Tuesday, January 25, 2011


In the car on the way to the home school co-op  on Thursdays we listen to 102.3 in the morning.  Its one of the pop stations here.  The DJ's are pretty clean in the morning and funny.  One them is "type A" I think and with all the OCD stuff we got going on, we find some of his stuff pretty funny.  Two of the DJ's give the type A guy a hard time but, as I see it, he handles them well.  In the afternoon though, the music is pretty dang iffy. We end up having to turn the channel.

I remember when my mom would have a conniption fit  if she saw us watching MTV when it first came on. My brother and I would watch it while she was at work, after school.  That's also when rap music was getting a foot in the door. Remember "Yo! MTV Raps" with Ed Lover & Doctor Dre?  So dang funny....

Anyway, we got in the car after their classes to head on home.  The radio station was still on 102.3 and this song was playing with a pretty good beat, that sort of made you want to dance and get day rolling, so we left it there.  Feeling pretty good heading for Game Stop to return some stuff, getting hair cuts, and then going to the gym.....feeeeeeeling gooooood.

Almost through the week and heading for the weekend. thump thump thumpin, dancin in the car, Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6


We always listen to the words in the songs...cause OCD..... God forbid someone hears something that causes bad thoughts, has a cuss word, something that provokes bad thoughts to go wild and confessions nonstop for days.  We are all usually very careful about what goes into the minds of people in my house..........CAUSE IT WREAKS HAVOC...AAAAAAHHHHHH

This day though it took a while for us to catch up with the song cause we were all so happy to be done with classes and heading back towards the casa.

(song going on)

"Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6

Gimme that Mo-Moet
Gimme that Cry-Crystal
Ladies love my style, at my table gettin wild
Get them bottles poppin, we get that drip and that drop
Now give me 2 more bottles cuz you know it don’t stop

(808) Hell Yeaa
Drink it up, drink-drink it up,
When sober girls around me, they be actin like they drunk".......um Z & I fighting to flip the station quickly.

um, yeah, that song is......... not good.

So Z is all, "What is a G6?"

A- I think its a plane or jet or something, maybe that's why she feels "fly."

S- She said she was sipping scissors, getting DRUNK!

Oh gosh, here we go.....

A- Sky, nobody drinks scissors and gets drunk, thats retarded.  I don't know what she said, who cares about that girl anyway, she's gross.

distraction, distraction, distraction till we get focused on something else and she has forgotten it.

A couple days later Z and I were looking up some songs for our MP3's and decided to look up the words to that song.

Z- What is slizzard?

A- I don't know, look it up. (we google what is slizzard)

Urban Dictionary tells us it is a "slutty lizzard."

A- Well that makes no sense. She is getting slutty lizzard?  

We giggle a little. We redo the search and it tells us this is the urban word for getting drunk.

Z- So she is getting drunk on sizzurp. Well what is that?

So we google... What is sizzurp?

OOOOOOkay. Sizzurp is a "purple drank" (this is a link BTW if you want to read for your self) made out of cough syrup, codeine, and some fizzy beverage from the grocery store....mostly grape.

A G6 is in fact a fancy jet in the extreme price zone.

Z- Well this song is certainly full of furry bunnies and rainbows now isn't it.....

We cut up a little more, then determine that this song belongs in the bottomless trash pit along with anything Ke$ha sings.  Cause she is a complete moron who offers ZERO to young females that is positive.

So this whole song that young people listen to, sing and dance too....is about a girl/guy using a homemade illegal concoction to get drunk at the club.  She is feeling like a G6 because she is high...not fly.

I am serious, I hate to sound freaking old and all but the songs that filter through our young peoples minds are contamination at its fullest.  The gal Ke$ha tells young people she brushes her teeth with Jack Daniels and tries to get tipsy, she sings she wears ripped up stockings looking sexy with Jesus hanging on her neck, the whole time she's cussing it up during the song. (I looked this song up after seeing her on Dick Clark's New Years thing acting like, lets see....an idiot) They have actually made her music into the Kids Bop crap they sell on TV.....I am just astounded.

I know we had Guns and Roses in our time and rap music was getting popular back when my mom was conniption fitting.  But I  swear music gets more and more bold promoting things that are not good for our bodies in every way.
Music is huge in teen life.  The things we filter into them is exactly what we are going to get out of them.  Its sad to me that this is quality we are serving on platinum, diamond crusted platters for our young people to aspire too. 

There is a gaping hole of no hope in getting slizzard or brushing ones teeth with Jack Daniels.

I don't expect young people to listen only to Christian music, cause that isn't all I listen to.  I enjoy all kinds of music from Pavarotti, Hank Williams, Jr, and Dougie Fresh to Yiruma, James Taylor, & Third Day.  But gosh, it troubles me terribly the stuff so boldly flying out of the mouths of celebrities and media that bring no good to those who hear.
It seems like a more and more impossible task to compete with the world for young peoples attention for Jesus.

All the while diligent Christ lovers are looking to turn young people onto Him and they view Christianity as hypocritical, constrictive, and old school.  Constantly being bombarded by famous people telling them "Heaven seems like a boring place, maybe they can a have room there and vacation in Hell a few days a year."

That scares the crap out of me.  When I hear music like this, celebrities spouting off their careless words, and the media in general, including gaming geared towards kids who love things their parents hate......I have to pray hard for Christ to give me peace that he is in control. That His victory will be so in the end.  More specifically that I am equipped to witness properly to young people who seek my attention. So that I may fully understand what it takes for me to show them that Jesus Christ is more than "boring," He's my everything and no happiness in my body exist without him.

I have to be ready.  I hope every time I talk with a young person they seek the thing in me which is different from that which they get from the world.   

The ability to see beyond the now and aspire to the things that matter eternally.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom......

This past Christmas we were all at the breakfast table eating cereal one morning. One of the kids noticed the Trix box had the theme of Christmas Halloween or Halloween Christmas. I hadn't noticed it before. It was absurd and it put me off severely. I haven't bought a box of Trix since.

...but May on the other hand ran with the theme in another absurd direction that was funny to the rest of us...

M (insert creepy Vincent Price type voice) - And then baby Jesus was born (insert evil villain laugh). A ghost in the night told the wise men to "fear not" and led them to the manger. There they dressed baby Jesus in a bumble bee costume and took him trick or treating.


One day I had served chicken and stars soup, minus the soup so it was just the stars mostly, for lunch to Cole. The kids began to discuss how he wasn't even chewing the stars, just swallowing hole mouthfuls. The discussion then led to any foods that went in your attic and came out of your basement in the same shape, just isn't good and right....like corn for example.

M- I suppose those stars will come out as stars then?

Z- yes

M imitates CB on the pot - Oh look, stars!! I get to make a wish now! I wish I could go to Dollywood (insert flushing sound) I wish Netflix was free! (flush, flush)

....and so on in this manner....

(insert When You Wish Upon a Star song)
When you wish your poop goodbye, down the toilet it will flyyyy...

B.o.B. song while staring into the toilet
"like airplanes in the night sky, like shooting stars.....I could really use a wish right now"

grunting and pushing noises.....Wow!! I got a lot of wishes this time!!

flush, flush..."It's like the Milky Way!"

"That tasted out of this world. I am so full, I feel like I ate the universe."

(Steve C. I put this one in here for you :oD )

Doing biology one day with May, Z overhears a conversation about mushrooms being asexual....

Z- It's just awkward....mushroom sex

M- Yeah, well, just be glad you don't have to have "the mushroom sex talk." Once while down at the dock, I saw two mushrooms getting a little too heavy on the top end, if you know what I mean...

A- MAY! That's enough...

M- (serious voice) I'm just sayin....I said to them "Get a shroom , why don't ya?!".....I mean they have to consider the baby birds for petes sake.

We laugh a little..

Z- There are those penis mushrooms that sprout in our flower bed with the mulch.

A- OOOkay, that's stinkhorn, we are done with this conversation. I am uncomfortable with mushroom sex talk.

M- One time these two dragon flies landed on Sky and she was all, " Hey May, look at the two dragonflies on me...they are stuck together. Should I try to pull them apart?"

Z & A snicker a little

M- I was, "No!" then I swatted them away saying, not in front of the children!

A- May....

M- Just sayin....some bonds weren't made to be broken...

Z laughs, cause he always laughs at her jokes.

A- May.....

M- ...there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom that time too. I swear it's like Sodom and Gomorrah around here.

Z still chuckling though trying not to pay attention to her.

A- May, yer done.

M- I'm just sayin....

Saturday, January 15, 2011

wear the charm instead...........

sometime ago stuff cause I need to play catch up.......

I had taken Sky to her orthopedic doctor and Maysie tagged along. So happened that day that Derrick flew in from a conference in Florida. He came straight from the airport to the Dr.'s office as a surprise. The office was full of old folks getting their toenails clipped and new shoes and what not. When D came in the girls were so glad to see him that they jumped up and made a fuss right in the office. The old folks liked the ruckus. D settled into a chair next to a much older than us lady. We began to discuss the weather as it was looking VERY stormy that afternoon.

A- It's getting dark toward Oak Ridge...

Old Lady - You should try living in Michigan!

A- Why's that? Is it darker there than here? (not being fresh with her, just curious)

Old Lady - (cricket, cricket...Me, D, & May catching each others eyes)

A- Well, I don't think I 'd like it in Michigan...it's so cold there huh?

Old Lady- Oh...I don't know. I don't remember, But I do remember my brother had the whooping cough at a week old.

I am like...what the heck does that have to do with the price of gold in China??

So all 4 of us squeeze into the room designated for our visit with the doctor. I was unsure whether we had seen this doctor in the practice before so I was giving Sky the run down of things not to do as usual. In all ways Sky is brutally honest. The OCD makes her say the truth in the most detailed way so as not to tell a lie.
When she gets nervous she will blurt out random facts....true things that could be embarrassing if I were so inclined to be. I used to be, but now I am used to it and know to expect random facts that cause cringing.

So the regular speech goes like this...

A- Look, I don't know which doctor you are seeing today. Please keep your random blurting to yourself. Hold it, HOLD it, HOLD IT! Do not say things that I have to explain and side track our visit. Do not say, "I farted" or "Mom broke a wooden spoon on a book cause Zac didn't understand math averages" or "Your breath stinks." If it comes into your brain, HOLD IT!

May- Sky, for real, don't act like a freak. DO NOT FART, this room is small.

D- Yeah, this room is small.

All of these things have happened more than once. Her gastro doc thinks she is so cute and funny he is often sidetracked. He gets so silly with her whacked out comments that she has him so giddy he neglects to see the seriousness of my worries. Then two weeks later we have to come back cause we were dismissed casually....."cause she appeared healthy" and I appeared like a stick in the mud, as usual, and overzealous. The second visit usually gets some stuff done.

Anyone who knows Sky...knows her digestive system, mostly her bowels are not right. Our children's pastor can call it if she has let it go...even silently, it's that distinct. My mom can testify to the foul things that must be inside of her...and so could my dad God love him.

So I tell her..."Instead focus on the charm. You know how to do that. Put it on and wear that instead of the OCD. I can't do OCD today Sky, I mean it. Show daddy how you charm the doctors. He hasn't seen this before.

M- Oh Lord Mom really??

.....the doc comes in, one we have seen before. Smiles, smiles, smiles, handshaking, explain what the situation is, he starts checking Sky's feet. She turns the charm up about 5 notches. Longest eyelashes in the world batting slowly, I think her eyes became bluer or something on command, talking really nice, and doing just what he says to the tee, smiling at him like she is in love with him, manners galore, big words and intelligence spewing from her mouth to engage in his conversation....he calls her sweetheart & cutie pie, he smiles showing all his teeth. The doc says amazing things about her this and her that, has her walk up and down the halls for the nurses as if she is "on the catwalk" they ooooh and aaaah and tell her she is the bomb basically. I mean I really expected a mirror ball to descend the from the ceiling and someone to give her a scepter & cloak

The doctor gushes a bit more while finishing off THOROUGHLY and excuses himself to get some stuff.

The door shuts.

S - ...aaaaaand that's how it's done people. (grinning from ear to ear)

D - Oh Lord. We're in trouble.

May- Sky, jeez....better that than Turrets Syndrome, at least it's pleasant.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

it's good the cuss word cop doesn't have a billy stick........

This morning CB was taking a bath while I was getting Skylar ready to go for her dental appointment for sealants. He was going over things that made "Jesus cry"......or rain fall from the sky, Jesus' tears.

I relayed that I always thought that rain was Jesus overflowing his bath water.

To this Sky responded that my thinking could not be right because Jesus was perfect in every way. He wouldn't be dirty and surely not forgetful in turning off His bath water.

CB tells us when people use "t words" it makes Jesus cry.

A- Well, what are "t words?"

CB- Like cuss words or saying "Oh my God" instead of saying "gosh."

S- Cole you always say Oh my God.

CB- No I don't Sky!

S- yes you do liar

A- Sky!  Really?!

S- Well he is a liar and he does use God's name in vain.

.......backtracking in my mind a bit......

Over the holidays we were at a neighbors house for a get together.  Sky called another adult out for using a cuss word...like, damn or something.

Sky is the cuss word cop. She is violent too...if she had a billy stick it would be bad.  The cuss word cop comes from part of her OCD stuff that makes me want to pull my hair out strand by strand with a pair of tweezers some days.  She hears a cuss word then thinks bad thoughts, then spends all day to a couple of days confessing that she has been thinking about the foul word EVERY TIME IT CROSSES HER MIND! Her medication ramps up her OCD issues at times and the confessing constantly is tedious. I'll save this rant for another day.

So when the cuss word cop called out the offending adult. I was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed a little because it came across as my child is calling out an adult on their behavior. It appeared disrespectful in the whole of the situation...especially in another persons house.

But the truth be told... why do adults need to swear in front of children?....or at all?

A Methodist pastor friend of ours said to me over a couples dinner many years before both couples had children, I may have been pregnant...when haven't I been pregnant....he said, "I always felt like people used cuss words when they couldn't think of a more clever word to use."

That really stuck with me.  I have conveyed that sentiment to my own children.  With so many wonderful words to choose from, why use the bad ones?

...but alas I still use them sometimes.  I use them most when I want to put a redneck, big, fat, exclamation point on a thought that conveys I mean business.

  Really? Do I mean business or just sound like a red neck?

Like, one day I was putting on a new shower head. I was up and down the ladder cause the dang thing would not loosen. I had to keep switching tools and getting plumbers tape and this and that & oh yeah what about this tool....up and down, up and down, on and on...every time I came down the ladder Zachary and Maysie were right under my feet, for crying out loud, I was stepping all over them...Why were they UNDER MY STINKING FEET  in the shower??

So.......I am coming down the ladder and I step on Zac's feet......

A- Will you please move your ASS??

Zac and May are shocked and look at each other but did not move.  Zac and I are face to face now in the shower.

Zac looks at Maysie then at me and says - Now you apologize to Maysie. (insinuating May is his ass)

We all start laughing and forget about it....except for Sky

She reminds me at the lunch table that she heard me say a cuss word in the shower and that I could surely have picked a more clever word, and did I ask God to forgive me?

I had been having an eventful morning. One of those days when things happen that shouldn't. Each thing you fix leads to something else that needs attention immediately and before you know it 4 hours has gotten by and what really needed to be accomplished hasn't happened yet and still needs to happen...only now your eating into the schedule 4 hours which puts you going to bed 4 hours later.

So Sky called me out and though she was correct, I lost my sanity in front of all my children at the lunch table and said

A- ASS, ass, ass, ass, ASS, ASS, ass, hell, hell, hell, damn and one more time for good measure, ASS!!

.......cricket, cricket.........

Zac busted out laughing.

May is hands over her mouth speak no evil and Sky is hands over her ears hear no evil.

Cole wants to know if he can have 3 cookies cause he finished all  his lunch.

I am like, gosh where'd that come from?  It was quite therapeutic...for about a minute or so.

M- Well now, that was quite pleasant.  I'm so glad we don't go to public school to learn language like that. I feel smarter already.

So we're back in the bathroom with Sky calling out CB's ability to become a professional liar.

A- Skylie, Babe, you know you are absolutely correct to say we shouldn't use cuss words or lie or whatever.  But when you call people out on their sin in front of others two things happen. First, they get embarrassed and second they want to look for a fault in you to call out, so they can show others you sin too. Not that they want to hurt your feelings, but they are human and don't want to feel displaced.  Is the behavior right? No, but drawing a room full of people's attention to another person's sin isn't right either.

I reminded her of the incident at the neighbors house calling out the adult and that this was not the first instance of that either, that it came across as disrespectful more than trying to keep her mind clean.  Which all of us fully understand and outsiders don't.

I reminded her of the Bible story of the women who had been found with another man, like a boyfriend, while she was married. She was going to be stoned to death for this act.  The men brought her to Jesus to see what he would say about it.  Jesus wrote some words in the sand. Some say each man with a stone, ready to cast at the woman, viewed the words written by Jesus as his own secret sin...then Jesus stood and said, "Those without sin should cast the first stones."  When the girl looked up, there was not one man there waiting to stone her, for they all knew they were sinners, the same as she.  Jesus told her to go and sin no more.

I asked Sky if she was she perfect? Would she be able to cast the first stone?  Did she have a secret sin that only she ...and maybe me & Jesus knew about?

Sky expressed that she was glad the girl was not stoned to death and was able to live.  Sky affirmed that she knew she too, was a sinner. She knew she did some things that surely made Jesus unhappy. She understood that she had been casting stones casually and carelessly for her own sake.

I was so moved by her ability to understand this concept and readily accept this correction. I thought of how good God is to give us these moments with our children to teach in them in the way they should go. To be able to trust Him to know and understand what he has to teach our children through us as parents using the wisdom He gives us in His Book.  It takes my breath away, how good and right God is everyday and never failing.

I made a New Years resolution today to try really hard not to cast a bunch of stones casually and carelessly for the sake of myself.  I can't count the times Christ wrote my sins in the sand this past year and I kicked my foot over it so I wouldn't have to read it.

I'm done with that.