Hey! I'm half way to dead...ain't nobody got time for dat

"I know you don't read my memo's, so in case you are unaware, I am now a super villian."  
       - Mosely, The Suite Life

It's funny how quickly the right things in life become the wrong things....and the wrong things become the right things depending on who you are hanging out with.

As you get older you think  that wisdom through trial and error will grant you the gift of discernment.  It doesn't though.  I believe discernment is truly a gift from God that not everyone is given.  Certainly as adults we love to have the favortism of those that are well liked, cause then we feel well liked. Who doesn't want to be loved and adored by most people? If you say it doesn't matter what people think, then I believe you are a liar...dig deeper, it's there.

It's those times when folks ask of you to turn a blind eye, wink away certain behavior, or excuse it with immaturity to stay with the well liked group and to "be like everyone else" or "get on board" that we figure out who we really are on our own.

Drama starts as children, rocks hormones to the foundation as teens, annoy's the hell out of us in our 20's and 30's......and by our 40's, heck we are half way to dead.  Do we really want to spend the next 40 years of our God given lives dancing around everyones clearly seen stupidity and bad choices?

NO! I just want to be all ...REAL TALK IN YOUR FACE... and be done. By the time I speak all the nice words that coddle your ego and make you feel all furry bunnies and rainbows....I'll dang grow a freaking beard and die.

 "Ain't nobody got time for dat"

The thing is, being a Christian now is hard work for me. It shouldn't be, but it is.

Like....feeling God's grace and knowing His presence in my everyday and all day comings and goings is as natural as breathing. I'd suffocate literally without this constant hand holding session God has with me.

Dealing with stupid people = hard work......HARD WORK, intense manual labor. It's funny because these people believe in themselves and their faith is in themselves and the popularity they surround themselves with. So they "are always right." The entourage tells them so because that is what itching ears want to hear.

This is where the gift of discernment is halted. The things you once knew were right and good and planned to never leave, knowing bad things come from making rash decisions.....have now become the wrong things, and unpopular, and hard.....so they are left as thoughts in the file cabinet of the mind.....

.....to be picked back up at a later date when humbleness has forced your hand and won.......again.   Discernment will not be gained though, for alas, it is a gift.

If or when you come to the knowledge you haven't been given this gift....surround yourself with the folks who have it. Folks who love the Lord with all their heart, their soul, their strength, and their mind, so that your pathway will be much straighter.

A lot of times people who do the right things that are deemed wrong by the world or by the popular, unknowing, useful crowd. Then they are made to stand alone until (Warning REAL TALK that won't coddle an ego) life blows up in your face and you want to talk about it....just.... a little bit...... that turns into weeks of chaos of the mind.

It's pretty sad really.

I have been thinking a lot about Mulims lately because the beginning of Ramadan was today I think. They are afforded so many rights that we as Christians are not.  They are aloud to discriminate and be racist, to celebrate holidays without ridicule and are even celebrated in the media with positivity, they disrespect the role of women in 100 ways, and on and on.....

The reason people give them the respect they command as a religion is because they stand up for their god boldly and believe in what they are doing with the purpose of serving their god to be looked upon as righteous and good, we may see them as radical or crazy.....but what they are is crazy in love with their god, seeking his approval and blessings for faithfulness.....and so many times Christians just aren't.

.....and we are losing our people.....by our own self destruction. Worshipping the world and calling it changing with the times...trying to make God more hip and appealing to younger people ...

.....when the message is already appealing by itself. If we could be as radical and as crazy in love with the ONE TRUE GOD, seeking His approval and boldly standing alone for what is right....just to have Him smile upon us if for no other reason.....because His radical love makes us radical people.

I am downhearted about what our churches are becoming. Not even that you expect to find a perfect church, cause there are none, but just that you hope to find one where integrity and character mimic that of Christ consistently from the leadership down and not vice versa.

I am beginning to think America is surely not mentioned in Revelation because we are so incredibly weak in our faith and our knowledge of what God is really capable of.

There were a lot of things I used to want in a church for my family, but now I long for all Christian churches to put off what we deem as "church" and put on straight up, pure, radical love for Christ, HIS WORD, His adoration and love for one another and our neighbor as ourselves.

..............cause what we  do is play church......My heart weighs full to capacity with confusion and sickness.

Warning! REAL TALK is fixing to not coddle your ego, look away now: I am afraid to invite people to church. Scary folks, called Christians, live there and they could hurt you.

They do it all the time, and wink it away.

like bifocals for the eyes, except these are for the ears.........

I do not know why this is, but lately, and almost every time I brush my teeth...my idiot tooth brush brushes past my teeth and up into my gum area harshly. Freakin it hurts! I mean I am just brushing along and WHAM!

My tooth brush is slamming against my top teeth gum line violently.

It always takes me by surprise cause who expects that to happen while brushing? Especially if one has just done this two or three times before and is trying to make a conscious effort to not do it.

It's like my toothbrush has acquired a persona of it's own and has a vendetta against me for ramming him down my throat in a gag session or something.

See it: Evil Toothbrush Scratches Womans Gums Off In Vengeance!

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CB- Mom, I want a chocolate pickle.

A- What?

CB- I want a chocolate pickle.

A- I don't know what a chocolate pickle is CB, can you show me?

...goes to fridge and shows me Popsicles.

He wants a Popsicle.

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Last night D and I were having a conversation about someone, we'll call Rudy for today, who has a terrible problem walking off when others are speaking. Rudy will ask a question, then in complete rudeness turn and walk away while you are answering. It irritates the crap out of me.

It's as if Rudy doesn't really care what answer you give, Rudy is through with the conversation.....walk away. RUDE!

So D was relaying to me that Rudy had committed this foul action against someone other than he and I. D and I used to think this person just had a lot on their mind and didn't realize they were doing this rude action and wrote it off as, "needs help with people skills"...and just took it for what it was. We have since come to understand this action is all by itself simple rudeness. D and I try not to engage in long conversation with Rudy, cause Rudy's action....irritates the crap out us.

So Rudy committed this action against another. We'll call this person Newsome for today.

Newsome tells D that she believes Rudy may have a hearing problem.

D tells me he thinks to himself......"Uh no. Rudy doesn't have a hearing problem. He has a listening problem. He doesn't need a hearing aid, he needs a listening aid..."

I thought that was very clever. In my opinion Rudy does need a listening aid, turned up on the highest volume.

In fact, I would like to purchase one for D and my children too....and my mother... who needs a listening aid for one ear and a hearing aid for the other........like bifocals for the eyes, except these are for the ears.

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D made this awesome salad for himself on Sunday. He proceeded to come into the bedroom to show off this magnificent prize while I was checking email on the computer.

I am like, what?! You know sandwiches and salads are my thing. I dang take pictures of that kind of stuff. I still have this awesome picture of my blueberry stuffed french toast from Mimi's Cafe almost a year ago, on my cell phone screen.

Instantly D sees my wanting and thinks to bolt while he can with his beautiful salad. He knows he has made a huge mistake. So he offers to give me half.

I feel guilty, a little.......not really....and tell him no way it's his salad to go ahead and eat it, I am not hungry anyway. This is a tad true but not fully. The minute I saw the salad my stomach became engaged in my thought process and though I felt no hunger pains physically, I felt them mentally and was hungry.

So back and forth we go about whether he should give me half of his salad. He does give me half. I skip happily into the kitchen and put this awesome Naturally Fresh honey mustard dressing on it. Just enough to give it zing but not to over power all the other flavors and so forth. My insides are so happy when I plop down beside D on the living room couch to eat his salad up.

I am in my own personal heaven floating on my salad cloud with singing harps, furry bunnies and rainbows.........(insert record scratching)

My dog is giving me tender puppy eyes....for my salad....like I would ever give her lettuce anyway.

I am all, "Forget it Jenny. I don't care how cute you are. Tender puppy eyes aren't gonna work for you this time. I will never give you this delicious salad."

D - Yeah, well now you know how I feel......but I caved.

I am so American in a stereotypical way........

While I was eating lunch the other day and the kids were taking a break somewhere away from me, I watched a Chris Rock comedy special that I had DVR'd about a thousand years ago. I know he has a foul mouth but black humor to me is super funny sometimes. I had already conceded I was going to watch just this one show and then not subject my ears to this contamination again.

It's in these situations you ask yourself what would Jesus do? The whole time He's screaming in your ear DELETE THE FILTH, STUPID!

But as blatantly disobedient as I could be.... I pressed play.

I didn't watch to much of it cause it did contaminate my ears and my mind as expected. So I deleted it before I was 1/3 of the way through it. However I did catch a few jokes that were typical black humor on white people that had me laughing out loud. I like to watch black people imitate white people & I like to watch pastors imitate how Christians act while they are preachin...both usually hit the hammer on the nail.

So Chris was talking about health care & politics, the normal comedian stuff. Then he casually lumped in famous white on black crimes and then spewed out he isn't "scared of Al Queda, he's afraid of Al Cracka." Two completely different subjects weaved together cleverly..... hilarious.

The he went on a rant about food saying, "Americans are the only people that go hunting on a full stomach." It lead to a barrage of funny stuff with Dick Cheney and other hunting scenarios and then I cut it off. I was not wrong, Chris Rock in pretty dang funny. He's got a foul mouth that is too much distraction from the jokes.

Jesus made me mash the delete button........

I was thinking about this cause I had a Pampered Chef party this past Thursday night.

I had a food party. I thought about the Haitians(and other foodless countries)and how their food looks completely different to them than to us. We have a party with it, they seek it out. It troubled me.

As the time got closer for my gals to show up, troubled thoughts turned to excitement yet again. I am so American in a stereotypical way.

I had a great time. We hadn't had that many people in our our house for a fun gathering since we lived out west. Valerie the gal who did my show told me, "Invite 60 people, 30 will accept, but only about 15 will show up."

I am all I don't even know 60 people that well. I'm not sure I know 20 that well. I started going through my email addresses and found I did know more people than I thought. I determined my actions to invite everyone I had not spoken to for more than 5 minutes in 6 months.

I only limited myself to email addresses in invitations. Why?? Cause I did Evites, which by the way, is the bomb!! You know... save a tree and all........."all" being save some money on some stamps. Plus folks can respond, say how many they are bringing, it's awesome.......

Dig on this.......when all was said and done I have 35 people say they were coming and 29 gals showed up!




(...and this ain't all of them, these pics only show about 1/2 of the ladies!)

Excitement was an understatement. There were a few women who said, "...think of all the free stuff you are going to get." Which sure, usually if you do one of these you want to get the free stuff. Who doesn't like free stuff? But I already had tons of Pampered Chef products. In my mind this was a social to see folks that I needed more face time with, the free stuff would just be icing.



At 6:30 the ladies, some with teenagers & children in tow(growing my total to 41 people in my house), showed up like clock work. It was on!

At one point Valerie was still getting some stuff together, D & I were in the kitchen....it was so loud with women enjoying conversation with each other we literally had to speak loudly to each other. D & I listened together quietly for a second, you could not understand a single conversation going on in the living room from the kitchen there was so much girl gabbing going on.

At that moment my heart smiled.

If nothing else happened tonight the girl gab had commenced. Good food was already on the table for the takin and eaten.......


(This doesn't includes the food Valerie prepared)

I had such a good time. I would love to get them all together again but just for food and conversation only.

Here is the thing though. This was an event. People came for a specific purpose, Pampered Chef. I find these days that women are so busy unless it is specific, it is too easy to back out saying I'll catch up with you all next time. I wondered would the turn out have been so good if it was just food and fellowship......

I am thinking about doing a breakfast at church for the ladies only one Saturday. Cause then they'll have the whole day to be with their families afterward. No hymn singing, no game playing, no gift swap......just lots of women, food, gabbing, and a tiny devotional......I wonder how many would commit.....I getting excited thinking on it.......

What about the men.....maybe breakfast for them one Saturday would be awesome......the possibilities excited me........

I think I'll let it marinate for a couple weeks then revisit it........

Getting all those fantastic women who, as it turned out, each has a specific roll in my life right now, was out of control. They were all in my house at once, laughing, making plans to come back and eat another time with us, checking on my mom, fashion, home decor, child rearing, cooking, recipes, checking each other on our weight (by literally licking our plates to signify we are rebelling the diet this evening), sisters some of them are to me for sure...........oh man, I was feeling so good as I laid my head on the pillow exhausted.

I thought, WOW! Who has 29 people show up for a Pampered Chef party?? That was outstanding.

I am so glad I did this party. Even if it made me feel false guilt about the Haitians and other countries. God used this to bless me with friendship and the lightness of life. Life I can take almost too seriously sometimes. I felt a renewed sense of being able to accomplish really big stuff.

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! :oD

begging a 13 year old, do I have no dignity left?...........

On the morning of Wednesday, January the 27th, in my mind Twilight psychosis continues..........

......What time is it? 8:00am. I have to leave the house here in 15 minutes at the latest. She still isn't up...

If I am really quiet, I can sneak into her room, she won't even know it (the 3rd Twilight book, Eclipse) is missing, I'll put it back before she realizes the book is gone, since she only reads at night surely I am good to go.....quietly.....need to miss the cracking boards in the hallways......no movement yet in her room......really quiet and slowly take the book off the bedside table.....easy....easy.........almost.......

YOU GOT IT! now quietly wa........

M- NO MOM! PUT IT BACK!

A- Aaawww May...Really?? I am going to be at the doctors office for 5 HOURS!!! Can't you just let me take it with me for the endless hours I will have to wait?? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
M- NO! You're not taking it! Put it back!

A- May, Pleeeease, don't make me sit there for 5 hours with NOTHING TO DO...I will only read 3 chapters and I will stop, I swear.....

M- No you won't, I know you, you won't stop, get out Mom, I am not going to let you take it, no.....

A- May!... (I am almost ready to stomp my feet in protest for her unreasonable attitude)

M- NO! OUT!

A- I am so angry with you, why are you being so crazy like this (when in reality if I had only took a pause, it was me behaving crazy......I mean. I am begging my 13 year old to borrow a dang book, not just begging, but pleading)?

A-FINE, I will just take my butt to the Walmart and buy my own books. I swear I will... since you won't share with me (I threaten, as if she cares).

M- I will share with you when I am done. I will give it to you, not till then, cause you'll read ahead of me and be all in my room reading all day and it's a distraction. If you can just wait, then you can have it. Just be patient.

A- (I assess her book mark and realize I am not going to get the book for at least 3 or 4 more days with her only reading at night and by then I will have had some type of Twilight DT's or something and I felt a smothering sensation, like I might never get the book.) FINE!! May, you are being so mean to me.....

M- (she smiles, with her hair all a morning mess) Get out of my room, you have a Twilight problem that I can't help you with.....

So I stomp out of her room, grab my car keys, kiss the appropriate children goodbye for the morning, eyeing the room for evidence they have eaten their breakfast....and make a plan to drive straight to Walmart with the extra 10 minutes I was going to sit in the waiting room and buy those darn books!! I would never have to ask her for one of hers again. So there, put that in yer pipe and smoke it.

That's what I did.

Flawlessly.

When I had Eclipse & Breaking Dawn in my hands walking out the Wally World door, Edward, Bella, and I were all furry bunnies & rainbows & floating, glittering pink hearts, I think I heard some harps playing in the background.......

.......no it was this for sure......

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I punched my car door unlocked with with voracity and smirked the full 50 seconds it took me to get to the Doctors office from Walmart.

Eclipse was ON! I swallowed 4 chapters whole in the doctors office that morning.

Within three days May was done with her book and started Breaking Dawn, she passed Eclipse onto Zac with some half cocked effort to appease me. Knowing that I had told her he could read my book when I finished which was not to far after her.

I started Breaking Dawn late last week. Finished it last night.

I do for sure have a Twilight problem. I am 100% sure I need an intervention or a 12 step recovery plan implemented immediately.

We all watched the first movie on the Netflix. We all hated it at first cause it skipped so many details. But for some unknown reason May and I felt compelled to watch the dang thing at least 12 more times before we sent it back.......only then to later buy the soundtrack which M, Z, & I all have slammed onto our MP3's immediately.

Rock and roll with violin & heavy drums is a terrific draw for both Z and I in all things music......we're addicted to the music.

May and I listened to the soundtrack in the car knowing exactly which music went with which scenes. We happily reminisced what about each of those scenes was our favorite and least favorite. This session lasted until we had listened to the whole CD. It's a sickness......

I have no idea what I shall do with my reading time now. I am kinda glad I am done so I can gain some of my parenting self respect back.

Last night, at 2:15 am, as I laid the thick, black matted, hard cover(cause Z & I hate the paper covers, we take them off), 760 page, Breaking Dawn book on Zac's steps as a surprise, cause he has finished Eclipse now & was waiting on me....... barely in control of his own self.......I felt good.....and tired.

We'll see how I last over the next couple of days....maybe if I watch the movie some more, I won't start rereading the first book........just to get a fix....

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A- uuummm........Hi,......I'm Amy(insert excited nervous tention)........and I have a Twilight addiction.....

Support Group - HHiiiii Amy........

I can't wear church clothes because they hold me accountable for road rage.....

I was writing this blog a long time ago, that I never finished, about how people act different when they wear their church clothes.

Like when I was the director of Sparks last year, for example. It was a Wednesday and I had errands to run. I didn't want to wear my red polo Sparks uniform shirt all day cause if I had road rage or something then I would be held more accountable, never mind the "Hard Core Jesus Freak" Harley Davidson style sticker stuck on the back window of the van. Just Kiddin.........sort of.

I sometimes would wear the Sparks shirt and use it as a witnessing tool when I would do my shopping cause people always ask you about it when you wear it. It's a no brainer if you are on your "A" game with the Lord. Witnessing spills out effortlessly. But if you are having a bad day and you have the shirt on and you are on your"D" game with the Lord, then it might not be so good.

So anyway I wore a pink shirt, this long, off white, shaggy sweater thingy & I had my hair in a banana clip, this particular Wednesday. Cause at that time I was on my personal mission to bring back the 80's, I'm over that phase.........sort of.

The little Sparkies(K-2nd grade) at first didn't recognize me. They thought I looked so "pretty." All night they kept saying nice things about how I was dressed. It was funny to me that they perceived me so differently outside of a red polo with my hair down.

Throughout the year I had given away kindness coins to kids who were exceptionally well mannered, followed directions well, or showed some kind of exceptional kindness towards another. This one little boy said, "Ms. Amy you look so pretty, I really like your hair and sweater, but I am really just saying this to get a kindness coin." I'm like, you just blew it dude. I told him, "If you want to get a coin sometimes you have to leave off a little bit of the words, like the part about I'm just saying this to get a coin...." But I did tell him honesty is a good thing.

So anyway......It just came up to me again that my family always looks different once we get to church than the way we look at home before. We behave differently.

The kids, almost every Sunday morning, fight & carry on in my bathroom, though we have two, over who is using which sink to brush their teeth. They argue who will take the dog out before we go, getting into the car & on the way to church. Almost every Sunday I have to tell them not to talk to each other anymore or I am going to put one or two of them out of the car & make them walk home. I have actually pulled over and pretended to unbuckle Sky and/or Cole. That effect lasted a long time, it resulted in good behavior in the car for a while.

I swear I think that is the work of the devil so that we'll be in the wrong frame of mind when we walk into the Lords house to worship. I am not swayed though. The more they argue and fight the more I determine myself to stay calm and over come the battle so that I might thank Him properly.

The moment the van door slides open in the church parking lot, smiles galore, oh we are the happiest little family, getting ready for church and the drive over was nothing but furry bunnies, pink floating hearts, and rainbows I tell ya. The birds start singing, the air is twinkling around us with glitter (insert record scratch).......whatever, my insides are a mess.

Why is it that people do that? Wear their facade.......I can't stand that. I do really try to be transparent. Cause my relationship with God is what it is, it isn't my clothes, or my thou saith's, or the Bible translation I use. It's just me. I can't be bothered with that piddly stuff, it takes to much work and it's way to tedious. I view those things as obstacles, and I don't even entertain them.

I am seeking to make my kids real. So that when folks look at them they don't see a facade relationship with God, the kind they put on, on Sunday, and take off after church. I am steadfast about the business of keeping them on the narrow path. I don't really give a rats tail about what people think we should look like. I mean it, I don't give a rat's tail!!!!

I am up to the challenge of bringing up real God lovers who look real to others, accessible. Who can say the name of God and not feel afraid of stereotypes put on Christians and how they should look & behave.

Cause here is a truth....just because folks go to church every Sunday, don't make them perfect. They are real, just trying to get it right, and be better for it. Christian families, argue, they stumble in bad decisions and then have to clean it up just like other folks.

The difference is we(Christians) have access to hope, grace, & forgiveness that compares to no other, it's not a facade. I live it every Sunday, and every day after that..........

I hope when you look at me, you don't see a facade.

I hope you can see Christ in me.

I don't always get it right, but I do seek to make it real and accessible.

I don't care ...you can stick it in my face...just give to me.....

So today is May's b-day. She is 13.

My first child is 13.

I am not worried about teenager-hood for some reason. I mean she rolls her eyes at me sometimes and occasionally gets a bit huffy, but really she is a super good girl. I feel like we have pretty good and "frank" communication. I honestly believe if she needed to ask me something super personal she'd do it and not even give it a second thought. Which right now, is wonderful, as I see it.

Will it last? I have no idea....my mom and I always communicated really well. I would usually just say it and she would not over react generally and problems were hashed out and taken care of. I don't want to be May's best friend, I want to be her mother....but I am certainly enjoying our grown up girl time and private talks.

Those times reaffirm her confidence in me to be there for her, I can totally dig that.

This time 13 years ago I was in labor for the 6th day.... 7 to 10 minutes apart & next to no dilation.

By this time, this morning, 13 years ago D and I had made a minimum of three trips to the hospital at 7 minutes apart in the middle of the night, to 10 to 15 to 20 minutes apart after being monitored and sent home.

By this time 13 years ago D had shaved way to much cause he thought today would be the day and he wanted to have a clean shave for pictures with his new baby, cause we didn't know the sex of the baby.

He was so tired the last trip we made that I caught him sitting down to pee on the toilet. I asked him what he was doing sitting to pee and he told me, "Amy, I don't know.......I'm just tired..."...... and bleeding on his face from shaving to much.

So I went to the doc to get checked on this morning 13 years ago and nothing was happening on day 6 with contractions 7 to 10 minutes apart, can I just say that one more time...... having used all the old wives tale ways to get the party started.....from hot sauce, sex, and walking to the doc moving my innards around twice and next to no dilation still existed......he decided to induce. I bowed down & worshiped the man.....and so did D.

So crazy.... I thought I would go natural, cause I took the birthing classes. D and I knew how to breathe, how difficult could it be?!

When I got to the room, the gal asked did I want the epidural, I told her I didn't care if she stuck it in my face to give it to me soon, I was exhausted.

At 5:01pm out came this wonderful little baby girl at 7 lbs 10oz & 20 3/4 inches long.

I cried and cried as I held her, cause birth is an amazing thing. D took her into the hall and showed her to my mom and dad, to his mom and dad, & announced they had a new grand- daughter. All was furry bunnies, rainbows, and pink hearts in the universe for out little family that day.

Happy Birthday May May

XOXO