there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom......

This past Christmas we were all at the breakfast table eating cereal one morning. One of the kids noticed the Trix box had the theme of Christmas Halloween or Halloween Christmas. I hadn't noticed it before. It was absurd and it put me off severely. I haven't bought a box of Trix since.

...but May on the other hand ran with the theme in another absurd direction that was funny to the rest of us...

M (insert creepy Vincent Price type voice) - And then baby Jesus was born (insert evil villain laugh). A ghost in the night told the wise men to "fear not" and led them to the manger. There they dressed baby Jesus in a bumble bee costume and took him trick or treating.

.................................................................

One day I had served chicken and stars soup, minus the soup so it was just the stars mostly, for lunch to Cole. The kids began to discuss how he wasn't even chewing the stars, just swallowing hole mouthfuls. The discussion then led to any foods that went in your attic and came out of your basement in the same shape, just isn't good and right....like corn for example.

M- I suppose those stars will come out as stars then?

Z- yes

M imitates CB on the pot - Oh look, stars!! I get to make a wish now! I wish I could go to Dollywood (insert flushing sound) I wish Netflix was free! (flush, flush)

....and so on in this manner....

(insert When You Wish Upon a Star song)
When you wish your poop goodbye, down the toilet it will flyyyy...

B.o.B. song while staring into the toilet
"like airplanes in the night sky, like shooting stars.....I could really use a wish right now"

grunting and pushing noises.....Wow!! I got a lot of wishes this time!!

flush, flush..."It's like the Milky Way!"

"That tasted out of this world. I am so full, I feel like I ate the universe."

(Steve C. I put this one in here for you :oD )
.........................................

Doing biology one day with May, Z overhears a conversation about mushrooms being asexual....

Z- It's just awkward....mushroom sex

M- Yeah, well, just be glad you don't have to have "the mushroom sex talk." Once while down at the dock, I saw two mushrooms getting a little too heavy on the top end, if you know what I mean...

A- MAY! That's enough...

M- (serious voice) I'm just sayin....I said to them "Get a shroom , why don't ya?!".....I mean they have to consider the baby birds for petes sake.

We laugh a little..

Z- There are those penis mushrooms that sprout in our flower bed with the mulch.



A- OOOkay, that's stinkhorn, we are done with this conversation. I am uncomfortable with mushroom sex talk.

M- One time these two dragon flies landed on Sky and she was all, " Hey May, look at the two dragonflies on me...they are stuck together. Should I try to pull them apart?"

Z & A snicker a little

M- I was, "No!" then I swatted them away saying, not in front of the children!


A- May....

M- Just sayin....some bonds weren't made to be broken...


Z laughs, cause he always laughs at her jokes.

A- May.....

M- ...there were those two grasshoppers on top of a mushroom that time too. I swear it's like Sodom and Gomorrah around here.

Z still chuckling though trying not to pay attention to her.

A- May, yer done.

M- I'm just sayin....

um, stupid..........

The holidays are always full of stuff aren't they? It's that time of year when you do stuff that isn't yer everyday activity and then get frustrated and wonder why you do these activities at all....like put lights on yer slumbering bushes and stuff.

I totally had lights on my house before Thanksgiving to get ahead of the game this season. I didn't cut them on till Thanksgiving though.

The kids were playing flashlight hide and seek with neighborhood kids one night. The next day my lights were not working, the wiring was broken slap into two separate strands going from one bush to a Christmas tree shaped evergreen bush thingy. so I blamed it on the kids hiding behind my bushes and told them not to hide there anymore this season. I restrung the lights on the Christmas tree shaped evergreen, it actually looked better than before I thought.

Hide and go seek again....the lights aren't working again. I am like, really?? Some kids are gonna lose a body part for this. I get all CSI trying to figure out which child to convict and sentence. Then it dawns on me the second break is in the exact location of the first. An animal has chewed my lights in half. I do apologize to my children for interrogating them and then relay to D my situation.

Because he can fix everything, literally... he fixes the lights using some cool gadgets he has gotten at this convention in Florida. He does this immediately so I will leave him alone, so that he can watch football on his new 46" TV that everyone in my family practically worships. It's as if they never had TV. If I hear the words "high def" one more time, my eyes are going to pop out of their sockets.

So my lights are working. Here's a picture of CB with "his boyz" as he fondly called his over lit frozen pals.

Then for no apparent reason the lights in the middle of my pre-lit tree that I purchased trying to be "green," went out. May and I replaced about 25 bulbs, on dang quest I tell ya.

Then D replaced 25 more bulbs and checked his meter thing for fuse issues, nothing, the fuses were good. So I made the executive decision to unstrand the lights on the pre-lit tree and re-string them.

um, stupid.

The lights were wrapped onto my tree by an uneducated individual in some random pattern that made no sense to God or anyone in this world even remotely close to adequate. It took entirely too long to unstrand those lights and I am 100% convinced they need to offer college level courses on how to unstrand a pre-lit tree. I grew a beard and died twice while taking those lights off.

That job sucked and I have to use that awful word cause that's how awful that job was.

The lights were, no lie, stung by the longest strand of lights in the whole universe. Each bulb was almost 9" from the next bulb. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. I was thinking, for some folks trying to promote going freaking green...that's a total waste of product.

I had to take off two strands.

Now it looks okay though. I feel satisfied.

I went to upload these photos from my camera and found that at some point CB had taken some video of himself talking smack that is so crazy, I can't even put it on my blog. Not one video of himself talking smack, but 3! ....and this photograph.

it's time to play "Let's Make a Deal"...........

Put on the Guy Smiley face with the Vince Fontain(Grease) voice when reading this......

Guy- THANK YOU,

FANS AND FRIENDS AND ODDS AND ENDS.

YOU JIMS AND SALS ARE MY BEST PALS. 

TO LOOK YOUR BEST FOR THE BIG CONTEST, 

BE YOURSELVES AND HAVE A BALL, AFTER ALL. 

FORGET ABOUT THE CAMERA AND 

THINK ABOUT THE BEAT. 

GIVE THE FOLKS A TREAT.

Now let's get ready to play 

LET'S   MAKE   A  DEAL    WITH   

          A   BABY!!!!!

The crowd goes wild.

A- Cole if you quit sucking your thumb, we'll buy you 

     a scooter!

CB- What color? Green?

A- YES!  Can we make a deal???

CB- YES!

.....5 months later, thumb sucking

A- Cole, if you take a bath I won't wash your hair!  Can 

     we make a deal?

Cole - YES!

 .....in the tub screaming and gnashing of teeth trying 

       to bathe.

A- Cole, If you are a good boy today while I am taking Sky

         to the Doctor I will buy you a Hot Wheel!  Can we

           make a deal son??

CB- Yes, Momma, I'll be a good boy!

    ...when I get home I hear nothing but havoc that was 

   wreaked and how they're never going to keep him again. 

     Here's the thing, one on one time is angelic....two on

    one time or three on one time....demonic whine fest.

A - Cole are you going to play soccer on your next game 

        and tuck your shirt in?

CB - yes Momma, I AM I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY MY 

        SOCCER GAME.

A- Can we make a deal?

CB- YES!

....get to the soccer field last night with a shirt tucked 

in, ready to play.  

On the field the games starts. He 

decides he doesn't want to play after all.

..........strand by strand with tweezers, I tell ya.

...With CB it is all about the follow up.  We had asked him if he wanted to play    soccer.  He said, "yes."

"Okay then, you'll have to tuck your shirt in and be part of 

your team."  He understands this and relays to us he was 

just tired the last game and so forth...leading us to believe 

this was a one  time fluke event.

Um, no.

I had told him if he showed his butt again we were not 

going to stay at the field.  That I was going to take him

home and he would go to bed. We had to drive a long way 

over to the field, Dad has to get off work early, everyone is

adjusting to fit your needs.... so bad attitude = go home 

and go to bed.

CB- Okay Momma.

Last night, after looking forward to playing a game all day

and tucking his shirt in effortlessly...he had a melt down 

on the field and would not play.  I relayed our deal....no

playing, bad attitude = go home and go to bed.

He called my bluff.

CB- I want to go home and go to bed, I don't want to play.

He is just about to get worked up into a fit, I can see the

horse back leg kicking moves about to commence.  So I 

tell him to get up we are leaving.  He leaves the field 

area sucking his thumb, with D still coaching his team. 

The other parents are looking at me like, "What the heck?" 

I suspect. I tried not to imagine the thoughts going 

through their minds, cause.....EMBARRASSED.

I have to deal with the follow through.

I 100% understand the boy is 4 3/4 years old.  I 

understand he may not be ready for organized sports

no matter how hard he plays in the back yard.  I

understand kids get tired by the end of the day.  I 

mean he's my 4th kid for petes sake, but his blatant

determination to not do what he originally said he was 

going to do, irritates the crap out of me. 

D told me I should have left him at the field and made him 

sit the game out,  tis what my mom told me also.  Which is

what we did last week.  CB is clever enough to remember 

if we followed through or not, he forgets nothing. 

He knows exactly how far he can push before the gong 

rings.

My parenting skills suck these days.  I have been praying

for grace to be a better parent incessantly since we got in

the car last night.  I don't want to come this close to the 

teenager-hood in my older kids and lose my perspective 

now with the youngest one.  

I thought by now I would have worked out all these kinks.

um, no.

All this to say...

You CAN NOT make a deal 

      with a baby.

*

righty tighty lefty loosey..........

I was looking through some crap in my closet searching for something totally unrelated to my blog and found a three ring binder. The binder had some stuff I had jotted down so I wouldn't forget .........

The Rare Amylesaurus, BB (Before Blog)

2008, when Sky was 5 -

Thank goodness for Sky, because she finally told me what is wrong with this world.

S - "The problem with this world is that some people just smell bad and they need to take a bath."

I'm glad I got that figured out.

.....................................................

So Sky is eating dinner, she serves me this......

S- If while I was eating this noodle dinner my teeth suddenly came out and I got choked on them and died, would you take my teeth and put them under your pillow and keep the money or would you bury them with me?

A- Gosh Sky, what do you think I would do Babe?........ I would take the teeth and keep the money.

S- (voice cracking) MOMMY!

A- What?!

.........................................................

M - So, Mom, What if I dream that I am a worm with a mustache.....what does that mean?

.........................................................

June 18, 2008 - Cole is 2

Getting squirt with the water hose while weeding the front flower bed.....pretty sneaky...

...especially when your two year old does it without prodding from his older siblings...

I can barely remember how to turn the hose on, with the help of "righty tighty lefty loosey."

It's not like he squirt me a little bit either, he had the hose on full throttle, like putting out a fire.

I squealed in freezing cold, crazed out shock for second, cause I totally didn't see it coming. Cole squealed with sheer delight showing all his thumb suckin, buck teeth....jumping up and down at his ability to accomplish his task.........and well.

Once I regained some sense of clear thinking ability, I thought to myself.......

.....Self, that kid is pretty smart............and sneaky.

..............................................

July 9, 2008 - Cole is 2....a month later or so

So now I know Cole can cut the water hose on. I am well aware he can carry out a sneak attack with courage and determination.

I am letting him water some baby trees in the backyard. Cole digs a file up in his mind recalling what great fun it was making mommy scream and decides to try it out again.

This time I am smart. He is smiling like a devil and my mommy instincts fill me in on his thought process, and I run away quickly. VICTORY!! Not only that but I run farther down the hose line and crimp him off!

YES! I AM THE SUPERIOR HUMAN in the duo!!

This really aggravates him. He slings the hose down as if he is no longer going to play with me anymore and storms off towards the house.

Fine by me, I can get the watering done quicker if he leaves me alone anyway, dinner still needs to be fixed.

...15 minutes or so later back at the homestead, no lie, 200 feet or more away from me, cause I had some hoses stuck together for distance..........

I suddenly have no water.

I look at the hose following the line towards the house. There standing close to the house is Bucky Beaver(in a diaper and nothing else) with the hose crimped with that same I got ya smile I had given him earlier.

I hollered, "CB! Let Go!!"

He answers in a hilly up and down tone of voice smothered in devilish boyhood, "nnnnnnoooooooo"..........

....not only that, guess what else he can crimp? My central vacuum.

Is he the superior human in this duo?

S is for accepting me for trying.........

I am on day 6 or 7 without a night of uninterrupted sleep.

It started last Tuesday night with Cole peeing in the bed at 2:30AM...remember?

Since then Sky has been having Gag Fest 2010. The days had gotten worse so I took her to the doc, who told me, "He didn't really know what was wrong with her." The doc gave her a Z-pac(sp?)antibiotic, for no reason apparently...just to keep it from turning into something else.

That was on a Friday.

Tuesday I took her back in worse than on Friday, with her pink Easter bucket in tow. It's her gagging to the point of throwing up bucket. We have had it for 2 or 3 years now. Caesar's wife, Cornelia, gave Sky a shiny new one this year, full of wonderful goodies. We'll save Cornelia's bucket for carrying good things.

The nurse was all, "Would you like to have a bag instead?"

A- No, this bucket is well christened, and besides we don't throw up in in any old bag you know? We throw up in our COACH stylin Easter bucket.

This Easter bucket is Sky's personal throw up bucket. It has its own place in her bathroom.

So they checked her for pneumonia, she's good. The doc sends her home and ups her steroids for a couple days and relays when she gets off the antibiotic and so forth we can check her sed rate again for more inflammation and go from there. Bring her back Monday so he can look at her.

Cole drank out of Sky's water bottle, he's getting sick.

Yesterday afternoon, the tree cutters cut a tree down onto the power lines..... power goes off, no one gets in or out of the abyss down here....and its hot in the house.....cough, cough, cough, gag, gag, gag....COLE PEE'S THROUGH HIS NIGHT TIME DIAPO @ 3:00AM just after getting settled back into bed after a gag-a-paloosa with Sky!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH, pull my hair out strand by strand with tweezers to finish off my torture!

My attitude is on the hairy edge of razor sharp sarcasm. D told me on the phone last night, as I relayed to him he could not get in to the house because of the down tree and power lines, that I have had a bad attitude for three weeks...something like this, "It's like you drank a glass of piss and vinegar and just can't put it down."

I couldn't argue with him, cause I know it's true. I am so tired, from not sleeping and going all day, that I have to try really, REALLY hard to be nice. I am doing okay most of the day, but the bad attitude slips out if just one little crack in the door opens while I am speaking with someone.

Here is a good thing though. Because the power was out, Sarah came a knockin to waste some time with me and bring me some clothes from LJ's Boutique (her son's hand me downs, for which I am very grateful). So I was able to unload my bad attitude on her without judgement and say some things that should have been left unsaid out loud and let go of them. I know I should confess those things to the Lord, as I know a bad attitude is passed on just like a smile is.

I have confessed them to Him.

.........but Sarah...... she lets me be me without holding it against me. I can really appreciate that.

I know, that Sarah knows, I am stronger in Christ, than a moment of bad attitude. She knows I will put my "glass of piss and vinegar" down, in fact pour it down the drain, if I can just ask her to share it with me first.

Sometimes she'll drink it with me. Sometimes she'll take it from me and pour it down the drain herself before I contaminate her.

Thank you Lord for sending me Sarah who doesn't judge me for a moment, but as a whole, accepts me for trying hard.

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE JENNY!!!! MOVE!!.........

For the snow I mowed an area of undeveloped land near us.....and then we waited very patiently.

To me this serves as an unofficial salute to the Olympic Winter Games....

Here's some short clips to soothe the curious minds............

Z gettin a good long run....all the way around our house!!



Z almost hitting our dog going mock 10,
cause she is so diva'd out she won't move...
filmed from the bottom of the hill this time



These next two are of D, the first one he is seriously moving coming down......






This one is CB going solo. This was his 3rd or 4th run. I couldn't believe he wanted to go alone. But he did, and had a ball! On his second run he rode to the front yard, ran into a bush and knocked his boot off and got up saying, "Wicked!"

(This video quality is not that great I had to tweak it a bit cause I screwed up recording it.)



D & S



M & CB


M Solo


Last but not least is Sky going solo....and hitting D's gas grill, she was perfectly fine ;oD

We call this video "TURN!!"




It's your turn. Take a ride with me..... I shot this one while riding down by myself. The first time I totally oversteered(if that's a word) myself into the field, which is why I kept saying, "that was much better"....



"100% chance of smiles" :oD

Chinese people wrap suckers to tight.......

So CB is a liar......like the rest of us.

I didn't teach him to be a liar, he's just a little sinner.

This is what he does.......

A- CB where are your clothes? (cause he is wearing Hulk underwear and that's it)

CB(he'll be 4 in a couple weeks) - Remember when I was little and there was a monster in my closet that would play with my trucks all night, and I had to get up and tell him to go to bed, then he would eat my clothes off........um the monster ate my clothes off.

A- Cole Bear, that is a total lie, get some clothes on

CB- Oh yeah, I think I dreamed that

......he always says, "I was dreaming that," when we catch him telling a lie.

D cracked me up last night discussing CB telling lies saying, "Remember when I was little and I used to water ski?"...cause he comes off with stuff like this that are absurd.

Yesterday I was walking the dog in the back yard about 7:30 am, CB comes out to the back porch, I hear the door slam. I turn around from the far corner of our yard to see his little, almost naked body standing in the super windy, cool weather. It had rained the night before so it was wet.

I yelled across the yard, "COLE! Get your butt back in the house! It's cold, wet, & windy out here and you are almost naked!! Get in the house now!"

(silence).........he turns around heads into the screened porch, the door slams.....again.....then I can't see him but I hear a deep, husky throated, voice hollering back,

"MOM!! Where is your Christmas spirit?!"

I had to laugh out loud. That junk struck me as so random while dog walking at 7:30am.

...........................................................

CB is bringing me a Japanese sucker, one of few left that D had brought them back. As he hands the sucker to me he says, "I hate these Chinese people, they always wrapped these suckers too tight."

........................................................

overheard..........

some random person, I can't remember who - Oh your dad brought you back a shirt and some chopsticks from Japan?

Sky - Yes and some candy and he brought mom & Maysie a housecoat (kimono's), but guess what??! Santa brought me a pink guitar from China last year. How cool is that?

This could bring on an anti-Santa rant, that talks about about how kids don't get to thank their parents for getting them the things they really love or are excited about on Christmas because we(except me apparently) have bought into the magic moment of Santa chaos.

So instead of being grateful to their parents they are grateful to a man they appreciate one day a year.....but I will spare you that.

some stuff in my yard...............

So my yard seems to be infested with Wooly Aphids. If you look out my windows it really looks like it is snowing outside.






















King David's tree version of the Gardenia.



I don't know what kind of mushroom this is, but I like the way it looks.

Black and Yellow Argiope or Argiope aurantia, its a garden spider, sometimes called a writing spider, for the zig zag in the web thing you can barely see in the photo.


They first look like this...small and skinny.....

but in a couple weeks they look like this and they are huge and scary looking, but really they aren't that bad, unless you are allergic to spiders.

Like all spiders they make a pile of babies...1 to 4 egg sacs with 300 to 1400 eggs in each one!!!!

After laying eggs, the female dies. The baby spiders hatch from their eggs in the Fall, but they stay inside the sac through Winter.

We found this in a flower bed.....nice huh? Z said looks like someone dipped their goober in fondue.........GROSS!!!

This is what it really is.......

Phallus drewesii or, easier to say Stinkhorn

This info provided by http://www.wildmanstevebrill.com/

General Information
There's no polite way of saying it: stinkhorns are gross, and they stink so strongly you usually smell them before you see them.

Identification
These distinctive mushrooms have a single, unbranched, erect stalk, sometimes gaudily colored, leading to Linnaeus aptly placing them in a genus he called Phallus (which has since been split into additional unsavory genera). The stalk is slimy, especially toward the tip, where the spores are concentrated.
And the entire mushroom hatches from an "egg," which, unlike a puffball, reveals layers of slime cut open.

Reproduction
The mushroom spreads its spores, which are present in the slime, by attracting flies and other creatures that like decaying flesh. The slime sticks to the insects, which then transport the spores.

Ecology
Stinkhorns are saprophytes: the fungus under the stinkhorn or egg grows through wood chips or organic material in the ground and decomposes it. (hence the reason it is growing its disgusting self in my mulch)

Edibility (Why or how anyone on earth would even think to eat this is beyond me)
Stinkhorns are too disgusting to eat, although none that I know of are poisonous. Nevertheless, people have tried eating the cooked eggs of some species after removing the slime layer. I reluctantly tried one bite of a cooked stinkhorn egg just once, so I could speak about the experience first-hand. I noticed very little flavor and a markedly unpleasant texture before I spit it out! (again hence the reason his name is "Wild Bill")

Then a friend astonished me by telling me that shop people were selling dried stinkhorns in New York City's Chinatown (they're supposed to be a delicacy in China once the slime is removed). He even went so far as to buy me a package of dehydrated Chinese stinkhorns, an odorless "food" I had no way of identifying (I don't speak Chinese) that people in China have been eating for centuries.
I added this to a soup, and found it to have no flavor, and a weird squishy texture that people in China apparently like, but I found very unpleasant. Perhaps with proper seasonings, you could use this species to make a vegetarian mock squid dish!

Caution
Never eat, or even pick stinkhorns in New Guinea, where the Iban people (former headhunters) call it ghost penis fungus (immature snicker he he he). It's the member of a warrior who was decapitated in battle, and the twice-mutilated fighter will rise from the ground and pursue you until he cuts off your head with his headhunting sword!

Uses and Misuses
The best use of stinkhorns is for professional naturalists to use for lecture-demonstrations, but even this can be problematic:
In 2001, I found the front yard of a house near where my fiancée Leslie lived covered with Ravenel's stinkhorn. I should have left them there for Ravenel, but put a bunch in a bag and stored that in Leslie's refrigerator for a few days, since I would be departing from her place to give a presentation in a library.
Stinkhorns are one of nature's most foul-smelling creations, but they're nothing compared to decomposing stinkhorns! After a few days, Leslie noticed that she couldn't open her refrigerator without coming close to passing out.
After she identified the source of the putrescence and threw out the bag, she still had to scrub the refrigerator thoroughly and wait a few months before the smell went away. Miraculously, she still married me in 2002!

http://www.wildmanstevebrill.com/ if you interested in other mushroom stuff......

Again............EEEEEWWWW freakin GROSS!!!!!!!!!

Skylar found this attached to her skates in the garage yesterday. It is the chrysalis of a
Variegated Fritillary Butterfly. If you touch it, it will vibrate a bit.

Notice how it looks kind of like a face near the front. Its spikes look like they are dipped in gold.

I thought this was "far out!"





These two pictures are of another Variegated Fritillary Butterfly chrysalis we found under my sedum,...... that's a plant, try not to get stupid......

It is more pearly white with golden spikes because it is closer to coming out a butterfly......

.....notice the face like end can be seen much more clearly in these photos.

Super Cool!!!!


Variegated Fritillary Butterfly......So......it will look like this when it comes out.....I did not take this photo, I swiped it from

http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org






This Is a nice bloom from my Playboy Tea Tree Rose






This is a random photo that's just so funny cause that night I got like..... no sleep, my eyes were dark & my hair was sticking straight up every where....I looked like Kramer from Seinfield.
I should be ashamed to put this photo here, but really it's just so dang funny how my hair is sticking up everywhere. >

If this were my mother, I would run away.

I was sitting there and it exploded......oh wait, I think I can hear some ringing or something......

This morning I hacked up my apple tree to punish it for not putting out the quality & quantity apples it put out last year. The apples are ugly and disgusting looking because they want to be fed chemicals, which neither D nor I put onto the tree to keep it free of disease and bugs.


Because I was on massacre in my own insanity from lack of sugar in my coffee this AM, I hacked up my oak tree and my willow also. I felt much better afterward, though they did not. I did put some tree bandaid on them though, cause I love that stuff.


I was also informed by Pappy it is the inappropriate time to trim trees, which I already knew. I always trim my trees at the wrong time and they are always fine, in fact they look pretty dang good I think.....beside if one dies I will just plant another one.

So what..... they look disturbing right now, they will look wonderful by next spring....they always do.

After I had taken disciplinary action on my apple tree I headed in to take a bath and clean up.

This is how it happened....

May following me around the house talking - so yeah, dad taught me how to test the tire pressure on the bike tires and then fill them up with the air compressor. So now Dad says I am one up on Zach. I just need you to show me how to change the pieces on the air compressor.

A- Why now? I am fixin to take a bath.
M- I want to ride bikes with Zach.

...I go & show her how to change the pieces and leave to take a bath.


.......I'm in the tub and in comes May...


M- The stupid tire won't blow up, the little air thingy keeps going inside the the tire when I put the air on it.
A- You aren't pushing the piece on right
M- yes I am, it won't go
A- I will look at it when I get out
M- (sigh & Huff)
A- What?! I am taking a bath!......can't you wait? What am I supposed to do, get out of the tub naked and go put air in the bike tire for you?! (I resume washing my hair)

M- I am just going to try again myself ( I don't hear this because I am washing my hair)

....in comes Cole as usual stripping off his clothes to get in also. Cole agrees that if he gets to bathe with me he has to take a nap when he gets out.

He is splashing around and I am bathing (!POP!)

C- What was that in the garage, Mommy?
A- I don't know probably Maysie & Zach bumping into the wall or something. (I should have said oh, that is just May blowing her face off with the air compressor and bicycle tires)

.............in comes May, looking like this....


and shaking.....

M- I just popped the tire and I can't hear, Oh wait.... I can hear a little, well there is this ringing.....but I don't know why it popped because there was no air in it when I checked the pressure. It said zero, then it said 25 and then it exploded.

A-(I am concerned about her ear, but at the same time about to bust out laughing cause she is so wigged out and rambling on about her Manny, Moe, and Jack tire pressure skills)
May the tire just exploded?

M-Yes
A- You weren't putting air into the tire when it exploded?
M- No
A-May that is stupid, and makes no sense....I was just sitting there staring at the tire and it exploded, .....you're lying you were touching it.

M- No I wasn't I just checked the pressure and I put just a tad more in and I was cleaning up the tools and there was hissing or something and then it exploded. Stop laughing at me, it isn't funny! Have you ever blown up a tire?

A- No, but May you are so worked up it's ridiculous, go have a coke or something and settle down it's not all that, why didn't you wait for me to get out? Besides don't try to make this all about me, I can get my own self into trouble with out you reminding Dad I have done something bad before.

M- Are you going to tell Dad?
A- Yes...cause it's funny, you can hear now right?
M- Yes, why do you have to tell him?
A- because I have to tell him we need a new tube or something, I don't know about bike tubes and I don't want to learn about them either. (I am dried off now and dressed) Let me go see what kind of damage you have done......

(in the garage, I see it just needs a new tube)

A- yeah, it just looks popped and it stinks in here too
M-Why?
A-uuuuuhhh because you BLOWED up a tire
M- pleeeaase don't tell Daddy. See how good this other one looks that I did (pointing at the back tire)

A- May, it's a dang bicycle tire, I'm tellin dad, cause I am the one who always does stupid stuff and now it is someone else, so it is a done deal.
.......................................................................................

Oh yeah..... and I yearbooked myself at http://www.yearbookyourself.com/ and these are to funny not to share. This first one makes me laugh out loud a lot and hard!

Okay no joke...So sad, but true, in this one, I totally look just like my moms high school photo.....

When I get home from work I will pee on it..........

I hate bees.

One of the many things I am going to ask God when I get to heaven is what was the purpose of making dang bees.......

I mean couldn't He have made some birds to do pollinating or only made the honey bees.

I was mowing the grass yesterday and bumped the tire swing with the mower. There has been this wasp hanging around the tire swing, I knew it but totally forgot. I had told the kids not to be on the tire swing till I checked it out.

I had been meaning to kill the wasp.

Cause that is what I am good at....killing animals, and I never even have to use a gun.

When we lived in Santa Fe, NM we used propane gas. So you had to call this gal who was super nice until you crossed her. You would call her, tell her you need gas, she would get all your tank info and estimate how much gas it would take to fill up and you left a check under the lid.

No check= no gas.

It was a total sham. I ask her one day, suppose I use less than you estimate and I have the check already written, will you refund my money?

......too many questions and I crossed her. With her New Mexican accent she proceeds to tell me off , then doesn't send out a gas truck to fill us up. D calls her back, cause I am furious, she tells him off & hangs up on him. So D says something like if you don't listen to what I am going to say and you hang up on me again ....I am going to come down there and bust that door in and by God you will listen to me. She proceeds to tell D he is threatening her and she is going to call the police. We just wants some dang gas....so we can cook, bathe, and heat........

.....all this leads to the truck finally coming out and all parties agree that we'll not speak to one another any more. This thrills me cause I feel like I want to jack her up anyway.

So the truck finally comes nearly a week after I had ask the Santa Fe Propane Princess about my money and she chewed my butt out. At my front door I see this big Doberman Pincher staring in my front door, vertical, side window. I go to open the door to shoo him off .....he growls and shows me his teeth. M & Z are small children. I am thinking what the heck, this dog is showing me his teeth at MY front freakin door. I am going to kill it.

So I go and get D's pellet gun and I start to put the pellets in and pump, pump, pump......my adrenaline is pumping too, cause I am going to really shoot something and for a good reason. I shall not miss -you can put that in yer pipe and smoke it , the dog will surely be wounded.

I hear an engine though.... and I stop the maniac running through my mind shooting at a rabid dog.

It's the propane truck. I go through the garage and ask the guy if its his dog he says yes and proceeds to call him over. I tell him I almost shot him because he is showing me his teeth at my front door and I have two small children. The propane guy really doesn't care and lets his dumb crappin dog run wild in my garage were my kids are at.

The dog craps in my garage, I am thinkin ...Oh he'll apologize and clean this up......we're talkin a bit now and I realize this guy is the owner of the propane business we buy the gas from. So I fill his ears to capacity about the chick who answers the phone...and about what if we over pay do we get any of our money back if we don't use the amount of gas she estimates........

He is a total moron.......he apologizes for being late with the gas and then tells me "Well......you know?.... Santa Fe isn't really known for their customer service."

A- What?!
propane man - yeah, sorry....
A- You know if I owned this house I would have my husband roll this tank to the curb and you would loose this business. I guarantee you I will not refer people to use your business either.
propane man - (goes on about his business & small talk as if he hasn't heard me and leaves his dog crap in my garage.)

I almost picked that dog crap up with my bare hands and threw it at him. I had my temper on severe restraint. I thought I might actually grow some dang horns.

So all this to say I have come close to killing an animal with a gun, but I never have really went through with it.

........so I bumped the tire swing yesterday mowing. The wasp comes flying out and KA POW!!!!! Right in my right forearm, nails me with a fat sting. I hadn't been stung by a wasp before so it took me by surprise. Lenny Kravitz was singing in my ear buds "I want to to get away, I want to get away, I want to flyyyyyy away...yeah, yeah, yeah."

Went inside called Sarah, she had nothin for me, kids were on the computer so I couldn't google it.....just about then D calls from work. I explain to him my dilema, he tells he will pee on it when he gets home. I opt out of that and just go for the ice cube.

So today, my whole right arm is killing me. Like I have carpel tunnel or something. It is pretty dang itchy too. I never did kill the stupid wasp.

I do that tomorrow, if I don't forget again.