I am sure other parents do stuff I don't like.....

...because little kids examine themselves in the mirror trying to figure out their bodies and stuff, CB discovered his birthmark on his butt. His birth mark is a bout 1 1/2 inches long and maybe a 1/2 inch wide.....

He comes to me in the laundry room....naked, as usual ....

CB- MOM! Look what you did! You spilled your coffee on me and stained my butt! Look what you did.......

It's the exact color of a coffee stain. I had never noticed that before.

...................................................................

I saw a dog hanging out of a car window waggin its tongue....the dog had on blue goggles.

.....................................................................

To keep Skylar interested in reading we have been reading The Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. They are hilarious. The movie just came out on DVD, I love it, it's hilarious. I think it's surely one of my favorite kids movies. Cole does a great impersonation of the Indian kid, who tells Greg Heffley, the main character, that he almost got the infamous "cheese touch."

Anyway.. I am convinced the best way to keep a kid interested in reading is to get them interested in books they love to read. One can only read about George Washington and the pilgrims so many times before they began to hate reading, thus dreading it. Many of the books for required reading at this age are not very engaging.

I dread reading time with Sky...blah, blah, blah, blah....blah, blah....blah, blah, blah...blah, blah, blah, blah....Oh my gosh, then some poetry, I want to scratch my face off...humbly, bumbly, tumbly , in my rumbly fumbly, gumbly, zumbly.......can't do it right now. Understanding for that stuff comes much later than 3rd grade.

I have never figured out why they put these awful books on required reading list when kids hate them and dread reading them. Let me say I am fully aware that The Diary of a Wimpy Kid books ARE NOT classic literature or even could stand in the same line with the classics. However, if I can't get my kid to read the classics cause she hates reading...I haven't gotten anywhere anyway.

You don't get to The Screwtape Letters, Jane Eyre, and Shakespeare because you just can't get enough freaking "Susie loves to go to church, her mommy and daddy love George Wash ing ton and the first Thanksgiving. Everything in the world is furry bunnies and rainbows. The End."

One has to climb a mountain before they can stand on top and claim conquered with their flag waving and arms raised in victory!

Okay I am so done with that rant.

SOOOooo, in the name of learning to enjoy writing and some outside of the box creative thinking, I let her buy The Diary of a Wimpy Kid, do it yourself book. I thought it'd be a waste of cash really but she wanted it and she was willing to pay for it out of her account. She loves the dag gone book. Sky wants to write in it constantly, to the point of I am fixing to hide the thing and tell her it's lost.

To those who have never read the books or seen the movie, "Zoo-Wee Mama" is the punch line to dumb jokes and barely understandable cartoons. In my house "Zoo-Wee Mama" should be a new word in Webster's Dictionary, right along with the distraction word, "Squirrel!" from the movie, Up.


The book has cartoons you are to fill in with your words like this one Maysie did here....

To me this is classic "Zoo-Wee Mama."

So I start to draw one of my own thinking I am sort of creative this should be easy. I drew a complete blank after I drew the first picture, grew frustrated, and wrote some random caption about Elmo on crack. I told Sky to erase it and re-do it with her own, cause I was blank on the Zoo-Wee Mama and forgot about it.

The next day Sky brings me this that she has completed and drawn herself....

Which I thought was hilarious. I know, I know, most parents don't like this kind of talk.....that's fine. I am sure other parents do stuff I don't like.....try to move on, it's funny.


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http://www.wimpykid.com/

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How about a little T M I...........

OOOOooookay, here's what happened,

Z had a game this past Saturday in Etowah. Since Etowah is located near Athens, where the Mayfield Dairy Corn Maze is located, we made a day of the time away from home.

This is an aerial view of the maze, it's ......awesome. Going to a corn maze in the fall is the epitome of southern fun, I swear.

As soon as we got there and CB saw we were at a farm he was uber excited. I mean it's really an understatement. Sarah and I had sort of already predetermined that CB was going to be a military man when he grew up....but I am not sure now... he may be a farmer.

Made of 1/2 gallon milk jugs...clever I thought.

CB questions everything.

CB- May why does that cow have milk dripping out of his belly?

M- CB, that's the cows boobies.

CB to Skylar telling a secret - Sky, see those white drippy things?...that's cow boobies.....

Sky - Cole.......shut up.

Included in the ticket is a hayride through the farm. Which was awesome, we got to see some guys planting strawberries. It was quite eye opening to see. My photos didn't come out clearly, cause I am an idiot with my camera on the wrong setting. It amounts to a tractor like machine driven by a man with two guys sitting close the ground on both sides of the machine. They are plucking ground with some tool and slamming plants into the holes at a speed that astonished me. I cannot think how many strawberry plants they could plant in a day at that rate. If the hay ride was for only that reason, I felt a little more educated on strawberry farming. I wondered what those guys got paid for such a tedious job. Plus I have had problems with hemorrhoids for about a week and a half now and all that sitting they were doing ....uuuhh I had to shake it off.

T M I fact #1 (too much information)

Also included in admission is:

* Hillbilly Pig Races

This again........southern......kids chasing around pigs with names like "Lee Ann Porkrines" "Squealy Nelson" " Justin Tenderloin" " Pig Diddy" " Clay Bacon"

* Tractor Tire Mountain, Cole loved it!

* Sand Box made with black sunflower birdseed & a separate sand box filled with corn kernels, Cole loved it. He & Sky both left with shoes full of corn and sunflower seeds

* Haybale Mountain, Cole Loved it. Run around on top of the hay bales jump in the hay filled center. Sky jumped in and held her nose.

* "Educational Silos" - cool to look at...I felt no more educated on silos when I left the dairy

Zac in the green, far left...

Sky and Cole bringing up the rear.

D celebrating because he believes himself to be the corn maze master. We got a tad lost and he got us back on track with his mad corn maze skills.

The last check point before heading to the exiting path

...still on the exiting path.....I decided to take a few last photos and lost sight of my people....

....so I started to panic about getting lost here at the last hour and decided to run and catch up.....

Z is hiding around the corner a bit, tucked into the corn where I can't see him..... waiting on me....waiting on me...waiting.....

I am running, round the corner, he jumps out of the corn, scares the crap out of me ....cause the 80's version of the movie Children of the Corn crowds my mind and ...you know....Malachi) I scream in horror.

I pee in my pants.

T M I fact #2

Z is laughing his butt off. I want to laugh but I am having to dig as deep as I can into my hold it, hold it, hold it, cross you legs, files in my mind as I can....

He is still laughing and now realizing I am now going to kill him and running. I get my bladder together and determine to choke him, but as soon as I move my bladder forgets that I have just reprimanded it and I must stop and cross legs again. My mind confirms to me a GYN visit is inevitable.

From far away Z is laughing and saying, "I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry mom, it's just so funny...I didn't mean to make you pee yer pants, it's just so funny though."

My other peeps think this funny too and recreate my screaming horror hold the pee stance.

A- Z! You are yelling that I peed my pants at the corn maze! (...I figured since peeps in Athens knew, I might as well blog about it)

We get out of the maze. I go to the bathroom and try to make "lemonade with my lemons." My people relay they will meet me at the car and are gonna have a snack before hitting the road home.

Cole makes friend with a donkey. He LOVES the donkey and wants to take it home.

D- Here CB, feed the donkey some apple.

He does and then a little more.

CB - eeeww, what's that thing on his belly?
A- CB that's his goober.
CB - eeeww gross

I swear the donkey became overly grateful, if you know what I mean, by the apple feeding.

T M I fact #3

CB- MOM!! The Donkey! LOOK! MOMMA! He has a stick growing out of his belly, I didn't notice donkeys had sticks on their bellies.

A - Ugh, What????
M- Sick!! Disgusting!! Gross!! I am outta here.....
Z- Good Lord! He doesn't even need to hike his leg to pee!
D- I can't eat over here, we have to leave that's just.....disturbing, Good God.....those must have been some good apples.
A- ....no wonder he's "ridin solo."
CB- I don't want to leave the donkey!! He's so cute and soft..... I want to stay, I don't want to leave the farm yet.

We are all just about into the car and exhausted. Cole can still see the donkey while I am buckling him into his car seat.

CB - Momma, where did his stick go?
A- Cole, I don't know, gosh.....

This concludes our "educational" tour of the dairy.

**We did not feed this animal Pringles BTW

it's time to play "Let's Make a Deal"...........

Put on the Guy Smiley face with the Vince Fontain(Grease) voice when reading this......

Guy- THANK YOU,

FANS AND FRIENDS AND ODDS AND ENDS.

YOU JIMS AND SALS ARE MY BEST PALS. 

TO LOOK YOUR BEST FOR THE BIG CONTEST, 

BE YOURSELVES AND HAVE A BALL, AFTER ALL. 

FORGET ABOUT THE CAMERA AND 

THINK ABOUT THE BEAT. 

GIVE THE FOLKS A TREAT.

Now let's get ready to play 

LET'S   MAKE   A  DEAL    WITH   

          A   BABY!!!!!

The crowd goes wild.

A- Cole if you quit sucking your thumb, we'll buy you 

     a scooter!

CB- What color? Green?

A- YES!  Can we make a deal???

CB- YES!

.....5 months later, thumb sucking

A- Cole, if you take a bath I won't wash your hair!  Can 

     we make a deal?

Cole - YES!

 .....in the tub screaming and gnashing of teeth trying 

       to bathe.

A- Cole, If you are a good boy today while I am taking Sky

         to the Doctor I will buy you a Hot Wheel!  Can we

           make a deal son??

CB- Yes, Momma, I'll be a good boy!

    ...when I get home I hear nothing but havoc that was 

   wreaked and how they're never going to keep him again. 

     Here's the thing, one on one time is angelic....two on

    one time or three on one time....demonic whine fest.

A - Cole are you going to play soccer on your next game 

        and tuck your shirt in?

CB - yes Momma, I AM I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY MY 

        SOCCER GAME.

A- Can we make a deal?

CB- YES!

....get to the soccer field last night with a shirt tucked 

in, ready to play.  

On the field the games starts. He 

decides he doesn't want to play after all.

..........strand by strand with tweezers, I tell ya.

...With CB it is all about the follow up.  We had asked him if he wanted to play    soccer.  He said, "yes."

"Okay then, you'll have to tuck your shirt in and be part of 

your team."  He understands this and relays to us he was 

just tired the last game and so forth...leading us to believe 

this was a one  time fluke event.

Um, no.

I had told him if he showed his butt again we were not 

going to stay at the field.  That I was going to take him

home and he would go to bed. We had to drive a long way 

over to the field, Dad has to get off work early, everyone is

adjusting to fit your needs.... so bad attitude = go home 

and go to bed.

CB- Okay Momma.

Last night, after looking forward to playing a game all day

and tucking his shirt in effortlessly...he had a melt down 

on the field and would not play.  I relayed our deal....no

playing, bad attitude = go home and go to bed.

He called my bluff.

CB- I want to go home and go to bed, I don't want to play.

He is just about to get worked up into a fit, I can see the

horse back leg kicking moves about to commence.  So I 

tell him to get up we are leaving.  He leaves the field 

area sucking his thumb, with D still coaching his team. 

The other parents are looking at me like, "What the heck?" 

I suspect. I tried not to imagine the thoughts going 

through their minds, cause.....EMBARRASSED.

I have to deal with the follow through.

I 100% understand the boy is 4 3/4 years old.  I 

understand he may not be ready for organized sports

no matter how hard he plays in the back yard.  I

understand kids get tired by the end of the day.  I 

mean he's my 4th kid for petes sake, but his blatant

determination to not do what he originally said he was 

going to do, irritates the crap out of me. 

D told me I should have left him at the field and made him 

sit the game out,  tis what my mom told me also.  Which is

what we did last week.  CB is clever enough to remember 

if we followed through or not, he forgets nothing. 

He knows exactly how far he can push before the gong 

rings.

My parenting skills suck these days.  I have been praying

for grace to be a better parent incessantly since we got in

the car last night.  I don't want to come this close to the 

teenager-hood in my older kids and lose my perspective 

now with the youngest one.  

I thought by now I would have worked out all these kinks.

um, no.

All this to say...

You CAN NOT make a deal 

      with a baby.

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