Friday, July 30, 2010

he has this awful red afro and way too much lipstick...........

This past Monday I took my kids and PJ to Dollywood.


I had told the kids, "Look, you may as well just resign yourselves to being hot, thirsty, sweaty, salty, sticky, and stinky today and all day. The heat will never subside, so soak in the fun and try to keep it together."

Right off the bat Sky was measured wrong and they claimed she was still too short to ride any of the rides except the idiot ducks....which means Cole can only ride the idiot ducks. So they both got banded with kiddie ride arm bands. Sky's demeanor went down visibly and immediately. So did mine and May's for her.

The Dolly Dame claimed Sky was 1/4 of and inch to short and WOULD NOT let her slide. I was thinking about getting stupid and some other parents looked at me like I should get stupid. I did ask her if she could please just give the next up arm band, she's almost eight and doesn't want to have a season pass to ride the dumb ducks, 1/4 of an inch..... come on.....

She then pulled Sky out of line and explained to me the constitution of the United States and about all measurement regarding the shelves on the bottom of the ocean floor and tall building construction & frying eggs.

I was about to grow a beard and die twice waiting for her to shut up.

Like those times when I get a ticket.....yes, yes....I understand, you're right......hmmm.......really........yes, yes, yes...........okay, okay...........yes, thank you, fake smile, leave, cut the arm band off and hope for lesser attentive ride workers.

That was the right thing to do. BOTH Sky and Cole were quite able to ride almost every ride except the huge roller coasters. Which is fine. Because Sky was an inch and 1/2 taller than she was measured according to the marking sticks. She was able to ride a few of rides by herself. This free'd me up to ride with CB who measured repeatedly rider with an adult in tow.

When I needed another adult for Sky..........lied again and claimed PJ was 16. Which isn't that off base really, he's 15 1/2 or something. He was glad to help me out.

An adult that teaches a kid to lie is not a good thing. It had to be done though for all things great and small if this day was to be remotely tolerable for me.

Can you imagine what kind of whining I would have had to endure while two hot miserable kids complain about riding ducks, flying pigs, and some bees. Uuuuhh, no, not even going there. I felt no Jiminy Cricket about it at all.

The night before we left for Dollywood, the 5 of them were on the dock swimming after dinner and came up with a rap called Down With the Ducks at Dollywood. One kid was the beat box, two were the back ground vocals and one was the rapper...the other two of us were the laughers, cause that crap was so dang funny. I wished I had it on video, hilarious.

Cole rode some super scary rides for a 4 year old that Maysie wouldn't even ride, loved'em and wanted more. He's a brave, crazy little sucker.

Can I just say......I loved going to Dollywood with all of the young people. Even though I was the only adult, I had a blast.

When it was about time for us to head home God overflowed the bathtub and used the nice folks at Dollywood to mop it up.

I had the kids wait at the exit while I rode the tram in side of the face slapping rain, thunder and lightening, then jogged to my car. I was glad I had been using my treadmill cause I was totally not out of breath at all. I felt pleased with myself.

So I got into my car in clothes so wet that I looked as if I had jumped into a pool. I pulled the car around to get the kids who are the most amazing mind reading children ever. They had folded up the stroller, divided up the conglomeration of cups, balls, wet tennis shoes, & socks and were making haste to the vehicle when they saw me. I swear I loved them for being intuitive.

Let me just take this time to say PJ is one of the most awesome teens I know. I know quite a few cool teenagers actually, but PJ is genuinely kind, loving, grateful, respectful, courteous, and super funny. Despite the fact I corrupted him with telling lies about his age at Dollywood, I observe that he is honest and not easily influenced by others. I am glad Z has had the opportunity to hang out with him relentlessly this summer. He's an awesome influence on Z. He handles Z's strong personality & touching issues with ease as if he has handled it right along with my family forever. I will miss him when he goes home and I know Z will also.

Anyhoo.... we got stuck in Pigeon Forge traffic for entirely too long in entirely too wet clothes. My bra was glued to my body and my pants were starting dry on the top but completely hot and soaking wet underneath on my butt. We were all cold on the top and hot & sticky on the bottom. The car was starting to smell like musty corn chips. It was bad. The guys took off what they could and still be decent, Sky took off what she could and was indecent, as usual and didn't care at all.

May and I were in mind over matter mode......just focus on getting home.

We did stop at McDonald's to eat.

We're in the bathroom washing our hands and so forth......drying our clothes with hand dryers......

Sky bustin in the bathroom door - Mom! There is this totally creepy clown sitting on a chair out there and he has this awful red afro and way too much lipstick.

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