Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On your knees & don't move..........

Monday before D went to work he cut the TV on for CB till I could get my brain in the on position. He put Sponge Bob on.

It was the episode where Sponge Bob and Patrick have invisible spray paint. So Sponge Bob takes off his pants suddenly and Patrick asks him why he did that. Sponge Bob replies that invisible spray paint stains the pants. So Patrick is all stupid as usual, "oh yeah" and he takes his off too.

D- Oh great.....nothing like Patrick porno 1st thing in the morning.......


While mom was here the kids felt the need to tell on me.

See.....I don't want to spank my kids all the time. It just doesn't work on some kids. Some kids get a spankin and they understand it and don't make that mistake again, that's May. Some kids you can talk disappointed too and that is way worse than a spankin, that's Z & Sky. They want me to spank them instead of be disappointed, I never do that. Z has actually asked me to just spank him and get it over with. He hates when he is in trouble. I make them wait it out. The after effect is greater for positive momentum.

CB though, I could spank him everyday 14 times a day and then minute his mind shifts gears its as if it never happened. So I have to be creative when I discipline him, to make sure he understands I mean business. So because he likes to be where we are, I separate him from us. I lock him out on the screened porch.

He can scream, stomp and act like a motard (Z's word moron and retard). Then when he wants to behave he can come back inside. He hates to be put outside, cause he wants to be where we are.

Well Amy, why don't you just put him in his room??

...cause he plays and its fun time, there is no consequence for his bad behavior.

So they tell my mom I have done this, she thinks it awful, and "she didn't raise me to be this way." Skip forward........

Saturday morning CB is blatantly disrespecting me and needing his butt whipped(to the onlooker). If I spank his butt, he's just going to scream louder and make me madder, the situation will worsen, and it will not produce the outcome I am looking for.

So I grab him up and lock him on the porch(my magic time out number is 4 minutes, his age). Mom and D think I am horrible. They go on & on about how I shouldn't do that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It is ludicrous, so I let the boy inside just to shut them up. He instantly is behaving. They are still going on about it's cold, he doesn't have on shoes........blah, blah, blah....

D tells me if its not all that why don't I go outside with no shoes & a t-shirt??

In the living room, right there, I yanked off my pajama pants and my shoes, I walk out onto my screened porch which is basking in the sunshine and is on hitting on 50 degrees .......

A-(on the porch in my nightshirt and underwear jumping up and down like a motard as to repeat CB's behavior) Oh it's awful out here! How can I do this to myself! The torment of the sunshine on my feet!! Oh it's awful let me in the house, please, please!!! The TORMENT(stomp my feet, bang on the door, flail my arms about)Please, please, it's awful, I can't stand this, please help me I am in such suffering and anxiety, I am going to need therapy, help me please, please, I would rather be spanked than put on the porch in the sunshine.

....CB thinks this is hilarious, he comes outside to watch & and jump up and down with me. I do this for another 3 or 4 minutes to prove how ridiculous their goings on are.

When I open the door to come back in, D is smiling with all his teeth showing, my mom is standing in the living room staring at me like I am in sheer madness....."What is wrong with you? Are you crazy? I went in the bedroom to change my shirt and when I come out you are on the porch in your underwear and pajama shirt acting like you have no sense."

She starts singing to me, "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with ya pants on the ground." D joins in adding his merry made up verses that make fun of the whole stupid situation.

She walks outside to find...yeah it does feel nice outside in the sunshine.....that it's not so bad after all.

What is so crazy about this to me is that I am trying not to lose my temper with the child so I separate him from me in a place that will not be fun time, but that is safe.

But my counterparts think I should spank him and all will be well. Some kids just aren't "spank their butt kids." CB is one of those, he doesn't care. You could spank him all day, it is not effective. Why would I put myself through the awfulness of spanking my child to make other people feel better about the situation? I am 100% sure that is not the way to discipline him. In the end I produce unwanted results that I have to deal with everyday, all day.

Parenting is hard work, it is not for the lazy folks that is for sure. I will not be disrespected. God gave me my children to raise according to His will and for His glory. I will be sure to do the best job I can, running the race set before me. But I simply will not feel false guilt for not using the discipline others think appropriate.

I had a friend once from an Asian country. While she and her daughter were at my house with some other girlfriends, one of the daughters committed a slander against her sister to the other children. It made the Asian mother very upset that her 13 or 14 year daughter would dis her own sister for gain.

The Asian mother clearly angry to the teen - "On your knees, and don't move."

She made her stand on her knees, upright, leaning on nothing, in my hallway with her face to the wall for 20 or 30 minutes or something. My girlfriend CM and I thought maybe she had forgotten about the teen and reminded her she was still in the hallway. The mother said she knew it, and we didn't bring it up again. Have you ever stood on your knees on hard wood, fully upright, for that amount of time? It isn't pleasant. The other children where in full view of this discipline.

How ever uncomfortable that made me, I said nothing. That is her culture and the way she chose to discipline as a mother. At this time in her parenting life her children were very well behaved, they did very well in school, they loved their mother.

Her point was made and she never spanked that child to make it. Why? Because I discussed with her much later about that day.....spanking did not work with that child.....but the knee thing did.

In my mind, if CB gets locked on the porch cause he is behaving unacceptably, that's nothing. Especially when I get the proper behavioral result I am seeking in the end. It is no different than a time's just time-outside.

I get a chance to cool off.......and so does he, literally.

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