Does A + B really = C? So say I, NO!!..............

aahhhh, yes, there is the age old question of love.......

My 85 year old grandmother(Momma-Bet) brought her 93 year old boyfriend with her to my house this Christmas, we call him Papa Bill. They have been together now about 11 years maybe a little more, I can't quite remember.

I always think when I am that age, God willing, I am surely going to be so done trying to learn someone else's ways. All the time I hear of older folks dating these days.

Its funny cause I always say if D were to leave me or were to pass before me I would never remarry cause marriage is a lot of work. D always says he would surely remarry cause he needs someone to take care of his kids.....uuuuuuhh good luck wife hunting with that buddy, cause you don't have 1 kid, but 4. :oD

Once while we were tubing down this creek called Deep Creek in North Carolina. This gal was flirting with D and so forth. I was all from the creek bank, "Hey lady! He's cute and all but he drives a big fat minivan with 4 kids in it under the age of 9, float on yer tube a while on that!!!" I didn't really see her after that.

I love being married cause there is total security in being married. You always have your best friend at your fingertips. That person is almost always accessible to you, that person gets your inner workings even if they don't always understand you or agree with you. Your spouse is a constant when you lay your head on your pillow at night. At the end of a hard day or a great day that person is there to know it and share it with you. Cause mostly nobody else really cares about the things you care about. When they are in your face, they care with you, but when they walk away....out of sight, out of mind. That is usually not the case with your spouse.

Well, if you are both on the same page anyway.

Marriage is hard though because you have two totally separate people with their own ways that are constantly changing as they grow older and wiser (or so we think) trying to function as one in unity. Really......men are completely separate beings from women and we are not created equal.

Try to get over yourself for a second if you think you are equal to a man, cause you aren't, or you would be a man, and you aren't....you're a woman.

Equal to me means the same in every way. 2+2 = 4= 3+1 and so forth...4 is 4 and will always be 4.

Man is man and woman is woman, each created with differences that should be celebrated for what they are and not equality. It's not that I think women can't be engineers and whatever with all that job crap, I mean as human beings.

At the very core of who we are, a man and a woman, trying to come together and function as one. Different yet trying to be the same in unity. It's a hard job. Folks don't really tell young people how hard they are going to have to work when they are getting married usually, and even if they do young people don't really listen....cause they are in love with being in love and can't hear the real stuff. You know, about the riding the perfect wave moments along with the barely treading water and trying to gasp for breath while waiting for the perfect wave again.

I whole heartily believe marriage is a good and God blessed thing in human life. But equal we are not, in a marriage, there is the giver and the taker and they switch roles regularly. When you are the giver you are the bend and remake yourself for the other person.

It is non negotiable.

WHAT?! Who said that?!

I'm serious, if one person is not the bender and re-maker, there is no compromise and there is no unity and harmony. It's the truth. I am just saying it out loud that's all.

Sometimes I am the one who remakes myself to fit the other and sometimes I am the one who will not bend and D has to take the role of compromise and make adjustments. Which brings me to my point. People now are, generally speaking, so hung up on the my goals, my well being, my wants & needs in a relationship that they are not willing to bend and they check out of the marriage.

To me that's lazy and lame. Here is the other thing, some folks know it's lazy and lame to check out, but they don't care cause the "me factor" is to strong.

Being married & raising children are the hardest responsibilities I have ever had. They are the responsibilities though, that my very life depends on. Everything about me has to do with those connections.

Constantly on my mind these days in thinking on who I am, what I hope to accomplish in my life, what thumb print will be left behind when I pass - positive or negative.....is that the whole of myself revolves around others.

The struggle to do what I want has completely disappeared until I really don't even know what I want or even like anymore.....

WHAT??!! Amy, that sounds awful!

Here is a truth, almost all women I speak to these days, feels the exact same way at one time or another.

If you are a man reading that you are saying...."Okay, next.......crazy hormonal woman issue, whatever, next."...... enter thoughts I am done reading this, I'm bored now, blog on something funny....

If you are woman reading that, you might be saying..."I know EXACTLY what you are saying, yes, I get that, but if my husband asks me about this I will say no, I won't exactly tell the whole truth."

Enter the differences between man and woman.......things hugely important to us seem like a speed bump to men. I don't fault men for that. They are different from us.

I have been reading these books about understanding men, cause I need some help apparently.

I believe I know D pretty dang well. But in an effort to stay connected to him while raising our kids I just felt the need to pursue something more in the context of understanding. I feel the "my wants and my needs" syndrome dragging me along the path of "I don't care anymore," cause life just gets so full.

So in curiosity I jumped in and these are the main things I came to know as truths from the books I purchased...

1. He needs to be respected

2. He needs to be needed

3. He needs to be fulfilled

.......not in this order obviously

vs truths about women...

1. Affection.......affection, means showing love, not showing sex

2. need open, honest communication

3. Commitment to family

In my quest for understanding, I found I understood things pretty well, but needed to make some adjustments on things I am uncomfortable with making.....and therefore have not made those adjustments.........yet.......eeeesh.

I found that men believe themselves to understand things pretty well, but they completely miss the boat in understanding female inner workings & generally men don't want to read a book to know about it or hear about it from a woman. They are not as willing to make adjustments in general and believe that if a woman A's (you know, wink, wink) then BCDEFGHIJKLMNOP will fall properly into place for the whole universe and peace for all nations, world without end Amen.

This is where they miss the boat in my opinion. Though women understand men are visual very well, they do not understand we are not....we generally tend to be acts driven. The way we feel attracted to them is when they show us they care by way of actions.

The action needed by a specific woman is unique to that woman. A man would need to see what actions make their wife tick and hop on that band wagon a while. When the wife sees he cares about what is important to her without her nagging, she in turn feels love and attraction to her mate, because he is showing he cares about what is important to her. She is less tired and the brain switches gears a little more precisely.

These are the things I have learned thus far.

I have to go and do something constructive now, like put up Christmas stuff and take down lights outside.

I will finish this topic when I am done with the quest, God only know when.........

Please weigh in on the anonymous poll in the top right corner of the blog, so I can see if on my quest my boat is floating or sinking.

Need yer butt wiped? Don't come here cause we are done!!..........

Hi, my name is Amy and I am a recovering blog neglector.

This is a picture of my sister, "Princess."

I am 100% sure this was the busiest I have ever been during the holidays. Even more busy than last year with the funeral and all. I kept thinking, where is Poppy in all this. I don't see his hand in the mix anywhere, you know like a sign or something. I didn't feel him in my chaos. I thought we'd all be uncomfortable or upset or something. Instead I felt most uncomfortable before Thanksgiving as if that was the "ribbon cutting" ceremony for all my sadness. Although Thanksgiving was not the dream we had last year when Poppy was alive, it was not a flood gate opened for a season of sadness either.

My mom told me of a dream she had before coming to my house for Christmas. It went something like this......mom was awakened by Poppy snoring in the living room, she went in and told him to come to bed and he did. There they snuggled together and chatted of how well she was doing and how well we were all doing and he was proud of us, and that he wanted us to have a Merry Christmas.....and the dream was over.

I do not believe that our loved ones look down on us from heaven as our angels. Clearly the Bible states angels were created angels from the beginning of time. They have a specific look and a specific function and they are truly angels. Plus I believe that if my dad or other loved ones were looking down on us they would see our sadness at funerals and other times when we are anxious or sad or whatever, and they too would long for the world and be sad themselves. The Bible clearly tells us there will be no sadness or tears in heaven. One cannot serve two masters. I believe once you go to heaven Jesus Christ is so Holy, glorious, and beautiful, that the things of this world pass away and we long for it no more. The Bible says there are things in heaven prepared for us that are so amazing we cannot even make sense of it or even think of them. This is one of those things I believe about death for those who know Christ.

However, I do believe that God can minister to us through dreams. It happened in the Bible, and I believe it happens now. I believe God ministered to my mom in that most comforting dream by allowing her to feel the love she knew threw David and giving her encouragement that was real. Her, by chance, telling me of her dream allowed God to minister to me also and see that He knows I was searching for David in our holidays and was found wanting. God let mom spill her dream to me by chance in a conversation because I needed to feel Poppy's love also. After she told me of her dream, besides being jealous she is the one who always gets to have the dreams, I felt average to okay with the coming Christmas.

My sister came for a visit the weekend before Christmas and we had a super time. I thought if my dad had been looking down on us he would have loved the time we spent together with both of our families together and complete.

My sister was a Christmas gift to me this year. God wrapped her up in a smaller, healthier, little package to come to my house and teach me not to sweat the small stuff, to say thank you to people without adding a "but," & to show me no matter how one changes outwardly they are still the same inside and it comes out in their actions. When I wanted to go on and on about how beautiful she was, her eyes told me to stop....and I did..... cause she has always been beautiful.........and funny and smart and funny and truthful and funny.

I am so blessed God gave her to me.

Our kids have gotten older we didn't spend our time wiping butts, brushing teeth, bathing, and breaking up childish spats.

We have arrived!!!

......freakin finally ;oD

Little Larry Lies A Lot............

Cole had his 4th birthday yesterday.

He was really sweet all day and we didn't even do anything out of the ordinary.

He started with his morning snuggle in my bed and drifted off back to sleep a bit, a total gift to me. He got up in a good mood, another gift to me. His siblings were sweet to him most of the day. Despite he hadn't had a nap, he grocery shopped peacefully.

These are the lies "Little Larry Lies A Lot"(name courtesy of Z) told for his birthday......oh I'm sorry, he "must have dreamed them."

In the bathtub - last night when I was in the bathtub, my pillow went down this drain, and it floated down to the lake and a crab ate it.......no it was a shark, he ate my pillow, and now I have a new pillow.

While reading to him before he went to bed a story about Santa riding a whale to deliver presents because all his reindeer had the flu. Who thought that not interesting tale up? I almost had to quit reading the story because it was THAT STUPID.

CB- Last Christmas I had to ride the whale with Santa cause he needed me to hold the presents on the whales back.........remember mom? You ride with me........

A- CB I totally do not remember riding a whale with you and Santa

CB- Yes, you did, you hair was long and it was blowing you shirt off

A- CB if I rode a whale with Santa and my shirt was blowing off I would remember that

CB- yeah, and I almost fall off and I hold onto you shirt and presents fall into the lake, remember?

A- Oh yeah, I remember now!! I kicked Santa right in his butt into the whale's blow hole, then I pushed you off the whale on purpose, and I pushed all the presents off cause I was tired of holding them, cause my arms were hurting, and the crab ate them, the one who ate your pillow....oh wait it was a shark and now you have a new pillow and I have a new shirt, OH YEAH! Now I remember!!

CB- .........No mom, you don't get a new shirt cause you pushed me off the whale, without my fwog(floaty preserver with a frog face on it, he wears it on the boat) and now whale can't breave cause Santa stuck in his hole.

A- .........oh.........

CB- I think I was dreaming that anyway, cause fish stink.......Mom, remember when I was little and I rode one of the fish to school?

A- No, yer done, go to sleep.


I love Cole Bear, he's my last little baby. This will be his last year at what is considered a baby age. I am trying to soak up as much snuggle time and sweet kisses while being "his girlfriend" as I can. For all the wallering around on my lap he does that makes me insane, I know the time is at hand where my lap will long for a waller session and there will be no more.

I hope we'll ride a few more whales together.

I hope I'll not wish a way the next year.

Trust me, I would hack Numa up in a hurry.........

My kids and I were discussing the book Elf on the Shelf, a book about an elf that reports back to Santa whether you have been good or bad. The thing is the book comes with an elf and you can move him around at night to different spots and the kids hunt for him or take notice the elf had moved and so forth. Some view it as a fun thing to do at Christmas, it's a fun tradition.

But my manic children and I were discussing how scary the elf looks over lunch with his eyes all glancing sideways.

We have just gotten M & Z into Alfred Hitchcock TV despite, they are in black and white they are LOVING them....scary but not too scary, just enough to get you creeped out. We had just watched the one where the little girl gets a doll, named Numa, from her uncle. The doll actually comes to life and plays with the little girl and in the end the doll takes the roll of the little girl and runs off and leaves the little girl in the form of a doll.

So Elf on the Shelf running around our house at night changing his location is creepy ;o)

M says at the lunch table- Is Elf on the Shelf real?

(uuumm, surely you are a true blonde)

A- Well, I don't know May, let's see, a stuffed skinny half cross eyed elf running around our house at night, because that makes perfect sense...

Z (spelling for Sky's sake for some reason)- P-A-R-E-N-T-S moron!

A- Let me just say this, if some stupid Numa elf was running around our house at night spying on us, I would totally hack it to pieces with a saw immediately...

They all laugh cause mind visuals of that must be funny.

....................................................

May in the other room listening to Christmas toy commercials on TV for Town House Barbie

Making up her on jingle she starts singing,

"Farty Barbie
Town House Party"

......this strikes me as snickerable cause she thinks no one hears her.

..................................................

Sky had to write some sentences about a sport she liked to play or watch on TV. She isn't an "outside girl" as she says. Sky determined she liked to wrestle with Z on the trampoline so she wants to be a wrestler when she grows up.

Z dubbed her the Skylinator

While we are dubbing names.....

My mom is super fun, and she is going crazy, aren't we all....but we have been calling her "Crazy Nana", instead of just Nana. What's so fun is this became the running theme this weekend while she was here. This past weekend marked the one year anniversary of my dad's passing.

She came and spent it with me, now determined more for me than for herself. Although it went well for both of us because we stayed busy and distracted one another pretty well.

On my side of the family when one does something just insane we say something like, "get off the crack" or mom loves the powders you pour into the water bottles that make flavored drinks, those are called "crack juice." Some one said something or did something you just can't believe "you must be smokin crack" or "OK, crack head" I have no idea how that got started but it has hung around a while. I do it, my sister throws it out sometimes, my brother and my mom do it.

So this weekend it got started that Nana was so crazy she was no longer Crazy Nana, she was Crack Nana. It sounds awful I know, but it was super funny.....at least to us.

So we had thrown that around while dancing in the car, while shopping, eating at Pei Wei, all day Saturday.

Cole goes to church Sunday and sees a little boy and goes to introduce his Nana.......All of us standing their in our minds hoping........ hoping....... hoping .........please don't say it......

"This is my Crack Nana!"

...........He didn't say it!!! Everybody exhales and continues on merrily.......

.........walking down the hall at church, on the way to Sunday school, all of us snickering cause we didn't permanently damage CB on Saturday.

We really love our Crack Nana and totally wanted her to stay just one more day, but alas she couldn't. What could have been an awful weekend for her, she made wonderful for me.......cause she is a giver, not a taker, a character quality I adore in her.


...................................................

In case you, like me, have been wondering who threw out all their trash on the side of the road and made a huge mess all in the woods.......at least that is what I thought at first....

Well, just so you know, God made the mess.

The mess is really beautiful up close. I asked May to get out and see what exactly it was, thinking it was wet TP or something.....it was layers upon layers of ice. You could peel them off like an onion. They were super amazing. I got a few images here for you to look at. But my camera just wasn't doing it for me that day. I got frustrated and just decided I would would enjoy the images in my mind.........well, except for these....... you may be able to click the image and blow it up on your screen.

Chinese people wrap suckers to tight.......

So CB is a liar......like the rest of us.

I didn't teach him to be a liar, he's just a little sinner.

This is what he does.......

A- CB where are your clothes? (cause he is wearing Hulk underwear and that's it)

CB(he'll be 4 in a couple weeks) - Remember when I was little and there was a monster in my closet that would play with my trucks all night, and I had to get up and tell him to go to bed, then he would eat my clothes off........um the monster ate my clothes off.

A- Cole Bear, that is a total lie, get some clothes on

CB- Oh yeah, I think I dreamed that

......he always says, "I was dreaming that," when we catch him telling a lie.

D cracked me up last night discussing CB telling lies saying, "Remember when I was little and I used to water ski?"...cause he comes off with stuff like this that are absurd.

Yesterday I was walking the dog in the back yard about 7:30 am, CB comes out to the back porch, I hear the door slam. I turn around from the far corner of our yard to see his little, almost naked body standing in the super windy, cool weather. It had rained the night before so it was wet.

I yelled across the yard, "COLE! Get your butt back in the house! It's cold, wet, & windy out here and you are almost naked!! Get in the house now!"

(silence).........he turns around heads into the screened porch, the door slams.....again.....then I can't see him but I hear a deep, husky throated, voice hollering back,

"MOM!! Where is your Christmas spirit?!"

I had to laugh out loud. That junk struck me as so random while dog walking at 7:30am.

...........................................................

CB is bringing me a Japanese sucker, one of few left that D had brought them back. As he hands the sucker to me he says, "I hate these Chinese people, they always wrapped these suckers too tight."

........................................................

overheard..........

some random person, I can't remember who - Oh your dad brought you back a shirt and some chopsticks from Japan?

Sky - Yes and some candy and he brought mom & Maysie a housecoat (kimono's), but guess what??! Santa brought me a pink guitar from China last year. How cool is that?

This could bring on an anti-Santa rant, that talks about about how kids don't get to thank their parents for getting them the things they really love or are excited about on Christmas because we(except me apparently) have bought into the magic moment of Santa chaos.

So instead of being grateful to their parents they are grateful to a man they appreciate one day a year.....but I will spare you that.

These are so dang funny!!!!!!!!

These may take a second to load.....just chill a second......

Hip Hop version

singing version

OOPS, Ya missed'em.....cause I didn't pay for'em...they were dang funny though!!

G is for christening the church bathroom........

is for gagging for the good of all involved.....

I did my first "lock-in" at the church this past Friday. There were 9 of us and I thought we all had a pretty good time. We had lasagna for dinner, did gingerbread houses till near midnight.....










(dirty feet from the gym floor)


did facials till 2:30 in the morning.....

(exfoliating)


(mud masks)



(mud masks still & clear cucumber peels)


(Peeling the cucumber peel mask off. We all loved this one, it was equivalent to peeling sun burned skin)


..... finally winding down at about 3:15 am for some sleep.....


(one 8th grade gal is missing cause she had to leave early)



.....then ate some french toast for breakfast and had a spiritual gifts devotional time. After all of that, it was time to head home.

We woke up to snow!

It was quiet and awesome as I rambled around at 6:30 am alone trying to get breakfast ready. I had the Christmas music playing, while the others slept away in another building.




Let me say this though, prior to enjoying my kitchen dream with snow and Christmas music.....I totally had to get up off the floor on which I was sleeping cause my hips were screaming at me to "GET UP OFF THE FLOOR!!! I WILL NOT WORK PROPERLY IF YOU LAY DOWN HERE ONE MORE MINUTE, GET UP!!!!!"

So I lifted my wretched sore body from the floor and went directly to the 8th grade girls sleeping room, got my toothbrush from Maysie's bag and christened the church bathroom sink with a wonderful 5 to 7 minute gagging session with my toothbrush.

All the stars were properly aligned after that.

It had to be done, so I could feel good in the kitchen with snow, Christmas music, and french toast.

I really had a super time. I am convinced I had just as good a time as the girls did.

I believe that I did get to know some of them better, which was the whole purpose....for us all to get to know each other better.

Laura McC (Mac) stayed with me. I hadn't spent any real time with her in about 100 years.

Probably since the baseball field, two seasons ago. In fact the last time I had seen her she was kicking me in the back cause I was begging my friend Danielle to tell me the little girl singing the National Anthem, in a blue jean jumper dress, with a long unbrushed pony tail, just killing the song........ making me want to lob my head off in a guillotine in agony of having to endure such a tragedy in the National Anthem world of singing.......I was begging Danielle to tell me the girl was not home schooled, and Laura kicked me from behind and told me to "shut it."

They shoulda just played the instrumental and left it.......

I had forgotten how funny and refreshing she is. Randy, her husband, is surely a lucky guy to get to hang out with her all the time. Randy was one of my Sparks leaders in the past. He is a great guy too; I adore them both. In my opinion, Laura made everything about the lock-in better. She is beautiful, funny, totally gets young girls and they trust her. She was absolutely hand picked by God to stay with me that night. Even though her only boy had a football banquet she wanted to attend, she stayed with me and the girls. I am more crazy about her now than I was before.

So when I finally got home around 11:30am or so on Saturday, I had a crick in my neck.

I said, I had A CRICK IN MY NECK...........uuuuuuuhh It sucked.

When I was talking to my mom on the phone, turning my head just to talk, bending to laundry, just in general trying to live.....my freakin neck screamed, "You old lady!! DON'T SLEEP ON THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!"

Tony Workman was my hero Friday cause he gave me the safety idea of double locking us into an area of the church that had a bathroom with water for facials, our own heat, and clean flooring...... I am crazy about that guy too! That was an awesome idea! It worked beautifully and I felt super safe!

I've completed the banging process............

Some words that have leaked to and from my soul this week........

"The 5 seconds of satisfaction we may get will bring untold misery to us for words we can never take back."

“The definition of Insanity is banging your head against the wall 1000 times expecting a different result each time.”

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."

“Tears are words the heart can't express"

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands,

but let it go,

and you learn at once how big and precious it is."

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”

“People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel”

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.”

“You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both”

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”

“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”

“Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away.”

“Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own.”

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.”

“Today you are you,
That is truer than true.
There is no one alive
Who is youer than you.”

“You haven't lost your smile at all,

it's right under your nose.

You just forgot it was there.”

“In the end what matters most is

How well did you live

How well did you love

How well did you learn to let go”



I'm in the huddle,

hands are comin in one a'top another,

on 3 "Freedom"

.....1,2,3

"FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!"

On this day last year, I was loving my dad fully..........

I didn't even have a clue of the gift God had laid out for me as I went about my day.



..........but I surely do now.

Happy Thanksgiving Poppy, I miss you so much

Wait! My pecker fell off...............

Grandma Carol, King David's wife, had been gone for 3 months.

Things were just not right in the universe.

It's weird cause sometimes us neighbors don't get around to seeing one another as often as we would like. We travel to see our families, or have family in town or we are all just plain busy. But there are still certain comforts about being home and seeing each others lights on. I know all of my surrounding neighbors fairly well. When I am walking the dog at night and I am taking in all the stars, looking at the Milky Way and what not, I notice the neighbors lights on inside of their houses. It's a comfort to me. People I care about are in their homes, doing whatever they do at this time.

For so long Grandma Carol, as my kids call her, wasn't there. King David was there, but she wasn't with him. The first month was normal, the second month was getting not normal, the third month I believe he longed for her to come home badly........and so did I, for him....and for me too..... so my good feeling would come back on my late night walks with Jenny.

She finally made it back home a little over a week ago or so. She brought her 94 year old mom, who is sharp as a tack, to live here with her and King David. Every time I have seen her this past week I feel like I am in a dream. I love that she is home. I love that she and King David are together where they should be after more than 50 years of marriage.

All that to say, this is how I know all is well in my universe again......I put my Christmas lights up early this year. King Davids son...we'll call him The Prince, drove the two women back in the rock band tour bus.

The Prince had a grand time relaying to me it was to early to put up lights and ragging me out a bit. When May and I had almost finished it was getting late, like about 8:30 or something......

Out of the darkness what did I hear from across the way, with grand echo from the bluff and bouncing off the lake water...........but King David, The Prince, Grandma Carol, Her brother-in-law, and her 94 year old mother......singing to me,

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!"........laugh, laugh, laughing

SO FUN!!! Hilarious to me!!!

My universe was furry bunnies, rainbows, and pink glittery floating hearts.......

.....................................................

Overheard......

M & Z playing with some shoe inserts that one would use to make sure shoes held the proper form in the toe area.

They had them on their mouths pretending to be birds pecking one another, laughing and having a grand time trying to maintain the things on their faces while pecking one another...........they surely must have been bored.

M- peck, peck, peck,......peck, peck......OH WAIT! My pecker fell off........

(cricket cricket cricket....silence)

M & Z -AAAHHHHH HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA

Z- Maysie,(laugh, laugh, laugh) don't say that (laughing, laughing and more laughing) say your beak (Laughing and more laughing).

...............................................................

CB kissing my cheek while I check email and giving me super sweet hugs....

CB- Mommy, you my cutie pie

Email??? What email?

.............................................................

Overheard.....

M, Z, & S in the kitchen doing spelling

M- Mom is a Pedagogue a teacher?
A- I think so look it up, that's what they want you to do, if you don't know it....look it up....
Z- Pedagogue?! What kind of word is that? It sounds foul... It hurts when you get hit in the pedagogue.......

we all laugh..........

Ghetto Kindles Gone Wild, and so has my pinky......

Today I was in such a hurry to get out of the house and on the road, to get the kids some hair cuts........

so I hurried and jumped in the shower, hurried and dried my hair mostly, put on some lip gloss, and then so quickly put a bit of lotion on my dry face. In that order....lip gloss first like an idiot, then face lotion.....this way I was sure to smear lip gloss all over my face along with the lotion.

Oh yeah and this too......I was rubbing the lotion on my face so fast in a circular motion that my pinky finger with a stout finger nail on it, slid up my left nostril, almost to my brain and cut the inside of my nose like a knife. Instantly I felt sheer eye watering pain, that slowed my haste immediately.

Blood began to run from my nose profusely......it was utter senselessness.

Who jabs their finger up their nose putting on facial lotion and bleeds like they have cut their whole nose off.

uuuuuuuhh, me.....

My nose is still raw or something inside.

............................................................................

I was telling D I wanted a Kindle. You know, one of those gadgets you read books on that is not really a book. D is really good at finding the deals on the web so I thought he might locate a used one or maybe some off the wall great deal that I could not find. He started searching and saw this guy on YouTube who claimed he could turn a lap top or netbook into a kindle.

The idiot basically configured his lap top screen vertical and ran some other whacked out application....and then held his laptop like he was reading a menu.

I was embarrassed for him. I really believe he is a first rate idiot (right along with me cause I jabbed my finger up my nose putting on facial lotion). I mean could you see people sitting in the airport, waiting room at a doc's office, or coffee shop with their lap top turned sideways like a large menu??? Before I would do that I would just use the laptop like it was supposed to be used and read from the dang screen like you are SUPPOSED TO FREAKIN DO!!

I know I can be so cynical and sarcastic sometimes......but really this guy was serious. It was just an inadequate idea. He aired his incompetent idea on YouTube for the world to see.

All that to say....D said I could have a Kindle.......a "Ghetto Kindle".......he would just turn HIS laptop side ways for me and I could read it like a menu..........eeeeesh

Now I don't want one anyway, cause DAG GONE!! They are so dag gone expensive!! I will take a $6 used paperback everyday of the week over a $400 reading device......and I'll totally skip the ghetto kindle.

................................................................

I am still unnerved by the commercials being ran on Fox News for Ashleymadison.com.

I am about to write Fox News and ask them if they are so darn conservative, why are they promoting extramarital affairs?! You know the world is going to hell in a hand basket when it's okay to run a business for having affairs and ADVERTISE THE CRAP ON FOX FREAKIN NEWS!! I am disappointed with them for being a "Pinhead."

The commercial I last saw showed this fellow in the bed with this overweight, messy looking woman. He was looking at her then at a liquor bottle almost empty. It gave you the impression he'd had a one night stand. He climbs out of bed with his shoes in hand and his pants, he's heading downstairs. The voice over says something like a one night stand in one thing but for the rest of your life.....really???...as the man coming down the stairs spies his wedding photo with the messy woman, and he looks like he can't believe he married her. Then the voice over again spews out the web site logo as if they are there to help out.

I actually went to the web site, they claim to have "over 4,790,000 anonymous members."

It's sick to think this is what marriage has come to. A casual commitment on paper.

What is wrong with people???

What is wrong with Fox News???!!!

I mean this whole thing reminds me of when Girls Gone Wild was on every channel, every commercial after a certain time of night....including THE WEATHER CHANNEL!! I remember nursing Sky late at night and you couldn't see a commercial that was not Girls Gone Wild, with pothead Snoop Doggy Dog.

At that same time, dag gone Sesame Street had Pothead Snoop Doggy Dog on singing with the puppets. I was like, WHAT??!! He is a roll model??!! On Sesame Street??!! I was waitin for Elmo to bust a verse of Zoe Gone Wild at any given moment and yank her puppet shirt off.

What could that guy possibly have to offer the young children who watch Sesame Street? He could teach them how to roll one maybe, or how to wear your pants so your butt crack shows without lookin like a plumber but instead a cool gangsta.........Whatever........

.....Whoever put that fool on Sesame Street musta been high.

Whoever chose to air the commercials on Fox News is a loser.

write it on the shower door fog..........

Here are some imbecilic gifts to get the imbeciles in your life.

Choice #1




"Do you have a hard time finding eco-friendly presents for loved ones? Well there is no need to get down in the dumps! Panda Poo Paper accessories are made from real droppings, gathered from Giant Pandas in China. They are 100% recyclable and don’t raise a stink… they are completely odorless!
Panda Poo Paper accessories include items such as greeting cards, scratch pads, and journals. Check it out and get your mind out of the toilet! A little potty humor never hurt a panda!"..............pure idiocy

So they are shipping this from from China. How “Eco Friendly” are products shipped from half way around the world? Wouldn't they be just as bad if not worse than say...... something made locally??

Choice #2 (no pun intended)


"Its eco-friendly paper made from recycled elephant waste fibers, includes an informational pamphlet on elephants and the making of this product".....in case you are to small brained to understand how elephants make poops.......

"Features "The Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company Design," its Acid-Free, Lignin-Free; Plain, Recycled Paper Paper" ......it has no bearing on whether it came from poops originally......the important thing here to understand is,

that they are "acid-free."

PLUS they come in pink and blue poops colors too!!

They must feed the elephants Lucky Charms and Trix.....cause you know your body doesn't process all that dye and those cereals will turn your poops bright green or some wicked unnatural color. It's true. Once my mother-in-law called me to the room to see Sky's poops in the toilet because she had eaten Lucky charms at her house, cause I don't by that crap at my house, cause my people only eat the charms........anyway the poops was neon green, I swear. I shoulda scraped it out and made some cards with it.....who freakin knew it would be so earth friendly to do that........

I am crazy about elephants, penguins & turtles right now....but come on.

If you just can't get enough poops
here's the web link
to get the real scoops

cheesy pun intended......

http://www.poopoopaper.com/

choice #3

The Droodle Waterproof Notepad.....

"It works great! It's a great way to leave love notes to your spouse if you share bathrooms as we do. Also great way to memorize scripture verses. Thank you." - Guy Cangelosi (tape the scripture on yer mirror dude, read it when you dry yer dumb hair)

....says the testimony on the site for this must have total waste of cash.

Who freaking just cannot wait till they get out of the dumb shower to write a note. I know we all get thoughts in the shower. But really...... isn't life busy enough without multitasking in the shower.

I mean, women already have to condition our hair while we shave. We have to scrub & exfoliate our faces while we rinse out the conditioner, while trying not to step on Hot Wheels. Now we are supposed to read a love note from our spouse too......eeesh, it's too much.

If D needs to leave me a note, let him write it on the shower door fog and when it re-fogs up when I take a shower I will read then.....its free.

They also suggest you can use it at the pool..........whatever.

Cause when have you ever been swimming, having a great time, and whipped your notepad out of your sewn in underwear in your bathing suit....only to find it was wet. DANG!! If you'd only had The Droodle.

http://www.thedroodle.com/

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Went to see Handel's Messiah with Sarah at Farragut Presbyterian Church. It was beautiful. The UT Chamber Singers & UT Chorale mixed with Presb. church choir and the UT Orchestra, simply fab!!!! Then we went for some Starbucks. It was a super way to kick off the holiday season.

its Free Day at the zoo, not Get Freaky Day at the zoo

Went to free day at the zoo, one week ago today.

We walked our fool butts off. Last year we went and it was sort of showering on and off, but not to bad and we parked fairly close. I knew it would be bad this year when we were driving down the highway and 10 miles before the zoo exit traffic was backed up.

D used the GPS my mom & dad bought him for Christmas last year. He was able to get us around it by going through some neighborhoods which was slammin and we went right in. But we still had to park in Kentucky and walk......

We did managed to catch a trolley on the way there. Walking back after we had walked for about 7 hours was not super fun.

The whole day was nice though (well mostly...to tell about in a minute) cause we had absolutely nothing else to do on such a beautiful day...plus it was DANG FREE!! We were able to see the elephants closer than we ever had before.

Here is my list of "uuughs" about the day...

1. Despite not being deterred by all the traffic and crowd, CB had his butt on his shoulders as if he needed a nap as soon as we got out of the car. He started to jump up and down and throw a fit about riding in the stroller. We had packed a cooler with lunches, drinks, & snacks for the 7 of us that went, cause I wasn't thinkin about takin out a loan to feed us all. The intent was to push the heavy, callapsable cooler and then let CB ride after lunch when he'd be good and tired. No.... Whiny Butt Mcgoo (maybe we'll call him WB instead of CB) decided he wanted to ride and without asking nicely, throws himself on the muddy ground and acts like a moron. I had to pop his butt right off the bat to check his attitude about asking me politely for things.

2. We get in and the butterfly exhibit is closed CB wants to go in despite the doors are locked and me trying to tell him there are no butterflies in the exhibit. The exhibit can be clearly seen from the outside and he can see there are no people in the exhibit and he acts like a moron, the sequel, he is spouting off at me & disrespecting me blatantly.

So I calmly tell D to take the others on and I will catch up cause I plan to take him to the bathroom and spank his butt. He knows this and starts kicking his feet and screaming making a huge scene, pinching my hip. So I basically stop and pop his hand well and tell him to settle his butt down immediately or he and I WILL LEAVE the zoo with a quickness. He knows I am telling the truth cause I am really good with the follow thru, and since its free day I won't loose a dime if we leave. He and I have a good come to Jesus talk and he straightens his butt up for the rest of the day.....mostly

So later, near the elephants I see another mom pop her kid on the hand, basically for smart mouthing her and jerking away while she was speaking....the kid in my opinion needed his hand popped. But I thought it looked bad. I thought I must have looked bad to another parent, even though CB was obviously needing a butt whoopin. I felt suckish about how that went down.

Parenting is the hardest job EVER!!

3. We were coming close to the end of our day and SB, M & I are heading over to Kids Cove.
D had taken all the other kids over there while we looked at some Spanish Alligator or something. It was totally a regular alligator small version. So we 3 amigos are on our way.... out of the corner of my eye I see two men kissy kissy with each other holding hands waiting to get in the men's bathroom line. The one guy is younger, heavy set, bleach blonde spiked hair and he has them big'ol hole things in his ears. You know.... the kind you can see through their ears cause the holes are so big. His friend is significantly older with graying hair, much slimmer & shorter than the young guy. I am appalled.....cause kids and families are every where.

So here is my take....you wanna be gay, be gay, fine, whatever. I swear, all day long I was at the zoo and did not see one heterosexual couple playing kissy kissy with each other. There were young couples, older couples, family aged couples....and so forth. In general it seemed, peeps were there to view animals on a beautiful day. I was discouraged by these two guys going on like they were in the privacy of their home. As a hetero couple D and I do not get freaky in public. I may kiss him goodbye occasionally, that's a quick peck and I'm off. These two guys weren't the quick peck if you get my drift.

So glad I didn't have Sky with me.......So glad M & SB didn't see it. Answering questions about sexual orientation or behavior is not what I came to the zoo to do.

Its Free Day at the zoo, not Get Freaky Day at the zoo.......



I love this picture......


Some folks got to feed the giraffe, super cool, I thought....

I wore my Sharpie shoes to the zoo, cause I had just finished them......they were a hit. Folks liked them and debated with each other behind my back whether I had bought them that way or did them myself till they finally would just ask. That was fun.

The heart shoe expresses that I am "covered by a love divine, child of the risen Lord, my heart is Spoken For"......(Mercy Me, Christian band)

The other shoe is..... just me. I like birds, trying to constantly attain peace, so I added Chinese characters, best I could, for the words that are important to me. The characters for faith were too difficult so I opted out of that one.

Sooooo, my(white) Nike's are now really My Nike's.........

I just need a straw and a boat ..................

Twas the day before Wednesday

And all through the house,
Not a creature was dressed
With even a blouse


All the children were snug in winter pajamas galore
Hiding from mom so as not to do chores


The rain had made them lazy as sloths
My coffee had lost all but a spit of its froth


I threw on some clothing
In a hurry I did!
To Kroger, To Kroger I announced
To each kid


They shouted to me,
"No, no, we shall not go,
Leave at once or we'll step on your toe"
I left them, I did, determined to shop
At Kroger, in peace,
Oh what a grand thought


Past the Starbucks I ushered myself
To stick to the list and not buy the
Whole fresh flower shelf


I grabbed at organics,
And delved through the meats
I picked up family size
Of all sorts of treats


As I came to the dairy
My heart did but drop
I saw my true love right there in its spot


He called to me in his black and gold dress
"Pick me, take me, savour me I stress


I have been waiting for you
For 9 whole days
Hoping and waiting for you
To catch my gaze"


I ran to him, snatched him, I will not pretend
So crazy I was I grabbed two of his friends


You are mine! You are mine! So patiently I waited
I knew I would see you on the date Kroger fated


Oh Southern Comfort brand Egg Nog,
I love you I do!
I am yours, you are mine...
And two of your friends are too!!


The four of us we'll be happy together
We’ll sip and we'll gulp
Through all the cold weather


I'll try hard to maintain control
I will hide you from Zac
Who tries to drink you from a bowl


I'll not share with Sky
Who will surely fake cry
But I shall not give in
Even if she plucks the three hairs
On my chinny, chin, chin


Oh Egg Nog I am so glad you came back
This holiday season I thought I might crack


The smooth taste on my tongue,
The sweet slide down my throat,
Just need a straw and a boat
So that I might float
On the Great Nog Moat


You have brought in my holiday
You have brought me great gladness
I will not allow my scale
To weigh in with its sadness

Egg Nog season is officially OPEN!!

Fun Facts to Know and Tell: Southern Comfort Egg Nog is non-alcoholic, BUY IT!! DELICIOUS!!