A- Hey Cole! Want to see your new soccer shirt buddy?
C- COOOOL! It's purple and it has two'd two on it!
......he's number "22"
I'm going through one of those times where no matter how many towels I wash there are never any towels in my bathroom to dry off with. For like 3 days or so I have dried myself off with a hand towel or two. I washed two loads of towels yesterday. When I went to take a shower one load was in the wash and the other in the dryer...so I was gonna use two small hand towels.....again.
....but Cole came in, stripped off his clothes, climbed into the tub and took one for himself. I thought I had locked the door, cause he's getting bigger and I don't want him in the bathroom with me anymore. I must have just missed the full shut (which is obviously, car door verticalness, not uncommon) so when he pushed the door and burst in with full 4 year old energy, this occurred....
A- Get out.
CB- No Momma, I wanna get in, but I don't want you to wash me off with soap. I just wanna play cars with you (stripping off his clothes).
A- I'm not playing cars CB, don't get in the tub. If you get in I am going to wash your hair with the blue shampoo(he hates this I know he'll leave now).
CB- NoooOOOOooo, the blue shampoo is in the garbage can, I see the bottle.....try again Momma, I'm getting in.
He does, I don't wash his hair, and I do play cars for about 10 minutes cause that's all I can handle and I pull the plug.
I am drying off with my paper towel, I mean my hand towel, and CB is standing on the toilet trying to dry his own hair. He is spewing off as many foul words as he can muster.....
CB- snot, dooky, fart sniffing dog breath, stinky spit globs in yer toe funky socks, rotten teeth, armpit hair, you are a dummy...
A- COLE! That's enough! What is wrong with you? Stop talking like that, it sounds awful. What would make you think to say all those not desirable things in one mouthful.
CB- I don't know, I just like saying random things sometimes.
I'm like, what the heck does he know about saying random things...and what the heck does he know about the word random?....
CB- Mom, I am gonna hide under here(under the sink where towels for your body are supposed to be) and I want you to find me.
A- You're under the sink.
CB- How did you know?
A- Cause you are the only naked child in here who told me they were going to hide under the sink.
CB- Okay I am gonna hide in Daddy's closet and you come find me.
CB- Yes Momma, I'm not gonna get dressed unless you find me.
A- I am not gonna find you cause I have to take Z to W*** & C*****'s and I have to get dressed. If you're going with me you better get some clothes on.
CB- I'm just going naked cause you won't find me.
A- That's fine, whatever Cole Bear.
CB- Fine, I'm going into the car now with no clothes on cause you won't find me.
CB- ...and I am going to rub the seat belt all over my naked butt and get naked Cole Bear all over the seat belt.
A- CB, Fine whatever dude, I'm fixin to leave, for real. That won't bother me one bit (but I'm thinking Z won't like that at all).
I head out the bathroom door, call out to Z to rock and roll, and head towards the car...Z propels himself down his stairs like boulder coming through he floor.
Z- GET SOME CLOTHES ON COLE, GOSH!
CB- NO! Cause Momma won't play with me! I'm not gonna wear clothes today ZACHARY!
Z slams the garage door and is getting in the car with me.....
CB-(in the house).......Momma DON'T leave me!
wait for it...........wait for it............wait for it.........
I hear stomping and panic crying, nothing, stomping, panic crying and the door to the garage area where we are waiting flies open. I can see that I have won the battle of wills ....yet again, by calling his buff, er I mean his bluff...
CB emerges from the house, gets into the car, slams the door.....he is wearing a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. too big shirt that used to be mine, that he sleeps in and black cowboy boots. He gets into the car and I begin to back out.
CB- Momma....you didn't make me put these clothes on. I wanted to put theses clothes on...and these boots too.
A- Okay CB, you just didn't want the big boys to see you naked in the car. I thought you were gonna rub yer naked Cole Bear butt all over the seat belt...
Z- No! He isn't! That's disgusting!
CB- I am. I am just gonna do it later. I just wanted to wear my clothes for a minute.
What's that quote?
"No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride"