with a stop sign shaped tool................

Mondays......

Last night I totally took the girls to clogging practice. No lie, Ms.P left me hanging for a business venture possibly, so I was own my own with 5 girls for the night. I wondered what the heck I would do with myself at first cause Monday is gab yer head to the point of complete and utter emptiness.

I thought to myself, "Self....you could finish yer book tonight. Except yer eReader light is out of batteries and it isn't back lit...forget turning on yer car lights and draining the battery again. What to do???" In my mind flashed Z's DS game Rhythm Heaven....I would play his game FINALLY, in peace. THEN I was super excited to be on my own.

Nothing is ever as it seems though. When Smalls and her trusty side kick Spunky finished their class, the 5 girls headed off the McD's like we always do for some not nourishment. I had to get some gas first though.

**I got out

**I pumped the gas to full tank.....without my Kroger card which was deplorable.

**I got into the car.

**The flippin car WOULD NOT crank.

tick, tick, tick. tick, tick ,tick

Insert the whole jaw dropping syndrome again with all peeps great and small seated in my car.

A- WHAT??! REALLY??!

SB, May, Smalls, & Spunky - Oh no! I can't believe this!(etc, etc, etc)

I get out and this fellow and his wife that were filling the 2 cars they own and every single gas can from here to the TN border with their Kroger gas card at .40 off a gallon.....were in disbelief also. They were pumping when I pulled in. The husband tells me he doesn't have cables and we discuss for not more than 40 seconds how insane this situation is. I am gabbing with him and making the call to D......again, to come and rescue me.

It's cold and rainy...he isn't feeling my vibe and we are disgruntled with one another cause he is asking me questions I feel are inconsequential and he thinks I am not listening again...and I feel like not listening cause his questions are not helpful. I want him to say, " I am on my way," and he wants me to say "Oh never mind, the car cranked false alarm," or something of that nature.

While I am trying not to get frustrated with his tone of voice at my situation that is completely not my fault, Gas Can Husband has located an Old Navy Truck Man with jumper cables.

EXCITEMENT! I try to hang up with D so I can help this fellow make sure both ends do not touch, in the cold flippin rain, and show my gratitude....but D will not quit lamenting to me on the phone. I want him to be quiet and hang up now and he wants to know what's going on.

I HATE talking on a cell phone, can't stand it....even when not in dire situations. It just bugs the crap out of me.

D- CALL ME WHEN you get the CAR CRANKED! BYE! (D loves his cell phone, even though at this point he was on our home phone. Both D & my mom...the two of them, would lose all consciousness without their cell phones.)

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than Mr. P has told Ms. P and I.

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than D has told Ms. P and I.

Three men connecting cables in three different sequences...all telling me with confidence their way is the right way......and at what point the battery could spew rabid, clothes melting, flesh eating, acid onto your face......all three different.

The six of us females have concurred on this: At birth, males are given the knowledge of how to hook jumper cables up. I don't care what order they do it in, they do it with confidence and authority.

My car cranks right up.

Rejoicing!! Not near what it was when Ms. P & I did the man deed. But it did feel good to be rescued and rather quickly in the cold rain.

So I walk over to tell Old Navy Truck thank you for letting us use his cables and how grateful I am that he hadn't left the gas station yet.

Cause it's the south, he wants a hug. I gladly give him one. I am grateful.

Gas Can Husband is bringing the cables over and telling Old Navy Truck Man some man words about my car, that I don't care about. Gas Can Husband is happy cause I am happy....plus he's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

I pat his back and tell him "Thank You" and he squeezes my shoulders as in a half hug, cause he's glad to help a car full of gals. Gas Can Wife is happy too, cause her husband is the super hero who saved the day.....plus she's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

Well....Old Navy Truck has been talking to a One Legged Man, who makes BBQ sauce, while we are having Monday night drama at the Shell. One Legged Man, one legs it on over to my car and discovers that my battery cables are loose and this is why my completely fine battery has repeatedly acted incompetent.

The three men agree that One Leg has discovered the answer to all of the worlds problems. They all shake their heads in a concurring manner....I do this also. It feels like the right thing I am supposed to do.

One Legged Man tightens the cable best he can till I can get home for D to tightened it properly with a stop sign shaped tool.

Then he declares the car good for another 100,000 miles.

One Leg informs me that he saw me give the other two dudes a hug and he wants one too. After all, he is "the one who discovered the loose battery cables."

We all cackle a bit, I hug him and he reminds me that the Shell gas station sells his BBQ sauce inside and for me to go and buy some. The three males shake hands. They are heroes who have saved 5 females and they have been hugged properly for it......plus Gas Can Husband has gotten .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

After that, food was gotten at the drive thru.... Smalls & Spunky played in my car with it running, while I played Rhythm Heaven on Z's DS....and SB & May made it to their class on time.

Furry Bunnies and Rainbows........

My people are fixing to go into battle for crying out loud (Biltmore stuff).........

After we had eaten dinner at The Old Stone Inn (later on that) and had made it back to the cabin, D went out on the back deck to smoke a cigar and watch the storm coming in. I put on my PJ's and ate his Nutella dessert before he could eat it. I figured his dessert was a cigar, plus he said earlier I could have his Nutella dessert....even if he didn't mean it, I ate it.

So the storm comes in. We have the door open and all is quiet in Mr. Roger's neighborhood except the cool breeze blowing in and the sound of rain. We are both reading in total silence which is awesome! I have my Nook with Pillars of the Earth going to town. D has grabbed a real book from the side table about some mountain living and so forth from about the late 1960's to early 70's publishing time. I am not sure but some of those books may have been there since that house was built.

He starts talking to me about some mountain folks in the book. I stop reading to listen well. He informs me to keep reading he isn't going to go on & on, he just wanted to tell me about x, y, and z. When he has finished I pick back up where I left off. My people are fixing to go into battle for crying out loud, I am right in the middle of Medieval time battle anxiety and chaos.....

D- Babe! You have to look at this guy, he is standing on this piece of wood barefooted and cutting with his ax! LOOK at him.

I look at the mountain man. He is in fact using an ax barefooted with overalls on and no shirt underneath.

D goes into the what feels like an on and off 25 minute discussion about the fellow with no shoes on and his overalls hacking away at the round piece of wood that he believes is a wagon wheel in the making. When he realizes it is actually a water wheel, it freaking rocks his world. Then he goes into another discussion about the amount of work it took to whittle out the vanes and blah, blah, blah....on and on and now this other hillbilly, old fellow, dude has made a bee hive out of an old humongous log and he's telling me how to do this.

I dang HATE bees. This information will never be useful to me in anyway. I have to listen to him though cause he has been so sweet to me all weekend. He tells me about bees, queen bees, worker bees, bee hives, bee swarms, how to mark a tree in the old days so no one else claimed the tree and it wouldn't get cut down by loggers, how to track some bees, boiled bees, fried bees, bees soup, bee gumbo, bee ca-bobs, bee pudding, bees and rice, here a bee, there a bee, everywhere a bee, bee. He informs me he is gonna get some bees and make a bee hive out of a log.

A- Really Babe? My people are fixin to be in the middle of a battle in Earlshire or something or other and the dang stable is on fire.....You know I hate bees, we are never going to own a swarm of bees, freaking EVER.....

....then this.....

...there is a framed newspaper article and picture in the mountain house about this really, really, old woman that was related to his mom from way back when....way, way, way back when....she was a midwife among a lot of other things she did while she was alive. Truly she was an amazing woman. I hadn't read the article in many years.....but, again, then this...

D- Amy you just don't understand how hard these people had it till you think about all this stuff they had to do to get honey and grind corn and .....have you read that article on the wall over there about that woman? I mean sometimes people couldn't even pay her. All they had for payment was a dang squirrel.

A- (laughing, cause I suddenly remembered that part of the article. It never occurred to me as funny at the time. Now I am delirious over barefoot, no shirt wearing under overalls hillbillies who used to be sweet mountain men at the beginning of the conversation who are now keeping me from Medieval battle in my Pillars book.)

D starts laughing a little too cause he understands how funny that sounds now too.

I'm all in my mind..... birthing Skylar or Cole or something and suddenly saying to the doctor...um, I am sorry I forgot my debit card...... but I gotta squirrel. Do you take a squirrels?


If you pull his tail you can run his tongue through he slider. Now Doc... that's the wrong way. Now his testicles are stuck.....yer gonna get a decline runnin him that way......


A- Babe, Shut up! You are killin me. I love you and all but I don't want to hear one more thing about that barefooted man or idiot bees......

D- I am just sayin it's all interesting I bet Dad loves looking at these books.

......all is quiet a few minutes........then,

D- Hey Amy, look here we are at the Biltmore.

I look over my reading glasses at him with that blasted book, for sure I am half cocked.

He shows me this picture.

I have to laugh out loud, cause it does look like me a little. I swear when I get up in the morning, with mis-matched pajamas, my glasses, and some random shoes...maybe they are the same on both feet... maybe they aren't....

D- Look.....it's you ridin my a** like a donkey in the rain taking pictures of flowers.

So dang funny.

*

no....just chill out............

We made it to the mountain house after an extremely looooooonnnnnng drive over the mountain.  This dude from another state, but not Florida or Texas was driving like 15 mph.  I am not exaggerating.  He might have went 20 mph at some point but I just can't be sure.  There were about 120 places he could have pulled off and let the cars stacked up behind him go by...but he just chose not too.

At first we were all... so what if it takes a while we are alone and together and in no hurry.  Then after about 20 minutes we were like is this guy for real?  Who puts their brakes on going up a mountain at a speed one could walk faster?  Derrick is generally honk yer horn happy. He told me he was going to start honking his horn at every pull off and maybe the guy would get a hint and pull over.  We now had 16 cars stacked up behind us(I counted).  We were #2 behind some Floridians who were growing impatient also and had started to totally ride the dudes bumper.


D commences the horn honking on three different pull offs and by now I am all for it.  I'm ready to scratch my face off thinking I may grow a beard and die before we get to Bryson City.  The guy does not pull off.

We go through a tunnel and as a tradition we always honk the horn in long dark tunnels....so we honk some more for fun now cause he is obviously not going to pull off.  EVERY car behind us lays on the horn as they go through the tunnel.  D and I snicker to each other cause we know everyone is getting delirious.  They don't just "toot toot", they

toooot toooooot toot toot toooooooooot 


...it's stress relief.

It has been some tiiiiiiiiiiimmmme now for real. I think folks had settled into never getting to their destinations.....except for the Florida peeps who were almost about to ride connected to the back seat belts in the slow dudes car....when he suddenly decides to pull off ....at a pull off like he's freaking supposed to do instead of back up traffic.

• I roll my window down.
• Florida stomps their gas and takes off, we don't ever see them again.
• I hang my head out of the truck and make the raise the roof dance motion and holler as loud as I can accessing my inner redneck, "Wooooooooooo, yeah!  Way to go dude, Alllllriiiiight!!!!"

In that order.

As I pass I see a balding late 20 something male looking out his rolled down car window smiling at all the passing cars.  I swear, I swear.... he is looking proud of himself, like he has really done a good deed  for all man kind....and believe me he has in a way.

He appears to be amazed at all of the cars he has backed up by this time.

My heart thinks I have truly seen a real live moron. In fact I think my mouth may have said it out loud and D's concurred with it.

...so we get to the house, unload a few groceries, unpack, put sheets on the bed and chill out a bit before dinner on the deck... reading the paper and so forth.

I get caught up in my Pillars of the Earth book and D begins to cook dinner.  I tell him I will come in and help as soon as I get to a stopping point. D says to me, "No, just chill out with your Nook," and I decide to do just that.

Soon it's getting dark and I can't see on my Nook as well as I had been able to about 45 minutes to an hour ago and I am smelling garlic galore....

D- Come eat!

This is what I see when I go inside. 

Menu

• fresh basil linguine & shrimp with a fresh, garlic, parsley, basil, and Parmesan cheese sauce
• Ciabatta bread with Benissimmo dipping olive oil
• Spring Salad with balalmic vinegarette dressing(my favorite)
• Smoking Loon Merlot(another favorite)
• For dessert he made a NUTELLA Mousse  the night before we left so it'd be ready for dinner on this night.

Everything was delicious tasting.  I couldn't have had a better meal in a restaurant.

  All was super quiet.
      We didn't eat fast purposefully.
            It was my dream dinner.
                 I felt really special and loved.

He took care to make things he knew I would go nuts over.  I am so glad we ate at the mountain house instead of going out.  This was definitely a night that will rank high in my memory files cause literally everything was perfect.

When we were cleaning up the dishes I found this.

Which I thought was sort of funny.

A- So what did you do? Google romantic dinner for two?

D- Yes.  You aren't supposed to be looking at my cheat sheets...give me those(yanks them from me and puts them away).

I was secretly glad he had cheat sheets cause it told me he took the time to care about what were going to do on this rare occasion we had alone more than 2 hours.  I believed it to be thoughtful and I liked it a lot.

After dishes we gabbed some more on the back deck about the book he was reading, then about the book I was reading, then about how people write such clever books, then about this and that and on and on and on....

.....not once were D and I interrupted by a wee little voice that said we needed to wipe a butt or break up a squabble.  I missed my kids....

......but just not that much at that moment.    ;o)



....cause.....I knew Nana was wiping butts.   :oD

and Michael Jackson's hair to blow up.........

So I turned 40 this past Sunday on the 12th.

To me this signifies(God willing) the beginning of the next half of my life. I certainly want to do things a little differently now than say I did 5 years ago.

It turns out that D and I were able to go to the Biltmore Estate for a couple days by ourselves. My mom came in town from Atlanta to keep our kids on Friday. Shortly after that, D and I headed toward North Carolina. We were to stay at his parents mountain house in Bryson City then tour the Biltmore on Saturday.

On our way over we stopped for lunch at this place called The Apple...something or other.....it consisted of a few nice log type buildings. One building a cafe, one a super cool general store with old fashioned candies, jams, jellies, banjo bird houses and stuff. The third log building sold quilted goods, candles, and other things women generally go nuts over like cool book marks, nice dishes, and monogrammed stuff.

Lunch was delicious. The stand out items from lunch were the house made potato chips, they were outstanding. I could have eaten way to many of them and in a hurry. I had a peach fritter that wouldn't stand a chance against my Momma-Bet's(grandmother) apple fritter.

Walking into the general store you get slammed in the face with the smell of rock your world flavored coffee beans ready for the scooping. There was this one maple coffee that I was just about to stick my face in and suffocate myself, but I refrained. So this hiker/runner type couple enters the store behind D and I. They are from the north and not very chatty. I know cause they commented on the smell of the coffee and I had just lifted my head from the barrel of maple delicious goodness...

A- You have to smell this one, it's amazing. They all smell great.

Husband (half smiling like he smells dog dooky) - yeah

Wife - Well we bought coffee last night. (she moves on past me without ever looking at me)

A- OOookay then.....

I move onto the old fashioned candy and what do my wondering eyes spy but CANDY CIGARETTES and bubble gum cigars. Remember the kind that you would puff and powdered sugar came out like smoke? I hadn't seen those in like forever. Because who buys candy cigarettes for their kids to pretend to be smoking for petes sake.

uumm ....me.

I bought a pack of the bubble gum, powdered sugar smoke ones, a pack of the candy stick ones that taste like stamps with the red tip insinuating fire, and 4 bubble gum cigars......cause that's the kind of parent I am.

The kids and I had just been discussing how when I was a kid, we walked to the Tenneco gas station up the street. we'd buy 3 cent a piece gum or if we were lucky enough to have a full .35 we'd get a candy bar.....an by the way while you are there get your mom some Benson & Hedges Lights. I'd buy my mom's cigarettes and buy myself candy ones and pretend to be smoking. All the kids I knew bought their parents cigarettes. We'd pull in the gas station and our parents would send us in to buy the cigarettes so they didn't have to get out of the car.

For real, I mean we didn't think anything about it. Today if you sent your kid into a gas station to buy cigarettes somebody would probably report you for abuse.

Nonetheless, the kids were intrigued by the thought of bubble gum cigarettes that blew out powdered sugar like smoke. When I saw them I knew I had to get them. I also found honey sticks in all flavors. They wouldn't touch the ones we bought fresh in Santa Fe though.

When I got the stuff home Cole wouldn't touch the bubble gum cigs. The powdered sugar looked like smoke to him and he wasn't having any part of that....even when I showed him the cigarette was purple and you could eat it. It was funny and it made me feel good about his decision making too. The other 3 were basically just trying to puff the sugar out and thought the gum was horrible. It was back then, and it still is now... horrible tasting gum.

The stamp tasting candy stick ones...Z ate like they were steaks. Of course he is at the stage where he might eat a stick of butter if there is nothing else within his immediate grasp.

I am glad they got to see them. It showed me that my kids even the young ones are quite able to distinguish between things that are good for them and things that are not. They understood these were for fun and it was fun to puff the sugar and turn red in the face trying to get it all out, but that was all it was.

I love that my kids are cool that way. They react accordingly cause they aren't expected to overreact. They don't have to be explained all this philosophical hullabaloo about ......Now children these aren't REAL cigarettes and they are just for play...we all know cigarettes aren't good for your body....isn't that right children? Now we all know matches start fire and fire, young people without the brains to think, causes cancer and Michael Jackson's hair to blow up...blah, blah...blah...blah...blah, blah....

Okay where was I?

In the store. I bought some awesome Minnetonka Moccasins also.

While I was paying for my bad parenting products and my shoes, I totally saw the hiker wife going beserk in the scoop your own coffee beans section. No lie she was scooping hard and so fast filling her clear bag to capacity. D said he saw her spilling beans all over the floor. In my heart I felt like hiker wife was an idiot. She talked to her husband like he was her pet, I didn't like it. The hiker husband was kinda sniffy too. I didn't respect him too much for letting his wife talk to him like that....but he was wearing the coolest Keen shoes and I did respect that he treated his feet well.

Gotta a lot of stuff to get out...it may take a few blogs but it'll all get here eventually.......

good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does........

This past weekend me and the fam went to Atlanta to visit my mom.

D hasn't been to "The A-T-L" really since my dad passed away, so it was good for him to come with us in about 100 ways.

Saturday my sister and I went to the Southeastern Homeschool Expo. I had a cool time wandering around checking out all the different options available to homeschoolers as far as curriculum goes.

I spoke with this gal who makes her own soap a pretty good bit. Actually so much that my sister made fun of me, but dang she was interesting to me. She actually shared her testimony with me and encouraged me greatly by sharing with me about "losing yourself" while homeschooling.

She has 9 CHILDREN! 6 have graduated and are what I would consider to be successful adults. Their jobs range from PA's, nurses, & teachers to helping her with her business on the side. Her remaining children are in high school and she MANAGES TO RUN A FREAKING BUSINESS still. I am amazed by what abilities God has placed in women to succeed. God gives them the drive, they taste a little bit of the power, then the women speed off into the sunset. It's beautiful and intoxicating to me.

These types of stories make me feel like the dreams I have are possible even if I do them just a little bit at a time. The persistence will prove tangible if only I choose to access the power and speed off........which, of course, we all know.....speeding is my thing, apparently.......I'm just not.........well.....that focused, I reckon.

Plus my sister and my mom were totally my heroes this weekend. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. I just needed mine. My mom filled a huge gaping hole that had been dug out. She shoveled heaps of love, hugs that sustain, and understanding without judgement.

My sister is an invaluable soul that God knew I would one day need to stay level headed and real. She is one of the most awesome people I know in positivity and encouragement to do the right things and most importantly...in the name of Christ. I love that she listened and didn't spout off nonsense to me that wasn't real. I love that she can see outside what I cannot when I need her to see it for me. I love that she is deeply in praise when I am and it is genuine.

I saw my mom and my sister walking down the sidewalk after church holding hands, on the way to the restaurant. In my mind they were the only ones on the street I could see. God shined on them brighter and all of the surroundings faded out. I could hear no sound except my mind spewing forth praise to the Lord for those two women.

We all went to Buckhead Church with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley wasn't there this past Sunday but this guy named Sean Seay was the guest preacher. He is the preacher at Athens Church in Athens, GA. His sermon was focused mainly on men. I am 100% convinced we were supposed to hear this man preach this particular Sunday.

The most important thing I learned was that if my husband feels like he is my "superhero," then he feels like he can conquer the world and will try to do it for Christ, for me and for his family.

This was not solely the message and I learned a few more things. This though, is the thing that stung enough to make me really squirm. The message was based on Joshua 24:11 - 14.

It's a fantastic message for men and certainly well worth the listen for women. You won't feel the time has been wasted at all, trust me.

Listen to the message here: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages

It's titled The Man I Want to Be

While in Atlanta this was certainly a highlight, but so was game night when the girls finally beat the boys at Catch Phrase......cause we so owed them from the last time we played.

Cole to Nana - Are you gonna let Daddy drive your car to get a paper?

Nana - No, he's taking your car, but if he wanted to take it I would let him.

Cole - Oh good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does. (Nana thinks this is very funny)

........Grilled hot dogs, brownies & milk on the porch while my most humble and outstanding brother-in-law told us about his mission trip to Venezuela, bowling, and topping it off with a Mad Men episode before bed Sunday evening.....put an extraordinary weekend to an end.

I love my family.

I swear I do.

I tried to step on Jiminy Cricket............

....and in other news.....

I got another camera ticket. This one was not in Oak Ridge though. I got it in Farragut.

I turned right on red and totally rolled the light instead of coming to a complete stop before turning.

I knew the camera was there but must have had a brain fart and forgot. I was completely going to lie to D and not tell him but my Jiminy Cricket wouldn't let me. I tired to step on him and kill him to shut him up, but alas he was a lucky cricket.

I told on myself.

D declared me a bad driver, looked at the video link no less than 14 times, called the kids to come and watch the video for back up on his ranting about how I totally rolled the light and didn't stop, read me the Right Act some more, stated I needed to be a more aware driver, relayed I was a bad driver AGAIN and that maybe he should take my car away (but then there is always reality in the back of the mind of what that really means and therefore get to keep my car), a few more I should more carefuls, and then that was the end.

I find it's a lot easier in these situations where I am totally busted to just say, "yes.......yes.........you're right.........yes, I know, I know.........yes, tunnel vision......yes.........okay, okay.......yes, you're right.........yes."

...and then I'm usually done.

So if you, as a citizen, live near Oak Ridge or Farragut and are enjoying all of their new facilities, roads, parks, or law enforcement capabilities......please direct all of your thank you notes to me at:

Kiss The Silver Bullet's Butt
1234 Universal High Sign Rd.
Tunnel Vision, TN. 56789-1011

....as I seem to be funding most of these activities.

..................................

alrighty then........

Here's my newest pair of TOMS. I call them "From stark white to totally bright."

They were the white canvas, now they are not white canvas. These are sharpie'd and waterproofed. The problem is people think that I bought them this way and have no idea how I much time and sharpie care I put into these. However, when they ask about them I do get to elaborate. Appreciation for time and effort does come.

I like understanding......a lot.

Does A + B really = C? So say I, NO!!..............

aahhhh, yes, there is the age old question of love.......

My 85 year old grandmother(Momma-Bet) brought her 93 year old boyfriend with her to my house this Christmas, we call him Papa Bill. They have been together now about 11 years maybe a little more, I can't quite remember.

I always think when I am that age, God willing, I am surely going to be so done trying to learn someone else's ways. All the time I hear of older folks dating these days.

Its funny cause I always say if D were to leave me or were to pass before me I would never remarry cause marriage is a lot of work. D always says he would surely remarry cause he needs someone to take care of his kids.....uuuuuuhh good luck wife hunting with that buddy, cause you don't have 1 kid, but 4. :oD

Once while we were tubing down this creek called Deep Creek in North Carolina. This gal was flirting with D and so forth. I was all from the creek bank, "Hey lady! He's cute and all but he drives a big fat minivan with 4 kids in it under the age of 9, float on yer tube a while on that!!!" I didn't really see her after that.

I love being married cause there is total security in being married. You always have your best friend at your fingertips. That person is almost always accessible to you, that person gets your inner workings even if they don't always understand you or agree with you. Your spouse is a constant when you lay your head on your pillow at night. At the end of a hard day or a great day that person is there to know it and share it with you. Cause mostly nobody else really cares about the things you care about. When they are in your face, they care with you, but when they walk away....out of sight, out of mind. That is usually not the case with your spouse.

Well, if you are both on the same page anyway.

Marriage is hard though because you have two totally separate people with their own ways that are constantly changing as they grow older and wiser (or so we think) trying to function as one in unity. Really......men are completely separate beings from women and we are not created equal.

Try to get over yourself for a second if you think you are equal to a man, cause you aren't, or you would be a man, and you aren't....you're a woman.

Equal to me means the same in every way. 2+2 = 4= 3+1 and so forth...4 is 4 and will always be 4.

Man is man and woman is woman, each created with differences that should be celebrated for what they are and not equality. It's not that I think women can't be engineers and whatever with all that job crap, I mean as human beings.

At the very core of who we are, a man and a woman, trying to come together and function as one. Different yet trying to be the same in unity. It's a hard job. Folks don't really tell young people how hard they are going to have to work when they are getting married usually, and even if they do young people don't really listen....cause they are in love with being in love and can't hear the real stuff. You know, about the riding the perfect wave moments along with the barely treading water and trying to gasp for breath while waiting for the perfect wave again.

I whole heartily believe marriage is a good and God blessed thing in human life. But equal we are not, in a marriage, there is the giver and the taker and they switch roles regularly. When you are the giver you are the bend and remake yourself for the other person.

It is non negotiable.

WHAT?! Who said that?!

I'm serious, if one person is not the bender and re-maker, there is no compromise and there is no unity and harmony. It's the truth. I am just saying it out loud that's all.

Sometimes I am the one who remakes myself to fit the other and sometimes I am the one who will not bend and D has to take the role of compromise and make adjustments. Which brings me to my point. People now are, generally speaking, so hung up on the my goals, my well being, my wants & needs in a relationship that they are not willing to bend and they check out of the marriage.

To me that's lazy and lame. Here is the other thing, some folks know it's lazy and lame to check out, but they don't care cause the "me factor" is to strong.

Being married & raising children are the hardest responsibilities I have ever had. They are the responsibilities though, that my very life depends on. Everything about me has to do with those connections.

Constantly on my mind these days in thinking on who I am, what I hope to accomplish in my life, what thumb print will be left behind when I pass - positive or negative.....is that the whole of myself revolves around others.

The struggle to do what I want has completely disappeared until I really don't even know what I want or even like anymore.....

WHAT??!! Amy, that sounds awful!

Here is a truth, almost all women I speak to these days, feels the exact same way at one time or another.

If you are a man reading that you are saying...."Okay, next.......crazy hormonal woman issue, whatever, next."...... enter thoughts I am done reading this, I'm bored now, blog on something funny....

If you are woman reading that, you might be saying..."I know EXACTLY what you are saying, yes, I get that, but if my husband asks me about this I will say no, I won't exactly tell the whole truth."

Enter the differences between man and woman.......things hugely important to us seem like a speed bump to men. I don't fault men for that. They are different from us.

I have been reading these books about understanding men, cause I need some help apparently.

I believe I know D pretty dang well. But in an effort to stay connected to him while raising our kids I just felt the need to pursue something more in the context of understanding. I feel the "my wants and my needs" syndrome dragging me along the path of "I don't care anymore," cause life just gets so full.

So in curiosity I jumped in and these are the main things I came to know as truths from the books I purchased...

1. He needs to be respected

2. He needs to be needed

3. He needs to be fulfilled

.......not in this order obviously

vs truths about women...

1. Affection.......affection, means showing love, not showing sex

2. need open, honest communication

3. Commitment to family

In my quest for understanding, I found I understood things pretty well, but needed to make some adjustments on things I am uncomfortable with making.....and therefore have not made those adjustments.........yet.......eeeesh.

I found that men believe themselves to understand things pretty well, but they completely miss the boat in understanding female inner workings & generally men don't want to read a book to know about it or hear about it from a woman. They are not as willing to make adjustments in general and believe that if a woman A's (you know, wink, wink) then BCDEFGHIJKLMNOP will fall properly into place for the whole universe and peace for all nations, world without end Amen.

This is where they miss the boat in my opinion. Though women understand men are visual very well, they do not understand we are not....we generally tend to be acts driven. The way we feel attracted to them is when they show us they care by way of actions.

The action needed by a specific woman is unique to that woman. A man would need to see what actions make their wife tick and hop on that band wagon a while. When the wife sees he cares about what is important to her without her nagging, she in turn feels love and attraction to her mate, because he is showing he cares about what is important to her. She is less tired and the brain switches gears a little more precisely.

These are the things I have learned thus far.

I have to go and do something constructive now, like put up Christmas stuff and take down lights outside.

I will finish this topic when I am done with the quest, God only know when.........

Please weigh in on the anonymous poll in the top right corner of the blog, so I can see if on my quest my boat is floating or sinking.

Ghetto Kindles Gone Wild, and so has my pinky......

Today I was in such a hurry to get out of the house and on the road, to get the kids some hair cuts........

so I hurried and jumped in the shower, hurried and dried my hair mostly, put on some lip gloss, and then so quickly put a bit of lotion on my dry face. In that order....lip gloss first like an idiot, then face lotion.....this way I was sure to smear lip gloss all over my face along with the lotion.

Oh yeah and this too......I was rubbing the lotion on my face so fast in a circular motion that my pinky finger with a stout finger nail on it, slid up my left nostril, almost to my brain and cut the inside of my nose like a knife. Instantly I felt sheer eye watering pain, that slowed my haste immediately.

Blood began to run from my nose profusely......it was utter senselessness.

Who jabs their finger up their nose putting on facial lotion and bleeds like they have cut their whole nose off.

uuuuuuuhh, me.....

My nose is still raw or something inside.

............................................................................

I was telling D I wanted a Kindle. You know, one of those gadgets you read books on that is not really a book. D is really good at finding the deals on the web so I thought he might locate a used one or maybe some off the wall great deal that I could not find. He started searching and saw this guy on YouTube who claimed he could turn a lap top or netbook into a kindle.

The idiot basically configured his lap top screen vertical and ran some other whacked out application....and then held his laptop like he was reading a menu.

I was embarrassed for him. I really believe he is a first rate idiot (right along with me cause I jabbed my finger up my nose putting on facial lotion). I mean could you see people sitting in the airport, waiting room at a doc's office, or coffee shop with their lap top turned sideways like a large menu??? Before I would do that I would just use the laptop like it was supposed to be used and read from the dang screen like you are SUPPOSED TO FREAKIN DO!!

I know I can be so cynical and sarcastic sometimes......but really this guy was serious. It was just an inadequate idea. He aired his incompetent idea on YouTube for the world to see.

All that to say....D said I could have a Kindle.......a "Ghetto Kindle".......he would just turn HIS laptop side ways for me and I could read it like a menu..........eeeeesh

Now I don't want one anyway, cause DAG GONE!! They are so dag gone expensive!! I will take a $6 used paperback everyday of the week over a $400 reading device......and I'll totally skip the ghetto kindle.

................................................................

I am still unnerved by the commercials being ran on Fox News for Ashleymadison.com.

I am about to write Fox News and ask them if they are so darn conservative, why are they promoting extramarital affairs?! You know the world is going to hell in a hand basket when it's okay to run a business for having affairs and ADVERTISE THE CRAP ON FOX FREAKIN NEWS!! I am disappointed with them for being a "Pinhead."

The commercial I last saw showed this fellow in the bed with this overweight, messy looking woman. He was looking at her then at a liquor bottle almost empty. It gave you the impression he'd had a one night stand. He climbs out of bed with his shoes in hand and his pants, he's heading downstairs. The voice over says something like a one night stand in one thing but for the rest of your life.....really???...as the man coming down the stairs spies his wedding photo with the messy woman, and he looks like he can't believe he married her. Then the voice over again spews out the web site logo as if they are there to help out.

I actually went to the web site, they claim to have "over 4,790,000 anonymous members."

It's sick to think this is what marriage has come to. A casual commitment on paper.

What is wrong with people???

What is wrong with Fox News???!!!

I mean this whole thing reminds me of when Girls Gone Wild was on every channel, every commercial after a certain time of night....including THE WEATHER CHANNEL!! I remember nursing Sky late at night and you couldn't see a commercial that was not Girls Gone Wild, with pothead Snoop Doggy Dog.

At that same time, dag gone Sesame Street had Pothead Snoop Doggy Dog on singing with the puppets. I was like, WHAT??!! He is a roll model??!! On Sesame Street??!! I was waitin for Elmo to bust a verse of Zoe Gone Wild at any given moment and yank her puppet shirt off.

What could that guy possibly have to offer the young children who watch Sesame Street? He could teach them how to roll one maybe, or how to wear your pants so your butt crack shows without lookin like a plumber but instead a cool gangsta.........Whatever........

.....Whoever put that fool on Sesame Street musta been high.

Whoever chose to air the commercials on Fox News is a loser.

you know, you don't have to stop fully at stop signs with white lines around the outside.........

These are sheer random thoughts from the past that just came to me for a no good reason today.....

When I was getting married I had gotten my invitations together to send out. A few people I did not know their addresses but knew where they lived, so Mom & I decided to hand deliver them. One in particular was an invitation I had to give because they were attached to my family by marriage. This would be my step uncle and his horrid wife. This was his second marriage and hers too. She had a son who was mentally challenged a bit, but a super kid. He was smart in school, eager to please, a hard worker at the grocery store where he bagged groceries, and he was happy despite the circumstances in which he lived.

He was super pale and when he laughed he turn bright red, so we called him "Fire Ball." His parents were morons, his mom and step father, my step uncle. My step uncle, rest his soul, was one of those that sued everybody. If he could remotely be somewhere that could potentially help him receive money so he didn't have to work, he was there. The mother never brushed her teeth. I don't care how poor you might be, a toothbrush is not that expensive, even if you can't afford toothpaste......put a dang brush on yer freakin teeth....GOSH!

She spoke in this high pitched annoying voice that made me physically distort my face when listening to her speak. I felt in my heart that she wondered how her life had become unsatisfactory and was just trying to live through it. She had become sort of an anxious woman and started to stutter in that high pitched voice and I just had to cringe.

I felt like someone needed to rescue Fire Ball so he could succeed. Given the right circumstances Fire Ball could be a superb man. I would later learn, after my father's funeral, and by sheer chance, that he was in fact doing well for himself, which made my heart feel relief.

So Mom and I went to deliver my beautiful wedding invitations to them in person. She was mowing her grass, over weight, greasy short brown hair, completely and utterly sweaty, with gunky teeth, and no bra on with her DDD boobs swinging under her shirt as she mowed....it was awful. So Mom did some small talk and I smiled and tried to be polite without making the distorted face.

Mom handed her the invitation and she stuck my beautiful wedding invitation in her sweaty underwear inside her pants......I physically said "uuuuhhh," and my mom slapped me on my thigh inside the car. She said our goodbyes and we drove off to the stop sign. Once far enough away we both started eeeeewwww-ing as loud as all get out. Trying to shake off the horrible sight of that wonderful piece of paper that signified I was about to marry the man of my dreams in her swinging triple D's, gunky teeth, sweaty pants.


Okay, shake that off if you can and we'll move on...............


This story reminded me of my mom's cousins. They have a house on the lake in my mom's home town in South Carolina. Quite a few of her cousins live in that area and spend a good bit of time on the lake eating together and whatnot. One of the cousins, I believe, owns a bar and grille with live entertainment. I have not been there, but I hear they all have a pretty good time regularly. My whole family is full of cut-ups as one might guess. We all like to laugh hard and we all love hard too.

So the one cousin that owns the bar and grille is a twin. I hear that one of the twins has a girlfriend they call "Buttah Face." I am not sure of her real name actually, cause this is what they call her....to her face, when speaking about or referring to her to other people, you know general everyday conversation and so forth. I assumed at first since they are all from South Carolina and any word that ends with or has an "R" in it is deleted. Like Charles becomes Challs and Heather becomes Heathah...Mother becomes Muthah....hence her nickname is Buttah Face so that must be Butter Face. She must have super smooth skin or be young or something....

uuuuuuuhh no

I am informed her name is "Buttah Face" because everything looks good on her BUTTAH FACE!

That's just freakin funny, I'm sorry, but it is......


I thought of this too.......


Not too long after I had gotten my license to drive, which took me two tries to get, I got a ticket for failing to stop fully at stop sign.

We had this guy who was a year younger than me living with our family, he was like my brother. Though we rarely talk anymore, I still have fond memories of him. I last saw him at my dads funeral and it made my heart happy to see him. We hadn't seen one another since shortly after I was married. His name was Mike.

Mike told me I didn't have to stop fully at stop signs that had white lines around the outside. It never occurred to me at the age of 16 that he may be yankin my chain.

Despite the fact that all the signs seemed to have white lines, it never occurred to me he was yankin my chain.

That is seriously STUPID dumb blonde material.

So I had to explain my stupidity to my mom, at 16 it never occurred to me I should be embarrassed about believing that. It was just something that happened, I got spoofed on, got a ticket, okay, and what's next on my happy little, I'm 16, and the whole world is mine to conquer life.

I don't envy my friends with 16 year old teenagers that are driving........

..............................................

We watched Curly Sue, the old movie from the 90's I think, about a homeless girl and her friend whom they call her dad. The two try to get this rich lady to help them out by tricking her into thinking she hit the man with her car.

At some point Curly Sue goes into foster care.

We watched this as a family. It was rated PG.....in the 90's. To me that = fairly clean family movie cause I am so contaminated by filth today. The dang movie came off with the "b word" 3 times & "G D" like 4 times. The movie is cute, but the language was unexpected and made me feel like a crappy mom...........well, for a little while then I went to sleep and forgot about it.

.....so I had to take my car to the Hyundai dealership for some things to get checked out and they gave me a loaner cause it was apparently gonna take some time.

So I get this cute little red economy something or other with a sunroof and a 21,000 price tag.....

Sky loves the car. She comes in from the garage relaying her love for the red car with a sunroof.

She then asks me, "How long do we get to keep your foster car?"