try again Momma, I'm getting in...........

Me showing Cole his new soccer uniform......

A- Hey Cole! Want to see your new soccer shirt buddy?

C- COOOOL! It's purple and it has two'd two on it!

......he's number "22"

......................................................................

I'm going through one of those times where no matter how many towels I wash there are never any towels in my bathroom to dry off with. For like 3 days or so I have dried myself off with a hand towel or two. I washed two loads of towels yesterday. When I went to take a shower one load was in the wash and the other in the dryer...so I was gonna use two small hand towels.....again.

....but Cole came in, stripped off his clothes, climbed into the tub and took one for himself. I thought I had locked the door, cause he's getting bigger and I don't want him in the bathroom with me anymore. I must have just missed the full shut (which is obviously, car door verticalness, not uncommon) so when he pushed the door and burst in with full 4 year old energy, this occurred....

A- Get out.

CB- No Momma, I wanna get in, but I don't want you to wash me off with soap. I just wanna play cars with you (stripping off his clothes).

A- I'm not playing cars CB, don't get in the tub. If you get in I am going to wash your hair with the blue shampoo(he hates this I know he'll leave now).

CB- NoooOOOOooo, the blue shampoo is in the garbage can, I see the bottle.....try again Momma, I'm getting in.

He does, I don't wash his hair, and I do play cars for about 10 minutes cause that's all I can handle and I pull the plug.

I am drying off with my paper towel, I mean my hand towel, and CB is standing on the toilet trying to dry his own hair. He is spewing off as many foul words as he can muster.....

CB- snot, dooky, fart sniffing dog breath, stinky spit globs in yer toe funky socks, rotten teeth, armpit hair, you are a dummy...

A- COLE! That's enough! What is wrong with you? Stop talking like that, it sounds awful. What would make you think to say all those not desirable things in one mouthful.

CB- I don't know, I just like saying random things sometimes.

I'm like, what the heck does he know about saying random things...and what the heck does he know about the word random?....

CB- Mom, I am gonna hide under here(under the sink where towels for your body are supposed to be) and I want you to find me.

A- You're under the sink.

CB- How did you know?

A- Cause you are the only naked child in here who told me they were going to hide under the sink.

CB- Okay I am gonna hide in Daddy's closet and you come find me.

A- No

CB- Yes Momma, I'm not gonna get dressed unless you find me.

A- I am not gonna find you cause I have to take Z to W*** & C*****'s and I have to get dressed. If you're going with me you better get some clothes on.

CB- I'm just going naked cause you won't find me.

A- That's fine, whatever Cole Bear.

CB- Fine, I'm going into the car now with no clothes on cause you won't find me.

A- Fine.

CB- ...and I am going to rub the seat belt all over my naked butt and get naked Cole Bear all over the seat belt.

A- CB, Fine whatever dude, I'm fixin to leave, for real. That won't bother me one bit (but I'm thinking Z won't like that at all).

I head out the bathroom door, call out to Z to rock and roll, and head towards the car...Z propels himself down his stairs like boulder coming through he floor.

Z- GET SOME CLOTHES ON COLE, GOSH!

CB- NO! Cause Momma won't play with me! I'm not gonna wear clothes today ZACHARY!

Z slams the garage door and is getting in the car with me.....

CB-(in the house).......Momma DON'T leave me!

wait for it...........wait for it............wait for it.........

I hear stomping and panic crying, nothing, stomping, panic crying and the door to the garage area where we are waiting flies open. I can see that I have won the battle of wills ....yet again, by calling his buff, er I mean his bluff...

CB emerges from the house, gets into the car, slams the door.....he is wearing a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. too big shirt that used to be mine, that he sleeps in and black cowboy boots. He gets into the car and I begin to back out.

CB- Momma....you didn't make me put these clothes on. I wanted to put theses clothes on...and these boots too.

A- Okay CB, you just didn't want the big boys to see you naked in the car. I thought you were gonna rub yer naked Cole Bear butt all over the seat belt...

Z- No! He isn't! That's disgusting!

CB- I am. I am just gonna do it later. I just wanted to wear my clothes for a minute.



What's that quote?

"No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride"

.......or something...

sippin from a tea cup, with my pinky up..........

Happy Monday to all my peeps who "kiss their boo boos & clean doggy doo doos."




.....singing Farmer in the Dell in perfect harmony..... LOL

he gave me 3 containers of Floam and then drove away..............

As stated before I try not to play up the Santa Claus thing here at he house, cause it irritates me a little.

But one year on my way home from dropping Maysie off at an Awana Christmas party, I saw my neighbor leaving his house dressed up like Santa Claus. He had been playing Santa at one of his two kids Christmas parties.

It happened like this:

He got dressed as Santa for HIS kids Christmas parties thinking he was going to be a hero, feeling good about himself.

On his way out the door his next door neighbor had her mommy GPS on go. When he set foot out the front door she asked him if he'd stop by their house on the way in from the party later that night. She'd leave gifts on the porch, one for each of her three kids.

He said yes.

He arrived home that evening and was heading toward their house when I spotted him. I was in early stages of labor with Cole, so I am all crazed out in the mind pregnant thinking, "OH wouldn't it be super cool if he could visit Sky?! Let me see if I can make it happen."

I turn my car on two wheels and descend on Santa before he knows what's happening.

A- (hanging across my passenger seat, with my passenger seat window down, trying not to be in labor) Heeeeyy Santa....you wanna go for a ride to my house real quick and see a very bad little 3 year old girl.....please, please, plllleeeeeeeease?

Santa - I told R****** I 'd go see her kids. (He looks exhausted, but I am in labor and I don't care.)

A- (I didn't want to have to do this manipulative thing at Christmas but....I had to pull the trump card. I could tell he was going to totally bail) I'm in labor and I am begging you, feel sorry for me and get in my car. I will drive you home I swear, right after you do the deed. I'll give you cookies and milk.......and some floam to give my bad little girl.......

Santa - (still walking heading up the driveway and not wanting to tell me yes) Amy....I wasn't intending to do all this you know?......

A- I know......but really... right now, I am bigger than you. I could actually just take you down Santa and make you give my girl Floam and not give you any cookies............I will be your best friend......

Santa - (almost to their door now) Go home. Leave the gift on the steps and I will drive down when I am done here...and (he hollers down the porch steps) I don't want anymore cookies!

A- Okay then! (excited, mission accomplished)...I'm outta here, FLOAM wrapped up on the front steps! Her name is Skylar!

Santa waves me off to leave.

I rush home, get my big, fat, pregnant, in early labor butt in the house and hurry to put the gift on the porch before she sees me. D is all, "What is wrong with you? What are you doing?"

A- SH! I got Santa coming over here.....

D- What.....

A-Just be quiet and wait a dang minute.

ding dong

Sky runs out of her room. My dog is barking her head off cause no one rings our bell at night that late.

I open the door and there he is with the gift... "Ho Ho Ho Miss Skylar, how are you this evening pretty girl?"

Sky is seriously looking like, what the heck? Santa is at my door?

She is hanging onto my leg so tightly......D is grinning from ear to ear......

Santa - Skylar I have brought a gift for you this evening to open early....have you been a good little girl?

Sky- (always brutally honest, even at 3) um, no not really.

Santa -(he snickers a little cause he thought I was lying earlier) Well then, I will give you this gift if you will promise to be a good girl till Christmas......at least, right?........Mom?

A- Yes, yes Santa that would be fine. (So dang funny, Santa trying to give a bad girl a gift, with stipulations he knows by her truthful eyes she won't keep.)

A - I know you are surely busy Santa....and tired, you probably need to head off huh and get some rest before the big gift exchange next week.....

Santa - Yes, Yes I do....It was surely good to see you Miss Skylar, I do need to get back, but I will see you again soon....be good now.

I shut the door and Sky is in shock. While she is coming to terms with the fact Santa just came to her house, I sneak out the front door. I make haste out to his car to tell him, thank you, thank you, thank you, and that I owe him a lawn mowing or something in the spring. Which he did not collect on.

Santa getting in his car - "Are you really in labor?"

A- Yes, just early labor, I have a little bit of time before things start to rock and roll....

Santa - for petes sake......

A- Thank you again!

That was actually the night of two Kens......

One who was Santa.

One who would sleep on my couch at some unholy hour, in the middle of the night to stay with my kids while D and I went to the hospital. Well, actually until my mom could get here the next morning.

Anyhoo....all this story to say, Sky still believes in Santa. This little boy at church told her Santa wasn't real. She has never asked me about it so luckily I haven't had to address that.

....in the car on the way home from the mountains the weekend of May's b-day.....

S- Do you know what Z** C***** told me?

A, M, & Z- What?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- He said Santa Claus wasn't real.

Z- Well, what did you say?

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

S- I said, well yes he is. He came to my front door and gave me 3 containers of Floam. Then he drove away in a car.........which was weird.

We all catch each others eyes in the car and smile.

CB- Who is Z** C*****?

All this time I didn't know she saw him pull out of the driveway in a car. :oD