....after I slept off all my evil.....

I am about to get my life put back together.  I hope.

This is an attempt to catch us all up to speed for the past month. It may take a few blogs though.

Amy- I have been doing my thing driving all over Hell and creation in auto-pilot as usual for this time of year.  Six or seven days a week we are going somewhere at some point during the day.  I just try to breathe my way through each day knowing somehow it all gets done.

I am still exercising my butt off....or should I say my butt on, cause nothing is still happening....on the scale anyway.  I have taken about 10 of the 16 Power classes that I need to take at at the gym in order to get the free t-shirt that labels me as a weight lifter...sort of, in my eyes anyway.  I am surely getting more muscles.  I can see a bulge in my arms where there has never been one before in my life.  My butt actually looks round like a butt should look, instead of just fading into my thighs.  My stomach is certainly more flat than it was and my pants are fitting much better and some are even a little big or too big.

The problem here is that my scale is sabotaging me.  So I had D hide it so that I could only weigh on Sundays.   The first Sunday I weighed 189.  D was happy for me cause I was finally in the 180's.  I wasn't, cause I knew the moment I ate a piece of ice I would gain 3 pounds.  He scolded me for not enjoying that small victory. In my mind I have been this place so many times that I truly am not in the 180's till it is a consistent number.

I was not too discouraged however.  I gave myself a year to do this right and I have been sticking to it.  I rarely cheat and I exercise 5 to 6 days a week 40 minutes or more.  So this past Sunday I was excited to weigh because I ate especially well chosen foods that week.  I knew I had pushed myself doing the exercise and I was hoping for a 187 minimum.

The scale said 190.  I became so angry inside that I thought I might grow some devil horns that would surely expel a blazing fury so hot they'd burn the roof off my house.  I controlled it though the best I could.  I left the bathroom, went to make coffee and get the kids moving.........and then the evil tidal wave of death and destruction that likes to throw stuff when I am infuriated hit me.

So I marched right back to the bathroom where D was blowing his hair dry, picked up the scale, stomped back to the front door, stepped out onto my front stoop, and I launched that scale as far as I could with my new arm muscles "that weigh more than fat."  I meant for it to bounce on the ground and bust every spring and gear inside of it.  On the first bounce as it hit the ground I felt a minuscule amount of satisfaction.  I wanted to throw it one more time but I refrained cause I knew I was going to church in a couple hours and I needed to get rid of this evil in me before I could praise the Lord properly for the good things in my life.

The kids get up.  D comes out of the bathroom to eat breakfast.

D- Where's the scale?

CB & Sky - She threw it in the front yard.

M- You threw the scale in the front yard?

CB- Yeah she did!  It went way over there see?!

D- (looking out the breakfast nook window) Nice distance.

A- I threw it into the front yard. Yes I did.  If anybody brings that scale back into this house I swear bad things will happen to you.  I don't know what they are, but don't test me.

When I left for church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from church the idiot scale was in the front yard.  When I came home from the gym the idiot scale was not in the front yard.  I was so mentally exhausted from my emotional torture of weighing that morning, only to find all my good eating and exercise had been in vain....months and months of not eating delicious morsels of goodness, shin splints that wake me up in the middle of the night, sweating, sweating, sweating, pushing, pushing, pushing....only to still weigh 190....I took a bath and went to bed at 6:30pm and didn't get up till 7:00 am the next morning.

BUT, not BUTT, but.....BUT, during the Power class at the gym I had likened myself to this fairly big woman in the class, like we were equals in weight.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at the gym and I noticed that I didn't look her size at all.  I mean I was still bigger than I need to be of course, but I wasn't as big as I perceived myself to be by the number on the scale.  The scale doesn't change the fact that I can feel and see a muscle in my arm that has never been there before.  It doesn't change the fact that some of my pants are too big now, not all of them, but some of them.  Those are my small victories, that I should thank God for.

I am going to choose to dwell on those things.  So I can be thankful in all things to God for giving me endurance and patience to persevere when my flesh wants to quit, the spirit in me is still willing to keep my temple, in which Jesus resides, clean and healthy.

I am not going to weigh anymore.  My sister in Christ, Sarah, told me I should pick out a pair of pants I want to get into and use those as a gage for my success. I think that is the better way to go for me.....for my family too.

I found this note hanging out of my drawer where I keep my exercise wear in my closet the morning after I slept off my evil. ( you can click on this pic to get a better view if need be)

My heart overflowed and spilled all over the place with love for this oldest son of mine.

I CAN DO all things through Christ who strengthens me...... Philippians 4:13


*

with a stop sign shaped tool................

Mondays......

Last night I totally took the girls to clogging practice. No lie, Ms.P left me hanging for a business venture possibly, so I was own my own with 5 girls for the night. I wondered what the heck I would do with myself at first cause Monday is gab yer head to the point of complete and utter emptiness.

I thought to myself, "Self....you could finish yer book tonight. Except yer eReader light is out of batteries and it isn't back lit...forget turning on yer car lights and draining the battery again. What to do???" In my mind flashed Z's DS game Rhythm Heaven....I would play his game FINALLY, in peace. THEN I was super excited to be on my own.

Nothing is ever as it seems though. When Smalls and her trusty side kick Spunky finished their class, the 5 girls headed off the McD's like we always do for some not nourishment. I had to get some gas first though.

**I got out

**I pumped the gas to full tank.....without my Kroger card which was deplorable.

**I got into the car.

**The flippin car WOULD NOT crank.

tick, tick, tick. tick, tick ,tick

Insert the whole jaw dropping syndrome again with all peeps great and small seated in my car.

A- WHAT??! REALLY??!

SB, May, Smalls, & Spunky - Oh no! I can't believe this!(etc, etc, etc)

I get out and this fellow and his wife that were filling the 2 cars they own and every single gas can from here to the TN border with their Kroger gas card at .40 off a gallon.....were in disbelief also. They were pumping when I pulled in. The husband tells me he doesn't have cables and we discuss for not more than 40 seconds how insane this situation is. I am gabbing with him and making the call to D......again, to come and rescue me.

It's cold and rainy...he isn't feeling my vibe and we are disgruntled with one another cause he is asking me questions I feel are inconsequential and he thinks I am not listening again...and I feel like not listening cause his questions are not helpful. I want him to say, " I am on my way," and he wants me to say "Oh never mind, the car cranked false alarm," or something of that nature.

While I am trying not to get frustrated with his tone of voice at my situation that is completely not my fault, Gas Can Husband has located an Old Navy Truck Man with jumper cables.

EXCITEMENT! I try to hang up with D so I can help this fellow make sure both ends do not touch, in the cold flippin rain, and show my gratitude....but D will not quit lamenting to me on the phone. I want him to be quiet and hang up now and he wants to know what's going on.

I HATE talking on a cell phone, can't stand it....even when not in dire situations. It just bugs the crap out of me.

D- CALL ME WHEN you get the CAR CRANKED! BYE! (D loves his cell phone, even though at this point he was on our home phone. Both D & my mom...the two of them, would lose all consciousness without their cell phones.)

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than Mr. P has told Ms. P and I.

Gas Can Husband connects the cables up completely different than D has told Ms. P and I.

Three men connecting cables in three different sequences...all telling me with confidence their way is the right way......and at what point the battery could spew rabid, clothes melting, flesh eating, acid onto your face......all three different.

The six of us females have concurred on this: At birth, males are given the knowledge of how to hook jumper cables up. I don't care what order they do it in, they do it with confidence and authority.

My car cranks right up.

Rejoicing!! Not near what it was when Ms. P & I did the man deed. But it did feel good to be rescued and rather quickly in the cold rain.

So I walk over to tell Old Navy Truck thank you for letting us use his cables and how grateful I am that he hadn't left the gas station yet.

Cause it's the south, he wants a hug. I gladly give him one. I am grateful.

Gas Can Husband is bringing the cables over and telling Old Navy Truck Man some man words about my car, that I don't care about. Gas Can Husband is happy cause I am happy....plus he's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

I pat his back and tell him "Thank You" and he squeezes my shoulders as in a half hug, cause he's glad to help a car full of gals. Gas Can Wife is happy too, cause her husband is the super hero who saved the day.....plus she's getting .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

Well....Old Navy Truck has been talking to a One Legged Man, who makes BBQ sauce, while we are having Monday night drama at the Shell. One Legged Man, one legs it on over to my car and discovers that my battery cables are loose and this is why my completely fine battery has repeatedly acted incompetent.

The three men agree that One Leg has discovered the answer to all of the worlds problems. They all shake their heads in a concurring manner....I do this also. It feels like the right thing I am supposed to do.

One Legged Man tightens the cable best he can till I can get home for D to tightened it properly with a stop sign shaped tool.

Then he declares the car good for another 100,000 miles.

One Leg informs me that he saw me give the other two dudes a hug and he wants one too. After all, he is "the one who discovered the loose battery cables."

We all cackle a bit, I hug him and he reminds me that the Shell gas station sells his BBQ sauce inside and for me to go and buy some. The three males shake hands. They are heroes who have saved 5 females and they have been hugged properly for it......plus Gas Can Husband has gotten .40 a gallon off every piece of equipment he owns that will hold gas.

After that, food was gotten at the drive thru.... Smalls & Spunky played in my car with it running, while I played Rhythm Heaven on Z's DS....and SB & May made it to their class on time.

Furry Bunnies and Rainbows........

Somebody's duck is out of line here...but it isn't mine......

I was on this rant about how kids appear to be generally ungrateful these days …not my kids of course……..or yours……you know other people’s kids are generally ungrateful is what I was saying.

I was discussing a particular situation to a friend of mine who happens to run another Awana program in Knoxville with her husband.  This woman completely encouraged me.  She and her Awana youth group are planning to go to some Awana shindig in St. Charles, Illinois.

She was telling me that the youth literally have to do x, y, z amount of community service in the name of the Lord or work for the church in some way to go on the trip and/or obtain church funding for the trip if they do not have the funds to go.  In other words, the church does not just hand them over the cash to go, even if they can’t afford to go.  The kids who want to go actually have to show initiative and do something for it.

This year, in order for the 13 youth who want to attend this event, to go to the shindig... they participated in the “Duck-out-of-line” at the Duck, Duck Goose consignment event in Knoxville.

This event is a huge consignment sale in an old K-Mart building.  It is a 4 or 5 day event (including a private shopping day for consignors) that supposedly rocks all consignment sales to the very foundation of the earth in these parts of town. 

I am told during this conversation that the line goes all the way around the building and then some to get inside….then to pay is another line all the way around the other side of the building.

A “Duck-out-of-line” is a person who gets paid $10 to stand in line for you and hold your spot while you shop.  So that when your shopping has been completed, you can get in line where your “duck” is.  If your duck is already past the paying counter, then guess what? NO WAITING at all! You get immediate ups and no waiting in line at all!!! All of the money earned by the people who volunteer for this (churches and local charities) get 100% of the money!

The ladies that I am conversating with tell me the Duck out of line is well worth the $10, as a wait in line to pay for merchandise can be up to an hour or more.

I decided to go and check out this consignment sale for myself after our co-op classes and as sure as a dog sniffs another dogs butt – the line to get in the place was as long a line as I had ever seen.  The Ducks out of line were busy with their clip boards signing people up.  I swear if I had been determined to go into the place I would have paid someone $20 to stand in line for me. Instead I opted to go to Old Navy and by M & Z new coats. I just tried to let go of my unearth friendly guilt for not recycling....it didn't take too long.  

I am just gonna say… Maysie's unearth friendly coat.... it’s tha dang the bomb. 

So, Ms. Awana Co-Commander ….. yeah, she took her 13 Awana youth teens down there to be Ducks out of line.

On the Wednesday preview sale for the people who are consigning clothes and other special designated folks….the teens made $1300…….towards their trips to the Awana event.  That’s $100 bucks a piece minimum for each kid towards their trip for one day of service.

 

I thought that was SUPER COOL!

The following week I see Ms. Awana Co-Commander and asked her what her finally tally was for the kids towards their trips…….Did they meet their goals?

Uummm YES!  Those teens made $4000 dollars towards their trip in 3 days’ worth of work!!!!!!!  

So they stood in line for folks repeatedly at a consignment sale at $10 bucks a pop and worked off the entire cost of their trip. 

This says a minimum of 6 things to me:

**These teens are motivated to go on a Jesus trip that is important to them.

**These teens take pride in seeing their goals completed.

**These teens are being rewarded for diligence.

**These teens parents don’t have to come up with $300 randomly when the economy is not optimal….AND during the holidays

**These teens parents must be proud of their child for doing something not fun like standing in line for three days to help pay for their trips and possibly the trips of those who could not afford to pay for the trip themselves.

**This Awana Leader did something right and good here.

I am just going to say, I love it when a child is able to stand back and look at good work completed and be amazed that they were a part of something bigger than THEMSELVES.  

As an adult I enjoy this feeling myself when I accomplish a big task. 

Being a child or a teenager would only magnify this good feeling of accomplishment because the world is so big and so much has yet to still be discovered.

It is my personal opinion that enabling a child to appreciate his/her situation more by digging in deep and hard sometimes……..is good for their self-esteem, not bad.

I am over handing out stuff to kids for free because they expect it.  This is the type of adult we are breeding, a society where they believe themselves to deserve to be given stuff that isn't theirs to take.  

Sometimes it feels to me... youth, generally speaking,  know nothing about how to be humble.  

However, I am proud of at least 13 who do.

HAVE AN OUTSTANDING TRIP AWANA TEENS!

YOU’VE EARNED IT!!!!

Now that we're men......

Last night, in my eyes, I did this totally amazing thing along side Ms. P.

At the clogging studio we were in deep girl, God, and geek gab ....not necessarily in that order. When I say deep, it was almost an hour past the time we were supposed to have left the studio to head home. The class had ended around 9:00pm and our girls were still gabbing, so we continued to gab.

Hear this! Because we were totally gabbing incessantly for two hours barely stopping for breath.....in my car.....with the interior lights on the whole time.......at 10:00pm... my interior lights suddenly went dim.

I say to myself, "Self....I bet your battery is getting weak." I crank my car up, uumm, no I don't cause it won't crank.

tick, tick, tick, tick. tick,

try again

tick, tick, tick, tick

My jaw drops, Ms. P's jaw drops, our teen girls in the other vehicle show us that our jaw dropping syndrome has contaminated them also.

A- D is going to kill me....he is packing for a trip to Orlando in the morning.

Ms. P - I think I have jumper cables

A- (furry bunnies and rainbows....in terror. Cause somebody had to hook them thangs up)

Ms. P can't find them, she calls her husband, they discuss at length how to hook the cables up while I read the directions on the packaging.

Ms. P's husband is at home in one direction far from the studio and D is at home far away in the opposite direction from the studio, and we are out too late anyway....it just wasn't optimal.

Ms. P relays that Mr. P has said we should hook up red, black, black, red (or vice versa or something). We shouldn't let them touch... insert some more directions and technical stuff that I am starting to tune out because I'm afraid to hook the jab-O's up. All my life I have heard that some somebody's car blew up, somebody got venom spewed in their face and their face burned off, acid melted their clothes off and onto their skin and falalala la lala la la.

When I come to my senses Ms. P is standing in front of me with a red and a black in her hands and I with a red and black in my hands and we aren't letting them touch.....staring at each other.

The thing is we haven't even moved our vehicles yet and our vehicles are turned off.

A- Can you do this?

Ms. P - I think so...

Frick and Frack...the two willies decide first we should move the vehicles into proper position. After all the cables were touching each other in the bag right?

Move the vehicles. We are on the right track. We've done step one according to her package instructions. The vehicles are nose to nose without touching each other....

It is clear we are both leery of hooking the exploding battery acid face eating machine cables up. I feel extreme anxiety rising within as she and I are looking for exact locations at which to position these 4 pincher's.

I make the decision to call D finally.

A- (sweet) Helllllooo.

D- Where are you?

A- At the studio, my battery is dead.

D- Does Meg have cables?

A- funny thing.....yes, but Babe, I am afraid to hook them up and so is she, can you just come here and do it?

D- Really, Amy? I mean you can do this. Just put the positive on the positive and the negatasdkl lksjdji kjshdjhiuh nasjdhk and jhh yuy xernhg uyg.....

I don't hear him anymore he's speaking Japanese to me cause I am afraid.

So I put him on speaker phone for directions as I am using the cell phone for a flash light. Ms. P doesn't have a cell phone so this is it.

It is clear to him I am not listening well and about to panic which equals buggin out. D determines that I am going to do this. He determines he is not driving across the Untied States at 10pm...when I am "this close" the fix myself.

D- (on speaker phone....and BTW Ms. P is a deacons wife...not that it should matter it's just an ironic situation, that caused me to snicker a little in the after thoughts when I got home.) Put the "not the dam that beavers build" red cable on the "not the dam that beavers build" positive bolt, Amy, Now!

A & Ms. P(we laugh a little) - Easy Tiger, yer on speaker phone.

D - I don't care hook up the red cable and then do the black one, now, DO IT.

I totally hooked'em up. I was half way there. Ms. P is standing close beside with her 2 cables not touching. Like surgeons with special tools I take one from her hand and D tells me where to hook it on my car. Then the last one is placed on the black negative on my battery.

Not the optimal place I learned cause that is the crisis point at which a battery could explode with my face next to it. When I read the directions though it said not to hook it next to this fuel line and that cable and x,y,z...so I was afraid again cause I have a Hyundai and I don't know which line is which. I recognized the windshield washer fluid and so did Ms. P and all that was plastic. One is supposed to connect the last black one to a metal bolt or something. I was supposed to look away, but I forgot....cause I was having an anxiety attack in my mind.

So the moment of truth has arrived. The connections have been made. D relays Ms. P should start her vehicle and slowly rev the engine.

A- Okay go start your car and give it some gas.

D- No.. I said slowly give it some gas (Ms. P is revving up to start a Nascar race). Tell her to stop that.

I don't listen and go get in my car and crank it right up.

......insert redneck hooting and hollering in downtown, at night, behind some random building, with no lights on and 6 girls jumping up and down totally being girls.

D- Come home. ... and be careful, the deer are out tonight.

Insert some more jumping up and down and girly screaming cause BY GOLLY!! WE ARE WOMEN HEAR US ROAR FOR PETES SAKE!!!!!!

I know D helped talk us through that and he used some man words to do it......but I swear in my mind I felt like we did it all by ourselves. I mean really, we were nervous, but we seriously overcame it and just totally did the freaking man deed.

Ms. P calls her husband and relays to him we have done the deed. He asks her if we unhooked the cables. I told her you should have told him, "No, that's their leash, the whole clan need to be on a leash."

Even Ms. P's daughter and May told us they were proud of us. We had a big, 6 female, jumpy, girly group hug put our hands in the center and "Go Ladies" on three...1, 2, 3...GO LADIES!

I smiled myself to sleep last night cause I rocked my own world for a change.

I love hanging out on Monday's with Ms. P. It makes me feel strong and mighty in every way.

I dedicate this song to you Ms. P. We "passed the test and finished the quest!"
Hope you have an awesome Tuesday!!!!!

good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does........

This past weekend me and the fam went to Atlanta to visit my mom.

D hasn't been to "The A-T-L" really since my dad passed away, so it was good for him to come with us in about 100 ways.

Saturday my sister and I went to the Southeastern Homeschool Expo. I had a cool time wandering around checking out all the different options available to homeschoolers as far as curriculum goes.

I spoke with this gal who makes her own soap a pretty good bit. Actually so much that my sister made fun of me, but dang she was interesting to me. She actually shared her testimony with me and encouraged me greatly by sharing with me about "losing yourself" while homeschooling.

She has 9 CHILDREN! 6 have graduated and are what I would consider to be successful adults. Their jobs range from PA's, nurses, & teachers to helping her with her business on the side. Her remaining children are in high school and she MANAGES TO RUN A FREAKING BUSINESS still. I am amazed by what abilities God has placed in women to succeed. God gives them the drive, they taste a little bit of the power, then the women speed off into the sunset. It's beautiful and intoxicating to me.

These types of stories make me feel like the dreams I have are possible even if I do them just a little bit at a time. The persistence will prove tangible if only I choose to access the power and speed off........which, of course, we all know.....speeding is my thing, apparently.......I'm just not.........well.....that focused, I reckon.

Plus my sister and my mom were totally my heroes this weekend. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. I just needed mine. My mom filled a huge gaping hole that had been dug out. She shoveled heaps of love, hugs that sustain, and understanding without judgement.

My sister is an invaluable soul that God knew I would one day need to stay level headed and real. She is one of the most awesome people I know in positivity and encouragement to do the right things and most importantly...in the name of Christ. I love that she listened and didn't spout off nonsense to me that wasn't real. I love that she can see outside what I cannot when I need her to see it for me. I love that she is deeply in praise when I am and it is genuine.

I saw my mom and my sister walking down the sidewalk after church holding hands, on the way to the restaurant. In my mind they were the only ones on the street I could see. God shined on them brighter and all of the surroundings faded out. I could hear no sound except my mind spewing forth praise to the Lord for those two women.

We all went to Buckhead Church with my sister and her family. Andy Stanley wasn't there this past Sunday but this guy named Sean Seay was the guest preacher. He is the preacher at Athens Church in Athens, GA. His sermon was focused mainly on men. I am 100% convinced we were supposed to hear this man preach this particular Sunday.

The most important thing I learned was that if my husband feels like he is my "superhero," then he feels like he can conquer the world and will try to do it for Christ, for me and for his family.

This was not solely the message and I learned a few more things. This though, is the thing that stung enough to make me really squirm. The message was based on Joshua 24:11 - 14.

It's a fantastic message for men and certainly well worth the listen for women. You won't feel the time has been wasted at all, trust me.

Listen to the message here: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages

It's titled The Man I Want to Be

While in Atlanta this was certainly a highlight, but so was game night when the girls finally beat the boys at Catch Phrase......cause we so owed them from the last time we played.

Cole to Nana - Are you gonna let Daddy drive your car to get a paper?

Nana - No, he's taking your car, but if he wanted to take it I would let him.

Cole - Oh good, cause he doesn't run over animals like Mom does. (Nana thinks this is very funny)

........Grilled hot dogs, brownies & milk on the porch while my most humble and outstanding brother-in-law told us about his mission trip to Venezuela, bowling, and topping it off with a Mad Men episode before bed Sunday evening.....put an extraordinary weekend to an end.

I love my family.

I swear I do.

Hey! Somebody kicked over my ant hill!!.............

Dear Blog,

I am tired of settling, it's exhausting. The choice for one to settle is their own. That's why so many folks have dreams that never come to fruition.....because they settle. I have recently determined myself to not settle. I deserve better than that in the name of Christ. He didn't ask me to live half baked.

He told me to look at the ants and how diligently they work and stay focused.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.” (Prov. 6:6, RSV)

You know how when you flip up a rock or a piece of wood, or just flat kick an ant hill, they all run about? Disruption in their work = chaos....within just a few minutes though they get right back at the task of life rebuilding. Kick an ant hill, in an hour it's looking pretty close to what it looked like before....... because of rebuilding.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. . . . She prepares her food in summer, and gathers her sustenance in harvest” (Prov. 6:6, 8).

“The ants are a people not strong, yet they provide their food in the summer. . . .” (Prov. 30:25).

They do things in steps, not all at once.

While these verses speak about being lazy and procrastination, they also speak to me about rebuilding when my spiritual walk has been kicked about and scattered, disrupted. I guess I need to take a look at the ants and their diligence in getting back on track.

The ants get severely agitated at the invade of their abode and even bite sometimes when they have been messed with. The agitator quickly runs away.

.....I have so been there lately. Severely agitated at letting the temple of my soul become invaded by the distractions of the world and the thing I call church, that I have "bitten" people and even "bitten" myself. I have infected myself with my own poison trying to control things that God normally handles for me.

So I am going to start the rebuilding of my spiritual life. One piece of sand at a time, just like the ants.

More prayer time.

Better study quality.

Accessing God's grace for my iniquities and for others I need to forgive.

Not holding myself accountable for others actions, but holding steadfast to the knowledge that I don't need to chill out..... but I need to buckle down and hold fast.

Allowing myself to hear Gods guidance and not feeling guilty if it isn't the popular choice.

Having had my hill kicked over is not a normal feeling for me. Running about in desperation trying to put my spiritual house back together on my own isn't something I have done in a very long time. I can honestly say, trying to do it on my own has really sucked. I am done with that now. I won't allow myself to feel false guilt anymore. It's destroying my real ability to access the God who built my house to begin with.

While some may feel the need to run around doing whatever they please...... having their course set before them but choosing their own path as better.......accessing no guidance for fear they may have to really work...... loving the life of chaos instead the one that heaps direction and blessing...........

.......I don't feel that need to participate anymore....and I won't. It doesn't bring me joy and I don't feel the love of the Lord. I cannot live without feeling the love of the Lord, It's like my breath to stay alive.

I choose not to settle and suffocate....but to separate and be loved fully and completely for obedience to the God who has NEVER failed me.

When I have turned my back, to walk my way, He grabbed my arm sternly and said. "No! Your path is this narrow one here, get back on it."

As soon as I determined myself to do the hard thing and be face to face with my savior....I felt hope & purpose. My ability to suck in some grace became instantly easier.

I know the one who strokes my weaknesses is furious, discouraged by my choice, and will eventually turn and run away....

Hope and purpose are my first two pieces of sand......

I am like..........great.

One time I said to myself...."Self, there are 24 hours in a day, you shouldn't waste them."

I made it a point that whole summer to fill my time with things that were productive. I tried not to do anything that would not accomplish some significant accomplishment in my home. That summer went by so quickly I can barely remember it. What I remember about that summer was that I tried to fill my time and did so....well, too well.

Now here I am with stuff running my life and filling my time for me. As if time owns me instead of me owning my time. Productive stuff has to be done.....ALL THE DANG TIME. I just want to waste some time and don't have any to waste.

So D has taken Z and scooted off to the beach for a bit to spend some time with his mom and dad. So I have no plans to cook anything significant while he is gone. I am just going on a wing and prayer that the rest of my kids get proper nourishment while they are away.

Okay so here's something you missed......

Puppies.

One of my neighbors saw them hiding under a bush when they drove by and gave me a call. I called this gal who does some work for animal shelters or something and asked her what she thought I should do. She tells me that her husband is fixing dinner and that if I can catch them she'll come and pick them up after dinner.

The puppies are very skittish and I am doubtful I can catch them but I tell her I'll try and call her back.

I take Z and May with me for help and we do in fact manage to catch them, by way of dog food kibble for bait...they are starving. You can't see in these photos but the smallest one is so weak he can barely walk.

I put the puppies on my porch cause they are FULL of fleas and have a minimum of 5 ticks or more in each ear of each puppy, not to mention the ticks elsewhere on their bodies, some as big as snails. It really is pitiful.

I call the gal and tell her we have the puppies. She then informs me her husband will kill her if she brings one more dog home and she can't come and get them.

I am like..........great.

Now I have to figure out how to explain flea and tick puppies to D who is not keen on pets anyway. He like's Jenny and that's about it.

He gets a bit stupid on me in front of some neighbors, which I didn't appreciate. But I put it behind me cause really the little puppies are pitiful and they didn't ask to be born and dropped off in some neighborhood.

So now I have 3 sets of neighbors in my driveway plus our family. Sarah's husband pulls all of the ticks off of all the puppies, he's immediately my hero. We determine ourselves to bathe them. I bathe one, May & Z bathe one, D bathes one....then we rinse and Matthew (Sarah's hubby) re-bathes one, I re-bathe one, and May and & Z re-bathe one aaaannnd repeat one more time. They look so cute, so fresh and clean.

So now it's dark and everyone leaves. Puppies are fresh and clean going to a shelter as soon as I can find one that's open. I put them in the largest rubber maid container I own and leave them in the garage for the night.

I have to be up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning which is a Sunday. Z has an unexpected soccer tournament game at 8:00am and it'll take us a bit to get to this particular field.

I couldn't sleep at all that night knowing they were in the garage. I finally got up at 3:15 am to let them all go to the bathroom. I took them one at a time cause they liked to hide under stuff and catching all three might prove a challenge. So I take the one that can't walk good first, the other two start whining. The one female manages to jump out of the container and crap all over the garage numerous times while I am laying on my belly trying to get the little one out from under a bush...........at 3:30 am. I have to repeat this same scene three times and actually have to slither under my car at three different angles to catch one cause he moves to the other side when I almost get to him. I was all....really?!

By 4:15 am they are all back in the container and resettled. I have to get in the shower at 5:30 so I can leave by 6:30 so I can be at the field by 7:30.

So I don't go back to bed.

When I get home by 10:00 am I fix a meal for one of my favorite gals who has been in a terrible car accident and plan to get it to the church by the time church lets out. From there....... take the puppies to the Taj Mahal of puppy shelters in Knoxville.

In that cooking time Matthew & Sarah have grown attached to the one female and decide to keep her. Her name is Maeve (sounds like Mave). She is super cute and she's a really lucky dog to have great owners.

So May and I take Frick & Frack on to the shelter after I drop off the food.

I totally shed some tears when I had to hand the puppies over. The one that couldn't walk good ....I wanted to keep him.

I am never picking up stray dogs again.

Irresponsible pet owners make me SICK!

It's not that hard not to have a pet if you can't take care of one.

....more to come, I promise.

O is for Oreo's that are delicious to eat!!!........

I mean, I hate to be part of the "I told you so" crowd......but...

I freaking told you so!

The allergy gal called this morning and said Sky did test positive for dairy allergy.....

I hate to be this way, but I swear sometimes people make out like you are crazy when you just know something about your child is not right. Regardless of what the blood would have shown, I would have left her off the dairy.

This weekend was the best weekend she has had in a month. She has been off the dairy now 2 weeks and the difference in her is night and day. The coughing is minimal and virtually no gagging....maybe once or twice a day some small gags but all in all I am very, very pleased at how well she is doing.

She and I are ready to bury the Coach throw up bucket deep under the ground.

D had me look up the "Ezekiel 4:9" bread ingredients that caused her to throw up so hard last week or so...........low and behold the ingredients so closely mimic the protein during digestion of "milk, eggs, & whey" that they had caused her to vomit hard. I had thought it was the nuts/seeds in the bread or something, but that wasn't it at all, it was the proteins the bread makes during digestion mimicking milk proteins. I feel so relieved to just know some things for sure in my mind.

Now I really do have a plan that is based on something real and not just me floundering around making a bunch of guesses.

It isn't that I trust some doctor to know my child and make decisions for me...its just knowing that I am not overreacting and getting all nutted up.

Just want to give a shout out to Dr. John Fox (my favorite chiropractor) and his wife Shay for being such great friends to D and I even when we are so far away. Thank you John, for letting me go off on my tangent then giving me solid encouraging advice. Thank you for reminding me of the things I needed to thank God for when I was neglecting them. Thank you Shay for letting me be a crazy mom and encouraging all my mommy eccentricities...for encouraging me to be diligent about my own child's health and not be intimidated. Oh yeah, and for sending me countless delicious food pics that make Sky feel normal.........like Oreos ;oD

Amy & "Greg" miss you so much.....please move to TN, we need you here more than they need you there!!!!!!!!!

I slapped him with my long, thick piece, of wet beef jerky........

Now where was I.......Wally World & Lucy from Losertown.....

May finds two bathing suits, bikini's. She wants them, they look cute on her. I vowed I'd never let her have one & her daddy would die twice before she wore one while he was kickin around.

....we bought them both.

Hoping her dad would let her keep them.....albeit her oldest brother on the other hand....having a fit.

Z- I don't know why you are letting her buy one of those, much less two of them. Dad is not going to let her keep those. May, you never even wear bikini's.....

M- I always have one every summer...

A- Well, you have a two piece, not a bikini....there is a difference.

Z- You don't even have a curves to fill it out for petes sake!

A- Well yes she does or the thing wouldn't fit. She is getting older despite your resistance to realize she is a teenage girl who doesn't always want to play trampoline baseball with you all the time.

Z- She can get a 2 piece without getting a bikini....May, when you swim that top is not going to be comfortable.

M- Yes it is Zac! Besides I am not planning on wearing these to Logan's to chicken fight anyway...

A- Good thing! If we get these you can wear them on the boat and at the lake with us to get a nice tan. When we go to a friends pool, it'll be best for you to wear something you can rough house in that doesn't scream, "flesh!"

M- I know.....

Z-GOSH!! I am so over shopping for bikini's, bra's and girls panties...when I get home I am going over to King Davids to sit on the porch with the men!

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On the way home Z is fully exhausted from a half night of sleep at the camp out, weed eating, shopping for girly products while entertaining Cole so I can attend to the girls....and he can't find any good music on the radio and now Sky is going off with her steroid hyped tirade as if she has tourettes or something....Z is seeking quiet and sleep, he ain't gettin it.

May is in the back seat inserting the words "Applebees, Applebees" to the song "Immo be, Immo be" by the Blackeyed Peas. We aren't listening to that on the radio cause it's foul and Z has just changed the station......now some guy is singing "nut, nut, nut nuttin on you babe....nut, nuttin on you"....May changes it to "puke, puke, puke, puke-in on you Mom.... puke, puke-in on you"

Z- Everybody in the car who wants May to shut up say "I."

A, S, Z & CB (who suddenly wakes up from playing possum cause it's his new fun thing to do) - "I"

M- Why am I always the one who gets voted to shut up unanimously? (She doesn't shut up)

Z cuts the radio off & lays the seat back a bit....Sky's white trash dirty toes are in his hair.

That's it! He's done! Z blows up, goes off on Sky, and the words are tired and on the verge of being regrettable....so I stop him.

I slap him in the arm with my long, thick piece, of wet beef jerky.

Z- Mom! Really?? Did you just totally hit me with your wet meaty treat??

A- Yes. Stop talking so ugly, you are going to regret what you say cause you are tired. How did you know it was wet?

Z- Well let me see....my arm and my face are damp, gross, for petes sake.

......................................................................

So we're home now. Groceries have to be put up, do some more laundry, give kids medicine, get teeth brushed, get'em tucked in, do some dishes, take the dog out, put some stuff in the attic, put some stuff away in my bathroom........

Stop! Hear this!

In my bathroom, candles are around the tub and the lights are low. D has put a bath bomb that he has found somewhere in this house into bathwater that he has ran for me. The hot water has run out from kids showers, so he is hustling back and forth putting like 7 or 8 pots of super heated to boiling water in the tub for me.....so it will be hot when I get in, cause I like HOT HOT HOT baths.

I am immediately grateful. This tells me he knows I am tired and weary and he is showing me mercy. He sees I am pleased and he is pleased with himself.

I have a hard time accepting gifts. But I thought of a conversation my sister and I had about me just saying "Thank you," and enjoying the gift.

So that is what I did, gave him a kiss and said Thank you.

I climbed into the tub, he pulled the door semi shut and turns on some Norah Jones, ready to leave me to myself for some peace and quiet. Before that though, he brings me two cucumber pads from the fridge to put onto my eyes while I rest in the tub.

Derrick was my hero, as always these days......saving me from myself.

Mom, did you pee in yer Dolly Diapers?......

I think I am going to post this in my kitchen.

So we had been planning a trip to Dollywood for some time. I was so completely stressed out I had said to D, "We aren't going." Then had a nervous breakdown on the back porch and cried my eyes out with the ugly cry, for like 7 or 8 minutes, till I felt better and D started to laugh at me for being so crazy and losing it.

Then he relayed to me, over the phone that we were going. We all needed to get out of the house and get out of town. He had this brilliant plan to put Sky some giant Ziplocs in our non see through snack bag. If she threw up we'd seal it up and toss it. No need to bring her Coach vomit bucket.

We have been chasing the rabbit she may have a food allergy. So we have cut out all dairy, which by the way is in everything it seems. Yesterday at Dollywood she DID NOT throw up one time. She had some coughing, she held it, breathed a little, took a time out, and everything was furry bunnies and rainbows.

Yesterday was the first day she has not thrown up a minimum of three times since the 31st of March. We were all elated for her. Having fun was necessary yesterday. It has done a world of good for my sanity this morning all ready.

..................................................

Conversation in the car on the way home....

A- I swear, this is no joke, I need to wear some depends next time I go to Dollywood cause every time somebody bumped me or a ride jolted me, I came so close to peeing on my self that the ride wasn't fun. I had to concentrate on not peeing in my pants. I swear I am going to have to wear those next time.

A-(cont'd) Of course with my luck, I would ride a water ride and be wearing white shorts and everyone would see my diaper.....(insert snotty teen voice)"Hey look! You can see that woman's diaper(insert point and laugh)...I guess I could say......"This isn't my diaper it's my swimmy."

.....then this spews forth.....

M- Yeah, we could call them Dolly Diapers, with Dolly's face on the front and when you pee in them her face disappears.......(in a moms noticing stuff voice)"Moooooom, did you pee in your Dolly diaper?...I don't see Dolly's face....."

D- I think I am gonna get Dolly's face tattooed on my back and my butt cheeks can be her breast, cause it's saggin too.

....................................................


You might be a redneck, if you wash yer butt in the Dollywood sprinkler park...


....the element of surprise hits him.....


...fight or flight kicks in.....


it's flight.......for sure....


D, being D.....asking me to marry him again.

Me with my pants trying to come off my body from the sheer weight of their wetness, from riding the wet ride almost as soon as we got there.



CB was just 2cm too short, I swear, of riding rides that were not completely stupid. Like the ducks that go around in a circle and that's it... and the idiot pigs that go around in a circle and that's it.

In the movie with the chairs that move around acccording to the movie, so one gets the full effect....he was to short, 2cm. He and I had to sit on some IDIOT bleachers to watch the film, while the others rode the chairs.

When the movie was over, CB says, "That was not fun....." and he was right... it wasn't fun.

While the bigger kids road some other things I took him to ride the ducks, reluctantly he rode them. Each time he went around, I got this...

1st round - no smile, mad look
2nd round - I hate these stupid ducks...(other parents laugh, cause he LOOKS like he hates "these stupid ducks"
3rd round - This is NOT fun, Mom.
4th round - mad face
5th and last round - I'm not riding the pigs. (other parents snicker...again)

CB is tall enough however, to ride the Scrambler with me and May. He loves it!! When the ride is over I say to him, "This was way better than the stupid ducks huh? (I make the thumbs down sign) Down with the ducks!

CB-(with the thumbs down sign) Yeah!....and the pigs too!



He did like the flying elephants and the kiddie roller coaster though.




Tea cups, because she hasn't thrown up enough.......






So dizzy she falls stumbles to ground.


I wasn't to keen on Sky going on the Tea Cups with D. Guys in general have the tendency to over do the spin on the Tea Cups. Sky wanted to ride them though and no one else did. She did ask for him to go faster and he did. I just tried not to think of throw up and hope for a good time.

It happened, nothing but a good time.

May driving me in the cars.....pretending to talk on the phone and wrap her arm around me like I was her date. She's a nut.







...some random flower pics from one of King David's trees. He calls it a Japanese Magnolia. Cornelia and I believe it to be a Tulip Tree. Who cares, it was beautiful in bloom this year.

Today I am thankful for my husband....again....who knows me well enough to not let me hang up on him in agitation of life, let's me cry my fool head off in despair & exhaustion, then laughs at me and presents me with a plan that is real & seems accomplishable.....all in one phone call.

Thank you Lord, for answering my specifics when I was praying for a husband.

Amen.

S is for accepting me for trying.........

I am on day 6 or 7 without a night of uninterrupted sleep.

It started last Tuesday night with Cole peeing in the bed at 2:30AM...remember?

Since then Sky has been having Gag Fest 2010. The days had gotten worse so I took her to the doc, who told me, "He didn't really know what was wrong with her." The doc gave her a Z-pac(sp?)antibiotic, for no reason apparently...just to keep it from turning into something else.

That was on a Friday.

Tuesday I took her back in worse than on Friday, with her pink Easter bucket in tow. It's her gagging to the point of throwing up bucket. We have had it for 2 or 3 years now. Caesar's wife, Cornelia, gave Sky a shiny new one this year, full of wonderful goodies. We'll save Cornelia's bucket for carrying good things.

The nurse was all, "Would you like to have a bag instead?"

A- No, this bucket is well christened, and besides we don't throw up in in any old bag you know? We throw up in our COACH stylin Easter bucket.

This Easter bucket is Sky's personal throw up bucket. It has its own place in her bathroom.

So they checked her for pneumonia, she's good. The doc sends her home and ups her steroids for a couple days and relays when she gets off the antibiotic and so forth we can check her sed rate again for more inflammation and go from there. Bring her back Monday so he can look at her.

Cole drank out of Sky's water bottle, he's getting sick.

Yesterday afternoon, the tree cutters cut a tree down onto the power lines..... power goes off, no one gets in or out of the abyss down here....and its hot in the house.....cough, cough, cough, gag, gag, gag....COLE PEE'S THROUGH HIS NIGHT TIME DIAPO @ 3:00AM just after getting settled back into bed after a gag-a-paloosa with Sky!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH, pull my hair out strand by strand with tweezers to finish off my torture!

My attitude is on the hairy edge of razor sharp sarcasm. D told me on the phone last night, as I relayed to him he could not get in to the house because of the down tree and power lines, that I have had a bad attitude for three weeks...something like this, "It's like you drank a glass of piss and vinegar and just can't put it down."

I couldn't argue with him, cause I know it's true. I am so tired, from not sleeping and going all day, that I have to try really, REALLY hard to be nice. I am doing okay most of the day, but the bad attitude slips out if just one little crack in the door opens while I am speaking with someone.

Here is a good thing though. Because the power was out, Sarah came a knockin to waste some time with me and bring me some clothes from LJ's Boutique (her son's hand me downs, for which I am very grateful). So I was able to unload my bad attitude on her without judgement and say some things that should have been left unsaid out loud and let go of them. I know I should confess those things to the Lord, as I know a bad attitude is passed on just like a smile is.

I have confessed them to Him.

.........but Sarah...... she lets me be me without holding it against me. I can really appreciate that.

I know, that Sarah knows, I am stronger in Christ, than a moment of bad attitude. She knows I will put my "glass of piss and vinegar" down, in fact pour it down the drain, if I can just ask her to share it with me first.

Sometimes she'll drink it with me. Sometimes she'll take it from me and pour it down the drain herself before I contaminate her.

Thank you Lord for sending me Sarah who doesn't judge me for a moment, but as a whole, accepts me for trying hard.

I do not not like blue eggs and ham...........

Let me see.....

Last Thursday night the angles opened up the flood gates of heaven and it rained like mad. Frogs and worms galore running for higher ground or something.

Friday morning when I go out to get the paper the sun is out but it's cool & windy. There are hundreds of worms all over my driveway and the road. Some trying to get back to the wet soil and some squashed from being ran over by going to work traffic.

In the spirit of The Starfish Story, I threw a few back into the grass to save them. The Starfish Story, by Loren Eisley...... you know?

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out.

If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles

and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one.”

I brought the Friday paper into the house and announced there were hundreds of worms dying on the driveway and on the front road...."Who wants to help me save some worms?!"

(cricket, cricket.....cricket, cricket ......stomp, stomp, stomp)

"I do MOM, wait for me!!!!!" says Cole.

Cole has on his pajamas, a coat and too big bedroom slippers, I have on my pajamas, a jacket and a do-rag on my afro. We are armed with a pair of dull tweezers and science prongs. On our mission to save the wormy world, we are out the door.

CB & I saved 231 worms Friday morning. It's a good thing too cause the birds were plentiful in scraping all the dried up dead one off the roads. One might say the worms were manna from heaven for starving birds, but just so you know that isn't true cause the birds in my yard have been well fed this winter.

So we are wormy heroes. Cole has a cape and wormy red squiggler dance to prove it.

Saturday morning Cole got up and said to me, "Hey Mom, I think we need to go and save some worms!" He had his purple Bible man cape on and his too big bedroom shoes.

...................................................

Speaking of missions....I have been on a mission to make sure my people are generally more healthy. Turns out D had some months to get on a diet and lose some weight or he was gonna get type 2 diabetes.

He didn't do it. Now he has type 2 diabetes.

He didn't believe himself to be a "real diabetic" cause he didn't have to give himself shots. BUT diabetes is diabetes is diabetes....

Anyhoo, I have been on a perpetual diet since I have given birth to my first child. So I had been on him about what to eat and this and that. He didn't really care to listen to me, cause if I am such a diet guru why aren't I loosing weight??

Well, lets see.... I am getting older too. No matter how healthy I eat, if I don't exercise I ain't loosing it. That is how my body works. I can maintain, but I ain't loosing no weight lest I exercise, so.... next....

He had an appt with a nutritionist and he was going to do whatever they said. So I was to go with him cause I guess they figure the spouse will ride their butts & make them stick to the diet. She told him everything I had told him basically, oh and by the way, stick yourself two times a day. I had put him on a pretty healthy balanced diet before the for the appt. By the time he got the stick yourself kit and nutrition info, he'd lost 10 pounds already and his blood sugar was GREAT! I am super proud of him for sticking(no pun intended) to this and being fully committed to being aware of what he puts in his body.

So D is about settled in to what his new food life looks like. Prior to D's rude awakening though, I had been trying to get my kids to eat more balanced. It was going okay with subtle changes and still is, but I added a multivitamin made for teens to May and Z's morning.

The thing is, Z's One a Day is freaking BLUE dye#123456789. When you are trying to be dang healthy....why blue dye that your body can't process?? um...stupid.....

So Z tries it after he eats, he throws up....before bed, he throws up.....empty stomach, throws up...

He wants to take a multivitamin badly, but they are making him sick. I told Z, "Do NOT take that vitamin anymore it is not good for you apparently, you have tried it 3 times and you haven't been able to keep it down." So he quit.

Little known to me though he attempted to take it 30 minutes after a meal again and he did just fine with it. Z relays this to me. So he takes the vitamin for a couple weeks 30 minutes or so after his breakfast meal and seems cool.

But dang Friday, he ate 3 eggs and bacon and randomly some beef jerky & took the vitamin to soon.

Cole - Mom! Zac's throwing up in your sink!

I go into the bathroom. Z is hangin over my sink. Mind you the toilet is 2 STEPS, that is 1 1/2.... 12 X 12 tile lengths in side steps to his left.... is my toilet. He is hanging over my sink....with partially digested blue eggs and bacon backing up my sink. DISGUSTING!!!

A - SON! Why are you in my sink with your partially digested blue food?? The toilet is 2 dag gone steps on your left.....You couldn't go just 2 more steps and hit my toilet where the partially digested blue eggs & bacon could just be flushed??

Z- Oh Man! That was the delicious beef jerky too....DANG!

A- DO NOT take those vitamins any more, I am throwing them in the trash right now. I am not cleaning this up(which I know is a somewhat lie).

Z- MAN!! That was all of the beef jerky too, what a waste.....(clearly not phased by the mess, but distraught by the loss of the meat)

A- Zac clean this up, right now......clean it up well and with comet.

..leaving the bathroom I hear this...........

Z-....."I do not not like blue eggs and ham, I do not like them Zac I am...."