Oh, she said she wants the soup." ..............

Maysie went with Sky and me to the allergy doctor. She was amazed at all the food they prick test for.

M- Wow, they have everything on here including star fruit...

A- Wow, star fruit?

M- No, just kiddin.

M- (like ordering in a restaurant in a snotty valley girl teen voice) Um yeah, can I have a grilled chicken sandwich, and can you totally tell me if it has star fruit in it?.... I am allergic to star fruit. So can you just totally put the star fruit sauce on the side....duh..

A- (I laugh cause she is so dang funny at the right times like her dad. Her hillbilly voice overs and valley girl voice overs are spot on. She makes me smile. )

..........................................................

Cause I haven't been sleeping good my jaw has been killing me and my tongue has this horrible metal taste that I cannot brush off with my tooth brush.

So I jokingly say to Zac in the car on the way to the soccer game..

A- I probably have mouth cancer or tongue cancer or something cause my bad attitude is making me say ugly things, I probably need my tongue cut off....(it's harsh I know, but I was joking)

Z is mortified by the thought, which I did not expect. He says, "Mom, promise me you will make a dentist or doctors appointment, I don't want you to die."

A- Z I was just kidding.

Z- Yeah, well promise anyway.....

A- I will, just let me get through with the Sky stuff first.

Z- (he is really serious) No, promise me......I can not have a mom with no tongue....that is really disturbing.

...........................................................

So I am telling May about this conversation when we get home last night cause it struck me as funny he was concerned that he would have a mom with no tongue....for real.

(May stayed home last night with Vomit Mary & CB, cause it was cool when the sun went down.)

May- (pretending to be me with no tongue)

"blath thall soooooth hof thall thall whuuuh"

( pretending to be a waiter)

"What did she say"

(Now herself)

"Oh, she said she wants the soup." (insert big friendly smile)

My butt fell out cause that was just so stinkin funny to me.

I tell you there is something wrong with us that kind of humor is just sick.

to be lucky or not to be lucky, that is the question...........

I was bending down......


to look at a snake in our driveway that we ran over with the car on purpose some days ago and it was still there cause I forgot all about it till D told me he thought it was a copper head......

so I thought I should actually look at it.....

and my pants split in the crotch all the way up to my belt loop.....

The dumb pants were not even tight cause I lost some weight (PRAISE GOD) I think they had just been washed too many times cause I refuse to buy clothes till I lose some dang weight.

I was going on the premise that God made sure the sandals didn't wear out while the Hebrews were wandering in the wilderness for 40 years........

probably didn't work cause I'm not Hebrew or something......

..........................................................

This summer May and I found 17 four leaf clovers. Maysie actually found 2 five leaf clovers which is crazy wild to me.

I've never found a five leaf clover.

...in the picture above are clovers we found in once day! We found them in the same patch, cause you know, 4 leaf clovers are a mutation......so if you find one in a patch, chances are if you keep looking you'll find a bunch more around it. I have to say this cause it's tradition. I always tell May the reason we find so many in a patch is because "it's a mutation," to which she responds, "you ALWAYS SAY THAT! I already know it."

So I have to say it now, cause it's tradition.....
........................................................

So I got a ticket in Oak Ridge last month on my way home from taking CB to get his almost knocked out tooth fixed. The idiotic camera's mounted on the red light things snapped off a picture of my car clear as a bell in two different positions, both showing my license plate clearly.

Both photographs clearly displayed my "Hard Core Jesus Freak" Harley Davidson style window decal too. They clocked me going 46 in a 35. SO STUPID they have this 4 lane in Oak Ridge that I could walk faster in than people drive. When I am driving up there I feel like I might grow a ZZ Top beard and die before I get to the dentist or pediatricians office.

So my $10 co-pay office visit now cost me $60. I am absolutely going to switch my dentists and pediatrician office to someone closer to us and that won't cause me to have undue stress and anxiety about getting a ticket for going a decent speed on a 4 lane. I read in the paper that those cameras have caught THOUSANDS of folks going higher than 35 and each has paid a minimum fine of $50. You can do the math.......somebody is not havin a cash flow problem.

You know.....about two years ago, now that I think about it I got a ticket in Oak Ridge on that same road going 55 in a 45. Right where the road starts to turn into a decent speed leaving Oak Ridge not right in town, I got pulled over I swear right in front of a 55 mile an hour sign, for doing 55 in a 45. I could have spit on the sign if I was so inclined because I was that close. It was clear idiocy to me and I hate to say it but my kids were making fun of the police officer cause he had a big fat belly with a waaaaaay too tight belt. That looked like it would pop off at a high speed and kill you if he ate just oooonnnne more donut. When he sat down he had to have been uncomfortable.

anyway......so I told D when they looked at my picture with that Jesus Freak decal on the window, I bet they said, "Hey Jesus Freak! Put the petal to the metal on this!"

...........................................................

CB told me today he wanted a "horsey kiss."............Hershey Kiss


I put a new train clock in CB's room. He asks me every night what time it is. I told him, "It says 10 o'clock, it's way past your bedtime."

He tells me, "No it isn't 10 o'clock, it's a-train-o'clock, now what time does it say?"

...........................................................


Why is it green freezy pops always make you cough???

I hate lime stuff, but I hide the green freezy pops cause they are delicious to me, but I swear every time I eat one it tickles my throat and makes me cough, it's the strangest thing.

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect........

Where to begin......

hhhmmm........

So Caesar sees me one night after work and says to me something along the lines of since I'm a liar, had a told a lie that day?.....

It just so happened I had. That particular morning Cole wanted ice cream for breakfast and I told him he could have it, except that the ice cream was really yogurt with sprinkles.

I don't care what I feed the kid as long as I put sprinkles on it he'll eat it, oh yeah, or ketchup. Cole eats everything with ketchup, you name it, if I put ketchup or sprinkles on it he'll eat it.

I put sprinkles on green beans, oatmeal, pizza, macaroni, cheese toast, waffles, hamburger without the bun, I once even put sprinkles on a chicken leg to get him to try it....now he loves chicken legs.

I put them on top of and inside of quesodillas.

It's Cinco de Mayo party chicken & quesodillas! ARRRRRRIBA!

We had to sing La Bamba for random effect but by golly Cole bear ate the quesodillas. I'm here to tell you if it weren't for quesodillas, oatmeal, chips, and choclate milk.....Cole would die of starvation.

Here's another lie I told repeatedly Saturday or something.....

All day long when CB asked me if he could have anything and everything that was commercialized on TV, I said "yes." So he would be quiet. All the time people are saying you should say "yes" to your child more than you say "no."


I'm just going along with the "in parenting" crowd.....the "just say yes" crowd instead of the "just say no." As long as I tell him he can have it, he moves along to the next thing on his little brains agenda and forgets all about it.

To be perfectly honest the kid could care less about toys at Walmart or where ever as long as he gets a .25 toy from the gumball machine on the way out of Kroger. If he is good and doesn't act like a moron while I am shopping, I am happy to obliged the little fella with a .25 ball that will bounce all over my house and get lost promptly. It's all good.

I told a lie this morning to D......

Repeatedly I told him CB had a dental appointment at 9:30 this morning. I told him all weekend cause I was dreading it. I told him last night in late night bed talk before he laid still for 2 seconds flat and drifted off effortlessly. I swear if I shut up for 5 seconds, just 5, he's gone......I'm so jealous that he can do that.

So this morning he wanted me to get up, so he could talk, and I would fix coffee, and la la la...
D was asking me this series of ridiculous questions with answers so obvious, that I pretended to be asleep so as to stop the insanity and make him get in the shower. So he asked me what I planned to do today......I'm like, "What do I do everyday Babe? School the kids, do dishes, wash clothes, fix food, be a tyrannt and stomp through the house like a maniac......."
D- Don't you have to take Cole to the dentist?
A- yes
D- What time?
A- I told you that a million times....
D- at 9:00?
A-(insert lie, so he'll shut up) yes

Now he goes to take a shower cause he has asked me enough questions to feel comfortable coffee and breakfast will be forthcoming.

Later I'm saying goodbye to him in the driveway and obtaining my three OCD must have kisses, with his "Hooked on Japonics" blaring:

"EEEgo ga Wa kari mas ka? iee wa kari mas sin."
(English do you understand? No, I understand not.)

.....as he's shoving sausage, egg, & cheese biscuit in his mouth.

D- Yer gonna be late you better get movin, you should be leavin in just a bit.
A- No, I don't have to leave for another hour or so
D- (stopping the backward motion of the truck we call Big Red, Ford F150, cause we don't give a crap about global warming apparently) I thought you had to be there at 9:00
A- No, at 9:30 (for the 700th time)
D- You lied to me this morning.....
A- I did, so you would shut up and get in the shower.
D- Okay liar, have a good day, call me when Cole's done & let me know how he did........

.....and off he went.......with his biscuit and japonics

................................................................................

Not too long ago I was watching a video tape D had taken while at Myrtle Beach with both of our families before we had kids. I was sportin this hot tamale, plaid, pink and orange two piece and looking pretty tan. I was a newlywed and I actually thought I was fat then, who dag gone knew......eeeesh, next......

Anyway, on the video D was so South Carolina slang I could not understand him. His old roommate Donald was on the video and so was D's brother..... slang, slang, slang, long drawn out southern South Carolina jibberish. I swear I had to rewind it to understand him and his old roommate.

When D's brother visited recently I let D and his brother watch the video. They could not understand D or Donald either. It was a hoot, we had to rewind and listen to it a couple times. Most people still think D is pretty slang or from New Orleans, God forbid. They just have no idea how traveling around has helped him to settle that accent a bit.

I can also tell I have been married to him a while cause recently people have asked me where I am from. That rarely happens to me.

Plus, I told May to get me the fly swatter the other day. She informed me she had just come to realize, that I was saying FLY SwaTTeR. She thought the name of the bug killing tool was "flahswahtta." I thought that was hilarious.

Thankful Thursday, with an upper case "T" cause today is looking better already......

These are the things I am already thankful for today:

** A good nights sleep
**coffee and peanut butter whole wheat bagel
** Derrick

D is going to Japan in October to a conference for work. He'll be gone about a week and a half. So he had said he was going to just wing it with the language. I told him he needs to learn a few words at least, like toilet, hotel, taxi, yes, no, thank you.....and so forth.

So he had a good nights sleep too last night appparently and came off with these funny things to start our day......

"high" said extremely fast means "yes"...but he always says it with the grunting karate voice, it's hilarious. I told him I bet all Americans go over and grunt when they say yes cause that is the way we see them on TV. Sort of like they see all southerners are hillbilly stupid livin in shacks with trash in the front yard on TV.

Then he tells me he is going to say something like, in a completely stupid, southern, hillbilly voice, "All this is real purdy and all but whar is Gawdzillah?" Which I thought was hilarious.

He tells me, while hugging me goodbye in the kitchen, he has ordered some language cd's called hooked on Japonics.

He tells me while getting into his truck that he knows Japanese already and he moves his lips funny and out of sync with his words, as if he is being translated into English and says, "Look....there is.....Godzilla.....run." Which again, is funny to me at 7:00 in the morning.

Here is one more, while he was getting his lunch together in a bag, he went to the candy box where he could pick a dessert.....like a small box of nerds, small bag of m&m's, or something .....he picks up a "Ponky" which is candy from the country of Columbia. My mom had a co-worker bring it back from Columbia when she had traveled back home. Mom sent some home with me. We like it.

So D is dancing around my kitchen singing about how the "honky wants some Ponky and it's fonky" and in the bag the candy goes.


** Last night I was able to lead a child to Christ at Awana. After such a crappy day and going on about my glass being completely empty, that filled my cup to capacity.

It also got my thinking back on track a bit with the dentist thing. In that I am thankful D has a job right now with dental insurance. Although it isn't the best dental insurance if there is such a thing as one, it pays for something at least and we do have it.

My children have access to a Pediatric Dentist and I am thankful.

Every time Cole smiles at me I cringe a little cause .......my baby......his tooth......but I am going to choose to be thankful we have dental insurance today.........and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday......& Monday hopefully he'll look more normal.....again, whatever that is.

Plus....this was my Bible verse this morning,

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
my glass is full,
My glass is full.....

woeful wednesday, with a lower case "w", cause today stinks..........

These are the things I hate about today:

**We had to go to the pediatric dentist unplanned.

.......because last week Cole was sliding across the floor on Jenny's dog pillow and missed the pillow face first. He landed on his top lip, bumping his buck teeth into the proper spot they should be in if he wouldn't suck on his stupid thumb all the time. blood, blood, blood, screaming, and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and waiting...... till yesterday when I noticed the dumb tooth was turning grayish.

Dr. P tells me he has to have a root canal in his front tooth, on the front of the the dumb tooth cause he can't go through the stupid, idiotic back of the tooth for some dumb, idiotic reason that I don't know cause I am not a pediatric dentist. No matter how many times I wished I was over the past decade, I am not.

Dr. P decides that all the kids are due for checkup lets do them all.

Maysie is the best brusher in the family, besides me, she flosses, and she cares genuinely about her teeth's health. She always has some problem that literally takes an act of a democratic lead congress to get fixed. So she has a cavity in a spot that she wouldn't normally because of her Herbst appliance. So Dr. P wants May to go to Dr. F to get the thing taken off, then back to his office, so he can fix the cavity, then back to Dr. F. to put the Herbst back on......I'm like, "Are you sure it's all that Dr. P? Can you have some mercy on my soul? Look and see real hard if you can fix it without going through congress..."....he says, ..."maybe.....ask Dr. F if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah , blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......."

Z has a stupid small cavity, "in a place that normally doesn't get cavities and he is clearly brushing well, it's just something that has happened...".........well, of course. Z is a good brusher too he is more about the quantity than the quality of brushing though.....he thinks, I will brush hard and more times a day than soft and hit all the points well.

Sky is the only one who gets the all clear really, and she half jack brushes. If I didn't give her the scratch test every night she'd be lucky to have teeth. She is getting better cause she knows I will do it again if she doesn't get'em good.

** We just started school again and we are already off the schedule because of the unplanned appt.

**I want to eat the world, cause I feel like it, cause I hate the pediatric dentist....even though I know it really isn't his fault. It just seems all the dang time we have to blow a wad at his office cause somebody has tried to knock their teeth out or something else crazy is going on.

It was just this past summer Maysie tried to get her tooth knocked out with a cooler at a party. We think hers may have been healed by the Lord. We are playing a waiting game. Dr. F told us her tooth would die also and she would need a root canal. He told me not to worry about it. It happens all the time, if I didn't quit going on I would give May a complex. I'm thinking duh fool, she is 13 and her front tooth is dying...I AM FREAKING OUT!!!

I told Dr. F, "Well, I am going to pray for the Lord to heal her tooth. She has went through so much with her teeth, I hope He'll have mercy on her." Dr. F gave me the whatever, but kind smile and sent me on my way.

Next visit....the tooth was healed. Dr. F says, it can still die, but Dr. P said this morning it looks good.....we just need to wait a year to see how it looks. So now I have to wait a year to see if the Lord healed that tooth.....I choose to believe He healed it. Cause the Bible says the Lord hears the prayers of a righteous man.......that would not be me. It would be May though, she is good and her faith is solid and she wears it strongly.

I believe the Lord healed the tooth for her.

....and maybe a little for me as a scrap from the table, cause I want so badly for her to be through with teeth issues.

**Thoughts of my dad are bombarding me also, and I have no idea why......

I just want to put my face in a pillow and cry today. My girlfriend Wendy told me I should do it, it would make me feel better............but I hate crying.