I totally gave her permission to kick me square in the butt ...........

Last Monday, not yesterday, Kacka Lacky, TN had our annual Christmas parade. I had agreed to walk with the girls in the parade because the gal who owns the clogging studio where they take lessons needed some adult chaperone's. It was cold, which was to be expected. The clogging studio got a super position in the parade sort of near the front of the line. The girls got lined up...the truck with Christmas clogging music screaming out the back of the truck bed, the "pro-cloggers" to clog all the way through the parade, the girls with the banner saying who we were, and then all the girls walking and throwing out candy...in that order.

It started to rain just as we were about get the show on the road.

.......that and the truck battery with the blaring music was dead.

Immediately the gal who owns the studio runs over to me and Ms. P and asks us if we have jumper cables. Which we don't cause she wrecked her vehicle hitting a deer and she had a rental car and I am just generally unprepared and in constant need of supervision when in the presence of any vehicles.

It has started to pour down rain now and we have lost our position. Our bags that have all the candy to throw out have gotten wet on the bottom and the bottoms literally start to fall out of the bags, spilling candy all over the streets where we stand in the pouring rain.....it's 40 degrees.

I had pathetically persuaded Ms. P into walking in the parade with me so I wouldn't have to walk all by myself not knowing anyone. um, yeah....I totally gave her permission to kick me square in the butt right in front of God and everybody.

The truck did get jumped off and despite losing our spot we ended up slap in the middle of the line in the parade. The SECC pro girls did clog all the way through the parade in the pouring rain. We did get sopping wet beyond all wetness in 40 degree weather. It was insane. In the end, it was a night I would surely remember as a sacrifice for my girls. Not only that, but even in the pouring rain Kacka Lacky town folks STAYED for the parade. I would have totally bailed if we had not been in the parade. But piles of folks lined the streets with their kids waiting to grab as much candy as possible. Our girls had a ball. I can actually say I had a pretty good time too.

D had the biggest umbrella known to man with Cole and Z waiting on us to come around. They got three full gallon sized ziploc bags of water-logged candy that night. Most of which hit the garbage the next morning for failure to dry in a manner that was eatable.

Ms. P's husband should have been in the parade he was waving us on bigger than the wavers in the parade. He was clearly excited and it made me happy to see his excitement. Her two boys, not quite as excited.

Meg and I agreed if we could get one of our kids to marry the other and have some children... some day...we could gab on about this night when we are older and grayer than we are now....cause it was surely epic.

We had to walk back to our cars at the end of the parade. Most of the mom's and a few teens could have passed for Alice Cooper.

It was till pouring down when we decided to just stop walking and call D to come pick us 6 drowned girls up under the shelter of the local car wash. He did.

My car smelled like wet vermin for like two days after that. I despise Febreeze cause it kills my sinuses, but it works so I used way too much of it.

We all got home, took hot baths, and put on warm fuzzy pajamas with slippers. It was an awesome way to end an unthinkable parade situation.


..........................
Quotes from parade night:

.....the Baptist church handing out cookies and hot chocolate earlier in the night before the parade.

D - CB, do you want some hot chocolate?

CB- No it's too hot, I don't like it too hot.

D- CB, do you want a chocolate chip cookie?

CB- No, I don't like chocolate chip cookies?

D- Well of course you don't. These are made with goodness and love by kind Christians, you probably want devils food cake.
____________

CB in the car on the way home...

CB- Yeah and then Zachary pushed me down in the street and my hat got grinched. (drenched)


____________


This is not our city parade, but gosh, it's funny....and worthy of parade catastrophe mention for sure. Listen to the folks distress when Rudolph meets his fate.

"You're tearing Rudolph!!!"....oh man...it's just ...a little funny.

This goes back to my previous blog about why do we do abnormal things at this time of year?

....like striding in pouring down rain in 40 degree weather to the equivalent of a Christmas version of Cotton-Eyed Joe....and pulling an extremely over-sized baby deer with a birth defect on an under thought out parade path that tortures town folks and little children into night terrors about it's death by gouging of an over zealous stop light.

...anyhoo, Happy Tuesday.

I burst out laughing in my sleep.........

This past weekend my sister and her family came down for Memorial Day weekend. It was a good visit. Played some games, swam, road on the boat, ate good and went to church together.....the memories make my heart smile.

Here is a a super funny memory. Now I am not sure I can retell this like it happened....but this junk was so flippin funny I swear I did the laugh that was uncontrollable and loud. You know that laugh where even if you didn't want to laugh you just have to cause it just burst forth.

I swear, no lie, Cole crawled in the bed with me this morning and I was half asleep and half awake and I was remembering this for some reason and I burst out laughing in my sleep for petes sake and made Cole start laughing.

My sister has this dog, his name is Max...or Maxie as CB called him.

Max is a Shih-Tzu like Jenny but he's about 2 years younger than Jenny and is still pretty playful.

So we are on the pontoon and we're pulling Sky and Emma(my niece) on the tube behind us.

Max has never been on a boat and seems a bit wigged out but he's doing okay.

I am sitting in the front of the boat with Leigh and Big Charlie. Max just jumps down off Leigh's lap and starts sort of sporadically running down to the back of the boat sort of zig zaggedy crazy running and fast, his tail is all crazy tucked between his legs...then he runs back to the front of the boat all crazy like.....and I asked Leigh, "What's wrong with Max?"

...about that time he's running full out towards us in the front....and the dog takes a crazy running leap right through the door rail on the boat....the dog never touches the metal...he shoots right through the gap.

We are going about 20 mph.

All I see is the dog running full out like something has stung his butt and it's on fire, I see white hair fly past me and off the dang boat. I jump up and scream "MAX!!!!" I see white hairy dog spread out like doing a jumping jack flying across the top of the lake. Skylar and Emma see the dog and now they are screaming for Max.

At the same time that I scream, Leigh screams, Maysie screams, and Little Charlie screams......

"MAX!!!" or "STOP THE BOAT!!!" or "The DOG!!!!!!!"

.... everybody on the boat is now standing and D is turning around, he's laughing.

The dog is no where to be seen...then his head pops up and he's paddling like mad cause heck, he don't no what the heck just happened apparently and now he's in the middle of the lake with no land in site. I guess he figures he better paddle his furry butt hard.

I look and Leigh and she is busting out laughing and I am rolling my butt on the floor and cause that is the dang funniest thing I have ever seen.

.....wait a minute I have to laugh before I finish this....

Z scooped Max up out of the water and he was okay.

Later that night Max was so out of his element here at out house he dang went nuts on the porch.

Leigh said real casually, "Uh oh Max is fixin to get crazy again."

He started scattin his butt crazy all zig zaggedy again, with his tail all tucked between his legs and ran into the screen on the screened in porch.

We all fell out again, poor dog. He's a good dog just the boat ride had him all worked up. He didn't ride the boat the next day, he had a little day of rest.

tires are not a conflict of interest........

Today is mine & D's Anniversary.....8/7/93

We have been married 16 years.

I was trying to think of what we were doing this time 16 years ago....he remembered that he was staying in a hotel the night before our wedding. We didn't get married till around 6 or 7pm or something so we had all day to do stuff. It totally rained during our wedding. It was an indoor wedding though, thank goodness. A lot of the guests were coming downstairs where I was located hair drying their clothes off.

These are the Anniversary dates I remember:

1994 - (totally newlywed, no children, both people have a job gifts) D gave me a tennis bracelet and I gave him an out building from Home Depot with about 3000 screws. We needed an out building bad and he was excited till he spent about 4 days straight putting it together.

1995- we spent the night at Look Away Hall in North Augusta. A bed and breakfast in these two old mansions down the street from where we lived then. We had a good time.

1996- I delivered, what would have been yesterday, Maysie. D sent me a dozen beautiful , huge, yellow roses with one pink one to the hospital room. I still have them them dried up in a jar.

1998- I was pregnant with Zach and have no idea what we did.

1999- we had moved to Santa Fe this year. I have no idea what we did for our anniversarys the whole time we were in New Mexico. We probably went out cause we had this awesome sitter, whom I still LOVE LOVE LOVE, Leslie. She was 13 when she started sitting for us and now she is a grown married woman.

2000, 2001- New Mexico...no idea, one year we took a late anniversary over night trip to Taos. We stayed at this awesome bed and breakfast and ate at this wonderful restaurant outside. They had Williams Sonoma napkins I believe, I pretty much stole them as souvenirs. I actually still wear them sometimes on my head when I mow the grass....sad & pathetic I know. D 's parents were in town and they watched M & Z for us. It was a great getaway.

2002 - again I was pregnant with Skylar, she was due on Labor Day, didn't happen, 2 weeks late. Plus we had moved to TN that Feb and we were building our house living in this God forsaken rental property.

2003- D wrote me the most wonderful love letter. Telling me how good the past 10 years had been. I have it hanging in my closet. I still read it. I think that is the best gift he has ever gotten me in all our years, for any gift type occasion.....except maybe my Purple Martin bird house which he had gotten for me for my birthday. I really like it also.

2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 - I have no idea what happened on our anniversary.
2008 - Now...... this I remember quite clearly for a number of reasons.

D had a gall bladder attack like two nights before & drove himself to the ER cause he is stubborn as crap the next morning. He had scheduled his gall bladder removal for the 8th, the Friday after our anniversary...so he could recoup over the weekend and go to the beach the following week, if the doc would see fit he was healing okay.

We had also planned to go to Wild Wings for dinner with Brian & Danielle. They home school 4 & have the same anniversary date as us only year ahead. So D decides we should go anyway.....to Wild Wings.... the night before gall bladder surgery. He doesn't eat that much. However, all of us sign up for a "cruiser," this fancy boat parked outside. A local radio station is there and we are having a pretty good time. The DJ starts his spill about the cruiser and the giveaway and blah, blah, blah....... to make a long story short....10 people , 9 people left, 8 people left, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 people left in the drawing...D and some other dude.....1!!! D wins the "cruiser".......wooo hooo Happy Anniversary Baby!!!

uuuhhhhhhh no

He wins a "Bud Light Party Cruise" for two. Okay to me this = conflict of interests immediately (4 kids to get care for, Sunday School teacher, Awana director, no brainer, don't go), to D it = me and him on a free cruise with no children (forget the logistics, it'll work out, just because other people are drunk doesn't mean we have to be, not everybody will be young, we aren't 21 and we have tickets).

So we have, I don't know....... about 1 MILLION discussions about this retarded cruise.

He understands my conflict of interests argument & I understand his argument for the two of us to take a free cruise. Ultimately though, the Lord did impress upon his heart drunken young people would be about the boat and that wasn't our bag no matter how free the cruise was. So he listed the tickets on eBay. (Halla dang lu yah)

Gosh almighty, that was an event. Other folks had their tickets listed but D's tickets shot through the roof for some reason...maybe it was a reward from God for making the decision not to go.
Folks on eBay were sending emails saying we can't sell them, some saying they were this and that and blah, blah, blah. We tried to pull them off at the last minute but couldn't cause the 24 hour time limit eBay has and the dang things sold for about $2000 dollars. We rejoiced when the buyer of the tickets went on the cruise and all was well in the universe again.

We purchased new tires for the van with that anniversary gift. They were not a conflict of interest.

2009- so tonight we are going out with Brian and Danielle again for dinner. Although Danielle and I agreed we are NOT going to Wild Wings, I don't care how good their wings are....and they are GOOOOD.

D wanted me to put on my wedding dress this morning...straight dress, about a size uuuuhhh 8 or 10....not feelin that. I am sure first thing this morning I wanted to wring his chicken neck for even bringing that up.

I do love Derrick, he's super cool, smart, funny, and handsome everyday of the week. We have grown over the years and are surely not the same people we married back then. I am glad about that.

It's good that we have lived away from our parents all these years, we have learned to truly depend on one another. For as much as I love the confidence of a female friend.....D really knows me the best through and through......he is my soul mate in every way and we are one......

.........whether he likes it or not

Happy Anniversary D, see you when you get home.

XOXO

Powdercat

you can take a girl from the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto outta the girl.....

When I was growing up we lived in apartments. All my life we lived in the same apartments, different units at different times, but at the same place for 18 years. I still keep in touch with lots of those folks, especially now that Facebook has become one of my time wasting, mindless hobbies.

Anyway, we obviously didn't have all the things that were the new and it things when we were younger. I tease my kids now cause at Christmas we got apples and oranges in our stockings with a pack of gum and a lifesaver book. I always tell them Santa must being doing a little better these days ;oD

Once when I was older & married with kids, D & I went to my oldest friend Lisa's new house for a visit and swim. I have known Lisa since she was 5 and I was 6, her sister Maureen was like 4 or something, and their youngest sister Andrea, I have known her whole life......apartment friends.

Lisa was my best friend for as long as I can remember till high school. We were a grade apart, therefore making new best friends and new interest. We always tapped each other in the hallway at school just to say "Hi" even though we rarely hung out anymore. So our time together now is super special, in that we have known one another so long, had 4 kids a piece, & both lost our fathers. Though we don't speak but maybe once a year, we pick up where we left off, it is very comfortable to me.

....back to the story, so we were swimming in the community pool at her subdivision, her sister Andrea was there with her child too. All our kids were swimming & looking for goggles. Andrea piped up and stated, "We don't have any goggles, just use your ghetto goggles."

I was like, "What is that?" Andrea made her pointer finger tips touch her thumb tips, like an "okay" sign, and put them up to her face. We all started laughing. She said, "When we were growing up we couldn't afford goggles and we had to wear our Ghetto Goggles to the pool".....we all thought that was so funny.

...from that point on, anything D & I have had that has been half jacked has been "Ghetto_____".

For example: We have a john boat, it's name is the Ghetto Yacht......our pontoon boat is called Ghetto Yacht....the Sequel.

So last night, I made Skylar a chicken patty sandwich, on wheat bread, cause we were out of buns. I totally cut the bread in a circle, and studied it.

It was so Ghetto Chick-fil-A, it reminded me of Eddie Murphy in the 80's talking about his momma's "big, green peppa welfare burger" while all the other kids had McDonalds. (you can actually youtube that video but it has some pretty bad language, it's funny though)

So here is my Ghetto Chick-fil-A served on ghetto china no less.....

Sky liked it, she ate two...she is surely Ghetto.