Monday, August 24, 2009
Where to begin......
So Caesar sees me one night after work and says to me something along the lines of since I'm a liar, had a told a lie that day?.....
It just so happened I had. That particular morning Cole wanted ice cream for breakfast and I told him he could have it, except that the ice cream was really yogurt with sprinkles.
I don't care what I feed the kid as long as I put sprinkles on it he'll eat it, oh yeah, or ketchup. Cole eats everything with ketchup, you name it, if I put ketchup or sprinkles on it he'll eat it.
I put sprinkles on green beans, oatmeal, pizza, macaroni, cheese toast, waffles, hamburger without the bun, I once even put sprinkles on a chicken leg to get him to try it....now he loves chicken legs.
I put them on top of and inside of quesodillas.
It's Cinco de Mayo party chicken & quesodillas! ARRRRRRIBA!
We had to sing La Bamba for random effect but by golly Cole bear ate the quesodillas. I'm here to tell you if it weren't for quesodillas, oatmeal, chips, and choclate milk.....Cole would die of starvation.
Here's another lie I told repeatedly Saturday or something.....
All day long when CB asked me if he could have anything and everything that was commercialized on TV, I said "yes." So he would be quiet. All the time people are saying you should say "yes" to your child more than you say "no."
I'm just going along with the "in parenting" crowd.....the "just say yes" crowd instead of the "just say no." As long as I tell him he can have it, he moves along to the next thing on his little brains agenda and forgets all about it.
To be perfectly honest the kid could care less about toys at Walmart or where ever as long as he gets a .25 toy from the gumball machine on the way out of Kroger. If he is good and doesn't act like a moron while I am shopping, I am happy to obliged the little fella with a .25 ball that will bounce all over my house and get lost promptly. It's all good.
I told a lie this morning to D......
Repeatedly I told him CB had a dental appointment at 9:30 this morning. I told him all weekend cause I was dreading it. I told him last night in late night bed talk before he laid still for 2 seconds flat and drifted off effortlessly. I swear if I shut up for 5 seconds, just 5, he's gone......I'm so jealous that he can do that.
So this morning he wanted me to get up, so he could talk, and I would fix coffee, and la la la...
D was asking me this series of ridiculous questions with answers so obvious, that I pretended to be asleep so as to stop the insanity and make him get in the shower. So he asked me what I planned to do today......I'm like, "What do I do everyday Babe? School the kids, do dishes, wash clothes, fix food, be a tyrannt and stomp through the house like a maniac......."
D- Don't you have to take Cole to the dentist?
D- What time?
A- I told you that a million times....
D- at 9:00?
A-(insert lie, so he'll shut up) yes
Now he goes to take a shower cause he has asked me enough questions to feel comfortable coffee and breakfast will be forthcoming.
Later I'm saying goodbye to him in the driveway and obtaining my three OCD must have kisses, with his "Hooked on Japonics" blaring:
"EEEgo ga Wa kari mas ka? iee wa kari mas sin."
(English do you understand? No, I understand not.)
.....as he's shoving sausage, egg, & cheese biscuit in his mouth.
D- Yer gonna be late you better get movin, you should be leavin in just a bit.
A- No, I don't have to leave for another hour or so
D- (stopping the backward motion of the truck we call Big Red, Ford F150, cause we don't give a crap about global warming apparently) I thought you had to be there at 9:00
A- No, at 9:30 (for the 700th time)
D- You lied to me this morning.....
A- I did, so you would shut up and get in the shower.
D- Okay liar, have a good day, call me when Cole's done & let me know how he did........
.....and off he went.......with his biscuit and japonics
Not too long ago I was watching a video tape D had taken while at Myrtle Beach with both of our families before we had kids. I was sportin this hot tamale, plaid, pink and orange two piece and looking pretty tan. I was a newlywed and I actually thought I was fat then, who dag gone knew......eeeesh, next......
Anyway, on the video D was so South Carolina slang I could not understand him. His old roommate Donald was on the video and so was D's brother..... slang, slang, slang, long drawn out southern South Carolina jibberish. I swear I had to rewind it to understand him and his old roommate.
When D's brother visited recently I let D and his brother watch the video. They could not understand D or Donald either. It was a hoot, we had to rewind and listen to it a couple times. Most people still think D is pretty slang or from New Orleans, God forbid. They just have no idea how traveling around has helped him to settle that accent a bit.
I can also tell I have been married to him a while cause recently people have asked me where I am from. That rarely happens to me.
Plus, I told May to get me the fly swatter the other day. She informed me she had just come to realize, that I was saying FLY SwaTTeR. She thought the name of the bug killing tool was "flahswahtta." I thought that was hilarious.