Monday, April 19, 2010

I slapped him with my long, thick piece, of wet beef jerky........

Now where was I.......Wally World & Lucy from Losertown.....

May finds two bathing suits, bikini's. She wants them, they look cute on her. I vowed I'd never let her have one & her daddy would die twice before she wore one while he was kickin around.

....we bought them both.

Hoping her dad would let her keep them.....albeit her oldest brother on the other hand....having a fit.

Z- I don't know why you are letting her buy one of those, much less two of them. Dad is not going to let her keep those. May, you never even wear bikini's.....

M- I always have one every summer...

A- Well, you have a two piece, not a bikini....there is a difference.

Z- You don't even have a curves to fill it out for petes sake!

A- Well yes she does or the thing wouldn't fit. She is getting older despite your resistance to realize she is a teenage girl who doesn't always want to play trampoline baseball with you all the time.

Z- She can get a 2 piece without getting a bikini....May, when you swim that top is not going to be comfortable.

M- Yes it is Zac! Besides I am not planning on wearing these to Logan's to chicken fight anyway...

A- Good thing! If we get these you can wear them on the boat and at the lake with us to get a nice tan. When we go to a friends pool, it'll be best for you to wear something you can rough house in that doesn't scream, "flesh!"

M- I know.....

Z-GOSH!! I am so over shopping for bikini's, bra's and girls panties...when I get home I am going over to King Davids to sit on the porch with the men!


On the way home Z is fully exhausted from a half night of sleep at the camp out, weed eating, shopping for girly products while entertaining Cole so I can attend to the girls....and he can't find any good music on the radio and now Sky is going off with her steroid hyped tirade as if she has tourettes or something....Z is seeking quiet and sleep, he ain't gettin it.

May is in the back seat inserting the words "Applebees, Applebees" to the song "Immo be, Immo be" by the Blackeyed Peas. We aren't listening to that on the radio cause it's foul and Z has just changed the some guy is singing "nut, nut, nut nuttin on you babe....nut, nuttin on you"....May changes it to "puke, puke, puke, puke-in on you Mom.... puke, puke-in on you"

Z- Everybody in the car who wants May to shut up say "I."

A, S, Z & CB (who suddenly wakes up from playing possum cause it's his new fun thing to do) - "I"

M- Why am I always the one who gets voted to shut up unanimously? (She doesn't shut up)

Z cuts the radio off & lays the seat back a bit....Sky's white trash dirty toes are in his hair.
That's it! He's done! Z blows up, goes off on Sky, and the words are tired and on the verge of being I stop him.

I slap him in the arm with my long, thick piece, of wet beef jerky.

Z- Mom! Really?? Did you just totally hit me with your wet meaty treat??

A- Yes. Stop talking so ugly, you are going to regret what you say cause you are tired. How did you know it was wet?

Z- Well let me arm and my face are damp, gross, for petes sake.


So we're home now. Groceries have to be put up, do some more laundry, give kids medicine, get teeth brushed, get'em tucked in, do some dishes, take the dog out, put some stuff in the attic, put some stuff away in my bathroom........

Stop! Hear this!

In my bathroom, candles are around the tub and the lights are low. D has put a bath bomb that he has found somewhere in this house into bathwater that he has ran for me. The hot water has run out from kids showers, so he is hustling back and forth putting like 7 or 8 pots of super heated to boiling water in the tub for it will be hot when I get in, cause I like HOT HOT HOT baths.

I am immediately grateful. This tells me he knows I am tired and weary and he is showing me mercy. He sees I am pleased and he is pleased with himself.

I have a hard time accepting gifts. But I thought of a conversation my sister and I had about me just saying "Thank you," and enjoying the gift.

So that is what I did, gave him a kiss and said Thank you.

I climbed into the tub, he pulled the door semi shut and turns on some Norah Jones, ready to leave me to myself for some peace and quiet. Before that though, he brings me two cucumber pads from the fridge to put onto my eyes while I rest in the tub.

Derrick was my hero, as always these days......saving me from myself.

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