Friday, July 30, 2010

he has this awful red afro and way too much lipstick...........

This past Monday I took my kids and PJ to Dollywood.


I had told the kids, "Look, you may as well just resign yourselves to being hot, thirsty, sweaty, salty, sticky, and stinky today and all day. The heat will never subside, so soak in the fun and try to keep it together."

Right off the bat Sky was measured wrong and they claimed she was still too short to ride any of the rides except the idiot ducks....which means Cole can only ride the idiot ducks. So they both got banded with kiddie ride arm bands. Sky's demeanor went down visibly and immediately. So did mine and May's for her.

The Dolly Dame claimed Sky was 1/4 of and inch to short and WOULD NOT let her slide. I was thinking about getting stupid and some other parents looked at me like I should get stupid. I did ask her if she could please just give the next up arm band, she's almost eight and doesn't want to have a season pass to ride the dumb ducks, 1/4 of an inch..... come on.....

She then pulled Sky out of line and explained to me the constitution of the United States and about all measurement regarding the shelves on the bottom of the ocean floor and tall building construction & frying eggs.

I was about to grow a beard and die twice waiting for her to shut up.

Like those times when I get a ticket.....yes, yes....I understand, you're right......hmmm.......really........yes, yes, yes...........okay, okay...........yes, thank you, fake smile, leave, cut the arm band off and hope for lesser attentive ride workers.

That was the right thing to do. BOTH Sky and Cole were quite able to ride almost every ride except the huge roller coasters. Which is fine. Because Sky was an inch and 1/2 taller than she was measured according to the marking sticks. She was able to ride a few of rides by herself. This free'd me up to ride with CB who measured repeatedly rider with an adult in tow.

When I needed another adult for Sky..........lied again and claimed PJ was 16. Which isn't that off base really, he's 15 1/2 or something. He was glad to help me out.

An adult that teaches a kid to lie is not a good thing. It had to be done though for all things great and small if this day was to be remotely tolerable for me.

Can you imagine what kind of whining I would have had to endure while two hot miserable kids complain about riding ducks, flying pigs, and some bees. Uuuuhh, no, not even going there. I felt no Jiminy Cricket about it at all.

The night before we left for Dollywood, the 5 of them were on the dock swimming after dinner and came up with a rap called Down With the Ducks at Dollywood. One kid was the beat box, two were the back ground vocals and one was the rapper...the other two of us were the laughers, cause that crap was so dang funny. I wished I had it on video, hilarious.

Cole rode some super scary rides for a 4 year old that Maysie wouldn't even ride, loved'em and wanted more. He's a brave, crazy little sucker.

Can I just say......I loved going to Dollywood with all of the young people. Even though I was the only adult, I had a blast.

When it was about time for us to head home God overflowed the bathtub and used the nice folks at Dollywood to mop it up.

I had the kids wait at the exit while I rode the tram in side of the face slapping rain, thunder and lightening, then jogged to my car. I was glad I had been using my treadmill cause I was totally not out of breath at all. I felt pleased with myself.

So I got into my car in clothes so wet that I looked as if I had jumped into a pool. I pulled the car around to get the kids who are the most amazing mind reading children ever. They had folded up the stroller, divided up the conglomeration of cups, balls, wet tennis shoes, & socks and were making haste to the vehicle when they saw me. I swear I loved them for being intuitive.

Let me just take this time to say PJ is one of the most awesome teens I know. I know quite a few cool teenagers actually, but PJ is genuinely kind, loving, grateful, respectful, courteous, and super funny. Despite the fact I corrupted him with telling lies about his age at Dollywood, I observe that he is honest and not easily influenced by others. I am glad Z has had the opportunity to hang out with him relentlessly this summer. He's an awesome influence on Z. He handles Z's strong personality & touching issues with ease as if he has handled it right along with my family forever. I will miss him when he goes home and I know Z will also.

Anyhoo.... we got stuck in Pigeon Forge traffic for entirely too long in entirely too wet clothes. My bra was glued to my body and my pants were starting dry on the top but completely hot and soaking wet underneath on my butt. We were all cold on the top and hot & sticky on the bottom. The car was starting to smell like musty corn chips. It was bad. The guys took off what they could and still be decent, Sky took off what she could and was indecent, as usual and didn't care at all.

May and I were in mind over matter mode......just focus on getting home.

We did stop at McDonald's to eat.

We're in the bathroom washing our hands and so forth......drying our clothes with hand dryers......

Sky bustin in the bathroom door - Mom! There is this totally creepy clown sitting on a chair out there and he has this awful red afro and way too much lipstick.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

For if you are for us......than who can be against us?!! ...........

Little Larry Lies A Lot - In case you are wondering, my pants are wet because a mouse pee'd on them."

which translates to this: I've been playing in the water hose without permission, the garage is full of water, my pants are soaking wet and that is why I am now in only my Iron Man tighty whitey's.


We did this family event last Sunday evening called The Amazing Race. Like the TV show The Amazing Race, we competed against other families to accomplish 6 challenges. These challenges were of course, not that difficult. To be included in the event the family had to have a child between the ages birth to 5th grade.....we so had that covered.

The Race was catered by Buddy's BBQ and finished with a Yancy Praise Party concert.

Check her out here She's Awesome!

I thoughoughly enjoyed her. She had the kids singing and the parents singing and her wild pink crazy girl guitar was awesome. Skylar had a ball dancing around. At one point she had 2 kids get on the stage with her and play Guitar Hero guitars and pretend to be rockin out with her.

The one little boy I swear should totally be a rock star when he grows up he rocked the fake guitar 100%. It was hilarious!!

I am definitely thinking about getting a CD for Sky at some point.

On this challenge families had to get dressed in one of three groups of stuff as quickly and crazily as possible and have a fun family photo made. I got the goggles, Sky got Bulls-Eye.

Solve the puzzle, write the verse, get your next clue.......

We did the Cha Cha and a few other dances while waiting for others to finish the race.

D attempting his version of the Charlie Brown.

Our last challenge, working on our Family Banner. I love this photo. It's my people doing some real stuff together on purpose and for fun.

Dear God,
Help me to keep my family tight and on a path that blazes in a mighty way in your name. Help us to be strong, willing, and focused Lord. For if you, Lord, are for us......then who can be against us?!!


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Let's face it, it wouldn't be my first............

Yesterday Ms. P invited me and my tribe to go to the Farmers Market in Knoxvegas with her and her tribe.

I accepted.

I had a ball.

In my mind I pictured the farmers market in Santa Fe. I immediately started to drool over the possible purchase of honey sticks. I felt excited about hippies with guitars and homemade pitchouli soap. When I told May we were going to the farmers market she was all, "BLUEBERRY HONEY STICKS!!! ShaZAM!"

I'm like, "I know, right?!"

The farmers market didn't turn out to be that much really. But I did purchase some awesome blackberries that didn't even come close to making it home. Between her 4 and my 4, the blackberries didn't stand a chance. I got some outstanding raspberries, that I have not been able to keep my hands off of. I got some green beans & okra too.

I didn't have to pay for parking at the meter either. My meter wasn't working properly after I fed it not enough dimes and nickels and Ms. P fed it another quarter, so I resigned myself to getting another ticket. Let's face it, it wouldn't be my first. After all, I consider myself to be a professional ticket payer. I probably own that meter anyway.

.......but to be on the safe side....I told on myself to this ticket writing officer on a bicycle and this other cop in a car that were chatting with some other long haired dude. Ms. P and I descended upon them three with all our kids defending the silver bullet before we even stated our case.

Cop(kidding us)- So you want me to believe you two fed the meter? I'm supposed to have some pity on you?.....

A- Yes, absolutely look at all these kids. You can clearly see we are outnumbered severely? Absolutely, show us some mercy man, please......

The smiling cop relays to us if the meters aren't working it's on them and we'll get not ticket. So I underpaid to begin with probably and then got a free ride. I was pretty dang happy about that.

Ms. P- Well that's not fair, I had to pay, I gave you my last quarter.

A - I know, but I'm not gonna get a ticket! I totally owe you a quarter.

When I got change I gave her two or three of my quarters then I took one back cause I needed change for something. Thank goodness the next place we went we didn't have to pay for parking. Cause I didn't have anymore quarters and I don't think she did either.

After we shopped at the market a bit we stopped and had our picnic lunches in the shaded area of the park. We all gabbed about nonsense without any effort. It was wonderful.

After lunch we headed over to the Worlds Fair Park to play in the big fountains. They really were a treat out of our everyday norm. All of my kids had a ball and were tired on the ride home. We had to cut the afternoon short when thunder clouds started to build up and behave disorderly.

Here's what was so fun about the day to me. The market and fountains are something I have never done in Knoxvegas before. I was able to do them with a family that I am completely comfortable with. I never feel the need to curtail my personality cause Ms. P doesn't seem to mind my family is louder than hers. We hadn't spent any real time with them as group in a long time.

It was great to not feel like I had to squeeze 3 hours worth of conversation in a kid exchange in the Rite-Aid parking lot in the rain.

I love days when it requires little to no effort to make it all happen. This day could've been completely whacked.

I started off a little over an hour behind unknown to me. The clock I was counting on hadn't been reset from the power outage the day before. May got up and had asked me why I hadn't gotten her up, "Are we going?"

I suddenly realized we should be leaving the house right that very minute. It was like someone hit the bees nest and bees went flying about. I originally thought this day is gonna be a bust. Why can't anything be easy?

Then was.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I swear, I love living in the south......

On Saturday night the kids and I took in a church service in Oak Ridge. The message and the worship was .........AWESOME.

I totally left feeling like I needed to rearrange the way I serve the Lord. So that as I stand before him with the gifts I have to offer Him in my service.... are handed to him like a precious, beautifully wrapped gifts that I could be extremely excited for Him to open and not like throwing them down at his feet and saying, "Hey Jesus, here's my stuff that I did in yer name hope you like it."....feeling ashamed of my service in His name.

I learned some stuff I didn't know, and it excited me. I was thinking, who can I witness too cause dag gone...God Is So GOOD, how can I not want people to know where my hope comes from!!!

It isn't that I haven't told others about Christ when He has prompted me. It's just my attitude has been luke warm, and that isn't my norm. I can't stand that feeling. It's almost as if I have taken my salvation for granted and my light only shines on the direct path in front of me in the complete darkness.

When I left Saturday night. My light was surely brighter and I felt I could see a greater distance on the spiritual path that I am on. So I could take my steps more firmly and with more confidence, knowing that I have a powerful one that lives in me and in a mighty way.

So glad I made the drive. It has been well worth it. For me and my children.


On that same note, we spent the afternoon after church Sunday with The Powers Family. We had an awesome time swimming and catching up. We spoke of good things that made us smile. We ate hot dogs with home made chili and key lime pie with big bottles of green tea and soda. We nailed each other with water footballs in the pool, choked each other by blowing water through water noodles into each others faces, tried to float "in the peace zone," and got a little too much sun before the thunderstorms rolled in.

It was an awesome way to spend a Sunday. Everybody in my family had a great time and slept well that evening.

Thanks Powers Family for the invite, it was totally fun!!


Side note - Mrs. Great Garden called before she came over this morning!

I was able to brush my hair, put on some light lip gloss.....and I had just finished doing my dishes and beds were made.

She didn't come in, but man, we had a long conversation in my driveway with Cornelia who also came over to get some fE fI fO fUM giant veggie's. It was probably our best conversation yet. So glad I was able to do that and redeem myself.

Later that day, the air conditioner guys came over. I had 7 kids in my house. I was just fixin to kick them out cause they were loud. They were trying to tell me it was too hot to be outside, but I am hard core.

I shoved ice pops in their hands and told'em to hit the hammock and most of them did.

So as the air guys are pulling their van to a stop and park it, I am shooing peeps out the door....7 seven of them. So PJ (King David's teen grandson) is behind me......

PJ- I hate to ask you this, but I have you have your good bra on? (insert snicker, snicker, snicker, passing me on my right and out the laundry room door. Z laughs.)

I actually have a reality check moment. Do I??

Oh yep, I do.

A- Shut it PJ. (I try to kick him in his butt before he can move, but alas he's swiftly and purposefully faster than me and down the steps)

Air Guy- (First thing he says to me) How many kids do you have?

A- I only have 4 but I swear when you kick an ant hill it looks like more right? They have a few friends over. I just keep the Lemonade cold and the ice pops frozen, you know what I mean?

Air Guys smiles, "I'm hearin ya sister."

At that moment I know I live in the south and love it.
The air condition guy did understand and he called me sister.

This is the kind of conversation that only southerners get to experience.

By the end of their job they were both sweating. I brought them a freezing cold pitcher of water and glasses for the cool beverage to go in....cause all drinks taste better and colder in glass vs plastic.

Two dirty, sweaty, southern guys, chatting with me as if they new me their whole lives, drinking my refreshing glasses of water, and thanking me with sincere gratitude. They purposefully replaced my pitcher and glasses in my garage so as to show me gratitude instead of leaving it as a mess for me to clean up when they left.

I swear, I love living in the south.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Holy Cow! Is that a turd?...........

I am eating a banana.

Sky - mmmmmm, can I have a bite of that?

Sky ALWAYS wants what I am eating. She will eat whatever I want her to eat if I very casually pretend whatever I am eating is delicious ....she'll eat it. Sky eats almost every food. She is the best eater I have as far as variety goes.

I know how she feels. When D is eating something I know I can't stand, he makes it look like it tastes delicious. I am compelled to ask for a bite.

I risk messing up my "perfect taste" by contaminating it with a bite of his food. D does it to me and in return I do it to Skylar.

This banana is a plain old banana though.

A- Sky I swear if I ate a turd you'd want a bite.

Sky- Holy Cow! Is that a turd? You gonna eat that turd? Can I have a bite??!

It's funny so I give her a bite. She likes it and takes the whole banana with her off to play.


Now that all the gardens are coming to fruition, everyone around here has fresh tomatoes. Some folks go a little further and grow squash, zucchini, and cucumbers. The people who are straight up just gettin wild on us are the eggplant, bell pepper, and cantaloupe peeps. If you know someone growing eggplant right now, I bet they have a decent sized garden. I am willing to bet they aren't just growing tomatoes and eggplant in containers.

Anyhoo, since M & Z have some side jobs for some of our neighbors. As payment they bless my kids with some cash and bless me with some of their crops. Which is awesome! I have had some amazing zucchini this year and haven't been found wanting for a single cucumber all summer.

One of May's peeps has an amazing garden and she brings me the biggest stuff I have ever seen.

But..................she always drops by without calling first. I swear every time she comes by it looks like I combed my hair with a fire cracker and I am wearing a uni-boob bra with my pajamas that don't match. I swear every time. This used to happen with the woman that brings me eggs too, but now she calls first which is super cool.

So I am cleaning out CB's room one day and rearranging his furniture. In this particular state, uni-boob, pajamas, firecracker hair, and my dog is barking her head off....this indicates someone is at my door more than likely.

I'm not worried. My kids plus King David's teenage grandson are in my living room watching TV or something. I figure they will handle it. They do.

They all at once come into CB's room and tell me Mrs. Great Garden is here and has brought some vegetables.

A- (start a ranting) Great! I wish I knew she was coming. It looks like a bomb went off in this house. My hair looks like I combed it with an egg beater, I have this awful bra on with no support whatsoever and Cole's bedroom is all over the hall. Why does she always come over when I look like a mad woman. I swear every time she comes I look rabid.

All 5 kids are staring at me.

Z- (quietly) Mom, She is in the living room.

uuumm..........embarrassed..........cause normally she doesn't come all the way inside.

PJ (King David's grandson) starts snickering a bit cause it is clear I am completely surprised and he feels sorry for me.....I think. He then relays to me quietly he thinks this situation is "so funny."

I suck it up and run my fingers through my hair, re-adjust my head band, wipe the sweat off my face and go out to the living room. My strategy is to just address it head on.

A- Hi Mrs. Great Garden. I swear I do get dressed and brush my hair everyday.

Mrs. GG - Honey, it's okay I had 4 kids I know how busy you are.

A- I know, but gosh every time I see you it's like I look completely slobbish. I feel like I need to take a shower and come to your house when I am through so that you can see I can be fairly decent looking if I want to.

Mrs. GG - (heading through my laundry room wear I have clothes hanging to dry and sorted into no less than 5 piles to wash) Don't worry about it, I know what it's like, I was just out and wanted to drop these by while I was thinking about it.

A- Well, thank you for thinking of us we have really been enjoying these and I have passed a few on also so others can enjoy them too cause they are so big we can't eat them all in proper time.

Mrs. GG- (weaving through my obstacle course in the laundry room now) Yeah pass them on I will bring extra cause we can't eat all of it either and I don't know most of our neighbors that well.

A- I always pass them on in your name so you get credit. Thank you again for bringing these to us. I promise next time to try and look clean at least, I was cleaning out Cole's room, it looks like a bomb went off and exploded books & clothes everywhere.

Mrs. GG - Honey, it's okay, really, look at me, do I look dressed up?

A- No, but you at least look clean and your hair is brushed.

Mrs. GG -(she waves me off like I am foolish and for me to shut up) See ya later.....

A- Okay, BYE!!!

I go back in the house and all the kids are staring at me with faces that read You so got busted.

A-aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! That was mortifying! Why didn't you tell me she was in the house???!!

Z- I did!

PJ- That was so funny. You shoulda seen your face.

A- I am utterly mortified. What can I do? I guess you get what you get when you come by with out calling first. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I could just die twice! the past two times she has been over to drop off veggies........she left them on the door knob in my garage.

I gotta do better than that.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

bugs like to drink the blood off boo boos.............

Cole - I have a scab on my knee

A - Well, don't pick it.

CB- Why?

A- It'll get infected then we'll have to cut your leg off.

CB- Oh yeah, well Kinsley told me bugs like to drink the blood off her boo boos.

A- So.......what? You want to pick the scab and feed the bugs then?

CB - Yes. So I am going to pick it okay. (not really a question...a statement)

A- Cole if you pick the scab I won't give you a band aid. If you bleed all down your leg and get it all over your toes and it gets all over the floor, I still won't give you a band aid. Don't pick the scab.

C- Momma, I don't need a band aid. Kinsley said the bugs will drink the blood off.

A- Cole, do you see any bugs?

CB - No, I am going to pick it anyway.

A- No band aid.

Cole picks the scab. The scab has already healed. It was going to come off anyway to reveal healthy skin.

CB- Oh maaaaaan, now look at it. There's no blood. Let me see if I can find another one.

He searches his body for scabs and remarkably finds none. CB gets up and leaves heading towards Sky's room.

CB -(sort of calling out) Hey Sky! Do you have any scabs??!

Well Shanda, now we know what they'll be doing on Friday nights when they get married. :oD


My plan was to make myself a BLT sandwich for lunch. I got out the turkey bacon and commenced to making it happen. So happens this particular morning my oldest children slept a little late. About the time they had managed to creep to the table for breakfast it was almost my lunch time. Everyone smelled the bacon cooking within a mile radius. Kids in all shapes and sizes were suddenly hungry for anything that bacon could be put on.

Cole managed to come in and swipe 2 pieces immediately, one for each hand.

Shortly Sky calls for Cole to bring her two pieces for each hand. I am like just save a few for my sandwich please. Zach wants some with his 4 scrambled eggs. Maysie is having cereal and wants to have a single piece.

Suddenly I have fixed the whole package of bacon and here is Cole leaving with more bacon and there are only two pieces left.

A- Whoa whoa whoa slow ya roll Dude. Did you eat all of that bacon on the plate??

CB- Yes.

Z- I didn't even get mine yet!

M - Me either!

A- Cole you ate all of the bacon on that plate?? You ate 7 pieces of bacon son?

CB- Yes, Mommy. I said Yes. I ate it all.

I hold up the two pieces that I have left. M & Z are looking at me like one for each of us.

A- Well....these are mine people. They belong to a tomato that was picked yesterday. I'm just sorry as I can be for y'all. I'll let you smell them if you like.

M & Z complaining that I am greedy and what about your hungry children, and other nonsense that I don't care about, cause it's all about my perfectly toasted BLT sandwich.

Then as if God had pity on the wanting children He delivers them a gift. I find the plate full of cooked bacon that I had put aside so that I wouldn't knock it off the counter and onto the floor.

Immediately M & Z's faces show relief. Distress of pinching their mom's head off and killing their youngest sibling is washed away from their thoughts. Furry bunnies, rainbows, floating pink hearts and angels singing fill the air once again.

Abruptly it dawns on the three of us that Little Larry Lies A Lot has once again....lied. He really only ate three pieces.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010 an elephant balancing on a ball

Cole seems to need constant attention these days.

My theory goes like this: Since he has been entertained and held constantly since he was a baby by someone....since he has always had a few siblings that were always in his face for entertainment or other wise, he has grown to expect someone to be in his face constantly for entertainment or otherwise.

It could be a full time job trying to keep Cole happy. He could really care less that I have laundry to do, that I need to fix food, grade papers, do dishes, walk & feed a dog, or pay bills.

I believe Cole just wants mommy time without interference. Parts of me say well he should, May got my undivided attention when she was little. Then the other parts of me say people in the 40's and 50's didn't do the dog and pony show for their kids every day and they turned out to be pretty responsible adults.

All that to say... yesterday I had false guilt about not making an effort to be the parent I had been to Maysie when she was a baby..... so CB and I played games almost all day yesterday.

We played Mancala by his rules which changed every few moves and ended up being a throw your gems in the holes game from a distance. We played Battleship, his way, which turned into a bloody massacre of the seas. The red pegs being blood from the bombs (Mancala gems) that exploded on the ships that were surrounded by white pegs. The white pegs represented people thrown from the boats during the bombing. We had to do distressing and "save me"screaming and the whole works. I didn't enjoy that game.

So Jenny was pestering me to pet her and play with her also. Because apparently she thinks I am her human and pony show too. I did not feel false guilt for her.

I kicked off my Crocs which have started to make my feet smell like funky chocolate skunk or something......the smell was .......

....not good.

So this happened...

A- Hey Cole Bear I know what... lets play Everybody Sniff Mom's Feet. (I stick my feet up for Jenny to smell, she does)

Jenny- sneeze, sneeze look at me out of the corner of her eyes likes she wants to bite my foot off.

CB laughs cause he can smell my feet and thinks its funny for Jenny to smell my feet. When I tell him its his turn he does the duck and cover move and tells me, "No Momma!"

CB thinks this is a great game for Jenny though and sticks his feet in her face too. Jenny sniffs his feet. Then Jenny rolls over on her back for him to scratch her belly. I guess that means his feet smell better than mine.

Then Cole notices Jenny's dog toy and begins to throw it for her to fetch. She loves this game and is a great fetcher. I instruct Cole to go and lay down on the floor and I will get Jenny to jump over him as she fetches the toy. She can jump over three of them at a time so Cole is an easy jump.

He does and it's fun for a while. He gets tired of laying there and CB instructs me to lay down while he throws and she jumps over me. So I do and Jenny does.

He grows tired of throwing so hard and then actually throws the toy at me on purpose. Jenny runs really hard right towards me and can't stop in time.

She comes to a halt on my face.

Jenny has all four paws standing on my face wiggling around like an elephant balancing on a ball. She finally realizes that I am going to get up quickly, digs her paws into my face(which includes one of my nose holes & a corner of my mouth) for traction and scurries in lightening fast fury down my body and onto the floor.

A- CB!! REALLY??!!

He is cracking up laughing going on about "Jenny standing on you face, let's do it again." laugh, laugh, laugh some more, in fact then he has this other idea......"Hey let's play jump over Momma."

He is suddenly running at me full speed. I haven't fully recovered from Jenny on my face.

You have no idea what it feels like to know a 4 year old child is running at full speed to jump over you and you aren't able to get out of the way quick enough, so you must endure whatever is to happen.

He is at me stomping, I squeeze my eyes tight and make my stomach muscles as tight as possible for 4 year old foot stepping on impact, and he is over me.........I'm good. I open my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief.

CB- COME ON JENNY!! Let's do that AGAIN!! (he's running)

A- No CB! (My butt is moving as fast as it can to get to the upright position off of the hardwood floor.)

He manages to jump over my legs only and I am up.

I am done with that game.

My false guilt is gone.

I feel no remorse for not playing with the baby anymore. I have switched to 40's and 50's parenting mode. So be it if he doesn't turn out fine cause I didn't play games with him. I am completely done with the dog and pony show for the day.

The jumping over mommy game was scary as hell to me. I had nightmares about it last night.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I tried to step on Jiminy Cricket............

....and in other news.....

I got another camera ticket. This one was not in Oak Ridge though. I got it in Farragut.

I turned right on red and totally rolled the light instead of coming to a complete stop before turning.

I knew the camera was there but must have had a brain fart and forgot. I was completely going to lie to D and not tell him but my Jiminy Cricket wouldn't let me. I tired to step on him and kill him to shut him up, but alas he was a lucky cricket.

I told on myself.

D declared me a bad driver, looked at the video link no less than 14 times, called the kids to come and watch the video for back up on his ranting about how I totally rolled the light and didn't stop, read me the Right Act some more, stated I needed to be a more aware driver, relayed I was a bad driver AGAIN and that maybe he should take my car away (but then there is always reality in the back of the mind of what that really means and therefore get to keep my car), a few more I should more carefuls, and then that was the end.

I find it's a lot easier in these situations where I am totally busted to just say, "'re right.........yes, I know, I know.........yes, tunnel vision......yes.........okay, okay.......yes, you're right.........yes."

...and then I'm usually done.

So if you, as a citizen, live near Oak Ridge or Farragut and are enjoying all of their new facilities, roads, parks, or law enforcement capabilities......please direct all of your thank you notes to me at:

Kiss The Silver Bullet's Butt
1234 Universal High Sign Rd.
Tunnel Vision, TN. 56789-1011 I seem to be funding most of these activities.


alrighty then........

Here's my newest pair of TOMS. I call them "From stark white to totally bright."

They were the white canvas, now they are not white canvas. These are sharpie'd and waterproofed. The problem is people think that I bought them this way and have no idea how I much time and sharpie care I put into these. However, when they ask about them I do get to elaborate. Appreciation for time and effort does come.

I like understanding......a lot.

Friday, July 2, 2010

We are going to need to run!...............

After having had the tickets in a specially marked envelope in my purse for 4 weeks....Me, May, and Zac totally went to see Eclipse last night.

It was AWESOME!!!!!

Of the three movies out, this one was by far the best. The soundtrack was awesome, the cinematography was super, the lines to get in were long, the theater was packed, Edward proposed to Bella, Jacob took off his shirt plenty & managed his kiss on the mountain top while camera's circled (gave me the same uncomfortable, happy feeling that I had when I read that scene in the book)......... I left feeling satisfied that as a book to movie, it came out wonderful.

I am so glad we made an effort to see it in the theaters, even if it cost more than watching it on DVD. We had a great time.

We arrived at about 6:25, about an hour before the show started and already the line was weaving in and out of ropes and out the door like a ride at Dollywood or something. I was glad I had not stopped to get gas like I had planned.

We ended up sitting on the very back row, but the seats were perfect and nobody's big ol' fat head was ever in my way. I did, however, manage to throw Zac's ticket down a woman's blouse though.

We all needed to go to the bathroom before it started cause we were going to be in the theater at least two and a half hours. The gal next to me told me to give Z his ticket so he could get back in cause sometimes on movies like these they want to see your ticket stub.... I guess to be sure you are where you are supposed to be. Also, I imagine cause all the shows have been sold out for two days.

So I holler to Z who has just gotten out of the middle of our row. I am trying to tell him he needs his stub to wait a second. He's all, "What?! What?! I can't hear you.....".....frustrated.

Z has 60% hearing loss at lower decibels.....since birth. We just found out about 2 or 3 years ago. He talks super loud and always says "What? What?" I'm like something is wrong with you, you're going to the ear doctor and get your hearing tested.

So I am motioning to Z to wait and waving his ticket around. I am in the middle of the row that we have just gotten in on so I don't want to cross all of those legs to get out. We had to get our seats though before we could go to the bathroom cause it was packed. I was determined not to sit on the floor up front.

May, in her Team Jacob shirt, was literally about to have a panic attack that we were not going to get a seat and was pushing Z and I, for real...pushing us, saying in straight up panic, "We are going to need to run!"

I am like, "What?? Will you settle down! I should have gave you one of Jenny's doggy tranquilizer pills before we came."

Z- (talking way louder than he should) May! Stop pushing me! I am running into the lady in front of me! back to the ticket.....the ladies in my row are looking at me like, so what are you going to do? Walk through here again or ask us to pass him the ticket?

Neither of those options occurred to me.

So I wad the ticket up like a piece of trash, get in the set position, go for the wind up, and throw it to him. He is ready for the catch.

I am not a good thrower. I threw a cheese burger on my in-laws flood light, threw a banana peel on somebodies fence, threw a bagel onto Derrick's chest once while camping........

I threw the Eclipse ticket to the right a little bit too much and threw it down this womans shirt. Lucky for me everyone started laughing, May kicks me and tells me I should have hand passed it down the line, and Z is all now I have to touch a ticket that has been down some old lady's shirt, but laughing at least. I apologize profusely for not thinking about the obvious thing to do and ask her if she wants to wad my other tickets up and throw them at me for equality.

Later when we get our chance to go to the restroom before the movie, I apologize again. I relay to her that I owe her. Anything she wants in the concession stand is on me....chocolate galore, go get it girl.....she is very gracious and certainly a good sport.

While waiting on the movie, Z decides he wants to sit next to me. He and I are leaning all over May in the middle of us to talk. He elbows her boob. She slaps him, he's loud, I slap him....

Larry, Moe, and Curly effect.....

Z- What boobs?

A- Her boobs are growing and it hurts to get elbowed in growing boobies.

Z- Again...what boobs?

M- Hello....I'm sitting here, I can hear you.....and you both are talking so loud, shut up, everyone now knows it hurts to having growing boobs.....please! Really?! Get off me!

Z & A - Then move!

A- Just switch with me then and we won't be leaning over you.

M- No.

This spawns another conversation to which May goes into a tirade about how he always gets his way. Z goes to the beach, Z goes to camp, Z goes to soccer, Z goes to this and that friends house & this time he isn't going to get his way........

We are hearing blah, blah, blah...cause this is old stuff we have addressed about say.....600 times!

Z- I'm sorry Maysie, I can't hear you over the sound of how unsocialized you are.

M & A - (start laughing...cause he's getting good with the clever come backs)

...and then there was this add before the movie started for the new Kia Soul vehicle, that I LOVE and can't quit singing. So dang funny when they are bobbing heads in the car.....and I love when they wreck the cardboard box with windows.