by Jenny Williams
Ooooooohhhhh, ssstttreeeetch.......let me get my little furry butt outta bed. All these kids in the house are driving me crazy, I need to get outside where its quiet and I can have some peace...where I can catch a few rays before Cole starts chasing me around this morning with a foam sword.
hey,....... Hey..... HEY!!.... Humans?! I am sittin by the door, that means I need to go out in case you have forgotten.......Thanks Cole, you are truly my best friend, and I'm not just sayin that cause you give me ice cream and chicken nuggets either.
Its a shame mom taught you how to hook me up. I remember the good old days when you'd just let me out and I'd roam wherever I dang well pleased. You all would call for me & call for me and I'd hide behind Ms. Anita's mailbox and wait for you to panic. That was so funny, cause mom always came out in her nightgown and uni-boob sports bra hollerin with her hair lookin like she combed it with a firecracker.....so funny.....up till the point I'd come home wet with morning dew and thistles all in my fur.
memories................HEY! Is that a bird? I'm gonna get it..........easy.........easy.........easy.....I'm on it, run, run , run ....gaaaaaagg cough cough.......uuuh yeah, thanks again Cole for the "hook up"......I guess I'll bark my head off to go inside so I can eat.
(inside) ssssooo no dog food out yet, all morning long in & out of the fridge & cabinets with those handy little hands of theirs.....I gotta sit my tail here by this bowl & wait, giving Zachary the look how cute and hungry I am, look. I know he isn't going to feed me cause he hates to touch dog food, so this is a wasted look, let me go find mom..........drinking coffee on the computer, she is so predictable.......look how cute and hungry I am...........
A- (baby talk)Are you hungry Jenny
J- Bark bark sneeze---yes dummy, get to steppin, I got my tail waggin
A- Are you hungry girl? Want some breakfast?
J- bark bark sneeze sneeze-------I said YES DUMMY, GET TO S-T-E-P-P-I-N!!!
A- (baby talk) Okay JEEEE, let's go get some dog food, come on, let's go girl, after you eat you get to take a bath today cause you stink, yes you do, so lets get yer belly full girl.
J- prance, prance , sneeze, wag tail, sniff food like I hate it, eat, eat, eat, what did she say? bath?
Weeeeeee doggy, that was good, you gotta love some mighty dog now, makes me feel small but mighty, watch how mighty I am, here comes the box man in the brown truck
bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark ,bark, bark bark
Translation - INTRUDER, INTRUDER, INTRUDER, I just ate and I feel good! Like I could eat you alive, I don't care about your huge brown boot shoes, I am a mighty dog!!! Get off the porch! You shut up Zach! Mom, Look an intruder! No you shut up, Zach! I have to get a bath today you can actually take me with you!!! HEY!.... HEY!..... HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!
Oh I get it.... the suitcase is out, that means we are going to Nana's, so I will tolerate my bath today cause I get to go bye, bye. But first let me run and hide cause I can see no clear reason why I should make this easy on the humans who are fixin to torture me with soap and a hair dryer. I don't care how pretty my new collar is.
Here comes Skylar, I'll just snap at her, she'll leave me alone then, oh but she brought Cole, with the sword, great........ and Maysie, I can snap at her too a little and she can't slap me on the butt (insert congo singing) cause I am under tha bed & you can't get me ou-out
oh!...... Bye, bye now?....... Let's go people! I'm ready,.... here we go, no bath!!!! I am headin for the car, what?!!..... Come on mom, lets get in the car......CRAP! I always fall for that trick, you would think I would remember this, they say pets take on human traits sometimes maybe I get loss of memory from mom.
So Maysie is going to be the big bad bather today, first timer huh? I am going to eat you alive girlfriend. Oh that feels pretty good......... yeeeeeeaaaah nice and slooooooww and sweet talkin too........ yeah I can dig this, mom usually just gets the business on and there ain't much talkin goin on. I will tolerate you today, May.
okay I am clean, I am super fluffy, my new collar is lookin super cute....now lets go bye, bye.......
.....mom you got everybody's stuff packed, what about my dog bowls and my bed? Don't forget my treats and my blue bo bo.....oh yeah and that doggy cheese whiz ........so you are loadin up huh? What about my stuff? I got my tail waggin and I am gettin in the car, go get my stuff woman.....what? what? what the heck is this? a dress!? what!? I never had to wear a dress to nana's before. I know she is a city Nana but I didn't see no other dogs wearing dresses in the city.
Take this off I look stupid, no I don't look "sooo cuuuute", take it off,.....take it off, okay, okay, it was funny, hey where you goin?
.....you're gonna leave me here, mom?...... all by myself?
Look at my cute dress and my new collar, I'm so cute, I just got my butt shaved too, look........Russie won't like this, you'll be in trouble....
please, Please....PLEASE don't leave me , look at my cute sad eyes...I'm so cute, I'm so cute, I'm so cute............
...............she left me.....................Cole left me........................I don't really care about Sky........Who is gonna eat Cole's waffles when he isn't looking.........I guess I'll go hide under the bed........
(later).......... so Zach didn't go. Good, at least he can take me outside and if I sneeze and bark enough he'll throw my bo bo......plus I see dad's truck pulling in. When he goes to King Davids, he'll let me go with him, without my leash, if I wag my tail real pretty like I'm the happiest one to see him.........
................Who is gonna feed me though?