you only have one dollar, just give it to me..........

This week is vacation bible school in Kacka Lacky, TN. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all week.

Maysie and I have been doing the video introduction for the kids by way of short skits. They are going fairly well to be put together sort of spur of the moment. It's pretty fun to be cutting up with May, being silly the way we are at home out for the world to see. I really don't care how stupid we look, nor does she I believe, so long as the kids give us a laugh or two. Our characters have this terrible exaggerated lisp thing going on. I am S(th)ally S(th)almonheimer, the kids camp counselor and May is S(th)andy, my niece, who is a kid at the camp. Add the lisp for any and every reason and you have our characters nailed probably.

The fun part has been the brainstorming for the skits with May and Zach. Zach has thrown in some pretty cute ideas. He wants to be funny, but funny doesn't come as easy for him....he is funny when he doesn't mean to be.

When May was a little younger than she is now I would be walking with her into the grocery store and see the no smoking sign, I would say sort of elevated to her as a person passed by, "May you can't smoke in here so put your cigarettes up." She would get so ticked at me, but I swear that used to make me smile so big. It was just funny. I do the same thing to Zach now when we are filling out paper work at the ENT doctor's office. When they ask if anything has changed.....are you smoking...drinking alcohol.....I say to him, "Zach how many cigarettes do smoke a day now.....you cut back a little right?" He just smiles, and lets the people around him snicker at the comment...

So anyway this is hilarious to me, although some of you may find it disturbing...we were brainstorming, May and I, about this campfire scene at the end of one of the VBS skits.We were getting stupid cause we were tired and just started ad libbing like rednecks with lisp

A - (insert Hillbilly lisp) yeah stho Sthandy, I think I'll jutht thit by the fire and listhen to the thoundths of the crickeths....
M - (insert hillbilly lisp and a really sweet voice) that sthounds nithe Aunt Sthally, I'll thit with you I'm exhausthed, let me jutht go inthide my tent and get my thigarettes and thome beerths

....it was unexpected & super funny to me.....we were done for the night after that.

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Tuesday night in the car ride home after VBS Z & I were discussing him having lost a tooth at bible school.....and did I get the tooth to bring home.....

It was wadded up in a paper towel like a piece of trash when they gave it to me. I said, "Oh dang Z, I think I left it on the steps of the alter up front." He was irritated at me for leaving the tooth, I could see. I said to him, "I'm sorry I left the tooth, I mean do you have to have the tooth?"

Z- (serious as can be & somewhat irritated still ) No. Where is your purse so I can get my dollar now before you spend the one dollar you have.

To me, that was funny, cause he totally believed I would forget the tooth fairy thing (and I would), he totally believed I only had one dollar in my wallet (and I did).

Sky was in the backseat and said, "Zach, why would mom give you her last dollar? Just write the tooth fairy a note like I did and tell her mom left it at church."

.............I actually did find the tooth the next day while at the doctors office digging through my purse for a pin. Then I lost it again, and found it again last night. So has Zach got his dollar yet? No, cause I forgot.

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Last night when we got home from VBS I went to take Cole's clothes off and he had on no underwear.

A- Cole where are your underwear? Did you pee pee in your pants at church?
C- no
A- Where are your underwear at?
C- in my room
A- Your room at church?
C- no in my room here.....
A- Cole did you wear underwear to church tonight?
C- no
A- You had no underwear on at church?.....at bible school you did not wear underwear?
C- yes
A- How did you get out of this house with no underwear on? Mommy did not put underwear on you today?
C- I took them off
A- You took your underwear off today after mommy put them on?
C- yes
A- Why?
C- because I can't see the piture upside down, I can't get underwear back on, when I take'em off.
A- so you wanted to see Mater on yer underwear and then you couldn't get the underwear back on, so you just left them off?
C- yes
A- Did you pee pee in the potty at bible school?
C- yes
A- Did they ask you where your underwear were?
C- yes
A- What did you say?
C- I say, I take them off to see piture.
A- Did they ask you where you took them off?
C- yes, I say.... in my room, in my house, with my dog Jenny

I reckon I will have to explain that to Ms. Donna tonight.......eeeesh

STOP IT! My ears are dang burning girl..............

1. I am addicted to the burn of Listerine. I love that total gum burning sensation after a good tooth brushing and a good mouth swooshing rinse. It makes me feel GOOOOOOOOOOD! I LOVE it!

2. This weekend I heard the most awful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at the little league ball park. It made me want to put my hands over my ears and just holler, "STOP! STOP, Who told you to sing this? Why didn't someone tell you the correct words to sing?" The gal looked exactly like what folks think home schooled kids look like, but thank God above she wasn't. We get a bad enough rap without stuff like that. Oh man, it takes courage to sing in front of a crowd I know, which is why I didn't holler out in terror for her to stop. They should have just played the tape they usually play with no one singing.

Oh SON, it was just A W F U L.

Baseball season is over for my family. !Hallelujah! This is another blog for later in the week, after I can think clearly about the season with proper perspective.

3. VBS starts this week and even though I am barely doing anything that makes a darn difference, I feel exhausted thinking about it for the coming week.

4. The excuses I am making to the Lord are starting to get old......even to me, like a broken record. I am about to get tired of myself.

5. Kettle brand chips, Buffalo Blue flavor, cannot come into my house ever again. I am an irresponsible Kettle chip eater.


Okay....that should about do it for the night.

I am about to grow a beard and die..........

Yesterday I did this: School, laundry, dishes, lake, showered, baseball in Oak Ridge, Starbucks, neighbors for porch politics where everyone in the world is stupid but us ;oD....

At the baseball field Zach hit an inside the park home run and brought a guy in with him. I was really happy for him cause he has been in a batting slump and pretty discouraged. Despite the at bat following, he struck out again, he seemed a little lighter cause he actually made contact and ran hard on his on accord during this particular game.

So to reward myself for his batting I took us all to Starbucks with my gift card for some frappuccinos and dessert. We should have been eating dinner, like real food, but hey that's the kinda mom I am....I have my priorities straight, real food - Starbucks....real food-Starbucks.......hands down we go for taste on an occasion such as this. They were delicious and cold, 2 vanilla beans and a mocha caramel with two straws, a horizon milk, a slice or blueberry crumb cake, and a slice of lemon icing cake .....

On the way home we meandered through the construction going on in Oak Ridge, cruising behind three cars doing 20 in a 35 speed limit construction zone, yet being followed by 4 cars or so, at 8:30 PM when no one was working at all. I thought I might grow a beard and die before we got home. Anyway the first car apparently was searching for some where to stop & turn around and abruptly slammed on his/her brakes causing a domino effect. We all slammed on brakes, hard.

Half a peanut butter sandwich from God knows where in the car flew past my head to the front wind shield, two plums jumped off the passenger seat & threw themselves on the floor. My purse vomited up everything inside of it, including some ants that had gone after CB's ring pop. All of the children screamed, seat belts tightened, some horns got honked....but not mine (cause usually I am not a horn honker)...........then we were moving lazily again through the construction and all was more or less normal and silent.

From the back seat Maysie says in the most geeked out voice over, "Holy cow, I almost Frapped in my pants."

Me & Z laughed out loud and hard cause that was just so dang funny in a moment when we needed funny.

Which then started a whole series of ways to use the word Frapp in an absurd manor, pretty much all the way home.