Saturday, July 25, 2009

He was a stable man.......he never fell over.......

.....in conversation..............

D calling me from Walmart after he went to the bajillionth doctor this week......


D- Baby, (in total amazement) I am at the Walmart getting my prescription filled and you would not believe the bags of drugs they have hanging from the these little hangers. They are two and three rows deep on these hangers 100's and 100's of them....bagged, tagged, and ready for old people to pick up.

A- Wow.... Really?.....(cause I have seen the bags on the hangers before, 2 & 3 rows deep)

D- Yes!.........Babe, if Walmart goes out of business half of the worlds population is going to die. I am going to take a picture of this with my phone and send it to you. (and he does)






.....................................................................................

D complaining to me that I am never satisfied, because I am asking him questions about did he ask the doctor this and that......

D- I have been violated this week. I have had a woman run her finger up my butt (the "complete physical" for work he has to have every two years or so), our doc poked and prodded then sent me to this other woman who rubbed KY all over my belly (abdominal scan) and made me roll all over the table, some man has cut me & nearly burned me to death (dermatologist), the dental assistant tried to bleed me to death with her dental floss. I am done!! I would think you could be satisfied!........
....while she was snapping her gloves on telling me to bend over, I thought I'd fart on her and say (in a 100% South Carolina Accent) you wanna go in there now....Lord, it was awful (shuddering like a baby reliving the moment)


A- I mean really, was it THAT awful?! Come on, it just lasted a couple seconds....(cause in my mind I am thinking about delivering a baby....small outlet, big blob of infant baby

D- (conversation to graphic that I feel uncomfortable sharing it)

....in his mind, a finger check, is like a baby........of course when I think of it myself, I feel grossed out totally. So this one we'll consider a mulligan.

Seriously, I would be over the doc visits also.

...................................................................................

Maysie commenting on Zach's English final exam.....2 paragraphs about Abraham Lincoln.

M- stable.......you have to use the word stable? Abraham Lincoln was a stable man........he never fell over.

(M & Z in the kitchen laughing ....and me too)

.................................................................................

I got called for jury selection for this trial about these two hillbilly brothers who shot a police officer and a ride along friend who was not a police officer that were ...hear say........serving a warrant when they shouldn't have been. The brothers got stupid cause they were high on ganja, if you know what I mean, and started shooting up the place "protecting their right to privacy and their land."

...so anyway, I decided to file a request to be excused cause I just don't have time for all that right now.

...but I am so stupid that I didn't read the subpoena correctly and filed the request a bit late, like 8 days before I was to go.

So I go down to the court house and drag Cole and May with me to verify that I have a baby in tow constantly. There are 180 folks in the court room with me and I am sitting on the front row beside a midget and old woman with dyed red hair that is clearly way to red for her age. She has red lipstick on her lips way past her lips, like up to her nostrils....she scares me and I think she scares the midget too cause he looked scared when he snuck a glance at her.....cause his eyebrows raised up & his legs kicked a bit cause they weren't touching the floor.........in fact my legs kicked a bit every time I looked at her and my legs did touch the floor.

They take roll and I am not called.

Judge- raise your hand if you were not called
A -(raising my hand with about 4 other folks)
Judge- lets start with you because you are on the front row...
A- I may not be on the roll because I sent in a request to be excused.
J- Why did you send in a request to be excused?
A- I am a stay home mom of 4 that home schools. Seriously we have no family in town, so I have no other steady child care available.

The Judge and the court lady say simultaneously, "Oh you're the one with 4 kids" and they laugh at each other....and so do the other 18o people in the court room.

J- yes, we tried to contact you yesterday but were not able too, phone numbers or something didn't work out, but you are excused because under law if you are the sole care giver you are, under the law, able to be excused. You may stay with us today or you may leave now. (he smiles, cause he seems to be a super nice guy)
A- I am good to go if you are....(he smiles again and excuses me & I am outta there peeps)

......out in the hall CB is totally behaving and the ladies in the clerk window tell me how well behaved my children are. They give Cole two suckers and May one sucker and we scat.

I feel sssssoooo good. Not on the jury and my kids are well behaved. Cole gets some new Hot Wheels, May makes me promise again to get her some highlights "cause I owe her."

In the car I tell Cole, "Thank you for being such a good boy today, I am so proud of you."
C- you welcome mommy, at least I not in jail
M- YET!

No comments: