Saturday, February 26, 2011

Do these pants look too tight?.........

I have been exercising my butt off lately.  I determined myself to a years worth of healthy eating and exercise to see if I could really change myself, as a whole, by the time I am 41.  I am not "dieting" per say, cause that don't freaking work, just being  more aware of what I put into my body and at what quantity.

So for over 5 weeks now I have been exercising about 40 minutes a day.  Mostly treadmill and elliptical.  In this time I have managed to shave 16 minutes off my 2 mile run.  so I went from 40 minutes to get to 2 miles on the treadmill to 24 minutes to get to 2 miles on the treadmill.  Which sounds pretty good to me.  I should be seeing some weight come off right?

W R O N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For 4 weeks I was exercising commited, eating properly and NOTHING!!!!!!!!!  Pull my hair out strand by strand with a pair of freaking tweezers people!!!!!!!!!!!

My pants are surely fitting much better, but that flippin scale in my bathroom is SATAN.

My sister told me that I shouldn't count on the scale to show that I am growing more fit, to be patient, that if my clothes were fitting better something was happening......I should focus on that.  She also said that I needed to add some sort of weight resistance to my routine.  That would help burn calories.

So I did.

Last Friday, not yesterday but the one before it, I lamented to Derrick that when I got on the scale that morning....if it didn't show I had lost some weight I was was going to pick it up and throw it into the front yard and if he brought it back into the house I would kill him with it.

So I stood on the read 195.  I was some what satisfied.  I know most of you are like WHAT?  She was happy with that number???  She needs to lose some weight!  Well, duh.  

But let me tell you this, when a fat girl commits to exercise and eating seriously healthy and really tries hard for 4 weeks and doesn't shed a single dag gone pound and some days even gains 4 pounds from breakfast to lunch (and Maysie is my witness on this) that is discouraging as shizzle.  I mean  I felt like I lost 28 hours of my life in vain.  I don't want to be a muscular & fit 200 pound girl.  I want to be a reasonable weight fit girl.

So I saw the 195 number, this meant the scale had moved down 5 pounds.

D- Well....what does it say?

A- 195...

D- (breathing sigh of relief for me, cause he knows my temper these days is not controlled easily) Oh thank God....

....but this was the day I gained 4 pounds by lunch and ate the exact same thing D ate for breakfast that was a "healthy breakfast."

I tried not to think of though.  I kept on with the idiot treadmill and adding the idiot weights to my routine.  

This morning when I weighed, I weighed 193.  I think it is surely the weights that is helping.  So that was really good advice my sister gave me.......for my body anyway.

I have gotten to the point that the exercise is becoming something I feel like I need to do everyday...not want to do everyday, but need.....and if  I don't, I feel like I have cheated myself.  Who said that? 

 In what parallel universe would I have ever spoke those words.  Cause forever it seemed to me that while I was wasting time on a treadmill things weren't getting done in my house somewhere else.

Yesterday Zac had soccer practice and I decided to go a little early and try to "jog" around the track.  I wanted to go before everyone else got there so if I looked like an elephant being stung in the butt while skinning a tight rope no one would see it but me and Z.  Z is the best encourager for me.  He constantly pushes me telling me at least I am trying. He doesn't want me to be unhealthy, over weight and die an early death because I didn't at least try.  

I said to him, "Do these exercise pants look too tight?"

Z- Who cares they are exercise pants mom, they are supposed to be tight.

A- Yeah but, you know, your friend's parents will see me and all...

Z- So what, at least you are trying. They look fine, they look good in fact.  I don't think of you looking fat that way. You always look nice to me.

My heart felt really good.

...the very first time we went to the gym together, I was feeling nervous and intimidated and relayed this to him.

Z- Mom it's a gym, all kinds of people go to a gym.  Not just body builders. There will be old people, young people, fat people, and skinny are in the middle of all of those.  Just suck it up we are going in.

Which we did and had a pretty good time.  

Back to the track.....I believed that if I could run 2 miles in 24 minutes on a treadmill I should surely be able to run a minimum of 1 mile on the track.

Um, wrong.  

Running on a surface that does not give tried to make me pee in my pants.  I walked the first lap to warm up, then ran 1 lap holding my bladder by sheer power of the mind, walked it off 1/4 of the 3rd lap & ran 3/4 of the rest of it, walked 1/2 of the 4th lap & ran 1/2 of it....then my walking buddy showed up and we walked about another mile and quit.

My mind thought running at the track was not fun at all. I don't desire to do it ever again. I will walk that track from now on.  I can't say why, but the treadmill with all its faults is so much easier to do.  My brother-in-law runs the marathons and he's in the running clubs, my sister she runs the 8 miles and she is fixin to run some big run and all....I don't know how they do it, I really don't.

I guess I will just keep on keepin on till I get somewhere that is satisfactory for me.  I still have 10 months or so to get to my one year goal and assess what has become of this commitment.

We are getting 2 truck loads of mulch today.......hopefully this will appease my need to fill a space in the day with exercise.

I don't want to wear skinny jeans.  I just want to feel satisfied when I look in the mirror, whatever weight that long as it's below 150.  I could be satisfied with 150 and fit. 

I think.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I am just not feeling your flow............

um.............I been busy.

Looks like this:

Monday - school, treadmill for two miles, shove some kind of nutrition down the throats of all my people, clogging studio, soccer field, clogging studio, home @ 10:30 P freaking M.

Tuesday - school, treadmill for two miles, shove some kind of nutrition down the throats of all my people, this is appt afternoon and errands on this side of town, or maybe some yard work, and hopefully dinner with the fam if no one knocks their teeth out  or needs stitches.

Wednesday - school, treadmill for two miles, shove some kind of nutrition down the throats of all my people, orthodontist, church

Thursday - school, shove some kind of nutrition down the throats of all my people at 5:50am, pack a cooler full of food and drinks, head for the home school co-op at the butt crack of dawn, to the gym, grocery store, home and rest for a couple hours, then to soccer field for two 1/2 hours sometimes.

Friday - school, hate on the treadmill and curse it... cause for 5 weeks I been hittin the thing and have lost a whopping TWO pounds (I know right?  Don't say push away from the table Amy...CAUSE I AM!), shove some kind of nutrition down the throats of all my people, and hope for some yard work that wasn't done Tuesday to get done, then dinner with the fam if no one knocks their teeth out or needs stitches.

Saturday - treadmill for two miles, D shoves a real nutritious breakfast down all of our throats(this morning - amazing Belgian waffles with bananas on top for me with a tad of syrup for taste and turkey bacon...even dairy free ones for Sky), soccer and the to the gym.

Sunday - sheer chaos getting ready for church, church, cook, clean it up, decompress for the rest of the day .....cause guess what?  Monday always is the next day, it never fails.

Not that any of this is relevant to anyone butt me...but I can remember when one of my best girlfriends, Cindi & I swore we would NEVER be on this type of schedule.  Both her schedule and mine are so crowded now with our children getting older and into activities that we NEVER see one another.  This is such a loss to me.  It feels like one of my arms is missing or something.  Like I am always looking for something and never find it.

This is something I HATE......when I catch myself saying, "I'm sorry we haven't _______(fill in the blank) but, we've just been so busy."

This says to me......I am busy and I don't have time for you.

While it may be true that we are busy and I completely understand when folks say it to me, it's just not how I want to be.  

I bumped into Sarah at the community center the other night signing CB up for soccer (I am surely a dang glutton for punishment) and D to coach his team.....cause CB said he would play and D did not have to be coerced into coaching, cause he actually enjoyed it last year much to his surprise.

Okay...I bumped into Sarah, who is my next door neighbor and also one of my best girlfriends ......I hadn't spent any time with her in strange to casually pass each other and cram small talk and important talk into 15 to 20 minutes of go time.

I also ran into another neighbor at the community center. He tried to get me to sign up for a learn about the constitution class that lasts all day on a Saturday. He told me that he would just come by my house on Friday and tell me all about his business at the community center.  When I explained to him I was busy on Friday, he pressed he would come Saturday....

Sorry, busy.


Okay then, how about NO!

Sorry busy all day.....which is the truth.  He seemed to be kinda put off that I didn't jump on this opportunity.

In my mind I'm all, Dude, I am here to sign up for soccer, I don't really care about your class, I am super sure you are a well meaning, cool fellow, but I am just not feeling your flow, you know what I mean.

I'm not speaking for Sarah, but I am kinda....I don't think she was feeling his flow 100% either.  We were both exhausted for different reasons and trying to cram a months worth of missed conversation into 15 minutes of paper work and walking to the car.

Besides, May took a constitution class ALL DANG YEAR last year and I do not want to sit through another constitution class on a least not until Obama isn't president anymore.....

.....whatever, don't be a hater Obama lovers. one time Cindi & I had decided to move to the compound and just combine our families and divide up chores, cooking,  and schooling....she was going to be to light blue dress family and I the beige dress family....I have another friend who wants to move to the compound with us I told her she would have to be the lavender dress family cause blue was already taken.

On the compound, all the outside stuff that contaminates and takes up all our time is a mute point.  I can have my own chickens and some goats like other good little home school families.  I won't have to pay ridiculous amounts for gas every week cause I don't have to go anywhere.  We can all just get on our compound bus and drive together....well I don't know.... that would be to many kids at the grocery store, that's a not desirable thought. They would have to stay home and knit or something.....let me shake that thought off.

 There is much to said for the simple life.

 In fact when we have our community yard sale, I'm going to go nuts getting rid of every dang thing in my house that I have to dust or keep track of.  What I don't sell I am thinking of just putting a free sign on it and letting the scavengers have at it......I swear.

Okay, gotta go, the clock is chasing me around the house reminding me that he comes first....and now D has fixed the kids lunch and he fixed Sky the most delicious smelling dairy free pizza.  He's awesome, I love him so much.

I so gotta tell you about May's research paper for biology. She did it on Genetically Modified Foods, it has me completely wigged out.  You know how I was all on "the government is trying to kill us" conspiracy thing?  This paper didn't help that runaway train.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

an egg- laying sea turtle & was hit by a gas-guzzling S.U.V........

Dear Blog,

The other day I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Nuke a Gay Whales for Jesus"

Which goes right along with the Bizarro cartoon in the paper..." A quadruple environmental tragedy today here, Brian, as a whale, tangled in a tune net full of dolphins, beached itself on top of an egg- laying sea turtle & was hit by a gas-guzzling S.U.V."

Then there was this article I read in Parade some time ago that told me.... was time for back to school when, for many families, the ABC's meet ADHD...according to the CDC 4.5 million children have been diagnosed, but "experts" don't know what causes it. New research points to pesticides particularly organophosphate- a man made toxin originally developed for chemical warfare and now used extensively in agriculture.  Scientists in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives write that children exposed to this in the womb have a higher chance of developing attention problems by age 5.

the article goes on and on and then states that possibly one million children are misdiagnosed. That some children just may be inattentive or behave poorly  because they are 5....

but to be better safe than sorry always wash your fruit and vegetables first.......

..... and take your child's age into consideration before getting an really?  This tid bit of info goes right along with do not put your hands flatly on an eye of the stove if it is cherry red, you may burn your freaking skin off moron.

At the risk of sounding completely judgmental and governmental conspiracy driven......this is my take on some things that make me want to poke my own eyeballs out or give someone a paper cut on purpose.

If your child spends most of his/her time in the house, on the computer, playing hand held games and watching TV and eating crap food and he/ she is getting on your nerves....that child does not have ADD or ADHD.

That child has PDD, Parental Disengagement Disorder.    Some parents need to get off their butts and cut the flipping TV off, get off the internet, and parent their children properly.

Do I believe some children respond better when taking medication?  Absolutely.

 Some kids need it and they need their parents to administer it to them properly...they need to freaking give the kid the medication themselves, make sure the kid freaking swallows it, and makes sure it given every day at the same dag gone time....I know a  kid in 3rd grade, whose parent tells him to take his medication which, he says he does, then he spits it out, his mother does not make him take it regularly nor does she refill his scripts when he's out.  That kind of parenting should be a dang crime.  She is doing her child a severe injustice in life.....and it affects all the children and adults this child comes in contact with....all day long.

On the medication as prescribed, the child is a different child altogether.

Some of the kids though,  are just drugged up and therefore more quiet and sedentary...and more pleasing to the parent who wants to do what the heck they want to do with minimal parenting.

How is it that 4.5 million children come to be diagnosed with ADHD??  It is absurd.

In the extreme sarcastic corners of my mind I see a woman with a colic baby and the doc's saying, "Here, just put some Ritalin in the bottle, this child has ADHD. Better yet, you take the medication yourself and then breast feed, it's more naturally administered that way and won't damage his self esteem  as he becomes an adult."

I swear some mornings while we are trying to school I vow with my hands raised to the ceiling, to put Cole on the yellow bus and never homeschool him...cause he gets on my nerves some days.  He behaves disorderly, disruptive, inattentive, and certainly hyper.......why?

Because I am schooling the other three, and he wants me to sit in the floor and play cars, read to him, color  with him, watch a movie with him, he wants Zac to wrestle with him, or Maysie to shoot video's with him....does he have ADHD?  No!  I could totally take him to the doctor explain his behavior and I swear I believe I could acquire medication.  However, the minute one of us switches our time to him to engage, the behavior immediately changes.

I don't mean we watch a movie with him or something surely quiet...I mean engage in an activity. It may be playing cars, walking the dog, putting up laundry together or making beds together...his behavior changes instantly.

I do believe they put entirely to much crap in our food.  God did not make our food to have a longer lasting shelf life or more nutrients and vitamins than He put into them Himself, certain small chickens aren't supposed  to be unnaturally plump for our consumption.

For sure some children are reacting to be over chemical-ed.....and certainly any one of  my children could be one of them. I mean for pete's sake we deal with OCD issues constantly in two children, two children have digestion issues & even I have been have had some issues with food lately & stomach pains, two of the children could be considered "hyper" by some......I mean pick a child, any child, any where....allergies galore these days,  environmental and FOOD allergies more now than ever! Autism, through the roof.  Cancer, through the roof. Alzheimers......Why???

Cause in the name of the almighty dollar our food is genetically modified and chemical-ed, if that is even a word.

I hate to sound manic, but gee wiz folks, I need some people to give me a break from being inundated with politically correct bullcrap. I am bored with that and unaffected.

I need some parents to quit excusing their children with ADHD and dag gone do some parenting that includes showing respect and discipline.

I need to be detoxed from all the chemicals.

I need some Midol & Lindor chocolate truffles probably too.