jesus unhappy. She understood that she had been casting stones casually and carelessly for her own sake.

I was so moved by her ability to understand this concept and readily accept this correction. I thought of how good God is to give us these moments with our children to teach in them in the way they should go. To be able to trust Him to know and understand what he has to teach our children through us as parents using the wisdom He gives us in His Book.  It takes my breath away, how good and right God is everyday and never failing.

I made a New Years resolution today to try really hard not to cast a bunch of stones casually and carelessly for the sake of myself.  I can't count the times Christ wrote my sins in the sand this past year and I kicked my foot over it so I wouldn't have to read it.

I'm done with that.

Gift giving wisdom?..............

Responsive reading -

Me- Hello.

Me- I am Amy.

Me- I am a recovering blog neglecter.

You - HeeeellllllllO AAAAAAAAAmmyyy

......................................................

There are some things I shouldn't talk about. Sometimes though situations end like this "....." instead of like this " . "

It's uncomfortable.

So this is what I shouldn't talk about, but I will so it can have a " . "

D posted this on his FB: "Christmas lesson #1: Never buy your wife something she says she doesn't want. Odds are she will not like it!"

This statement is true. Men should surely heed this Christmas lesson lest they get their feelings hurt a bit... or is it their pride. I guess it depends on the man. You know, whether he is in touch with his feminine side or not.

feelings = in touch

pride = not in touch

At Christmas, when you ask a woman what she wants for Christmas and she tells you point blank. That is the gift she would appreciate or her heart truly wants.

If she hem haws around and doesn't give you a direct answer... then she gets, what she gets. If she doesn't like her gift because she neglected to tell you a certain thing, it's her fault, not the males.

I have learned over the past 5 years particularly, that you must be direct with the male species. One must say exactly what they want or need. No matter how harsh it sounds to the female or other females. It has come to me that males need to have specific directions and spoken out loud. They need the female to say exactly what she wants or needs so they can do it.

I have learned that hoping that the male will understand what I mean without saying it so as not to be harsh or direct...DOES NOT work. This is not just with my husband, but with my son, my brother, salesmen, men on the phone.... all males in general that I deal with.

I have learned that generally they do not perceive this as rude. They see it as helpful (or maybe understandable) even if they are annoyed by the action required.

This Christmas I was asked what I wanted, point blank. I would normally hem haw around and then get whatever. Usually whatever is fine. But since I am being a tad more money conscious these days, I thought better to get something that would truly be used by me or others and would bring everyday pleasure.

Because even when I say, "Don't get me anything." I still get something.

So I stated a bird house or the new pink glitter TOMS. My alpha male, believes these to be not good gift ideas and buys the thing I repeatedly said I did not want.

When I opened the gift that I already knew what it was because he loves this particular gift himself (which is a fine gift for him)...I had an extremely unpleasant battle inside my body to control my emotions and make sure they came out grateful.

I did not do a good job.

I failed.

My face, eyes and lips spoke not gratitude in a very uncomfortable way. I know it was uncomfortable cause my mom chastised me later and D didn't talk to me for almost 2 days even though I apologized several times. I had it coming though so I just gave him some space to work it out. He loves me again now, which is always good.

I would like to blame it on some random hormonal madness, but truly I think it was just me, showing me. I get weary trying hard to be just the right person to all people. I unleashed my emotions on purpose. I didn't hold back the furrowed brow or fake smile or comments that should have been held for a private conversation.

I didn't spew venom or anything or get mad...I just didn't shoot fireworks out my butt on purpose. I didn't pretend to love the item or even like it....cause my insides didn't want this. I would have rather had the nothing than to have had to go through opening the thing I didn't want at all, faking gratitude, and then sending it back, which I have done already.

My mind was chain linking thoughts of, "Why ask if you don't want to know what I really want? Why waste money just to buy something? Why do I have to open it while everyone is looking at me? Don't take my picture."

Please understand I am not being rude or ugly when I write these words. I am just stating....that sometimes giving the gift is more fun to me than receiving one. Not in a cliche way either...I mean for real.

I learned this about myself this Christmas. For real, believe these words....

I don't like to receive gifts. It embarrasses me.

It makes me feel uneasy and anxious. The gift turns into a show of emotions that I may not be capable of living up to in truth.

I honestly feel like the true gifts people give me are shown to me in their actions...wrapped up in the sincerity of their eyes as it is done in love or wanting to please.

These are gifts that I feel the most thankful for and gratitude is freely and truthfully given. My heart has no boundaries for gifts given to me like this.

On my 40th b-day D gave me peace and quiet to read while he earnestly did the thing I didn't want to do...cook and clean up a delicious meal full of things that I adore. The thought he put into my b-day was a true gift. My sister gave me a day at the spa (which I haven't used yet). I loved this gift too, the reason being, she knows I never do things like this for myself. She gave it to me because she loves personal gift giving. She sent it to me in the mail, so I was able to open it in private. No one was staring at me waiting for my gratitude and fireworks. I was able to express my gratitude in words shared between only her and I. Both of those gifts meant a lot to me.

My mom cashed in her credit cards points to this year and got me a $50 Starbucks gift card out of them. I loved that too. After the present swapping was done and everyone was on their on later that morning, she gave it to me in private. I was grateful. When I hugged her it wasn't for show, I loved her and it was a gift she knew I would use.

Receiving gifts is hard for me and I generally do not prefer to receive gifts.

I would much rather pick a personal gift and give it randomly out of gratitude than to buy a gift....just to buy one. I hate that. Pondering what to get someone to the point it becomes a chore, sucks. It's not longer a gift of thought & love, but a thing to fulfill the obligation.

In this instance it is better to receive the nothing and watch the happiness of others......at least, to me anyway.

I ended up buying myself the pink glitter TOMS with Christmas money from my mom. D's mom and dad also gave me money. Later that that afternoon, after receiving the money, my car battery FINALLY put itself (and me) out of its miserable existence by dying permanently. The cost of the new battery was just a little over the amount of Christmas money that D's parents had given to me. I felt I no longer had to worry about spending the money on groceries, sports or extracurricular activities...misusing the money so to speak. I had used it on myself in a really useful way. I felt satisfied.

These words are one of my truths. I don't feel ashamed of them. I hope you will not find fault in me when my face is in your presence.

with a stop sign shaped tool................

Mondays......

Last night I totally took the girls to clogging practice. No lie, Ms.P left me hanging for a business venture possibly, so I was own my own with 5 girls for the night. I wondered what the heck I would do with myself at first cause Monday is gab yer head to the point of complete and utter emptiness.

I thought to myself, "Self....you could finish yer book tonight. Except yer eReader light is out of batteries and it isn't back lit...forget turning on yer car lights and draining the battery again. What to do???" In my mind flashed Z's DS game Rhythm Heaven....I would play his game FINALLY, in peace. THEN I was super excited to be on my own.

Nothing is ever as it seems though. When Smalls and her trusty side kick Spunky finished their class, the 5 girls headed off the McD's like we always do for some not nourishment. I had to get some gas first though.

**I got out

**I pumped the gas to full tank.....without my Kroger card which was deplorable.

**I got into the car.

**The flippin car WOULD NOT crank.

tick, tick, tick. tick, tick ,tick

Insert the whole jaw dropping syndrome again with all peeps great and small seated in my car.

A- WHAT??! REALLY??!

SB, May, Smalls, & Spunky - Oh no! I can't believe this!(etc, etc, etc)

I get out and this fellow and his wife that were filling the 2 cars they own and every single gas can from here to the TN border with their Kroger gas card at .40 off a gallon.....were in disbelief also. They were pumping when I pulled in. The husband tells me he doesn't have cables and we discuss for not more than 40 seconds how insane this situation is. I am gabbing with him and making the call to D......again, to come and rescue me.

It's cold and rainy...he isn't feeling my vibe and we are disgruntled with one another cause he is asking me questions I feel are inconsequential and he thinks I am not listening again...and I feel like not listening cause his questions are not helpful. I want him to say, " I am on my way," and he wants me to say "Oh never mind, the car cranked false alarm," or something of that nature.

While I am trying not to get frustrated with his tone of voice at my situation that is completely not my fault, Gas Can Husband has located an Old Navy Truck Man with jumper cables.

EXCITEMENT! I try to hang up with D so I can help this fellow make sure both ends do not touch, in the cold flippin rain, and show my gratitude....but D will not quit lamenting to me on the phone. I want him to be quiet and hang up now and he wants to know what's going on.

I HATE talking on a cell phone, can't stand it....even when not in dire situations. It just bugs the crap out of me.

D- CALL ME WHEN you get the CAR CRANKED! BYE! (D loves his cell phone, even though at this point he was on our home phone. Both D & my mom...the two of them, would lose all consciousness without their cell phones.)

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than Mr. P has told Ms. P and I.

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than D has told Ms. P and I.

Three men connecting cables in three different sequences...all telling me with confidence their way is the right way......and at what point the battery could spew rabid, clothes melting, flesh eating, acid onto your face......all three different.

The six of us females have concurred on this: At birth, males are given the knowledge of how to hook jumper cables up. I don't care what order they do it in, they do it with confidence and authority.

My car cranks right up.

Rejoicing!! Not near what it was when Ms. P & I did the man deed. But it did feel good to be rescued and rather quickly in the cold rain.

So I walk over to tell Old Navy Truck thank you for letting us use his cables and how grateful I am that he hadn't left the gas station yet.

Cause it's the south, he wants a hug. I gladly give him one. I am grateful.

Gas Can Husband is bringing the cables over and telling Old Navy Truck Man some man words about my car, that I don't care about. Gas Can Husband is happy cause I am happy....plus he's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

I pat his back and tell him "Thank You" and he squeezes my shoulders as in a half hug, cause he's glad to help a car full of gals. Gas Can Wife is happy too, cause her husband is the super hero who saved the day.....plus she's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

Well....Old Navy Truck has been talking to a One Legged Man, who makes BBQ sauce, while we are having Monday night drama at the Shell. One Legged Man, one legs it on over to my car and discovers that my battery cables are loose and this is why my completely fine battery has repeatedly acted incompetent.

The three men agree that One Leg has discovered the answer to all of the worlds problems. They all shake their heads in a concurring manner....I do this also. It feels like the right thing I am supposed to do.

One Legged Man tightens the cable best he can till I can get home for D to tightened it properly with a stop sign shaped tool.

Then he declares the car good for another 100,000 miles.

One Leg informs me that he saw me give the other two dudes a hug and he wants one too. After all, he is "the one who discovered the loose battery cables."

We all cackle a bit, I hug him and he reminds me that the Shell gas station sells his BBQ sauce inside and for me to go and buy some. The three males shake hands. They are heroes who have saved 5 females and they have been hugged properly for it......plus Gas Can Husband has gotten .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

After that, food was gotten at the drive thru.... Smalls & Spunky played in my car with it running, while I played Rhythm Heaven on Z's DS....and SB & May made it to their class on time.

Furry Bunnies and Rainbows........

to tuck or not to tuck, the epic ending. Praise God..........

The soccer season is almost over.  One more game and the fall school start up chaos is completed….mostly.

We finally got CB playing soccer with his shirt tucked in.  It would seem that with me as his safe haven for hiding from his fear of kids running together in a cluster and being overwhelmed….it was too easy to quit, show his butt, and sit on the sidelines. No matter that he has ran with other kids in a cluster in our backyard a billion times.  It wasn’t the same. D and I came to the conclusion for him to play I would need to be perceived as not being at the field.

These are the steps to getting a 4 ¾ year old child to play a sport that you paid money for and don’t want him to quit (When you have accidentally volunteered his dad to be the coach).

1.  When the child sasses you about how he doesn’t want to play soccer anyway….yank his cleats off, his shin guards, and his jersey then throw them as far as you can into the yard. 

2. Eat Lindor chocolate balls 3 at a time, until the bad mommy feelings inside you go far, far away.

3. Make a deal with the child about tucking his shirt in that will surely be broken.

4. Send him to the soccer field with his dad and tell him you are not able to come to his game. Plan to show up and hide behind a tree to watch him play.

 

5.  In the last quarter, after you have watched him have a great time, score a goal, smile really big all with his idiot shirt tucked in…. reveal yourself as being there the whole time. 

This is when your child will reveal to you that he saw you drive up and get out of the car. That he saw you hiding behind all of the trees.  He will want to know why you didn’t just sit in a chair like all of the other moms and dads.

This is when you will need to eat some more Lindor chocolate balls 3 at a time, until the bad mommy feelings inside you go far, far away.   

                            The End

Now that we're men......

Last night, in my eyes, I did this totally amazing thing along side Ms. P.

At the clogging studio we were in deep girl, God, and geek gab ....not necessarily in that order. When I say deep, it was almost an hour past the time we were supposed to have left the studio to head home. The class had ended around 9:00pm and our girls were still gabbing, so we continued to gab.

Hear this! Because we were totally gabbing incessantly for two hours barely stopping for breath.....in my car.....with the interior lights on the whole time.......at 10:00pm... my interior lights suddenly went dim.

I say to myself, "Self....I bet your battery is getting weak." I crank my car up, uumm, no I don't cause it won't crank.

tick, tick, tick, tick. tick,

try again

tick, tick, tick, tick

My jaw drops, Ms. P's jaw drops, our teen girls in the other vehicle show us that our jaw dropping syndrome has contaminated them also.

A- D is going to kill me....he is packing for a trip to Orlando in the morning.

Ms. P - I think I have jumper cables

A- (furry bunnies and rainbows....in terror. Cause somebody had to hook them thangs up)

Ms. P can't find them, she calls her husband, they discuss at length how to hook the cables up while I read the directions on the packaging.

Ms. P's husband is at home in one direction far from the studio and D is at home far away in the opposite direction from the studio, and we are out too late anyway....it just wasn't optimal.

Ms. P relays that Mr. P has said we should hook up red, black, black, red (or vice versa or something). We shouldn't let them touch... insert some more directions and technical stuff that I am starting to tune out because I'm afraid to hook the jab-O's up. All my life I have heard that some somebody's car blew up, somebody got venom spewed in their face and their face burned off, acid melted their clothes off and onto their skin and falalala la lala la la.

When I come to my senses Ms. P is standing in front of me with a red and a black in her hands and I with a red and black in my hands and we aren't letting them touch.....staring at each other.

The thing is we haven't even moved our vehicles yet and our vehicles are turned off.

A- Can you do this?

Ms. P - I think so...

Frick and Frack...the two willies decide first we should move the vehicles into proper position. After all the cables were touching each other in the bag right?

Move the vehicles. We are on the right track. We've done step one according to her package instructions. The vehicles are nose to nose without touching each other....

It is clear we are both leery of hooking the exploding battery acid face eating machine cables up. I feel extreme anxiety rising within as she and I are looking for exact locations at which to position these 4 pincher's.

I make the decision to call D finally.

A- (sweet) Helllllooo.

D- Where are you?

A- At the studio, my battery is dead.

D- Does Meg have cables?

A- funny thing.....yes, but Babe, I am afraid to hook them up and so is she, can you just come here and do it?

D- Really, Amy? I mean you can do this. Just put the positive on the positive and the negatasdkl lksjdji kjshdjhiuh nasjdhk and jhh yuy xernhg uyg.....

I don't hear him anymore he's speaking Japanese to me cause I am afraid.

So I put him on speaker phone for directions as I am using the cell phone for a flash light. Ms. P doesn't have a cell phone so this is it.

It is clear to him I am not listening well and about to panic which equals buggin out. D determines that I am going to do this. He determines he is not driving across the Untied States at 10pm...when I am "this close" the fix myself.

D- (on speaker phone....and BTW Ms. P is a deacons wife...not that it should matter it's just an ironic situation, that caused me to snicker a little in the after thoughts when I got home.) Put the "not the dam that beavers build" red cable on the "not the dam that beavers build" positive bolt, Amy, Now!

A & Ms. P(we laugh a little) - Easy Tiger, yer on speaker phone.

D - I don't care hook up the red cable and then do the black one, now, DO IT.

I totally hooked'em up. I was half way there. Ms. P is standing close beside with her 2 cables not touching. Like surgeons with special tools I take one from her hand and D tells me where to hook it on my car. Then the last one is placed on the black negative on my battery.

Not the optimal place I learned cause that is the crisis point at which a battery could explode with my face next to it. When I read the directions though it said not to hook it next to this fuel line and that cable and x,y,z...so I was afraid again cause I have a Hyundai and I don't know which line is which. I recognized the windshield washer fluid and so did Ms. P and all that was plastic. One is supposed to connect the last black one to a metal bolt or something. I was supposed to look away, but I forgot....cause I was having an anxiety attack in my mind.

So the moment of truth has arrived. The connections have been made. D relays Ms. P should start her vehicle and slowly rev the engine.

A- Okay go start your car and give it some gas.

D- No.. I said slowly give it some gas (Ms. P is revving up to start a Nascar race). Tell her to stop that.

I don't listen and go get in my car and crank it right up.

......insert redneck hooting and hollering in downtown, at night, behind some random building, with no lights on and 6 girls jumping up and down totally being girls.

D- Come home. ... and be careful, the deer are out tonight.

Insert some more jumping up and down and girly screaming cause BY GOLLY!! WE ARE WOMEN HEAR US ROAR FOR PETES SAKE!!!!!!

I know D helped talk us through that and he used some man words to do it......but I swear in my mind I felt like we did it all by ourselves. I mean really, we were nervous, but we seriously overcame it and just totally did the freaking man deed.

Ms. P calls her husband and relays to him we have done the deed. He asks her if we unhooked the cables. I told her you should have told him, "No, that's their leash, the whole clan need to be on a leash."

Even Ms. P's daughter and May told us they were proud of us. We had a big, 6 female, jumpy, girly group hug put our hands in the center and "Go Ladies" on three...1, 2, 3...GO LADIES!

I smiled myself to sleep last night cause I rocked my own world for a change.

I love hanging out on Monday's with Ms. P. It makes me feel strong and mighty in every way.

I dedicate this song to you Ms. P. We "passed the test and finished the quest!"
Hope you have an awesome Tuesday!!!!!

no....just chill out............

We made it to the mountain house after an extremely looooooonnnnnng drive over the mountain.  This dude from another state, but not Florida or Texas was driving like 15 mph.  I am not exaggerating.  He might have went 20 mph at some point but I just can't be sure.  There were about 120 places he could have pulled off and let the cars stacked up behind him go by...but he just chose not too.

At first we were all... so what if it takes a while we are alone and together and in no hurry.  Then after about 20 minutes we were like is this guy for real?  Who puts their brakes on going up a mountain at a speed one could walk faster?  Derrick is generally honk yer horn happy. He told me he was going to start honking his horn at every pull off and maybe the guy would get a hint and pull over.  We now had 16 cars stacked up behind us(I counted).  We were #2 behind some Floridians who were growing impatient also and had started to totally ride the dudes bumper.


D commences the horn honking on three different pull offs and by now I am all for it.  I'm ready to scratch my face off thinking I may grow a beard and die before we get to Bryson City.  The guy does not pull off.

We go through a tunnel and as a tradition we always honk the horn in long dark tunnels....so we honk some more for fun now cause he is obviously not going to pull off.  EVERY car behind us lays on the horn as they go through the tunnel.  D and I snicker to each other cause we know everyone is getting delirious.  They don't just "toot toot", they

toooot toooooot toot toot toooooooooot 


...it's stress relief.

It has been some tiiiiiiiiiiimmmme now for real. I think folks had settled into never getting to their destinations.....except for the Florida peeps who were almost about to ride connected to the back seat belts in the slow dudes car....when he suddenly decides to pull off ....at a pull off like he's freaking supposed to do instead of back up traffic.

• I roll my window down.
• Florida stomps their gas and takes off, we don't ever see them again.
• I hang my head out of the truck and make the raise the roof dance motion and holler as loud as I can accessing my inner redneck, "Wooooooooooo, yeah!  Way to go dude, Alllllriiiiight!!!!"

In that order.

As I pass I see a balding late 20 something male looking out his rolled down car window smiling at all the passing cars.  I swear, I swear.... he is looking proud of himself, like he has really done a good deed  for all man kind....and believe me he has in a way.

He appears to be amazed at all of the cars he has backed up by this time.

My heart thinks I have truly seen a real live moron. In fact I think my mouth may have said it out loud and D's concurred with it.

...so we get to the house, unload a few groceries, unpack, put sheets on the bed and chill out a bit before dinner on the deck... reading the paper and so forth.

I get caught up in my Pillars of the Earth book and D begins to cook dinner.  I tell him I will come in and help as soon as I get to a stopping point. D says to me, "No, just chill out with your Nook," and I decide to do just that.

Soon it's getting dark and I can't see on my Nook as well as I had been able to about 45 minutes to an hour ago and I am smelling garlic galore....

D- Come eat!

This is what I see when I go inside. 

Menu

• fresh basil linguine & shrimp with a fresh, garlic, parsley, basil, and Parmesan cheese sauce
• Ciabatta bread with Benissimmo dipping olive oil
• Spring Salad with balalmic vinegarette dressing(my favorite)
• Smoking Loon Merlot(another favorite)
• For dessert he made a NUTELLA Mousse  the night before we left so it'd be ready for dinner on this night.

Everything was delicious tasting.  I couldn't have had a better meal in a restaurant.

  All was super quiet.
      We didn't eat fast purposefully.
            It was my dream dinner.
                 I felt really special and loved.

He took care to make things he knew I would go nuts over.  I am so glad we ate at the mountain house instead of going out.  This was definitely a night that will rank high in my memory files cause literally everything was perfect.

When we were cleaning up the dishes I found this.

Which I thought was sort of funny.

A- So what did you do? Google romantic dinner for two?

D- Yes.  You aren't supposed to be looking at my cheat sheets...give me those(yanks them from me and puts them away).

I was secretly glad he had cheat sheets cause it told me he took the time to care about what were going to do on this rare occasion we had alone more than 2 hours.  I believed it to be thoughtful and I liked it a lot.

After dishes we gabbed some more on the back deck about the book he was reading, then about the book I was reading, then about how people write such clever books, then about this and that and on and on and on....

.....not once were D and I interrupted by a wee little voice that said we needed to wipe a butt or break up a squabble.  I missed my kids....

......but just not that much at that moment.    ;o)



....cause.....I knew Nana was wiping butts.   :oD

good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does........

This past weekend me and the fam went to Atlanta to visit my mom.

D hasn't been to "The A-T-L" really since my dad passed away, so it was good for him to come with us in about 100 ways.

Saturday my sister and I went to the Southeastern Homeschool Expo. I had a cool time wandering around checking out all the different options available to homeschoolers as far as curriculum goes.

I spoke with this gal who makes her own soap a pretty good bit. Actually so much that my sister made fun of me, but dang she was interesting to me. She actually shared her testimony with me and encouraged me greatly by sharing with me about "losing yourself" while homeschooling.

She has 9 CHILDREN! 6 have graduated and are what I would consider to be successful adults. Their jobs range from PA's, nurses, & teachers to helping her with her business on the side. Her remaining children are in high school and she MANAGES TO RUN A FREAKING BUSINESS still. I am amazed by what abilities God has placed in women to succeed. God gives them the drive, they taste a little bit of the power, then the women speed off into the sunset. It's beautiful and intoxicating to me.

These types of stories make me feel like the dreams I have are possible even if I do them just a little bit at a time. The persistence will prove tangible if only I choose to access the power and speed off........which, of course, we all know.....speeding is my thing, apparently.......I'm just not.........well.....that focused, I reckon.

Plus my sister and my mom were totally my heroes this weekend. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. I just needed mine. My mom filled a huge gaping hole that had been dug out. She shoveled heaps of love, hugs that sustain, and understanding without judgement.

My sister is an invaluable soul that God knew I would one day need to stay level headed and real. She is one of the most awesome people I know in positivity and encouragement to do the right things and most importantly...in the name of Christ. I love that she listened and didn't spout off nonsense to me that wasn't real. I love that she can see outside what I cannot when I need her to see it for me. I love that she is deeply in praise when I am and it is genuine.

I saw my mom and my sister walking down the sidewalk after church holding hands, on the way to the restaurant. In my mind they were the only ones on the street I could see. God shined on them brighter and all of the surroundings faded out. I could hear no sound except my mind spewing forth praise to the Lord for those two women.

We all went to Buckhead Church with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley wasn't there this past Sunday but this guy named Sean Seay was the guest preacher. He is the preacher at Athens Church in Athens, GA. His sermon was focused mainly on men. I am 100% convinced we were supposed to hear this man preach this particular Sunday.

The most important thing I learned was that if my husband feels like he is my "superhero," then he feels like he can conquer the world and will try to do it for Christ, for me and for his family.

This was not solely the message and I learned a few more things. This though, is the thing that stung enough to make me really squirm. The message was based on Joshua 24:11 - 14.

It's a fantastic message for men and certainly well worth the listen for women. You won't feel the time has been wasted at all, trust me.

Listen to the message here: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages

It's titled The Man I Want to Be

While in Atlanta this was certainly a highlight, but so was game night when the girls finally beat the boys at Catch Phrase......cause we so owed them from the last time we played.

Cole to Nana - Are you gonna let Daddy drive your car to get a paper?

Nana - No, he's taking your car, but if he wanted to take it I would let him.

Cole - Oh good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does. (Nana thinks this is very funny)

........Grilled hot dogs, brownies & milk on the porch while my most humble and outstanding brother-in-law told us about his mission trip to Venezuela, bowling, and topping it off with a Mad Men episode before bed Sunday evening.....put an extraordinary weekend to an end.

I love my family.

I swear I do.

I swear, I love living in the south......

On Saturday night the kids and I took in a church service in Oak Ridge. The message and the worship was .........AWESOME.

I totally left feeling like I needed to rearrange the way I serve the Lord. So that as I stand before him with the gifts I have to offer Him in my service.... are handed to him like a precious, beautifully wrapped gifts that I could be extremely excited for Him to open and not like throwing them down at his feet and saying, "Hey Jesus, here's my stuff that I did in yer name hope you like it."....feeling ashamed of my service in His name.

I learned some stuff I didn't know, and it excited me. I was thinking, who can I witness too cause dag gone...God Is So GOOD, how can I not want people to know where my hope comes from!!!

It isn't that I haven't told others about Christ when He has prompted me. It's just my attitude has been luke warm, and that isn't my norm. I can't stand that feeling. It's almost as if I have taken my salvation for granted and my light only shines on the direct path in front of me in the complete darkness.

When I left Saturday night. My light was surely brighter and I felt I could see a greater distance on the spiritual path that I am on. So I could take my steps more firmly and with more confidence, knowing that I have a powerful one that lives in me and in a mighty way.

So glad I made the drive. It has been well worth it. For me and my children.

..........................................................

On that same note, we spent the afternoon after church Sunday with The Powers Family. We had an awesome time swimming and catching up. We spoke of good things that made us smile. We ate hot dogs with home made chili and key lime pie with big bottles of green tea and soda. We nailed each other with water footballs in the pool, choked each other by blowing water through water noodles into each others faces, tried to float "in the peace zone," and got a little too much sun before the thunderstorms rolled in.

It was an awesome way to spend a Sunday. Everybody in my family had a great time and slept well that evening.

Thanks Powers Family for the invite, it was totally fun!!

...........................................

Side note - Mrs. Great Garden called before she came over this morning!

I was able to brush my hair, put on some light lip gloss.....and I had just finished doing my dishes and beds were made.

She didn't come in, but man, we had a long conversation in my driveway with Cornelia who also came over to get some fE fI fO fUM giant veggie's. It was probably our best conversation yet. So glad I was able to do that and redeem myself.

Later that day, the air conditioner guys came over. I had 7 kids in my house. I was just fixin to kick them out cause they were loud. They were trying to tell me it was too hot to be outside, but I am hard core.

I shoved ice pops in their hands and told'em to hit the hammock and most of them did.

So as the air guys are pulling their van to a stop and park it, I am shooing peeps out the door....7 seven of them. So PJ (King David's teen grandson) is behind me......

PJ- I hate to ask you this, but I have too.....do you have your good bra on? (insert snicker, snicker, snicker, passing me on my right and out the laundry room door. Z laughs.)

I actually have a reality check moment. Do I??

Oh yep, I do.

A- Shut it PJ. (I try to kick him in his butt before he can move, but alas he's swiftly and purposefully faster than me and down the steps)

Air Guy- (First thing he says to me) How many kids do you have?

A- I only have 4 but I swear when you kick an ant hill it looks like more right? They have a few friends over. I just keep the Lemonade cold and the ice pops frozen, you know what I mean?

Air Guys smiles, "I'm hearin ya sister."

At that moment I know I live in the south and love it.

The air condition guy did understand and he called me sister.

This is the kind of conversation that only southerners get to experience.

By the end of their job they were both sweating. I brought them a freezing cold pitcher of water and glasses for the cool beverage to go in....cause all drinks taste better and colder in glass vs plastic.

Two dirty, sweaty, southern guys, chatting with me as if they new me their whole lives, drinking my refreshing glasses of water, and thanking me with sincere gratitude. They purposefully replaced my pitcher and glasses in my garage so as to show me gratitude instead of leaving it as a mess for me to clean up when they left.

I swear, I love living in the south.

bugs like to drink the blood off boo boos.............

Cole - I have a scab on my knee

A - Well, don't pick it.

CB- Why?

A- It'll get infected then we'll have to cut your leg off.

CB- Oh yeah, well Kinsley told me bugs like to drink the blood off her boo boos.

A- So.......what? You want to pick the scab and feed the bugs then?

CB - Yes. So I am going to pick it okay. (not really a question...a statement)

A- Cole if you pick the scab I won't give you a band aid. If you bleed all down your leg and get it all over your toes and it gets all over the floor, I still won't give you a band aid. Don't pick the scab.

C- Momma, I don't need a band aid. Kinsley said the bugs will drink the blood off.

A- Cole, do you see any bugs?

CB - No, I am going to pick it anyway.

A- No band aid.

Cole picks the scab. The scab has already healed. It was going to come off anyway to reveal healthy skin.

CB- Oh maaaaaan, now look at it. There's no blood. Let me see if I can find another one.

He searches his body for scabs and remarkably finds none. CB gets up and leaves heading towards Sky's room.

CB -(sort of calling out) Hey Sky! Do you have any scabs??!

Well Shanda, now we know what they'll be doing on Friday nights when they get married. :oD

......................................

My plan was to make myself a BLT sandwich for lunch. I got out the turkey bacon and commenced to making it happen. So happens this particular morning my oldest children slept a little late. About the time they had managed to creep to the table for breakfast it was almost my lunch time. Everyone smelled the bacon cooking within a mile radius. Kids in all shapes and sizes were suddenly hungry for anything that bacon could be put on.

Cole managed to come in and swipe 2 pieces immediately, one for each hand.

Shortly Sky calls for Cole to bring her two pieces also....one for each hand. I am like just save a few for my sandwich please. Zach wants some with his 4 scrambled eggs. Maysie is having cereal and wants to have a single piece.

Suddenly I have fixed the whole package of bacon and here is Cole leaving with more bacon and there are only two pieces left.

A- Whoa whoa whoa slow ya roll Dude. Did you eat all of that bacon on the plate??

CB- Yes.

Z- I didn't even get mine yet!

M - Me either!

A- Cole you ate all of the bacon on that plate?? You ate 7 pieces of bacon son?

CB- Yes, Mommy. I said Yes. I ate it all.

I hold up the two pieces that I have left. M & Z are looking at me like one for each of us.

A- Well....these are mine people. They belong to a tomato that was picked yesterday. I'm just sorry as I can be for y'all. I'll let you smell them if you like.

M & Z complaining that I am greedy and what about your hungry children, and other nonsense that I don't care about, cause it's all about my perfectly toasted BLT sandwich.

Then as if God had pity on the wanting children He delivers them a gift. I find the plate full of cooked bacon that I had put aside so that I wouldn't knock it off the counter and onto the floor.

Immediately M & Z's faces show relief. Distress of pinching their mom's head off and killing their youngest sibling is washed away from their thoughts. Furry bunnies, rainbows, floating pink hearts and angels singing fill the air once again.

Abruptly it dawns on the three of us that Little Larry Lies A Lot has once again....lied. He really only ate three pieces.

Hey! Somebody kicked over my ant hill!!.............

Dear Blog,

I am tired of settling, it's exhausting. The choice for one to settle is their own. That's why so many folks have dreams that never come to fruition.....because they settle. I have recently determined myself to not settle. I deserve better than that in the name of Christ. He didn't ask me to live half baked.

He told me to look at the ants and how diligently they work and stay focused.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.” (Prov. 6:6, RSV)

You know how when you flip up a rock or a piece of wood, or just flat kick an ant hill, they all run about? Disruption in their work = chaos....within just a few minutes though they get right back at the task of life rebuilding. Kick an ant hill, in an hour it's looking pretty close to what it looked like before....... because of rebuilding.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. . . . She prepares her food in summer, and gathers her sustenance in harvest” (Prov. 6:6, 8).

“The ants are a people not strong, yet they provide their food in the summer. . . .” (Prov. 30:25).

They do things in steps, not all at once.

While these verses speak about being lazy and procrastination, they also speak to me about rebuilding when my spiritual walk has been kicked about and scattered, disrupted. I guess I need to take a look at the ants and their diligence in getting back on track.

The ants get severely agitated at the invade of their abode and even bite sometimes when they have been messed with. The agitator quickly runs away.

.....I have so been there lately. Severely agitated at letting the temple of my soul become invaded by the distractions of the world and the thing I call church, that I have "bitten" people and even "bitten" myself. I have infected myself with my own poison trying to control things that God normally handles for me.

So I am going to start the rebuilding of my spiritual life. One piece of sand at a time, just like the ants.

More prayer time.

Better study quality.

Accessing God's grace for my iniquities and for others I need to forgive.

Not holding myself accountable for others actions, but holding steadfast to the knowledge that I don't need to chill out..... but I need to buckle down and hold fast.

Allowing myself to hear Gods guidance and not feeling guilty if it isn't the popular choice.

Having had my hill kicked over is not a normal feeling for me. Running about in desperation trying to put my spiritual house back together on my own isn't something I have done in a very long time. I can honestly say, trying to do it on my own has really sucked. I am done with that now. I won't allow myself to feel false guilt anymore. It's destroying my real ability to access the God who built my house to begin with.

While some may feel the need to run around doing whatever they please...... having their course set before them but choosing their own path as better.......accessing no guidance for fear they may have to really work...... loving the life of chaos instead the one that heaps direction and blessing...........

.......I don't feel that need to participate anymore....and I won't. It doesn't bring me joy and I don't feel the love of the Lord. I cannot live without feeling the love of the Lord, It's like my breath to stay alive.

I choose not to settle and suffocate....but to separate and be loved fully and completely for obedience to the God who has NEVER failed me.

When I have turned my back, to walk my way, He grabbed my arm sternly and said. "No! Your path is this narrow one here, get back on it."

As soon as I determined myself to do the hard thing and be face to face with my savior....I felt hope & purpose. My ability to suck in some grace became instantly easier.

I know the one who strokes my weaknesses is furious, discouraged by my choice, and will eventually turn and run away....

Hope and purpose are my first two pieces of sand......

It's brilliant..............

I had the most amazing Mother's Day ever this year.

The kids and I went to Atlanta, D stayed here cause he hasn't had a free weekend in weeks. He wanted to get some stuff done around the house like repaint our back screened in porch, which turned out fantastic. He wanted to chill out in peace and quiet. Although, Cornelia tried to get him to keep a few kids here for Mother's Day so I could take a few less to Atlanta.

All of the kids wanted to go this time so that wouldn't have happened anyway. We had an outstanding time.

I pulled into Atlanta late afternoon Friday so Mom decided we should go some where to eat instead of cook cause she had just gotten off work. I hadn't planned on eating out with the whole dairy free business yet. I was a tad worried about being one of those freaks at a restaurant who can't eat anything and wants the whole menu prepared special. I decided to call around a bit before we went anywhere to see if a few things had butter or could be prepared without dairy easily.

Pasta Bella - Italian - the gal was completely and blandly unhelpful on the phone.

A- My child is dairy free, I was curious does your Marinara sauce have cheese in it?

Pasta girl - Yeah, everything here has cheese in it.

A- Oh, okay, some marinara's don't so I thought I would call and ask first before making the trip over. What type of vegan plates do you offer?

Pasta Girl - ...salad??............I guess I could ask about about our marinara sauce, but I am sure it has cheese in it.

A- Don't worry about it, that's okay. (cause now, even if she did ask and it was good to go, I wouldn't go there, cause she was completely unhelpful and sort of stupid)

We ended up at Longhorns, where unfreakishly as I could, mentioned that Sky was dairy free. Could her shrimp be cooked without the tomato butter sauce? And did she know if the bread had dairy in it?

The waitress went on her personal mission to find out what could be eaten on that menu safely for Sky. She PEELED OFF THE BREAD LABEL from the box of bread that they fix and brought it to me!! So I could check it to see if Sky could eat it! It was so awesome and helpful. She was very thoughtful and careful and I really, really, appreciated it. The food was great, as were the leftovers we took home.

Saturday we had planned to go to the park in East Cobb and celebrate Mother's Day a day early with my brother and my sister's family. This was the first time we had all been together in one spot since my dad's funeral. It was an awesome day to get together, the weather was phenomenal.

We brought a picnic lunch for our people, a frisbee, woofle balls and a bat, & a soccer ball. The play was good, the conversation was fun, the sun on our skin felt healthy (at least till we got home and mom was burned), we took a small hike on their trail and took piles of pics. My dad would have had a blast Saturday. He loved being outdoors and all of us being together would have pleased him.

We spent all day at the park from about 11:00am to about 4:00pm. This will go down as my best Mother's Day ever. It was so relaxing and easy. No one fretted over what gift to give or who was fixing what for dinner, where to go for dinner, blah, blah, blah....

I loved this past weekend, the whole thing.

Sunday I got up and went to Buckhead Church/Northpoint with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley is the man, he is the coolest dude ever. The man is completely gifted in making the Bible approachable and understandable. He is clever.

He'll say he's going to read "A verse,"..... "but first let me tell you this".....then he fills in all the gaps of history, language, story telling and makes the verse come alive, then apply it to yourself.

It's brilliant.

Even my kids love him. They had the opportunity to go to the middle school worship but both M & Z wanted to go and see Andy. I didn't have to make them go to church, they were dressed, ready, and excited to go. In fact I was going to let them sleep in and they both were like, "No, I am going!" Sky went to hang out with Emma(my niece). CB, as usual, took off into his class room of kids he didn't know without looking back. He made me the sweetest butterfly with his hand prints & fuzzy balls for Mother's Day with a Proverbs Bible verse.

I loved that Buckhead Church excited all of them about God stuff and most importantly.... the Bible.

Stories I have read 100 times seem better when Andy tells them. I always want to run home and read my Bible like a book when I hear him preach. He's awesome and God has truly blessed that man with the ability to make the Bible feel relevant and important for people today who want to be constantly entertained. He's simple in jeans and a button down shirt sitting on a tall stool, with his Bible on a small table beside him...it's all about payng attention to him and the message. The message has consistantly made me feel filled with the wanting to know God better. No wonder his church has blown up like it has.

I am so glad I got to worship with my sister and Charlie, her husband, it was SWEET!!

This put icing on my delicious cake of a weekend.
















......Oh man, I am so blessed!