Tuesday, February 23, 2010

rage against the Melvinite from rejectapaloosa-ville.......

Um, so I got my third ticket in Oak Ridge. It was the second ticket I had been given by a speed camera.

The day I got this ticket I was trying to obey the law HARD. On the way to the doctors appt. I saw the camera going off crazy...flash, flash.........flash, flash, flash.......flash. I was like what is wrong with that thing, maybe it needs to be calibrated. I checked my speed, my cruise was set on 30, though the speed limit was 35. I knew it wasn't me.

On the way home I could see the camera still going off crazy as I was approaching it. Flashing away in front of me....

I am now up on the camera....flash, flash.....

passing it....flash, flash, flash....

rear view mirror.....flash flash.....check my speed still on 30-ish....oops am I in a school zone?

Look up real quick, oh good, in a school zone but the light isn't flashing....good, so it isn't me then, the camera must be wacked out.

When I get home though, I am calling D to tell him what's up in case they send me a ticket. Cause today I am 100% sure I am obeying the law so if I get a ticket, I am going to be livid.

.....this is my thought process.

Went home, called D gave him the run down on the flikted speed camera situation, and conveyed I was going to court if I got a ticket.

This past Saturday, before I was about to start getting ready to go to a wedding reception at church, I opened the mail. BIG MISTAKE!

As I pulled from the envelope a picture of my car clear as a bell.... with my tag so easily readable I didn't even need my reading glasses to look at it........my blood pressure hit an all time high in the Guinness Book of World Records. It ran so hot I thought I would scratch a hole in the sheet rock in my kitchen with my fingernails.

At that instant I determined I was not going to pay the ticket no matter what. I was prepared to go jail for a speeding ticket for going 31 in a 20 mph zone.

I pictured myself sitting in a jail cell, with crazy, matted up hair, and wild, high on crackalacky eyes......"Don't come any closer! I'm dangerous! I'm unpredictable! I went 31 in a 20 & that was after I ripped the tag off my pillows and mattresses!!!! (insert psycho music)

I hopped on Z's scooter and scooted on over to the porch politics at King David's house where His Highness Ferdinand the First, King David, & D were hashing out whether or not they trust a computer with their lives.....ex. an airplane, driven by computer with an ability to override a human...or some stupid crap that no one cares about but them, it seemed like a total waste of good breathing time.

I interrupted this to pledge my allegiance to the jail cell and swear by my truths. Then we all came up with a plan of action to fight & revolt that was unrealistic, to which His Highness Ferdinand the First quickly pointed out we were wasting breathing time, we were going to lose.

Later it occured to me that there was a web site that we could enter my citation number into and then watch me violating the law supposedly. So we do it.

Clearly on the video the school zone lights are blinking. I must have glanced up at the light when it was off and thought myself innocent. D agrees with the timing of the light and all that this is a possiblity.

D proceeds to take this "snapshot" from the video...... while he is at work......

.......and then email it to the porch politics people, telling them how I was Chicken Little & the sky was falling, the sky was falling......

I initially was so angry that I was so busted when I had thought I was surely innocent. I was willing to go to jail for for petes sake. I wanted to scratch my face off in severe aggravation. My inner turmoil could not be soothed for about a full day. It sucked. My joy was completely stolen and there was no trace of it anywhere.

That is why I am sure I must have been PMS-ing. I am sure that I need some hormone therapy.....or just some plain old therapy. That was crazy.

I don't think I would have been so upset if if I hadn't believed myself to be so freaking innocent
and I hadn't have been trying so hard to obey the speed limit.

Plus, Oak Ridge........that city, really isn't all that. I am so outta there. I am looking for new doctors and dentists, no more of my money will spent on the city of Oak Ridge.

My first ticket there, the freaking cop gave me a ticket about 10 yards away from a 55 mph sign. I was going 55 in a 45.

He pulled me over in front of a 55 mph sign to give me a ticket for going 55 in a 45.

Then before he left me he says this...

"Have a nice day ma'am and drive a little safer with your children in the car."

(in my mind) WHAT???! You fat, simple minded, muffin top, belt to tight, greasy comb over Melvinite, who just came from rejectapaloosa-ville! I can spit on the 55 mph sign, you loser! When I cross the line here, in oh say, 30 seconds!!!...AM I STILL GOING TO BE RECKLESS WEEBLE WOBBLE?! Get yer pants out yer butt crack, and loosen up that belt before yer swelling belly explodes, Ninny!

When he says this and before he has fully walked away and while I am going off in a tirade in my mind.....M & Z start laughing. May relaying to me he has an avocado head.....reminding me to drive a little safer with my children in the car.

The second ticket I was really speeding...45 in a 35....and I knew it....CB had just come from the pediatric dentist cause he had almost knocked his teeth out. I was not paying attention to my speedometer and the speed camera's were new. I paid the ticket with out an anger problem.

I know I am not the best driver. I do. But I have been trying really hard to watch when I back up, to go the speed limit, and to be careful with my kids in the car........trying really, really hard to be a good driver. That ticket is "jackin my style."

Fun facts to know and tell.....I am over myself now.......

.......freaking finally!

1 comment:

Linear Heritage of Women said...

Amy, I have so been there in your distress - especially during those special times of the month. I feel like sometimes I am really being tested when I get that angry. I know it isn't easy getting over yourself and finding joy somwhere in all the mess. Good for you for realizing it and being aware of your anger! You should be proud of yourself!